Handle with Care (Saddler Cove)

by Nina Croft

  He needed to get out of there before they both said something they would regret. How had the high of that afternoon soured to this? Fear. He was scared shitless he was going to ruin her life, ruin his kid’s life. He turned and strode away.

  “Tanner.”

  She called to him, but he hunched his shoulders and pretended he hadn’t heard. He was staring at the grass as he walked and almost bumped into the man blocking the way.

  “You know the best thing you can do is just walk away from her. You’re no good for her. You’re no good for anyone.”

  He gritted his teeth. Fucking asshole. Well, Ryan might be smart and rich and from one of the best families in town. But in the end, Emily hadn’t wanted him. She’d chosen Tanner. Though no doubt she was regretting it now. “You know she came straight from your proposal to me.”

  “What?”

  “The night you asked her to marry you—the first time—she said no, then she came to see me. Threw herself at me. You think she’ll marry you now because she has to. But you’re wrong. She wouldn’t marry you then, and she won’t marry you now.” He stepped up closer. “She fucking chose me.”

  Ryan stared at him for a moment, then swung around and hurried away. Asshole.

  He hadn’t noticed the woman at his side. Now he did, and he swore silently. Fuck.

  “That was cruel. You didn’t have to hurt him like that,” Lanie said. “Haven’t you cost our family enough?”

  For a moment, he just stared at her. And wondered again how much she believed in her version of the past. In the beginning, it had probably never occurred to her that Sawyer was lying about his whereabouts that night.

  But how long had it been before she started to question that?

  Longer than Tanner would have believed possible, considering Sawyer’s behavior—his ex–best friend reeked of guilt. But they did say love was blind, and there was no doubt Lanie loved Sawyer. Their families had lived next door to each other. Lanie had once told him she’d been in love with Sawyer since she was seven years old. Sawyer had told him that Lanie had proposed when she was twelve and he was thirteen. Tanner had thought it a hoot. Sawyer had treated her like a kid sister until she had grown breasts. They’d been a couple since she was fourteen.

  So she’d believed Sawyer’s story. And Tanner hadn’t denied it, expecting a slap on the wrist or community service for a DUI. Of course, that had been before Dwain had died. And then things got a whole lot worse. After Dwain was dead, his lawyer had warned him not to change his story. It didn’t matter he hadn’t been the one driving that night. No one would believe him over Sawyer—and his own confession. But that if he pleaded guilty, he’d get off with a suspended sentence. Look how well that had turned out. Two years of his life.

  But now, according to Sawyer, she’d left him. Had she finally realized the truth? About fucking time. And yet she was still carping on about what he had cost their family.

  And suddenly he was furiously angry. He hadn’t felt that way since prison. He thought he’d put it behind him. But he was fed up with everyone looking at him like he was some sort of monster.

  “You know what, Lanie. Get out of my fucking face. I’m sorry Dwain died. He was my friend. But if you give me that fucking—what I’ve cost your family crap, I swear I’ll…” What? What would he do? Fuck all, that’s what. He hadn’t spoken up back then, and he wasn’t going to now. What difference would it make? The whole lot of them would probably find a way to twist it around so it was all his fucking fault. He shrugged. “Just leave it.” He made to turn away but, in that moment, she seemed to collapse in on herself. She blinked, and a tear ran down over her cheek.

  Aw, shit.

  She rubbed a hand over her face and then looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry,” she said. “So sorry. I just got so used to hating you. And now…” She took a deep breath. “You don’t understand. Sawyer…” She pressed her fingers to her lips, closed her eyes for a second. When she opened them, all the coldness was gone, replaced by a look of…pleading. “You’re so strong. You’ve never cared what anyone thought. Look at you.” She waved a hand at him. “Everyone knows how successful you are. Yet you dress like a grease monkey. You never did care. You always stuck your finger up at the people who tried to look down on you. Laughed in their faces. Now you’ve got Ryan’s girl.”

  “She’s not Ryan’s girl.”

  “She was. Until you took her away. Everything just works out for you.”

  How the hell did she figure that out? But before he could say anything, she continued. “Sawyer always looked up to you. You were his hero. Everything he wanted to be. That night changed him. He’s never been the same.”

  “And what the hell do you think it did to me?”

  “Nothing. Nothing touches you.”

  Was that how she really saw him? Was that how they all saw him?

  “He was never the same after that night. It was like he was distancing himself from me, but all the same it never occurred to me… I never… For years. I can’t believe how blind and stupid I was.” She swiped her hand across her face. “Things got worse after you came back. Now he’s drinking more than ever. He won’t hardly talk to me or the children. I started thinking…why? And I didn’t like the answers I came up with. But I couldn’t make myself ask him outright. So I left.”

  Silent tears were streaming down her face now. “I’m sorry, so sorry for what happened to you. I know it’s pathetic to say I didn’t know, but it’s true. Maybe I was hiding from the truth, but I’d just lost Dwain, and I couldn’t lose Sawyer as well.” She took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and looked him in the eyes. “Even now, whatever he’s done, I still love him. And I want him back. I want the man he could have been if none of this had happened.”

  Tanner glanced away. Across the carnival grounds, he found Emily. She was smiling and talking, selling her tickets, but as she caught his gaze a worried frown crossed her face. She thought he was going to mess up again. Hell, she probably expected it. He turned his attention back to Lanie. She was wringing her hands in front of her. “And you think I can give him back to you?”

  “You’re the only one who can. But you won’t, will you? And I can’t blame you. What happened to you…what we’ve all done since—” And she whirled around and disappeared into the crowd. He gave one last look at Emily, but she was busy talking to a group of kids.

  He ran a hand through his hair. It was weird that Lanie thought he didn’t care. Or maybe not so weird. He’d perfected the blank look at an early age. He’d hated people looking down on him. The kid of the town drunk. Hated that they had no money and he wore hand-me-down clothes, and his shoes usually had holes, and his hair was never cut. And more often than not he’d sported bruises because he was always getting into fights. You had to stand up for yourself when no one else did. Lanie would never understand that. She’d always had everything she could ever want handed to her before she could even ask. Sawyer was the same. But still they’d been friends. Almost inseparable. He’d believed Sawyer would watch his back. Stand up for him whatever happened. Then he hadn’t. He turned out to be no better than the rest of the goddamn town, and he’d looked after himself when it mattered.

  And Tanner had done time.

  But strangely, in prison, he’d finally managed to let go of his anger. Or so he’d thought. He’d come back here because it was home, and in many ways, he loved the town. But he’d also returned because he wanted to say fuck you to the people of Saddler Cove. Yeah, he was successful, despite what they thought of him.

  But he couldn’t win. He’d never gotten drunk in his whole life, but if anyone even saw him with a beer in his hand, then it was clear proof that he was just like his good old daddy.

  Okay, so maybe his anger hadn’t all gone. Maybe there was a little bitterness and resentment still needling away inside him. So he couldn’t get over it. Hell, he wasn’t fucking perfect. And neither was Sawyer.

  The situation had spiraled out of control.
Lies were told and couldn’t be taken back. But he’d agreed. He’d just never expected things to go so bad. He’d lost both of his best friends that night. And he realized that it wasn’t the lies that pissed him off. It was the fact that Sawyer had turned his back on him. Sided with them.

  He’d been scared. Tanner got that. Scared of losing Lanie. Scared of losing his whole charmed life. Hell, maybe he’d believed Tanner’s life was so crap that it didn’t matter if he lost it. And just maybe he was right.

  He knew what Sawyer wanted. What he needed. He blew out his breath. And maybe, just maybe, Tanner was ready to give it to him. No one else would understand. They’d probably just see it as proof that he was as bad as they’d always said he was. Including Emily, and for a moment, he faltered. And he realized there was one person who he cared what they thought of him. He wanted her to see him as worthy.

  But maybe he also needed her to see past the Tanner the rest of the world saw and know that he was better than that. He didn’t want to change for her. So she could have a nice, glossy, smart version of a husband, who would go and suck up to the Jed Forresters of the world. Never going to happen. He wanted her to love him as he was. And shit, had he just thought the L word? He was going crazy. She would never love him.

  And there wasn’t a goddamn thing he could do to change that.

  So why worry?

  He headed through the crowd, caught sight of Reese and Keira—she was sitting on his shoulders eating pink candy floss—and turned the other way. He didn’t feel like talking anymore. He felt like fighting.

  Everything was wound up tight inside him. Needing some sort of release. The kind you got with your fists. He searched the faces as he walked, finally caught sight of the man he wanted to see. He stared until Sawyer must have felt the weight of that stare and turned slowly. Their gazes caught, and something flashed in Sawyer’s face.

  At least he looked moderately sober. Tanner wanted a fight, not a fucking knock-down. He swung around and headed away, not looking back to see if Sawyer was following. He knew he was. He wound his way through the people until he reached the edge of the carnival grounds, where the crowd thinned out. Then he did glance back—he didn’t want to lose Sawyer now. He headed around behind the back of the bumper cars, into the shadows, then he turned and waited, hands hanging loosely at his side. Anticipation churning in his stomach.

  Sawyer came to a halt in front of him. “I saw you talking to Lanie.”

  “Yeah. We were reminiscing about old times.”

  “She looked upset.”

  “Talking to me seems to have that effect on a lot of people.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Apparently, she’s married to a drunken bum who’s setting himself up to take over my dad’s old role.” He needed to piss Sawyer off. “She’s probably worried her dad will take away all his money if you don’t shape up. Isn’t that what you live on, Sawyer? Your wife’s daddy’s money? Because you’re too fucking riddled with guilt to get on with your fucking life. What are you going to live on now she’s left you?” He stepped up closer and prodded Sawyer in the chest. At the contact, something flashed in his ex-friend’s eyes. Hope? “You know what, Sawyer?”

  “What?”

  “Maybe it’s time to give you what you want. Maybe it’s payback time.”

  Sawyer stood there. Hands hanging at his side. “It wasn’t supposed to happen that way. Nothing was supposed to happen that way. Dwain wasn’t supposed to die.”

  “But he did. He’s fucking dead. And it’s your fault.”

  Sawyer swung then, and Tanner held himself still as the punch landed on his cheek, and he swayed under the force of the blow. Then Sawyer launched himself at him, and they crashed to the grass with Sawyer on top, and they were grappling on the ground. Sawyer was hitting out wildly and furiously, and Tanner relaxed his control, let his anger grow, and he was fighting back. He got his boot between them, heaved Sawyer off, and then followed him down, on top now, and rained punches on the other man. A wild blow caught him on his nose, crunching the bone, and he felt the coolness of blood trickling down his face.

  For a moment, they both went still. Then Tanner shook his head, spraying blood across Sawyer’s white shirt, and they were at it again. He scrambled to his feet, kicked out, hitting Sawyer in the solar plexus so he folded over, and Tanner bashed him across the back of his neck, and he crumpled to his knees. He raised his head and looked into Tanner’s face.

  “You had enough?” Tanner growled.

  “Fuck no.” And he wrapped his arms around Tanner’s legs and dragged him to the ground.

  They fought until Tanner’s muscles ached. He had to win this. He had to beat the shit out of Sawyer. For his sake as much as his own. And he gritted his teeth and slammed punches into the other man. Finally, Sawyer collapsed to the ground and didn’t get up.

  Tanner rolled off him and knelt, breathing heavily.

  “I’m sorry,” Sawyer said.

  “Yeah. I know.” He blew out his breath. “The thing is, I spent two years in hell so you could have your fucking perfect life. I didn’t even get to go to my father’s funeral. So don’t piss it all way because you’re too much of a fucking pussy to accept what you were given.”

  Sawyer looked at him for a long moment. “I won’t.”

  “Well, halle-fucking-luiah.” Mission accomplished. He pushed himself to his feet, just as a group of people appeared. Lanie in the lead, Ryan at her side, Emily close behind. Lanie looked at him, and then gave a small nod and sank down beside her husband.

  Tanner sighed, wiped his hands down his jeans, and glanced down. His T-shirt was stained with mud and grass and blood. When he looked up, it was straight into Emily’s eyes. And it wasn’t hard to read her expression. Disappointment. Well, he’d always been good at disappointing people.

  “Would it hurt you to just make a little bit of effort?” She shook her head.

  “You have to accept me as I am,” he said.

  “Do I?”

  And she walked away.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Emily took a bite of her sandwich—now that the sickness was gone, it seemed like she was hungry all of the time—and turned to study Josh, who sat in the truck bed beside her. They were parked across from the pony swim landing site on the east coast of Chincoteague Island. The place was packed—other trucks and a whole load of people on foot. It was just after dawn, but the sun was already warm.

  She was trying not to think about Tanner, because that just made her so mad. She couldn’t believe he’d gotten into a fight last night. And with Sawyer. Who just happened to be the head of the school board’s son-in-law. Of course, he was also the father of the boy killed in the crash that had sent Tanner to prison. But best not to dwell on that.

  Jed Forrester would always hate Tanner. All the more reason to try and be a little circumspect, not draw attention to himself around the man. But no, he had to go and get in a very public fight.

  Why couldn’t she have fixated on a nice man?

  She shook her head and banished the thought. She wasn’t thinking about it right now. It was a beautiful morning. And she’d always loved the pony swim, from when she was a little girl and Mimi would bring her.

  She’d met Josh a few times now but felt like she hardly knew him. He didn’t give anything away. He was the most self-contained person she had ever come across. But presumably he must have let Mimi past his defenses. He’d been to the ranch a few times to ride and, according to Mimi, was now off the leading rein and in control.

  Mimi had asked her to bring him along to the pony swim. She’d had to go earlier to setup. She’d said she wanted Josh to come, and he was likely to back out if he didn’t have someone to keep him there. Apparently, he didn’t like crowds. And there was a huge crowd here today. About ten thousand people usually came to Chincoteague to watch the swim. Locals as well as tourists.

  She’d got some strange glances when people recognized her companion. She’d just
smiled and introduced him to anyone who stopped by as a good friend of her fiancé’s.

  Maybe she should introduce him as Mimi’s boyfriend. That would stir a few people up.

  If she was honest with herself, she had to admit that he made her nervous. And it wasn’t anything to do with the fact that he’d spent forty years in prison for murdering a man.

  What would it be like to lose forty years of your life?

  Tanner had told her that Josh had never denied the murder. So maybe he had deserved the sentence. Mimi said that Josh had been in a bad place after he came back from Vietnam. That today, likely someone would have recognized that he had a serious problem and gotten him some help. But back then PTSD wasn’t really acknowledged. She said he was a good man, and he’d paid for whatever he had done. And more.

  But he was just so self-possessed.

  He was a handsome man, with a strong face and dark eyes. He seemed almost ageless, as though time hadn’t touched him, though his black hair was flecked with white-like frosting. He had a long almost lanky frame and he moved easily. She could see what her grandmother saw in him—as old guys went he was pretty cool. But she didn’t feel like she knew him at all.

  And maybe that needed to change.

  She didn’t know if he was serious about Mimi, but she knew her grandmother liked him a lot. And that was something totally new.

  “So, what are your intentions toward my grandmother, Josh?”

  He’d been about to take a bite of his sandwich, and now he lowered it and cast a wary glance at her. “Intentions?”

  “You’ve been seeing a lot of each other. I’m her only family. I just want to make sure you’re not leading her on.”

  She was sure he almost smiled. “No, ma’am.”

  “Don’t call me ma’am. I’m Emily. Are you serious about her?”

  He put the sandwich down and returned her look, his expression hardening. “Serious? I’m a black ex-con with absolutely nothing to my name. She’s a rich white woman. I doubt very much that it’s serious.”