Silent Forgiveness (Sign of Love Series Book 4)

by Tonya Clark

  “All right, let’s head out of here then.” He turns and starts heading back to the truck. “I’ll take you back to your car.”

  I don’t say anything else, I just follow him to the truck. The ride back to his house is quiet. When we pull into the driveway, I quickly jump out, say goodbye as I close the door and quickly walk to my car. I need distance from him. I don’t look back to see if he is watching me, I just leave as fast as I can. I’m not trusting myself to stay strong with my decision.

  As I drive home, I try to figure out what I am going to do about this thing with Cameron. I need to figure this all out before I go back on Thursday for Jacob’s tutoring. Maybe I won’t have to worry about it. Maybe Cameron won’t try anything else. I did just basically jump out of his truck before he came to a complete stop in the driveway, barely said a goodbye and left like I couldn’t get away from him fast enough. He might take all of that as a hint that I’m not interested. Problem is, I am very interested, just not sure if I want to go further with all of this. We have chemistry, that is obvious, but the way he went off on me tonight kind of has me pushing away. He is broken right now, and not wanting any help. That alone should have me running, but if I have to be honest with myself, if I am running anywhere, I want it to be back against his chest and those lips!

  ****

  It’s been a week! Last Thursday when I went and tutored Jacob, Cameron was nowhere to be seen. I am pretty sure he was there, but the office door was closed and if he was in there then he made sure not to come out until I was gone. I found myself feeling disappointed as I said goodbye to Jacob and left. I wanted to charge into the office and make him talk to me, but what if he had someone in there with him, or he was on the phone with business?

  I have done nothing but think about him and what happened last week during dinner. I think I’m using his outburst at the restaurant as an excuse to not get into anything with him. That is my way out. I’m not acting any better than Cameron was, only difference is he acted out in front of everyone, I am doing it all inside and blaming him for it all. I am driving myself crazy. Maybe I shouldn’t fight this attraction we have and just see where it leads.

  I need to remember Cameron is going through a lot right now. Any normal person would have mood swings and outbursts with everything he is going through. I’ve spent a lot of time with Charliee since she has been home. She is usually so happy and calm and even she has had an outburst of anger on a couple of occasions. Tragedy and loss can do that to a person. I don’t get my feelings hurt with Charliee when she has her outbursts with me, why did I act so differently with Cameron?

  Maybe I am overthinking all of this and reading too much into Cameron’s actions. Sure, he has kissed me, and yes, he was going to kiss me the other night, but it doesn’t mean we are in any kind of relationship. Wait! What the heck am I thinking about? Relationship? How did I go from nothing past a couple dates; no strings attached, to thinking the word relationship and Cameron in the same thought? I want to slap myself, again! Here I am, sitting in my car in front of Cameron’s house, thinking about relationships. If Charliee was here right now she would fall out of the car in shock. I don’t do relationships, why the hell am I thinking about it now? What has Cameron Tovaren done to me?

  Chapter 9

  Cameron

  I saw Jayden pull up to the house. She has been sitting out there now for about ten minutes. Last week when she came by, I stayed in the office. I figured it would be best for both of us. When we got back from going out last week, she jumped out of the truck so fast, you would have thought she was scared to be alone with me any longer. I know my outburst was wrong at the restaurant, I have scolded myself over it many times. I finally just lashed out, and unfortunately it was at the wrong person. I knew it the moment she turned and walked away from me that night. I also know she wanted to kiss me just as much as I wanted to kiss her that night. The grip she had on the front of my shirt told me she wanted it, but she pushed herself away and I couldn’t blame her.

  When Jacob asked me today if he could go over to Tyler’s house, there was no way I was going to say no. It was the first time in almost a month that he even left the house without me making him get out. I knew today he had tutoring but I didn’t care, I told him to go.

  I was getting ready to text Jayden and let her know, but I decided not to. This would give me a chance to talk to her. Of course, she needs to get out of her car first, and I’m not sure if she is going to. It looks like from here that she may be having a conversation with herself. She may be on the phone with someone, but I have a feeling she is talking to herself.

  Another five minutes go by and finally her door opens, and she steps out. I’m starting to feel a little guilty over the fact that I didn’t call her and tell her Jacob wasn’t going to be home. She might have had something else she needed to do. I am being selfish, but I need to talk to her and alone.

  The doorbell rings. Well, let’s see how much I can piss her off with all of this.

  “Hi,” she instantly says, once I open the door. She looks surprised to see me.

  “Hi, come on in.” I move to the side and close the door behind her.

  “Is Jacob ready?”

  “Jacob isn’t here.”

  She looks over her shoulder at me with a questioning look. “Is he going to be home soon?”

  I just shake my head no.

  She turns around to face me. That spark she gets in her eyes when she gets mad is there. “Did you not think of calling me and letting me know?”

  I have to admit, I like it when she gets all fired up. Most women hide their feelings, but Jayden is definitely not like most women. I take a step closer; she doesn’t move back, she holds her ground. I take another step, now close enough to wrap an arm around her waist and pull her body into mine. Her eyes never leave mine, but that anger spark she had earlier is now turning to fire and I am pretty sure she is no longer angry.

  “Cameron, what are you doing?”

  “Hoping you don’t tell me no again.”

  She starts to say something, then stops. Once again, and then again nothing. The fire is still there in her eyes, but there is something else now as well; almost a little fear.

  “Jayden, what are you afraid of?”

  Her hands are gripping my upper arms. “Cameron, I don’t do the relationship thing.”

  “Relationship thing? Jayden, I think you are rushing this a little. I’m only asking to kiss you.”

  Her cheeks turn a little red from embarrassment, a look I never thought I would see on her. It is cute, then she looks away from me. This is all new domain for her, I have a feeling. I’m pretty sure she is used to being in control.

  “So, are you saying you aren’t looking for a relationship?” she asks, looking up at me slightly.

  I swear I see a little disappointment in her eyes this time. Why, I’m not sure, she is the one who just said she didn’t do the relationship thing, which to be honest I am alright with. I don’t usually do long-term either.

  “No! What I’m saying is right now what I’m wanting is to kiss you.”

  Taking me completely by surprise, she grabs the back of my head and brings my lips down to hers, kissing me. I hear both of us moan a little. Her fingers are digging into the back of my head and she is up on her tippy toes trying to get closer to me. My arm that is around her waist tightens, my other hand I bury deep into her hair at the back of her neck. Our tongues find one another.

  What the hell was I thinking when I decided to kiss this woman again? My body isn’t satisfied with just her lips, I want more. I could even be alright with begging her for more. She has to be able to feel what she is doing to me. My arm is holding her tightly, our bodies are touching from chest to knees, and I know she feels how hard I am for her. What is it about this woman that is affecting me like this? I am ready, or actually fighting the need to pick her up and carry her up to my room. Maybe skip the walking up the stairs and just have he
r right on the stairs.

  I take that back, I want her up in my bed all night long. My hand has the bottom of her shirt and when she moves slightly, my knuckles brush her skin. Just that slight touch and I am afraid I am going to explode right now. I feel like a teenager touching a girl for the first time.

  “What are you doing to me?” I ask against her lips.

  Jayden pulls back slightly, her eyes half-closed and looking dreamy. “I was wondering the same thing about you.”

  “Kissing you isn’t going to be enough, Jayden. I thought it would be, but I was very wrong. I want you, all of you.” There is that begging I was thinking about.

  Again, she brings my lips to hers, the hunger she has very clear. I pull away. “Jayden, I wasn’t joking. I want you and if you aren’t wanting to do anything other than kiss then I can do that, but we will need to break for a few so I can calm my need for you down a little.”

  She gives me a small smile and before I can read what she is thinking, she pulls her shirt up and over her head.

  “Does this work for an answer?”

  “Are you sure?”

  She nods. “Only thing I ask is it’s not here in the living room. I don’t want to risk Jacob walking in. Probably wouldn’t be good for my job.”

  Grabbing her hand, I lead her up the stairs and to my room. I open the door and let her enter first. The moment I shut the door, she slams back into me, again bringing my lips down to hers. Her skin is soft, and I can’t wait to feel her skin against mine.

  I feel my shirt lift up my sides and my chest. She pulls back from me just enough to pull it over my head, and then her lips are back on mine. I unhook her bra and push the straps off her shoulders. Her bare breasts press against my bare chest and again, like the first time we kissed today, we both moan. How in the hell did I think I wasn’t going to want all of her? She has all the control. She had it from the moment our lips touched, and I am happy to let her keep it.

  I feel her unbutton my jeans. I grab her around the waist and lift her up, carrying her to the bed. Sitting her down, I take a step back, I need to slow us down a little. Pulling off my boots and then stepping out of my jeans, I watch as her eyes look me up and down, her green eyes almost turning white. She lays back and stretches out over my bed, her hands going up over her head. She is giving me the control now. I don’t mind, undressing her will be like unwrapping a much-anticipated gift.

  As I slide her pants and remaining clothing down her legs, I find myself fighting the need to kiss every inch of skin as it becomes exposed, but I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself, I want inside of her that bad.

  Jayden sits up after her clothes hit the ground. She smiles up at me and I wonder what is going through her mind, then her hand wraps around my hardness. Control is back with her. She looks up at me as she strokes me up and down, then up again. Her thumb circles the tip, smearing the beaded moisture around. I don’t think I can get any harder, but I am wrong. I am going to lose myself right in her hand if she doesn’t stop. I pull myself away from her touch and open the top drawer of my dresser. I pull the square package out and quickly place it on. Jayden has laid herself back down on my bed, watching me with hooded eyes.

  “I need to be inside you now, Jayden.”

  She gives me the sexiest smile I have ever seen. “I need you inside me right now.”

  I watch as she spreads her legs, an invitation and the sign I need to tell me she is ready, and wanting just as I am. Grabbing her thighs, I pull her legs a little further apart and slide right between them. My tip is at her entrance. Just the slight feel of her wetness and the heat exploding from her body has me fighting to keep myself from exploding. I have to pull away from her slightly and take a few deep breaths. After a few moments, I push forward, burying myself further into her. I watch as Jayden’s eyes close and her back arches up off the bed, thrusting her breasts up at me. An invitation I can’t deny. I take one hard nipple into my mouth as I bury deep into her. She moans, and her hands go to my backside, her nails digging into my cheeks as she tries to pull me even further into her. I gently bite the tip of her nipple, she gasps, and her back arches even more.

  “You feel so good, Jayden.”

  She runs her nails up my back to my shoulders as her legs wrap tightly around my waist, holding me tightly inside of her.

  “I need you to move, Cameron. Please!”

  Hearing her beg is the sexiest thing I believe I’ve ever heard. I’ve never been this turned on by a woman before. I know if I move, I won’t last that long. I’m not ready for this to be over, to leave her body. I claim her lips once again. Her legs tighten around me, she is trying to thrust up. Now she’s begging me with her body, and I can no longer hold back. I pull out almost all the way then thrust back into her hard and deep, she is tight. We both moan. Her wetness is gliding me easily in and out as I set a steady pace.

  “That feels good, but I want you deeper,” she says, her voice is quiet and a little rough.

  I fell her tightening around me, she’s close. I quicken my thrusts, doing everything to hold myself from my own release, but it’s getting harder with each slide against her hot, wet, constricting walls. I pull out, my tip only enjoying the hot center of this woman, and with one last thrust into her my name fills the room and her body shatters around me, and I follow right behind her.

  Chapter 10

  Jayden

  I wake up startled, forgetting where I am, and it’s hot. I look around and remember that I’m in Cameron’s room. We must have both fallen asleep. He is wrapped tightly around me, which would explain the heat. Looking out the window, I notice that it’s dark outside. What time is it?

  I turn my head and I’m able to see his face. Cameron always has a look on his face like he’s thinking too much. Sleeping, he looks younger, more at peace, not like the world is falling apart around him. My heart breaks for him. I can’t imagine what goes through his head these days with everything that has happened.

  I try to listen and hear if Jacob is home. I don’t want him knowing this happened, but I didn’t plan on falling asleep and making this a sleepover either. I never stay the night with a guy, it seems too personal, too much like a relationship. I’ve never fallen asleep in a guy’s bed after sex either, and here I am finding that not only did I easily fall asleep with Cameron, but I don’t want to move right yet. I kind of like laying here. I like feeling his warmth against me, his arm around me. It’s like I’m his and he isn’t letting me go; protecting me even in his sleep. These are the feelings I have always tried to stay away from and here Cameron has created them inside of me with one night of sex.

  Fear starts to spread in my chest. I swore I wouldn’t feel this comfortable with a guy. I don’t want to ever experience the pain my mom did when she found out about my dad cheating on her. I watched my mom go through a depression, even though she always tried to hide it from me, but I heard her cry herself to sleep every night. I used to go and sit outside her bedroom door and fight a need to go in and hug her. To tell her I was there, she wasn’t alone, but she always worked so hard to put a strong face on around me. I didn’t want her to feel worse that she wasn’t fooling me. Sitting outside of her bedroom door kind of made me feel like I was there for her and still making her feel she was doing her best in front of me.

  Looking over at Cameron once more, I make the decision. I need to walk away from him before I become too comfortable. Before I depend on him and these feelings he is beginning to create in me. Slowly, I move out from under him, praying I don’t wake him. This isn’t an easy task when he is wrapped around me like he is afraid to let me go. It takes some time, but finally I am able to get up from the bed. He moves, and I stand still, hoping that I didn’t wake him. I watch as he settles himself onto his stomach, hugging the pillow under him. I take a deep breath and begin looking for my pants. Pulling them on, I take my phone out of the pocket, it is after eleven. I use the light to look for my shirt. I had it in my
hand when we came in, so I look by the door, finding it and pulling it on.

  Cameron hasn’t moved. I stand by the bed looking down at him. I am fighting the urge to climb back in bed with him. I quickly turn and leave the room before I find myself going against everything I have sworn against. As I turn to head down the stairs, a picture on the wall catches my attention. Well no, actually the dent in the wall next to the picture catches my attention first. It looks like someone punched the wall. The picture is of the Cameron, Jacob and their parents. It is easily ten-years-old. Jacob was so young, and Cameron’s smile looks like he didn’t have a care in the world. It is the perfect family. Both Mr. and Mrs. Tovaren were shining with pride. You can see it in their smile and eyes. They were proud of their family.

  If I think back to the pictures of my family, my mom always had that smile and look in her eyes. My dad’s smile never reached his eyes. It was always forced I realized as I grew up. It’s funny what the mind thinks it sees until it’s shown the truth.

  When I reach the bottom of the stairs, the front door opens, Jacob is home. I see the surprise on his face. I’m sure I’m the last person he expected to walk in and see in his house this late at night. I’m sure you can see the embarrassment on my face. I got caught by one of my students, leaving their house late at night, obviously from spending time with their older brother.

  “It’s late,” Jacob signs.

  I have nothing to say, I just nod my head.

  “Why are you still here?”

  He doesn’t really need to ask that question, I’m sure.

  “Are you tutoring my brother now?”

  I am in too much shock to answer, but the booming voice behind me causes me to jump.

  “Jacob!”

  I turn to find a shirtless Cameron standing behind me about halfway down the stairs.

  “You need to apologize to Ms. Edwards now,” Cameron speaks and signs.