The Bridal Candidate 1 (Heart Connections)

by Linda Verji

  Zoe said nothing all the way home. No words. No tears. But he could feel her sadness swirl around them as she stared out the window. He wished he knew the right words to say to her to make her feel better, yet each time he opened his mouth nothing came out. He felt helpless, inadequate… the worst father a girl could ever have. A lump formed in his throat as he watched her shuffle out of the car when he parked in front of their house. Her shoulders were hunched and her chin tucked into her chest as she trudged toward the house.

  This was his fault. His daughter was hurting because of him.

  If he hadn't forced Aiko on her, she wouldn't have had to run to her mother. She wouldn't have been rejected and her heart wouldn't be broken.

  CHAPTER 26

  For the last three hours Aiko had been sitting on the edge of panic. Though the logical part of her brain told her that leaving Zoe in the car hadn't been a cardinal sin - after all the girl was twelve not three - she still couldn't help feeling guilty. The curt conversation with Damián and his edict to stay put had only made matters worse. At least when she was running around town looking for Zoe she had something to do.

  Now, she was stuck in the house worrying and fearing that something had happened to the girl. Hoping against hope that Zoe might still turn up at the house, Aiko called Femi asking her to pick Seraphina, and take her home with her and Michael. Aiko would drop by the house for Seraphina once she knew that Zoe was safe.

  All she could do now was wait and pray.

  She wore a frayed path across the carpet as she paced the family room, periodically peeking through the window to check for Zoe or Damián's arrival.

  The moment she heard the low clang of the main gates opening, she hurried to the window. The knot in her stomach tautened when she saw that it was Damián's car. But when she saw Zoe emerge from the car - no words could describe the relief she felt. The worry that had eclipsed her for the past couple of hours collapsed in a relieved release of breath.

  Without second thought, she rushed out of the family room to the front door. She thrust the door open in time to see Zoe plodding up the front step. Aiko took a step downward to meet her.

  "Thank God you're here." Motherly instinct guiding her actions, she folded Zoe in an embrace. "Are you okay?"

  Zoe who was stiff against her, arms plastered to her side, shrugged.

  "You don't know how worried I was." Aiko was undeterred. She probably should've been more angry that Zoe had run away, leaving them fearing for her safety. But anger was the last thing on her mind. Stroking a palm over the girl's hair, she whispered, "I'm so glad you're okay."

  Zoe uttered a small sound, that sounded almost like a muffled cry, but before Aiko could confirm, she pushed away from the embrace and rushed into the house. Aiko started to follow her, but remembering Damián turned her gaze to the forecourt. He was still seated in the car. Despite the windshield separating them, she could see that his face was downturned as if he was deep in thought. She could only imagine how nerve wracking today had been for him, and she knew that she needed to apologize to him for letting Zoe out of her sight.

  But not now.

  Right now Zoe was the priority.

  Aiko turned and entered the house. Up the stairs she went, through the hallway to stop in front of Zoe's door. It was closed. Aiko didn't bother calling out. After a brief rap of her knuckles on the wood, she turned the doorknob and let herself in. Zoe was curled up in fetal position over the comforter, facing away from the door.

  Sniff. The sound echoed in the room. Sniff. Sniff.

  Zoe's crying cut straight into Aiko's heart, and even though she didn't know why the girl was crying she couldn't help feeling a pang of compassion. She ambled toward the bed and settled on the edge. For a moment she just watched Zoe.

  Sniff. Aiko leaned forward to stroke Zoe's arm. "Zoe, stop crying."

  Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Despite the increase in sniffs, Zoe didn't pull away from Aiko's touch. Sniff.

  Kicking off her shoes, Aiko slid her legs atop the bed. The mattress dipped with her weight as she shifted around until she was curled up behind Zoe. Running a soothing palm over the girl's arm, Aiko leaned forward to press a kiss to her hair. "It's okay, sweetheart."

  Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Zoe abruptly turned in Aiko's arms to reveal her tear-stained face. Instead of pushing away like Aiko expected, she threw her arm over Aiko's waist and buried her face into her chest. For a moment, Aiko was caught off-guard but she recovered quickly enough.

  "It's okay," she murmured, smoothing her hands up and down Zoe's arm and back. Zoe's tears wetted her blouse, seeped into her skin, but Aiko didn't mind. All she cared about was that her baby was in pain and it was up to her to ease it. Even as she held Zoe, Aiko realized that somehow, someway she'd started thinking of Zoe as her daughter. The girl's pain felt like her pain, and to see her hurting was like getting hurt herself. A lump forming in the back of her throat, Aiko cradled Zoe closer, whispering comfort into her hair.

  A few minutes into Zoe's crying, Gertie appeared at the doorway. Aiko waved her off with a mimed, Later. Right now it was all about Zoe. Eventually the crying petered into short hiccups accompanied by intermittent sniffs. But Aiko kept holding Zoe and Zoe didn't budge from her arms. The sniff and hiccups faded and were replaced by slow even breaths. A quick downward glance revealed that Zoe's eyes were closed. Aiko assumed that she'd drifted into sleep. Nevertheless, she still held her.

  "Why doesn't she want me?" the girl's soft question cut between them.

  Aiko's gaze ducked downwards to find Zoe's eyes now open but fixated on the buttons of her blouse. "Who doesn't want you?"

  "My mom." There was a hint of sadness in Zoe's voice as she asked, "Is it because I'm ugly? Is that why she doesn't want me?"

  Where was this coming from? Aiko pushed two fingers underneath Zoe's chin to lift her gaze upwards. Her tone was firm as she said. "You're not ugly. Why would you think that?"

  Zoe shrugged. "Because I don't look like my step sisters. They have nice, pale skin, and blue eyes and they don't have to dye their hair."

  "Oh, Zoe." Aiko sighed as she cradled Zoe closer and kissed her forehead. "You're beautiful just the way you are. You don't need blonde hair or blue eyes."

  Zoe's shoulders lifted and fell. She obviously didn't believe Aiko.

  What could Aiko say to make her believe her? Aiko was quiet for a moment looking for a logical explanation. Her eyes fell on one of the signed pictures on Zoe's wall. Gesturing to it, she asked, "That's Ripsi Lee, right?"

  Zoe turned her head to check out the picture then nodded.

  "Is she pretty?"

  "Duh!"

  "But she's not blonde," Aiko pointed out. "And her skin is almost the same shade as yours."

  Zoe turned to stare at Ripsi again. When her gaze returned to Aiko's, it was clouded in thought.

  Aiko pointed to another picture. "Who's that?"

  "That's Indira Wiggins."

  "I've never heard of her."

  "Oh my God. Where have you been?" Zoe's eyes widened. " She's like the best-selling artist in the UK. Daddy took me to see her last year and it was so wow!"

  Aiko sneered. "But she's so fat, and she's almost darker than me."

  "Shut your mou-" Zoe threw her palm over her mouth. "Sorry."

  Aiko laughed, happy that they'd reached a point where Zoe could actually hold herself back from being rude.

  Zoe's eyes narrowed as she untangled from Aiko's embrace. Still watching Aiko, she flipped onto her stomach, supporting her upper body up on her elbows. "I know what you're doing."

  "Really?" Aiko arched her eyebrows. "What am I doing?"

  Zoe was silent for a long moment, then she sighed. "Fine. Indira's pretty too."

  "Of course she is. She doesn't have to look like Ripsi to be pretty. We're all pretty in our own special way," Aiko said. "Don't ever let someone make you think that you're not. Besides, honey, you shouldn't be so worried about what you look like on the outside. It's what's on the
inside that counts."

  "That's what the ugly girls say," Zoe guffawed.

  "What did we say about being ugly?" Aiko asked with raised eyebrows.

  Zoe rolled her eyes. "Everyone's pretty."

  "I can see you don't believe me." Aiko racked her brain, looking for a good way to explain that outer looks weren't everything. Finally she said, "Okay, I bet you know a celebrity that is really pretty but you can't stand them."

  "You mean like Oliver Machin?" Zoe made a face. "He's the worst. Like, he cheated on Indira with Kerry Burns. Now he's posting pictures on Instagram of him with Kerry just to make Indira jelly. Ugh! I hate him."

  "See, being pretty doesn't mean people will love you," Aiko said. "Even though Oliver is good-looking by some people's standards it doesn't mean that everyone likes him. It doesn't matter what you look like; some people will like you and some people will hate you. But even more important is that the people who love you, love you no matter how you look."

  "Even my mom?"

  "Even your mom." Aiko nodded. "Just because she didn't let you stay with her doesn't mean she doesn't love you or that she thinks you're ugly."

  "Then why?" Zoe asked.

  That was a tricky question. From everything Aiko had heard Jeanine was as selfish as they came and probably didn't want Zoe ruining the 'perfect' life she'd built with her husband. But Aiko didn't want to tell Zoe that - the girl had been hurt enough for one day.

  So Aiko settled for, "I don't know." Tucking a strand of hair behind Zoe's ear, she added, "What I do know is that you've got many people who want you to stay here, and they love you just the way you are. Like your Dad, your grandfather, Shelley…"

  "And you?"

  Aiko smiled. "Even me."

  Zoe studied her for a long time then asked, "Does that mean you'll tell Daddy not to punish me for getting suspended then running away?"

  Aiko laughed. "Nice try."

  Zoe wrinkled her nose, even as her lips tilted in a reluctant smile.

  Taking advantage of the easy camaraderie between them, Aiko asked, "So what happened today? Why did you attack Knox?"

  "I didn't attack Knox," Zoe defended herself with the same excuse. "I kissed him."

  And suddenly Aiko understood why she was so reluctant to call the attack as it was. "You like him?"

  It took a long time but Zoe finally nodded. "But most of the time he acts like I don't even exist. And when he talks to me he's always telling me how I'm mean and stuff. So I kissed him. And now he's angry at me. And so is Shelley."

  The convoluted logic boggled Aiko's mind. How did being ignored convert to 'I should kiss him'?

  No. Wait.

  Actually, now that Aiko thought about it made sense. Zoe was trying to get Knox to notice her and had done it the only way she knew how. That however didn't make it right. "Liking someone doesn't give us the right to just kiss them. How would you feel if someone just stopped you on the street and started kissing you?"

  "Depends." Zoe's eyes narrowed. "Someone who?"

  Lord! This child. Aiko spent the next couple of minutes explaining to her why it was not okay to go around ambushing people with kisses. She threw in a 'you're too young for boys anyway' too, but by Zoe's disinterested expression it seemed to miss its mark. Which led to a long talk about kissing, sex and emotions, and how tangled up it could all get. An hour or so later, Aiko exited the room, leaving behind a pensive Zoe.

  In the hallway, Aiko glanced at her watch. It was just five thirty. If she rushed, she could go pick up Seraphina and get back home in time for dinner. Grabbing her car keys, she headed downstairs. Just as she was crossing the foyer, Gertie emerged from the kitchen. "Aiko?"

  "Yes?" Aiko stopped in her tracks.

  "Mr. Damián asked to see you in his study once you came downstairs."

  "Hmm?" Aiko's brow furrowed as she nodded. "Okay, thanks."

  She changed direction, headed for Damián's study. He probably wanted to talk about what had happened today, which was understandable and not surprising. But that didn't make her feel any less like she'd just been called to the principal's office.

  DAMIÁN HAD BEEN waiting for the last two hours and his patience was wearing thin. His fingers drummed an impatient beat on his desk as he tried to focus on the computer screen with little success.

  Where was she? He wanted to get this over and done with before he changed his mind - or rather before his heart changed his mind. Logic told him that this was the only solution to his dilemma, but his heart refused to accept his decision. It protested it, begged him to reconsider. But he remained steadfast. This was the only solution.

  Now where was she? On cue, a short knock rattled the door, and the door swung inward.

  "Damián?" Aiko peaked into the room. "You wanted to see me?"

  The moment he saw her face, his heart started a nervous thrum. However, his voice was even as he called, "Yes. Come on in." When she stepped into the room, he offered, "Please, have a seat."

  "Oh! Okay." Her voice was soft and hesitant as she edged closer to his desk, and Damián found that he didn't like the sound of it.

  While he waited for her to sit, he minimized the documents on his screen - not because they actually needed to be minimized but because he needed time to settle his nerves enough to do what needed to be done. Once she was seated, he swiveled in his chair to face her.

  Though she was watching him expectantly, she didn't say a word.

  "What happened today wasn't your fault," he started," and I don't blame you."

  Her expression was as indecipherable as her tone. "Okay."

  His voice sounded strange and flat even to his own ears as he added, "But it can't happen again."

  "Mm." She nodded.

  "I thought that this-" He gestured between the two of them. "- would be the solution to dealing with Zoe. But it's not working. Zoe is in a very vulnerable state right now and she's not ready for me to bring someone new into her life."

  Anxiety flickered in Aiko's eyes but all she said was, "I see."

  Did she really? Did she really understand? His voice was earnest as he explained, "You've been an amazing influence on Zoe and I appreciate everything you've done more than I can explain. But as much as I appreciate it, my first priority is Zoe."

  The words that fell from his lips were logical yet that logic was no barrier to the pain that stabbed at his heart as he continued, "She's not responding well to the idea of you being her new mother. I don't want to sabotage the progress we've made by forcing our relationship on her."

  A long stretch of silence followed his long speech with Aiko just staring at him. Finally, she swallowed convulsively then in an achingly small voice asked, "Do you want to void our contract?"

  "Yes." Damián swallowed the acidic taste of guilt that flooded his mouth at that pronouncement.

  Sadness flickered in Aiko's eyes, as she nodded. "I understand."

  She understood? He should've been relieved. Instead anger flared within her. Her easy acceptance of his breaking their contract irritated him. He wanted her to throw a tantrum. He wanted her to use that logic of hers to convince him that they didn't need to break their contract, that they could convince Zoe to like her.

  Instead all she said was, "If this is what you want then I'm okay with it."

  Of course this wasn't what he wanted. He wanted her. He wanted to stand up, circle his desk and sweep her into his arms. He wanted to wipe away the muted sadness on her face with a kiss. But he also knew he couldn't do any of those things. His own needs were a very distant second to his daughter.

  Zoe came first.

  "Of course the terms of our contract still stand." The dull ache in his chest grew sharper, more viciously unrelenting as he offered, "I'll transfer one hundred and twenty thousand dollars into your account by the end of business tomorrow."

  "You don't need to do that," she said quietly. "You don't need to give me any more money."

  "It's a clause in the contract," he reminded her.
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  "And I'm breaking it." Just like you're doing, the subtle accusation hang between them. "You've done enough for me in the last two months that it wouldn't be fair to take any more money from you."

  "Take the money, Aiko." His voice sounded far harsher than he intended probably because of the guilt that was clawing at him. "It's yours fair and square."

  "No. Thank you." She shook her head.

  He heaved a frustrated breath. "Why are you being so stubborn about this?"

  Instead of answering, she stood.

  He automatically mimicked her actions. Jumping to his feet, he asked, "Where are you going?"

  "To pack." Though there was pain and sadness in her eyes, her voice was strangely hollow as she added, "Seraphina and I will be out of your hair by tonight."

  "What?" His heart knocked hard against his chest. This was happening too fast. He wasn't ready for it. He rushed in quickly, "What's the rush? It’s late. You can leave tomorrow."

  Or the day after tomorrow, or over the weekend, or next week, or…

  "It's just six, Damián," she said softly. "There's plenty of time for me to pack and leave."

  Raking his hand over his hair, he searched his mind for a good reason why she couldn't leave right now - and found none. There was no reason to keep her here - not unless one counted his need to hold on to her for just a moment, a day, a week longer. Unfortunately his needs didn't count.

  "I guess that's that." Aiko smiled sadly. "Goodbye, Damián."

  All his senses pleaded with him to call her back, to stop her from reaching the door and opening it. But he kept mum.

  And she left without even a backward glance.

  Watching that door close behind her was like having a knife thrust into him. His lungs constricted in excruciated pain and it was hard to even breathe. It felt like she'd walked out with an important part of him, an organ he needed to live. An organ like his heart.

  But that wasn't possible, was it? She couldn't have taken his heart because he wasn't in love with her. This was - had been just a business arrangement. And business arrangements often ended. That still didn’t explain the lump at the back of his throat or the pain still roaring through him.