Sincerely

by Courtney Sheinmel

  I didn’t want to tell Julie that wasn’t what I meant—everything between Jake and me was ruined, and it was all my fault. I had thought saying those things would make things go back to the way they were before—when Jake wanted me around and acted like my best friend. Now all I wanted to do was take it all back, but it was too late. “You don’t understand,” I told her.

  “You know, sometimes you can really sound like Mom. You can’t control everything and you need to chill out a little. The jog-a-thon will go on, even without Jake. And I bet you guys will make up soon anyway.”

  “I don’t think we will,” I said.

  “Well, if it’s meant to be, it’ll work out. But, you know, I always thought something would happen between you and Jake.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, it’s just easier when your best friend is a girl. Do you have a crush on him or something?”

  “No, of course not!”

  “Are you sure?”

  I took a deep breath in and held it for a few seconds before letting it out in one long sigh. Julie was looking at me, waiting for an answer. “Yes, I’m sure,” I said finally. “But I just thought he would always be my best friend. I didn’t think he would ever like anybody else as much as he liked me.”

  “You can’t control people like that,” Julie said.

  “So does that mean you think I’m horrible?”

  “No, you’re not horrible,” she said. “Look at everything you’re doing for the Mexican earthquake. You wouldn’t do that if you were horrible, you know?”

  I nodded. I told myself it didn’t matter about Jake and what I’d done. I’d just keep working on the jog-a-thon and I’d be a good person. “I’m just not going to think about Jake anymore,” I told Julie. “Maybe I’ll wake up and all of this will just go away.”

  “You can’t ignore it,” Julie said. “And you can’t do anything to change it.”

  “Then what do I do?”

  “You just have to accept that things don’t always turn out the way you want,” she said.

  Thirteen

  ONCE YOU SAY something out loud, you can’t take it back, no matter how much you want to. The words just hang there in the air, so heavy and permanent it’s almost like you can touch them: Jake really likes Lexi Moss, I had told Doriane. I think he might just be using you.

  I thought about Julie saying that things wouldn’t always work out the way I wanted, and I knew I had to call Jake. Maybe it wouldn’t even be that hard. He didn’t know I had anything to do with Doriane and Lexi Moss. Just because he was mad at Doriane didn’t mean he had to be mad at me, too. Maybe I could cheer him up and it would all work out. Maybe I hadn’t just ruined everything.

  I dialed the Oxmans’ number and Jake’s mother answered the phone. “Hey, Mrs. O,” I said, “It’s me, Katie. Is Jake there?”

  “Hold on a minute,” she said. I heard her call out, “Jake, Katie’s on the phone.”

  Then I heard Jake’s voice in the background. “I’m not talking to her,” he said.

  “Come on, Jake,” Mrs. O said. There was a rustling noise. She must’ve covered the receiver with her hand so I wouldn’t hear what Jake said. I felt my heart begin to beat even faster as I waited. It was probably only a few seconds, but it seemed like a long time before Mrs. O moved her hand and started talking again. “I’m sorry, Katie,” she said. “He can’t come to the phone.”

  Obviously she was lying. It wasn’t “can’t”; it was “won’t.” How could he still be mad at me about Mr. Gallagher? It didn’t make any sense. After all, it’s not like I could have made those bands write back to Jake. I wondered if Doriane had told him what I’d said about Lexi. Maybe that was why he was still mad. Maybe he would never pick up the phone when I called ever again. “Will you tell him that I called?” I asked Mrs. O, but my voice didn’t sound like my regular voice. It was softer, almost like Doriane’s.

  “Of course,” Mrs. O said.

  I hung up the phone. My elbows were propped up on my desk and I lowered my head into my hands. Last year when Jake and I were playing Frisbee, he threw the Frisbee before I was ready and it hit me in the stomach, hard. I fell to the ground because I couldn’t breathe. That’s how I felt now, like the breath had been knocked out of me. I imagined Jake calling Doriane and telling her how I had tried to call him but he wouldn’t come to the phone. Maybe they were talking about how much they hated me right at that moment. If they were, I deserved it—but I still wished Jake hadn’t started ignoring me in the first place. I never would have made up that stuff about Lexi Moss. Then no one would be mad at anyone.

  It was possible Jake still didn’t know what I’d said to Doriane about Lexi, and that he was just mad about the meeting with Mr. Gallagher. There was only one way to find out—I had to call Doriane. It felt like something in my stomach was flip-flopping. Doriane’s feelings were hurt too. I had messed things up with so many people. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Emily’s Run was supposed to bring everyone together.

  I didn’t even have to look up Doriane’s phone number anymore. I had called her enough times in the past few weeks that I knew it by heart, just like I knew Jake’s. Her father answered the phone. “Hi, Mr. Leib,” I said. “This is Katie Franklin.”

  “Well, hello, Katie Franklin,” he said in a completely friendly voice. Would he have yelled at me if he’d known I had hurt Doriane’s feelings? Would he have sounded different? I couldn’t be sure. “I’ll get Doriane for you,” he said.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  I heard Mr. Leib call to Doriane, and a few seconds later she picked up the phone. “Hi,” she said.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “I’m really sorry about yesterday. I was in a bad mood, but I shouldn’t have acted like that. I should have been more sensitive.”

  “That’s okay,” Doriane said. “I talked to my dad about it. He says sometimes I’m too sensitive.”

  “Really?” I asked. I thought it was strange, since Jake had seemed to like how sensitive Doriane was.

  “Yeah,” she said. “He said I should apologize to you for not realizing you needed space.”

  “Well, what does your mom say?” I asked.

  “My mom left when I was very young,” Doriane said quickly.

  I had said the wrong thing again. “I’m sorry,” I said for the second time in less than five minutes.

  “That’s okay,” Doriane said. “I don’t think about it as much as I used to. My dad’s remarried now, and my stepmother’s nice. And besides, now I have Avi, my brother.”

  I didn’t know what to say, so I decided to change the subject. “Listen,” I said. “Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? My parents are making this birthday dinner for my aunt. You remember her, right?”

  “Yeah,” Doriane said, “but I don’t want to intrude.”

  “You wouldn’t intrude,” I assured her. “My aunt always says the more the merrier.”

  “Are you sure?” Doriane asked.

  “Yes, I’m sure,” I said in my most confident voice, even though I hadn’t talked to Mom about it yet. But since she thought Jake was coming, she probably wouldn’t mind if Doriane came instead. It’s not like she would have to make more food.

  “Well, okay,” Doriane said.

  “Great,” I told her. “We’re having dinner at seven o’clock.”

  After we hung up, I told Mom that Jake couldn’t come over for dinner and asked if it would be okay if Doriane came instead, and she said of course. Mom had started cooking and wanted me to help even though that’s usually Julie’s job, but Mooner was whining by the door. “I think she needs to go out,” I said. “She hasn’t been out since early this morning.”

  “Well, I guess you’re off the hook for now, kiddo,” Mom said. “But check the mail on your way back in.”

  “Sure,” I said. “I’m gonna see if Julie wants to come too.”

  “Please don’t bother Julie,
” Mom said. “She might be working.”

  “I wasn’t going to bother her,” I said. “I was just going to ask.”

  “Katie,” Mom said, “it doesn’t take two people to walk the dog. Just go.”

  “Fine,” I said.

  “And take a sweater,” she called after me. “It’s getting cold.”

  Mooner and I headed outside and turned at the corner. I skipped down the block and thought about the present I had for Aunt Jean. Dad says the trick to presents is thinking of something that the person wouldn’t buy for herself. He says Aunt Jean is especially hard because she already has everything. But I don’t think it’s so hard because I know Aunt Jean so well. Aunt Jean says she likes presents that make her remember the person who gave them to her. One year I got her a heart-shaped paperweight. Another time I made a papier-mâché frame for a picture of Aunt Jean and me from when I was a baby. This year I decided to get her a charm bracelet that she could wear every day and think of me. It was a good gift because I could keep getting her new charms to add to her bracelet. I had picked out three charms to start her off. The first one was a J for her first name. The second was a book, since she loves books and works in the library. And the third was the best one. I found a little charm in the shape of a girl with a ponytail hanging down her back, just the way I like to wear my hair. “I think Aunt Jean’s gonna love it, don’t you, Mooner-ballooner?” I asked.

  Mooner didn’t answer. She pulled me ahead on her leash like she was the one walking me.

  “Okay, girl,” I said. “I get it. One more lap around the block and then we’ll go wrap Aunt Jean’s present.”

  Mooner and I rounded the corner and stopped at the mailbox at the end of our driveway. I looped Mooner’s leash around my wrist and pulled the mailbox open. There was a catalog for ski clothes, one of Julie’s fashion magazines, and a bunch of bills addressed to Mom and Dad. I started to sort through it so everything would be in size order, but Mooner was pulling at the leash again, ready to head back inside. “All right, all right,” I said.

  We headed back to the house. I closed the front door and unhooked Mooner’s leash. She ran ahead of me into the kitchen to get a drink of water, and I followed behind Mooner and handed Mom the mail. “It’s mostly for you and Dad,” I said. “Julie got a magazine.”

  “Wash your hands,” Mom said.

  “Why?” I asked. “I’m not dirty.”

  “You were out with the dog,” Mom said. “Now you’re home, so wash up and peel the potatoes.”

  “Julie’s home and she isn’t helping,” I pointed out.

  “Julie is working,” Mom said.

  “I have work to do too,” I told her.

  “You can do it later,” Mom said.

  “I have to go wrap Aunt Jean’s present,” I said. I turned to leave the kitchen before Mom could stop me.

  “Katie, one more thing,” Mom called.

  “What?” I said in an annoyed voice. I went back into the kitchen. Mom held up a small blue envelope.

  “It’s a letter for you,” she said. I started to take it, but Mom held it back. “If you’re in too much of a rush to get upstairs, I’ll just keep it here myself.” It had to be from Sophie if it was in a blue envelope. She always wrote on blue paper with a matching envelope. I reached out to take the envelope again. Mom didn’t let go of it right away, so when I took it from her, I had to tug a little harder than usual to get it out of her hands. Mom smiled like she was playing a game.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “You’re welcome,” Mom said, but I could tell by her voice that she didn’t really mean it. I ran upstairs and ripped open Sophie’s letter.

  Dear Katie,

  I am really excited to come to California! It’s so cold in New York even though it’s already the middle of spring. I can still see my breath in the mornings when I walk to school. Also, Haley is being more annoying than usual. I think she wishes she were going to California too. She’s worried that she’ll miss me when I’m gone, even though it’s only a long weekend. Lately she wants to do everything with me. We don’t share a room anymore, but she’s always asking if she can bring her sleeping bag into my room and camp out on the floor. The other night I said no, but she came into my room in the middle of the night anyway. I must have been asleep because I didn’t hear her, but when I woke up in the morning, I almost stepped on her!

  Anyway, I’m really happy to have a little vacation and also to get to meet you in person finally. And guess what! My dad said it’s okay with him if I go to Redwood City a day early when he has to work. I know it’s the Friday that you have your jog-a-thon, and I thought I could get a sponsor sheet from you and get sponsors too. Do you think that would be all right? I bet I could get a bunch of kids in my class to sponsor me, and also some of the people from my dad’s office. I’ll start asking people to sponsor me now, and when I get everything from you, I’ll fill all the paperwork out so it’s official!

  I better get going now. My mom’s calling me. She wants me to help Haley with her homework. She has to make a diorama about a book she read for school. Mom says I’m better at these things than she is so I’m the one who has to help Haley. Send me the stuff for the jog-a-thon when you get a chance. I’ll see you in person in just a few weeks!

  Sincerely,

  Sophie

  Fourteen

  AUNT JEAN AND Doriane came over at almost exactly the same time. I was just shutting the door behind Aunt Jean when I saw Mr. Leib’s car pulling up in front of our house. I waved to Mr. Leib. There was a woman next to him in the front seat that had to be Doriane’s stepmother. Even though I’d never met her, she waved back. Doriane got out of the car. She was holding a bouquet of flowers in her arms. I watched her shift the flowers under one arm so she could close the car door. I held the front door open for her. “These are for your family,” Doriane said, handing me the flowers.

  “You didn’t have to do that,” I told her. Jake would never have brought flowers just because he was having dinner at our house.

  “My stepmother is into stuff like that,” Doriane said. “Besides, I wanted to.”

  “Hey, Mom,” I called. “Doriane’s here. She brought flowers.”

  “Well, thank you, Doriane. They’re lovely,” Mom said. She got a vase down from the top of the wall unit and put the flowers in the middle of the dining room table. They were yellow roses, and they happened to match the stitches on the tablecloth. The table looked really pretty. I had set the table, and Mom had let me put place cards like we were eating at a wedding. I sat myself between Aunt Jean and Doriane.

  “So we have two of the three musketeers,” Aunt Jean said when we sat down. “What’s Jake up to tonight?”

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “I don’t know either,” Doriane said.

  I turned to look at Doriane. Her head was bent down and it looked like she was studying her hands, which were crossed on top of the table. Suddenly I felt like a horrible person all over again.

  “How was school this week?” Mom asked. She said it like she was asking all of us, but I knew she just cared about Julie.

  “Fine,” I said.

  “Boring,” Julie said.

  “Oh, Julie,” Mom said, shaking her head.

  “Tell me about the meeting with Mr. Gallagher yesterday,” Aunt Jean said.

  I started to tell her that it went really well, but Mom interrupted me. “I didn’t know you met with Mr. Gallagher,” she said.

  “We have a meeting every Friday,” I said. “Not just me. Everyone who’s involved in the jog-a-thon goes.”

  “Did you go too?” Mom asked Julie. Julie swallowed a bite of chicken and nodded.

  I turned back to Aunt Jean. “Anyway,” I said, “you should have seen how many kids showed up.”

  “It was pretty cool,” Julie said. Mom was sitting next to Julie, staring at the side of her face, but Julie looked straight across the table at Aunt Jean and kept talking. “At first I just expected th
e kids we knew to come, but all these other kids have been coming to the meetings too.”

  “It’s too bad we can’t bring all the money we raise to Mexico ourselves,” I said.

  “I’d love to go to Mexico,” Julie said. “We could wear sarongs, sit by the beach and get really tan.” Leave it to Julie to turn a trip to Mexico into something fashionable.

  “I wouldn’t let you go to Mexico now,” Mom said. I wondered if she meant she wouldn’t let us go because of the earthquake or because she didn’t want Julie to miss school.

  “Well, I’m proud of all of you, even if you never make it to Mexico,” Aunt Jean said. She put her hand on my shoulder. I was proud about the jog-a-thon too. No matter what I had said to Doriane about Jake, at least I was doing one good thing by planning a jog-a-thon to help kids in Mexico.

  “Speaking of traveling,” Dad said, changing the subject like he sometimes does so Mom doesn’t get too worked up. “I was just saying to Lisa that I wished I had one of those jobs that send you to all different exotic places—you know, like Europe, Asia, or Africa. Or else one of those jobs that pay you a ton so you can travel all those places yourself.” Dad laughed at his own joke. Mom laughed too, but no one else did. “Don’t you think it would be great to be able to see the world, Jeanie?” Dad asked.

  “Oh, I don’t know, Peter,” Aunt Jean said.

  “If you could go anywhere, where would you go?” he asked.

  “I haven’t really thought about it,” Aunt Jean said.

  “Well, just off the top of your head,” Dad said.

  “I don’t know. I’d rather talk about what the kids are up to,” Aunt Jean said. She turned to me. We can read each other’s minds sometimes, and I knew she wanted me to say something so Dad would stop bothering her.

  “Well, speaking of traveling,” I said. “Guess who’s coming here for the jog-a-thon?”

  “Who?” Aunt Jean asked.

  “Sophie!” I said.

  “Your pen pal?” Mom asked. I was surprised she had paid enough attention to me to even know who Sophie was.