Relieved to have a moment to breathe and compose, I watched with amusement as Tori cornered Jeremy at the register, outrageously flirting with him while he followed me with his eyes about the store.
Finally, the phone rang. Tori had to free Jeremy to answer it. He immediately came over and stood with both hands on the sides of the wall, caging me into a little corner.
“Can you take your break?” he asked, his eyes locking on mine.
Having him so close—able to feel his heat—my face flushed. I was suddenly weak in the knees. Did he know that? Was he doing it on purpose? His email comment, about me subconsciously wanting to be with him, stuck in my mind.
He drew in closer still as he stared into my eyes, waiting. My insides quivered. Still, I tried to act cool, totally in control. “Are you sure you want to take it with me?” I glanced over at Tori. She only let him escape because she would get all kinds of busted if she didn’t answer the phone.
“I was just being polite,” he said with a smile. “She’s your superior—should I’ve been rude?”
“No.” I laughed. “Only now I don’t know if she’ll let me take a break. She might want to take one herself—with you.”
His dark eyes twinkled, still blocking me in. “Well, see if you can,” he said. “I’m on my lunch, but she’s like, already taken up half of it.”
Jeremy and I bought sodas and found a table in the mall’s busy food court. We talked about nothing in particular for a while, then suddenly he turned all serious. “Listen, I wanted to ask you something.”
I glanced up at him, my stomach turning. His normally sultry, teasing eyes looked hesitant. I drew in a breath. I knew there had to be a reason he sought me out at the store today since he never had before. Ever.
This week he’d seemed to be avoiding me as much as I was him—like he preferred the space. That hurt. A lot. Now my hands were shaking. I hid them under the table, fidgeting with my rubber bands, steeling myself for whatever horrible thing he had to say. Because now I knew it had to be horrible for him to seek me out.
He waited for me to look up at him, but I wouldn’t.
Instead of going on anyway though, he rested his head on the table, his dark eyes silently watching me worry the rubber bands. Finally, I sighed and gave into him, gazing up to his agonizingly beautiful face. “What?”
He glanced between my wrists and my frown, then into my eyes. “You’re shaking.”
“I’m not.”
He watched me a moment longer, then gently took my arm, wrapping his warm hand over mine, immediately ceasing it from messing with the rubber bands. His voice was quieting, soothing. “Stop. Jodi, stop.” He paused, staring into my eyes, making my heart pound. “You act like I’m going to hurt you. Jodi, I’m not.”
Already, I could feel tears welling in my eyes. We couldn’t have this conversation. I wasn’t ready for it. I’d never be ready for it. “No, okay,” I lied. Maybe. I don’t know. Maybe it wasn’t a lie. Not completely. “You’re not going to hurt me. I know that.”
He studied my eyes, blatantly unconvinced. I snatched my hand away, but then, of course, immediately wished I didn’t. Now my hand was cold, missed his, and—I couldn’t help it—my hands were back at my wrists, finding the rubber bands, snapping, snapping, snapping. Just lightly. Just to stay sane. Safe.
Jeremy watched me warily. “Is it my fault? I make her come?”
A tear ran down my cheek—a tear I didn’t even know was there. Why would he even think that? “No. Jeremy, no.”
He wiped the tear away with his thumb. “Then why do you always do that when I’m around?” He gestured his head to the rubber bands.
I swallowed, my voice cracking. “It’s just … stress.”
He winced, staring up at the ceiling. Then he exhaled, his eyes flicking back to mine. “I cause you stress?”
I don’t know why he even bothered to ask. He knew the answer. He had to know. Slowly, I nodded, my hands still lightly snapping.
He stared at me a long time, silent. I couldn’t read his expression. It was just … intent. He leaned back, glancing around the crowded food court. Finally, his eyes came back to rest on me, his hands curling tight around his soda. “Would it be better if I left you alone?”
I swallowed, knowing yes, it would be better. Only, I didn’t think I could take it. I’d die.
He leaned in closer, his eyes searching mine. “Jodi … do you want me to leave you alone?”
I stole a quick glance at him. “I wish I did.”
His jaw muscle flicked. Slightly. He gave a nervous laugh. “That’s not very nice. Why do you wish that?”
Why? He knew why. I cleared my throat, needing a drink. But I couldn’t move, not with him watching me like that—his warm brown eyes so focused on me—it made me dizzy. I swallowed, wondering if I could do this—actually say my feelings aloud. “It hurts to see you—it kills. Seriously, Jeremy, seeing you causes me pain. So, yeah, I wish I was totally indifferent to you—that I didn’t care about you—that I wanted you to leave me alone.”
He rubbed his face, then furrowed his brow. “Why?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, wishing his question didn’t break my heart. “Because. I have a wonderful boyfriend. And you have hordes of girlfriends and you don’t even care about them. You treat them awful, Jeremy.”
He looked away, staring at nothing. “I don’t treat them bad.”
“Yes you do. You treat them horrible.”
He winced, but didn’t say anything. The silence stretched long enough that I finally dared to meet his gaze again. He watched me as he took a drink, seeming to be weighing his next words. “Jodi, I don’t even have girlfriends. I don’t. Not real girlfriends. Not since you.” He looked into my eyes. “You were my only girlfriend.”
Hearing him say that, my breath caught. And my heart got all fluttery. Stupid heart. I couldn’t let it get all mushy again. I had to be strong, had to remember that I was with Sawyer now. Jeremy had hurt me. He had toyed with my heart, then stomped on it—he was probably going to do that now, again.
I looked away from his gaze. His eyes seemed so full of love. They were hypnotizing. But they were liars—now, these days. I couldn’t trust them. “Jeremy, you say the sweetest things. You do. But I’m afraid of you.”
He tilted his head but didn’t say anything. He waited for me to go on.
“I am. You go around breaking girl’s hearts. You do it all the time. And you’ve already broken mine once. It’s still just trying to heal. Even now, three years later—it’s still in pieces.”
He shook his head, then muttered, “I didn’t break your heart Jodi, you broke mine.”
I blinked, on the verge of tears. What was he doing? Why would he say that? Twist the past? All I could manage was a whisper. “Jeremy, stop. Don’t play around with me.”
“Jodi,” his voice sounded sincere, “I’m not playing around.”
No wonder all the girls fell for him. His eyes looked so tender—so full of love. I was practically ready to jump into his arms and forget everything—forget Sawyer and the last two years and all the pain he caused me, all the trauma and heartbreak.
“Stop it! You do that to all the girls. You’re mean, Jeremy. You say you don’t have girlfriends. You say that, but I promise you—you make them think they’re your girlfriends, at least for a second. But fine. They’re not your girlfriends. Fine. Whatever. You’re not nice to the girls you date.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I was nice to you.”
A lump rose in my throat. I couldn’t argue with that. “Yeah. You were.”
He had been nice. Always. He had been kind, and sweet, and wonderful … until I moved away. Until he got a new girlfriend and replaced me.
We were silent a moment. Jeremy’s gaze cut from my eyes to my wrists. He touched the red, raw area lightly, using just his fingertips, brushing my wounds. “Jodi, I’m not mean to them. I’m not. It’s just—I can’t give them what they want. They want love. I can’
t give them that… because they’re not you.”
A warmth shot through me, through my whole body, toasting my heart, making me quiver. When he finally looked up from my wrists his warm brown eyes looked so honest and sincere I almost believed him. Wanted to believe him. My feelings for him were so messed up I longed to believe any caring words he uttered. That he was telling me the truth, that I was different from all those other girls in his life. That he really loved me.
I sucked in my breath, a horrible thought suddenly dawning. Maybe that wasn’t even what he was saying—that he loved me. He just said he couldn’t love those other girls because they weren’t me. He didn’t say he loved me. My heart twisted, sank a little. I didn’t understand this new Jeremy—the one everyone warned about. What was he saying?
I flicked a look at him, at the moment strong—defiant. “Do you love me Jeremy?”
He winced.
It was like a punch in the stomach. He didn’t. Didn’t love me. The truth was like a hammer to my gut, surprising me though it was stupid to be surprised. I was a fool.
Jeremy went pale. “Jodi …”
I tried to get up, but he blocked my way, caging me in my seat, his hands firmly on either side of my chair. “That’s not what I was saying.”
Again, a knife in my heart. He was killing me. Over and over.
“Jodi, don’t be hurt.” Gentleness laced through his voice. “You said I cause you stress—pain. You said that—it hurts when you see me. That’s what you said. So it seems you’d get it. What you do to me.”
I closed my eyes. He twisted the past. What happened. Tried to make it sound different. Like he was innocent or a victim too. But he wasn’t. I’d done nothing to him. Only made the mistake of loving him. We weren’t equal on that. I was the victim. The only victim.
I averted my welling eyes from his gaze, but I could still feel his intense stare. My heart was exploding. Still, I stayed silent. I refused to fight about the past. To even mention it would make me cry. Finally, Jeremy exhaled slowly and withdrew, his expression unreadable as he watched me bolt out of my chair. I pushed past him, stomping towards Looks, my eyes brimming with tears.
Jeremy followed behind me, not saying anything, just following. But before I made it into the store, he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me in to him.
How he knew I was crying, I have no idea. But I cried into his strong chest, heaving big, painful sobs.
“Don’t cry, Jodi,” he murmured, holding me tight. “I can’t take this. Please don’t cry.”
It hurt so bad to have him hold me when it was only out of pity. I wanted to tell him he needed to leave me alone—that I was trying to let go of him and I couldn’t do it like this. But I caught sight of the inside of Looks and the words got strangled in my throat.
I gasped in horror, stumbling back, breaking out of Jeremy’s embrace.
The shadows! They were in the store, roaming around the walls. They weren’t zooming, or whizzing, or going fast. They were taking their time, searching. “Kenzie?” they whispered. “Kenzie?”
Dad’s warning from my dreams swirled in my brain, making me dizzy, ready to faint. Watch out for the shadows! Watch out for the shadows!
Heaving and gasping, I staggered back, about to keel over from fright. But I desperately tried to keep my wits, tried to remember this wasn’t real. I struggled with my rubber bands, snapping them against my wrists with all my might.
“Jodi?” Jeremy was at my shoulder, his voice full of concern. He put a hand on the small of my back, trying to steady me. Calm me down. “What is it? What’s happening?”
My wrists were bleeding, but the shadows were still there, still searching.
They were getting louder. More frantic.
Still there.
I felt dizzy. The world spinning. Black spots zoomed before my eyes. I twisted the rubber bands, digging them deep into my wounds. But still, the shadows were there. It was like they were—they were … real.
Jeremy caught me as I pitched forward. He held on to my shoulders, holding me up, keeping me from falling. He whispered soothingly in my ear. “What is it? Jodi, what do you see?”
Snap, snap, snap.
Still there.
“Run!” I ordered.
CHAPTER 21
Out in the mall parking lot, I sat shivering in Jeremy’s car. He held me tight, whispering in my ear. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
“I’m not.” I shook my head. Shock therapy—the rubber bands—didn’t work. Not on me. I was too crazy.
“Jodi,” he said soothingly. “It’s going to be okay. It is. I swear. Just tell me what happened. What I can do.”
He was so different from Sawyer. Sawyer would totally take over. Give me orders, tell me exactly what to do—whether I wanted to do it or not. Jeremy was asking me what I wanted.
And I actually knew. “Take me to eat,” I said.
Jeremy blinked. “Eat?”
He stared at me quizzically, then started up his car. “Where?”
I held my breath. “You choose.”
Doubt flickered in Jeremy’s concerned eyes, but he didn’t question me. He pulled out of the parking lot without saying a word.
A smile crept onto my face when he pulled into The Pancake House. Had he chose it because it was “Our Place?” I liked thinking he did, but maybe he just really liked the pancakes and brought everyone here. Maybe he didn’t even remember that we had crowned it “ours.”
“You know I come here a lot,” he said, breaking my heart. But then he added softly, “Only, I can’t sit in our booth—remember our booth?”
I nodded, a lump catching in my throat. When I could talk, I confessed, “I didn’t come here to eat.”
Jeremy tilted his head, but waited for me to go on.
“See, across the street? I have to go there. Will you come with me?”
Jeremy stared at The Read Palm, then back at me. “Yeah, I’ll do whatever you want.” He gazed into my eyes. “But is this really what you want?”
“I have to find out about my dad,” I explained. “I have nightmares about him. And the police are saying he murdered a lady.”
Jeremy gave a small nod. “I know.”
I stared up at him, dumbfounded. He’d never said a word. I had no idea he knew.
“I heard my dad talking about it—a while ago. So, I looked it up—a while ago.” Jeremy flicked another look at The Read Palm, then back at me. “You’ve been going through a lot though, Jodi. I wasn’t sure I should bring it up.”
“What do you think about it?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. I didn’t really know your dad. Kenzie says he didn’t kill anyone, though—if that counts for anything.”
I blinked. “Kenzie said that?”
Jeremy stared into my eyes. He felt bad for me, I could tell. But I didn’t want his pity. It was going to make me cry. “Come on,” I said. “Let’s go.”
***
The woman was at the table again. “Come, sit.”
Jeremy gave me a quizzical look, but I just smiled back at him, too embarrassed to actually meet his gaze. “Come on,” I murmured.
We sat at the table. “I have thirty dollars,” I said. “That’s all I’ve got.”
The lady took my money and I handed her Dad’s ring. Again, she clasped it tight, closing her eyes.
“Yessss. Your father killed himself for you—to protect you.” She tilted her head, seeming to try to understand. “He pulled out his heart … to pull out … the spirit … of another. Hmm. I do not understand.”
She was silent, tilting her head again, but I wasn’t really paying attention to that—what she was doing. Her words sent a chill down my spine. She was for real. She was! She knew what Dad did. Exactly what he did.
Realizing that, I broke out in a cold sweat. My hands were shaking. My whole body was. It was real—all of it. I grasped my rubber bands for support, trying to comprehend what she was saying—what she wasn’t getting. Figuring she mu
st be talking figuratively—or—or she was seeing that Dad was crazy, but misinterpreting it—not quite following that he had another personality inside him—that was the other “spirit.” A psycho personality that was apparently going to hurt me—like it did Sophie Jones.
Dad stopped it by killing himself.
That’s what my subconscious—Kenzie—had been trying to tell my all this time. He did it to protect me. Killed himself.
Heartbreaking pain ran through me. Poor Dad. How horrible. He thought that was the only way. The only way to protect me from himself.
Suddenly, Read-Palm Lady’s eyes flew open wide. It made me jerk back, almost having a heart attack. Whoa.
“Give me your hand,” she ordered. She didn’t give me time to wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans. She grabbed my hand and firmly placed hers over mine, closing her eyes tight. “You have a spirit in you, as well—right now, at this moment.” She gazed at me in astonishment. “The spirit of a girl … Karen?”
My heart slammed against my chest. I couldn’t breathe.
I gasped. “K—Kenzie.”
I was shaking so bad—freaking out. Especially because the lady was basically freaking, too. I mean, I already knew about Kenzie. That I was crazy, just like Dad. But what did she see? My future?
The lady dropped my hand, grasping Dad’s ring again. She seemed frantic. “Your father had another’s spirit in him as well. An evil spirit.” The lady shoved Dad’s ring back at me, rising to her feet. “You must go now. That spirit—I cannot allow it here. You must go.”
That spirit? Allow it here? What was she talking about? Dad was dead. His crazy, psycho alter ego too. It died with Dad—that was his point, kill himself before he hurt anyone else.
The room spun from that knowledge. I clung to Jeremy to stay on my feet. He held me tight, pressing his lips against my head just to comfort me, calm me down. I couldn’t go, though. Not yet. I had too many questions. I needed answers.
“But—”
“That spirit is tied to your Karen. They were close. Too close. You must leave.” She flung my money at me, then pushed me and Jeremy toward the door.
The Stranger Inside Page 18