Trust And Obey

by Ts McKinney

  “No, Wildcat, you don’t want to know the old me. Trust me, the old Colton is not something you would be interested in,” Colton countered. “You make me a better person and I’m happy with that. As long as I have you, I’m good. I don’t need that other shit.”

  Jagger fought to not roll his eyes. It wasn’t that he didn’t think that Colton believed everything he was saying, he just wanted to call bullshit. “I don’t want you to try to be a better person, Colton. I want you. The person you are, the person I fell in love with. Just you. I want you to feel comfortable enough to try anything with me without the fear of me running away or fucking breaking like a China doll if you smack my ass. I want you to treat me like an equal instead of a delicate flower that needs to be constantly protected.” He licked his lips, struggling with the next part. “I want you to trust me enough to know that I’ll tell you if I don’t like something. I know I haven’t earned that trust yet – I’ve run when I should have manned-up and told you how I felt, but I still need you to trust me.” He looked down and then back up again. “I don’t always trust myself, Colton, so I know I’m asking a lot, but it would kill me to think about us living the rest of our lives making assumptions instead of learning truths.”

  ****

  Every protective instinct in Colton reared up and demanded that he shut this discussion down. Things were good…really damned good between them and he didn’t want to do anything that would cause a ripple in the waves, much less rock the entire damned boat. He’d pushed Jagger—pushed him hard. When they were younger, he’d practically threatened to rape him one day—although he sure the hell hadn’t meant it that way. He’d just wanted him, had always wanted him, and hadn’t known any other wooing method than going straight for the throat…or ass, in Jagger’s case. Their first date had been because of a lost championship ballgame where he’d demanded twenty-four hours with Jagger when his team beat Jagger’s Wildcats. Practically every move he’d made had been to manipulate Jagger into his bed. On the outside, looking in, he could see where people might have misunderstood his manipulations. On the inside, looking out, he was just madly in love with Jagger Jameson and would have done anything to get his attention.

  Even now, after they’d been together for nearly two months, he was still terrified that he’d forced the love of his life into something he didn’t really want. Yeah, he knew insecurities were creeping in, but he couldn’t seem to hold them off. Every move he made these days seemed like he was walking on egg shells, trying his ever-loving best to be what Jagger wanted him to be.

  No, to be what he thought Jagger wanted him to be.

  Was Jagger right? Were they dancing around each other, with him pretending to be somebody he wasn’t and Jagger stuck solidly in the vanilla mold he’d placed him in? What if he was wrong? What if he did something that caused Jagger to run again? What if he fucked his lifelong fantasy up before their first-year anniversary? Shit, what if he did something that caused Jagger to start cutting again? He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he was responsible for pushing his lover back into the darkness again.

  It was Jagger’s sweet smile and those beautiful blue eyes that did Colton in. “You definitely know how to shut me down, Wildcat, you did it for far too many years,” he grumbled with a smile of his own. Then he walked right over to the ledge and asked, “What did you have in mind?”

  The smile that Jagger gave him this time caused something other than his heart to swell. Playful Jagger was sexier than fuck.

  “Funny you should ask,” Jagger said as he rolled off of Colton’s chest and then hopped right off the bed. He fumbled around in the closet for a few seconds before pulling out a black backpack and tossing it on the bed. Unzipping the bag, he said, “I brought some stuff from work.” A bright blush tinged his high cheekbones. “You know…just to look at.” He laughed almost hysterically, his nerves shining straight through his bravado. “Hell, I don’t even know what half this stuff is. I figured you would, though.”

  Colton adjusted his cock and then stacked the pillows so he could prop up against the headboard and just…watch. Jagger looked like a kid on Christmas morning digging through what Santa brought them. He’d seen numerous expressions on Jagger’s face—sadness, loneliness, anger, aloofness, arousal, and love. He was pretty sure he’d never seen this kind of excitement before. His expressions were animated and his blue eyes were glowing with mischief.

  Fuck, but he loved his Wildcat.

  “I…uh…just picked up random stuff that I thought looked…interesting.” He grinned sheepishly again. There was a blush on his cheeks but his lips were still curved in a sexy smile, so Colton could tell he was having fun.

  “Interesting, eh?” Colton asked as he sat up and reached into the pile of goodies. He had to smile at the display in front of him, a mixture of extremely naughty and borderline vanilla. “Did you buy this stuff or did Landry let you have it?” Colton couldn’t imagine Landry knowing about Jagger’s bag of sexiness because he hadn’t been ribbing him about it. Landry would never pass up a chance to tease him and there was a bagful of ammunition on the bed in front of him.

  Jagger snorted. “I haven’t changed that much, babe. You know I wouldn’t waste money like that. These were free samples that Landry rejected and told me to get rid of.”

  “Penny pinching ain’t easy, is it, Wildcat?” Colton teased. “Some of this is pure shit.” Grinning, he picked up a penis wand and held it in front of Jagger. “What exactly are you planning on doing with this?” he asked with a cock of his eyebrow.

  Jagger frowned and studied the thin metal wand Colton had pulled from the velvet pouch. Finally, he shrugged and said, “I don’t have a fucking clue what that thing is, but Landry shivered and tossed it in what he refers to as the ‘shit pile’.” Jagger grinned. “It wasn’t the good kind of shivers either. He actually looked repulsed.” Blue eyes flickered up to Colton. “What is that thing, anyway? It doesn’t look, you know, like the right size for a dildo.”

  Colton burst out laughing. Never in his life did he imagine that word coming from Jagger’s sexy lips and from the pinched look on his lover’s face, he was pretty damned sure it was the first time he’d said it. He kinda looked like a kid the first time they tried a shot of pure alcohol, they wanted to act all grown up about the situation but always fell flat.

  “What’s so damned funny?” Jagger growled, and tried to snatch the thin rod out of Colton’s hand. Colton jerked his hand away just in time.

  “You said dildo.”

  “Yeah? I can say asshole, too. You’re being an asshole, Colton.”

  Colton tried to wipe his face of any emotion. Failed. Tried again. Finally, he opened his mouth to explain, “That’s a penis wand, Wildcat. You insert this end into the tiny slit, your urethra, at the end of your cock.” He held it up and explained, “Then you pretty much let gravity do its thing and it slides all the way inside of you, locking around the head of your cock with this mechanism.” He demonstrated how the latch would lock around the crown of a cock to hold the wand in place. “You wanna give this a try?”

  This time, when Jagger grabbed for his hands, Colton didn’t try to pull the toy away. As soon as the metal touched Jagger’s palms, he tossed it across the room and said, “We won’t need that.” Looking at Colton, he asked, “Tell me people really don’t put things in there.” Jagger glanced worriedly at the shiny toy lying innocently on the wood floor. “Please tell me you don’t like doing that.”

  Colton wasn’t into penis wands any more than it appeared Jagger would be. Thank. The. Fuck. Why in the world any dude would want to do that was beyond his comprehension. Just to watch Jagger squirm, he said, “Awww, come on, give it a try. I’ll be gentle, I promise.”

  Blue eyes narrowed. “You’d better be fucking with me, Colton. You try to come near me with that thing and I’ll mess you up.”

  He grinned. “See? I know how to say no,” he declared. “And trust me, that’s a big fat fucking no on the penis wand
. I can’t believe I even put that thing in the bag. I’m chalking it up to not having a clue what it was. We will never speak of it again. Ever.”

  Colton’s smile split his face. Jagger was right, he definitely had the ‘no’ down pat perfectly. When he noticed Jagger’s eyes kept darting over to the atrocious toy, he knew exactly what was going on and it had absolutely nothing to do with the possibility that Jagger was changing his mind about the wand. There was absolutely no need for him to get greedy and cause ripples in their perfect world. If things never improved in their sex life, it was all still perfect.

  Wasn’t it? Not wanting him to suffer any longer, he said, “Go over and pick it up and put it in the trash, Wildcat. I know it’s driving you crazy cluttering up the floor like that.”

  Scampering off the bed, Jagger said, “Thank you. It was driving me crazy.” As he tossed the offensive toy in the trash, careful not to touch it with more than the tips of two fingers because apparently, he was afraid the wand would bite him, he said, “I know I drive you crazy with my shit, but I can’t help it. I’m trying to do better. I’ve made huge progress.”

  When he was back on the bed, looking as excited as ever, Colton said, “Babe, you could never drive me crazy. I love everything about you.” Then, with a smirk, he asked, “Not that I don’t believe you, but I am interested in what you are considering huge progress, though.” When Jagger started to defend himself, Colton waved him off for a second. “Seriously, Wildcat, love every damned thing about you. The OCD cleaning is funny to me – not annoying and definitely doesn’t get on my nerves. It’s cute, actually.”

  Rolling his eyes, Jagger countered, “It isn’t cute. I annoy myself so I know I must be annoying you. Anyway, like I said, I’m doing better. I can’t believe you didn’t notice my leaps and bounds progress.” He pouted. “It kinda hurts my feelings.”

  Colton’s eyes darted to the right and then left, searching for anything that might be out of place. Nothing. Every damned thing was perfect. Grasping at straws and just pulling something out of his ass, he asked, “Was it when you left the cap off the toothpaste?”

  With a huge frown, Jagger said, “Shit. Did I do that? I didn’t mean to. That’s disgusting. Let me go fix it.”

  As he started to get back off the bed for the second time since they’d started digging through the sex toys, Colton grabbed him and tossed him on his back, holding him down with his heavier body. “Calm down, Mr. Perfection. You didn’t leave the cap off the toothpaste. I made that up. Everything’s perfect, as always. Hell, you’ve even got me putting my dirty clothes in the hamper when tossing them on the floor has worked for years upon years.” Colton thrust his cock against Jagger and immediately wished his lover had gotten rid of the underwear he was still wearing. He wanted to feel their cocks rubbing against each other, coating each other with their pre cum.

  Jagger’s eyes fluttered and a soft moan slipped from his puffy lips. “Stop trying to distract me,” he said…with absolutely no conviction at all. It was obvious to them both how much he enjoyed being distracted.

  “Is it working?” Colton whispered with another thrust of his hips and a swipe of his tongue along Jagger’s jawline. Jagger tasted exquisite. Dipping his head even lower, he used the tip of his tongue to tickle the love spots he’d left on Jagger’s neck a few hours ago when Landry had given up the key to the office. Marking his lover for everyone to see might be viewed as rather cavemanish, but Colton was fine with that. When it came to Jagger, he grew rather possessive. No, obsessively possessive.

  “I think the answer to that is rather obvious,” Jagger said, his voice huskier than it had been only moments ago. “Fuck but that feels good. You always feel so damned good.” His turned his head to look in Colton’s eyes and every ounce of blood rushed straight to his cock when he saw the need and desire burning in his lover’s green depths. “I never had a fucking chance against you.”

  Colton chuckled softly. “Yeah, I’m sure it’s the other way around. I was the one stalking you, remember? The basketball game? The bet? Me bullying you into a relationship with me because once upon a time, in a Galaxy far away, you’d looked at me with those fuck-me eyes and I’d fallen madly in love. After years and years of manipulating, plotting, planning, and maybe a little voodooism, you finally fell into my clutches. No, I think I never had a chance against you.” His teeth kept nibbling the sensitive flesh of Jagger’s neck.

  Jagger reached up and pulled Colton’s face from his neck and forced him to look him in the eye. “That’s not how I remember it, babe. I only remember how incredibly patient you were with me. You wouldn’t give up on me, even when I’d given up on myself.” His teeth nibbled at Colton’s bottom lip. “You loved me when I didn’t love myself.” Another nibble and then a swipe of his tongue. “I was telling myself that I didn’t need anybody to love…or love me back.” A dance between their tongues. “And then you swaggered in and became my everything.”

  “Ahhhh, babe, you know I turn into a puddle of love mush when you talk like that,” Colton whispered playfully. His words were playful, the thundering of his heart was anything but playful. With every passing day, he loved Jagger more and more. It should terrify him. It fucking didn’t. His love for Jagger completed him. He winked at his lover. “Keep talking, babe. Love mush is a good look on me.”

  Jagger looked into Colton’s beautiful eyes.

  “You think everything looks good on you,” he whispered against Colton’s lips.

  Colton barked out a laugh and said, “No, I think I look good on you.” Completely forgetting Jagger’s backpack of goodies, Colton pulled his lover against him and decided to prove just how good he did look on and in his Wildcat.

  Chapter 8

  Landry looked at Jagger’s face closely, trying to determine if his employee and friend was pissed about being left alone while he went out and explored whatever this was between him and Brookes. Stop thinking of it like that! He reprimanded himself. It wasn’t anything. Just fun and games. Sex and BDSM—he’d been doing it his entire adult life and some of his childhood. This wasn’t anything different.

  It was different.

  His heart was demanding to get involved and for the first time in his life, his body was being pushed aside. Any relationship (if he’d ever even had one of those) had always been solely about sex and physical satisfaction in his past. His heart was saved for his friends and for the kids he tried to rescue off the streets to give them a safe existence inside of Haven. He had a good heart, even after everything he’d been through in his life, and he didn’t want to sully it by dragging it into his sexcapades. Until now, that had always worked for him. With Brookes? His heart wanted to play.

  Jagger frowned. “You don’t do anything when you’re here anyway. Go out. Have a good time for once.” He kept pecking away at the computer in front of him—no doubt wondering where he could save them another penny. With Jagger in charge, he’d be a millionaire before he reached the ripe old age of thirty.

  Wait! He’d said he didn’t do anything. Shit, he was mostly right. Hemingway had been his dream and he’d managed to turn his dream into reality. Hemingway had been his concept—Jagger was turning it into a profitable business. “That’s not exactly true, Jagger. Sometimes I get in your way,” he teased. “Seriously, is it okay? There isn’t much for me to do during the day, right?”

  “Day work is crunching numbers, working with the inventory, and making sure everything is ready for tonight’s show. You’ll be back in time to get shit ready for the clubbers. I’ll take care of number crunching and Sage will take care of the inventory issues when he gets here.” Jagger looked up.

  He had hickies all over his neck. It was cute. Jagger probably didn’t think so.

  “Nice tattoos,” Landry teased. He walked over and squinted. “Oh shit, those aren’t tattoos. My bad,” he added with a toothy grin.

  “Stop teasing me,” Jagger grumbled. “We got carried away last night. Working around all this sex stuff makes me�
��well, it makes me…”

  “Horny,” Landry supplied because he figured Jagger would never be able to say the word all by himself. “It makes you horny. I hope so. There might be something wrong with you if it didn’t.” Landry was teasing but immediately wished he could yank the stupid words back inside his mouth as soon as they’d slipped out. Jagger struggled with thinking there was something wrong with him, something that made him less than the rest of them and Landry just hinted that he was correct. Yeah, he really hadn’t hinted at it, but working with Jagger’s insecurities was as difficult as working with his own. You could tell the mind and heart words or actions didn’t have a certain meaning, but the damned mind and heart drew their own conclusions. And with him and Jagger, the conclusions were usually incorrect. They both realized it had a lot to do with their pasts, with their suckier than sucky childhoods, but it didn’t stop them from repeating the same mistakes.

  “Get that deer in the headlights look off your face,” Jagger ordered. “You didn’t just inadvertently push me off the ledge.” He smiled up at Landry. It was a smile and an exchange of glances that they’d mastered over the past few weeks. They leaned on each other—had sort of an unspoken language between them. Somehow, they realized when the other was about to become unglued.

  Knowing Jagger had his back was part of the reason Landry was willing to try this date thing with Brookes. If it didn’t work and he fell apart and had an ugly cry or even a panic attack, Jagger would be there to help him pick up the pieces and keep moving forward…just like he would for Jagger.