Juan

by Kathleen Ball

  “Juan, it’s not over until that ring is on her finger. Go after her and Pa.”

  “And when she says no? I don’t think I’m that brave, Greg.” Juan hung his head at his confession.

  “If she says no, then you’ll be in the same situation as you are now. It might hurt a bit more, but you won’t have lost anything.” A smile lifted his lips. “But what if she says yes?”

  Mouth gaping, Juan stared at Greg. “I’d have to leave now if I’m to catch up to them. I might be too late but it’s worth a try.”

  Greg slapped Juan on the back. “Well let’s get you on your way. Journey is already all packed up. Mercy and I will be here for you no matter how it turns out.”

  They both stood, and Juan gave Greg a quick hug before he bounded onto Journey. Sonia and Pa had a head start but the wagon would be traveling much slower. There was still hope.

  He rode for a few hours and then stopped at a small stream to water Journey. He kept reminding himself that more than likely he’d be too late, but he couldn’t turn around now. There was still the slightest hope she hadn’t gotten to her David Winstone yet. If by some miracle he caught her in time, he was going to speak plainly so there was no mistake about what he wanted.

  “Come on, Journey we need to see if we can catch up.” He mounted and away they went. They had traveled for only about ten minutes when Juan spotted the wagon. It was sitting at an odd angle. He spurred Journey on and then slid down to the grassy ground.

  They weren’t at the wagon. He was on high alert and his stomach clenched. What had happened to them? Then he heard Brent giggling. He walked around to the other side of the wagon and he spotted them on a blanket in the shade of a tree some distance from the road having some sort of picnic.

  “You scared me to death!” he called out. “I thought—well I thought something happened to you.” He never took his gaze off Sonia. Her eyes widened, and she smiled at him.

  “Hungry?” she asked.

  He was hungry, but not for food. “What happened to the wagon?”

  Smitty wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Broken wheel. I didn’t put in a spare.”

  Juan smiled and shook his head. “Pa, you didn’t put in a spare?”

  “Had my mind on other things. But since you’re here, would you mind staying with Sonia and Brent while I ride back and get a wheel?” He had the slightest of grins and there was a twinkle in his eyes.

  “I suppose I could.”

  “Good!” he stood. “I’m going to have to borrow your horse. Now seeing it’ll take me a while to get the wheel and then find another wagon, I might not be back until morning.”

  “Don’t you worry, Pa. I have supplies to keep us comfortable for days.”

  “Good man. I’ll be going if it’s fine with you, Sonia.”

  “Smitty, just be careful. Juan will take good care of us.” Sonia smiled.

  Juan unloaded his things except for a few supplies in case his pa needed them. “You’re all set.”

  His pa took him to the side. “I’m not sure how you feel about that little gal, but son, I wouldn’t let her get away if I were you.” He mounted the horse and left.

  Juan stood watching for a moment, not sure of what to say to Sonia. He ended up not having to start the conversation. Brent looked up from his blocks and yelled, “Papa! Papa!”

  Juan quickly walked to the blanket and scooped Brent up into his arms. He gave the boy a kiss on his cheek. “I’m so glad you see you.”

  “Me too see me.” Brent smile proudly at his words.

  “Come sit and have some food, Juan. You can tell me why you’re here,” Sonia said as she patted a place on the blanket next to her.

  Juan sat down and held Brent’s hands so he could stand. He had to tell her before he lost his nerve, and he had to make her listen. At least this way, she couldn’t run off on him.

  “Sonia, I know I’ve asked you to stay before, but I never gave you a very good reason—”

  She waved one hand in a dismissive gesture. “I was glad to help, and you gave me shelter.”

  It was as though butterflies had taken over in his stomach. “If I’m going to tell you everything, I need to do it without interruption,” he said softly.

  Sonia nodded and worry lines etched her forehead.

  “I kept telling you why you wouldn’t want to stay with me, but I never told you why you should stay with me. I can provide for both you and Brent. I planned to expand the cabin. If you want, next spring you can start a vegetable garden. I’d be proud for Brent to call me Papa and to watch him grow. I’d be gone once in a while catching more horses. I won’t be in your way as I’m outside a lot of the time. You already like my family and you and Mercy seem to have grown close. I’ll make Brent a bed of his own. I’m a good hunter.” His mind went blank. There had to be more things he could give her or do for her.

  Sonia sat there silently staring at him. He should have waited. Now he had to spend probably the night with her and they weren’t talking. His heart squeezed painfully. No, he refused to give up.

  “Oh, heck. I’m an idiot. I still didn’t give you any good reasons to stay. The real reason I want you to stay is because I love you. I love you more than I ever knew possible. You make my life complete and my heart full, both you and Brent. I want you to come back and live with me.”

  There, he’d said it. But she still looked doubtful…or was it disappointment on her face? “You can talk now if you want.” He wanted to be sick. She would have smiled if she loved him back. “Never mind. I know what you’re going to say. Just pretend this conversation never happened.”

  This time she seemed hurt. Brent plopped down and crawled to his mother. He climbed up her until he hung onto her shoulder. “Mama.”

  Sonia’s face lit up and she exuded happiness. “Did you hear what he said?” She waited until Juan nodded. “He said, Mama.”

  He wanted to share in her happiness, but his heart was shattered. He’d taken his chance, and it hadn’t turn out the way he wished. He stood up and walked over to the wagon, pretending to look at the broken wheel. How was he going to get through until his pa came back? He hadn’t felt this bad since his parents had died, and he and Carlos had nowhere to go. It had been his greatest blessing when Lynn told him she wanted to adopt both him and Carlos.

  Maybe a person only got one great blessing. Dang, he’d been happy until she hid out in his cabin. He had been happy enough until he got to know her and Brent. He wanted nothing more than to go back to his cabin and lick his wounds. He wouldn’t have to talk to any new women ever again.

  He needed to find wood for a fire. He started to walk toward the woods.

  “Juan, where are you going?”

  “I need to collect wood for the fire. I’ll be back.” He didn’t even glance at her, he just kept walking. She’d said his being Mexican didn’t matter to her. Did she just say that because she knew she was leaving the next morning? He bent down and picked up a few fallen boughs. It was easy enough to say nice things when a fella didn’t actually have to do them.

  He made a big pile near the entrance of the woods. He’d make a couple trips bringing it near the wagon. He grabbed as much as he could carry, piled it, and went back for more. He shouldn’t have come. He shouldn’t have risked his heart. Why had Greg given him that message? “Tell Juan that my dreams were here and I never wanted to belong to the sewing circle anyway.”

  It had given him hope. What a fool he was. He thought it meant she loved him. He had a hard time maintaining his usual expressionless façade. He couldn’t hide from her. He’d have to keep busy and away from her until he could get ahold of himself.

  After bringing all the wood he’d gathered, he went to the wagon and sorted the supplies. It didn’t need doing, but he did it…and then did it again.

  Finally Sonia came over and took the blocks he’d made out of her valise. She didn’t say anything to him, but there was sympathy in her eyes. He was swept with a strange mixture of pride and
regret. He was so glad she’d brought the blocks for Brent, but he regretted ever pouring out his feelings to her.

  Taking a deep breath, he told himself to man up.

  As happy as she was that Brent called her Mama, it was overshadowed by the fact that Juan only wanted her to live with him. He said he loved her, but he hadn’t made one mention of marriage. He’d told her time and again he wouldn’t get married. Leaving…this was her chance. David Winstone was her chance at respectability. She couldn’t live with a man as a married couple if they weren’t married. She’d been given a second chance by God, and she couldn’t waste it. What would his parents think? In fact, it was insulting.

  Why hadn’t Smitty stayed while Juan went for a wheel? That would have been the proper way. But she had been able to tell Smitty thought he was matchmaking, and she’d hoped…

  Somehow it hurt worse than when Arthur had slapped her. It was being told she was good enough to live with but not to give her his name… No, it was obvious. Juan knew her secrets and he felt she wasn’t worthy of being a wife.

  She touched her face. Was the bruise worse? She didn’t have a mirror. Bruises could go either way, they could lighten or they could darken. What would her new husband think when he saw it?

  Brent had fallen asleep holding one of the blocks. Sonia stood and went to the wagon. “Juan, does my bruise look worse than yesterday?”

  Juan stared at her face, and he lifted his hand to touch her but dropped it again. Her heart twisted.

  “It’s a bit darker, I think. Does it hurt?”

  “No, I guess not. I was thinking David wouldn’t want to marry a bruised woman is all.” No one would want to marry her. She’d be right back where she started. A single tear rolled down her face, and she turned away.

  Before she knew it she was in Juan’s powerful arms, laying her ear against his chest. He didn’t say anything and he didn’t rub his hands up and down her back like he used to. But his heart thudded heavily beneath her cheek. She swallowed hard and pushed out of his embrace.

  “I should go and check on Brent.” Her voice wavered.

  “I can see him from here. He’s fine. I need to know something. That message you told Greg to give me. Was that all pretend like your words last night?”

  She furrowed her brow and scowled. “What pretend words?”

  “Never mind, I’m too angry. Let’s just let it be.” He started to walk away but she grabbed his arm.

  “I don’t care how angry. I want to know what you’re talking about.” She put her hands on her hips.

  “You said you wouldn’t mind being married to a Mexican man and having his babies. And I thought the message meant you loved me. That’s why I’m angry. You said nice words because you wouldn’t have to make good on them since you were leaving. I just feel like a fool for coming after you.”

  “I meant every word.”

  “You love me?” His voice was full of doubt.

  “Yes I do, but I refuse to live with you. It’s not right.”

  He shook his head. “I guess you’ll have to explain it to me. I don’t understand.”

  Her chin began to quiver and she couldn’t will it to stop. “You listed off your qualifications, told me you loved me and asked me to move back in with you. David wants to marry me.”

  Juan still appeared puzzled. “So David asking you to live with him is better than living with me? Even though we love each other.”

  She widened her eyes. “You never mentioned marriage, Juan. David proposed. That’s the difference.”

  Juan immediately dropped to one knee. “Sonia, I love you with my whole heart. I never thought to find love. I never looked for it but you and Brent came along and I fell for both of you. Will you marry me?”

  She stared at him.

  “What?”

  Tears pricked at the back of her eyes as she nodded. “Yes, Juan, I’ll be happy, no I’ll be overjoyed to marry you. It took you long enough to ask.”

  He stood and closed the distance between them. “I thought I had asked you. I guess I’ve been so nervous about coming after you.”

  She could feel the heat of him, and when his head lowered to kiss her, all doubt and fear magically left. Her heart felt whole again. She tilted her head back, wanting his kiss, and she didn’t have to wait. The first kiss wasn’t more than a brushing of his lips against hers, and she wanted to cry out in disappointment, but the second kiss lasted much longer.

  He embraced her and pulled her to him. He kissed her again then looked down at her. He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand and then he leaned down and kissed her bruise. “Yes, a man would happily marry a woman with a bruised face.”

  Sonia wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned against him. She was right about forgiveness and second chances. Love, excitement and something else filled her. She closed her eyes and then she felt it. It was hope. Her heart beat a bit faster but being near Juan often did that.

  Pulling away, she stared at him. “I’m not dreaming, am I?”

  He chuckled and kissed her forehead. “It’s as real as it gets. I can get my brothers to help add to my cabin so Brent can have a room of his own.”

  Her face heated, and it was most certainly red. “I’m acting like a young virgin or something.”

  “Oh, but you might as well be. You’ve never been with a man who would go to the ends of the earth for you. The first time I kissed you I could tell you hadn’t had any experience. The marriage bed is about showing love. So you can blush all you want. You probably don’t know much. It’s not a quick roll in the hay.”

  “How’d you know?”

  “I just figured that’s how it happened. You deserve to be respected as well as loved. So when do you want to get married?” He met her gaze and it humbled her to see his love shining in his eyes.

  “As soon as possible. I don’t want to live apart from you.”

  “Apart?” Juan frowned.

  “I can’t live with you until we’re married. It wouldn’t be right.”

  He shook his head. “So, I make my honorable intentions known, and you have to live elsewhere? I’m all for marrying the day we get to the ranch.”

  She laughed. “We might want it that way, but what about your ma and pa? They’ll want to be there.”

  “As soon as Pa makes it back, we’ll get a date straightened out. But it’ll be in the next few days. I can’t be without you longer than that.”

  “Mama! Papa!” She didn’t think her heart could fill with more love but it did.”

  Chapter Nine

  Juan pulled at the tie around his neck as he stood in the front of the church. What was keeping Sonia?

  “I think she ran away again,” Carlos announced rather loudly.

  “Shh,” Juan said as he elbowed Carlos in his ribs. “She will be here.”

  Juan looked out at the crowd in the church and wondered if they were the reason why Sonia hadn’t made it down the aisle. The people that had snubbed them had suddenly had a change of heart. He knew it wasn’t because of him but because of her parents and his. Somehow Sonia’s story of a young pure girl who was led into sin by the peddler had melted people’s hearts.

  He was glad for her sake. It didn’t matter to him. He just wanted to be married so he could take her home with him. It had been a long lonely week without her.

  People started squirming in the pews and glancing at each other. Had she decided to run? No he couldn’t believe that of her. Her love for him was true, as was his for her. She’d been living with his parents the last week, and he saw her at supper every night. They would later put Brent to bed together and then walk out in the moonlight. But only as far as the corral, where they could be seen.

  Now the whispers had begun, and he was starting to sweat. Where was she? He met his pa’s gaze and got a reassuring smile from him.

  The whole family was there. Mike and Susan, Eli and Amy, Jed and Lily and his parents all sat in the front pew. His brothers and sisters sat behind them.
All except for the small children. Cindy had offered to keep them at the house so they wouldn’t cause a ruckus. They’d be included at the reception.

  Scarlett gave him a smile that said I told you so. He narrowed his eyes at her, and she stopped. What was wrong with her?

  Finally, Mercy hurried down the aisle with Brent in her arms and whispered into Smitty’s ear. Smitty smiled, nodded to Juan and walked to the back of the church. Mercy handed Brent to Juan.

  Brent smiled and crowed, “Papa!” The he kissed Juan’s cheek. Juan hugged him tight.

  “You look nice in your clothes.”

  Brent nodded. “Yes and you.” He turned toward Carlos “Not you.” Brent shook his head.

  Carlos laughed. “Good thing I agree with you, Brent.”

  Suddenly all was quiet. Mercy, wearing a pink taffeta dress, walked down the aisle holding wildflowers. She’d never looked lovelier.

  Juan stared at the back of the church and smiled when his pa and Sonia appeared. They started down the aisle and Juan heard the crowd gasp. Sonia looked like a fairy princess in her green lace gown. He’d never seen so many ribbons and bows and lace. It was the joy on her face that made her so very beautiful.

  He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. He didn’t care what curves life sent him, this moment was worth it. His heart was about to explode and he hardly heard the minister. Carlos jabbed him with his elbow when Juan didn’t say “I do” right away.

  Juan put the ring on Sonia’s finger, and they smiled into each other’s eyes. Then she produced a ring and he was surprised. There wasn’t a mention of a ring for him in all the planning. Delighted he waited for her to slip the ring on his finger. He barely waited for the minister to tell him he could kiss his bride.

  He pulled her close with one arm and leaned down planning to give her a chaste kiss but once he got a taste of her soft lips, he deepened the kiss, until Brent squirmed. Juan drew back and kissed Brent on the cheek and so did Sonia.

  Juan smiled at Carlos when he took Brent into his arms.

  “May I present Mr. and Mrs. Juan Settler,” the minister announced.