Bits and Pieces
Page 19
Having seen this evidence of the pioneering activities of my ancestor in self-propulsion, I took the trouble to look up the records of a man named Denis Johnson of Long Acre making an improvement on the original Benchley model, but the market price of the machine was so high that very few could afford it, and it became scornfully known as the “dandy horse.” Pushing the feet against the ground was still the method of obtaining power, so the dandies of that day must have been a great deal more agile than dandy. In fact, at the end of a ride in the country it must have been hard to tell them from anyone else.
It was not until 1840 that the first real bicycle was constructed by Kirkpatrick McMillan of Dumfries, Scotland, who was immediately arrested for “furious driving on the roads.” He probably got sulky after that and never left his house. But his soul went scorching on and the bicycle became a reality, with what was considered the last word in bicycle building in 1873.
It is not difficult to imagine the selling talk of the first agent for this model: “I’ll tell you, Mr. Waterous. The trouble with the bicycle up to now has been that both wheels have been of the same size. Now, our 1873 model has a very radical departure in body building. The front wheel is twice the size of the back wheel, thereby eliminating all the jarring and bouncing of the other makes. You are also up a great deal higher and can see more of the surrounding country as you ride. And if you fall, you have farther to fall and just that much more fun and excitement.
“I need hardly tell you, Mr. Waterous, that the cyclist who buys one of our models right now, before the price goes up, will never regret it and will be the most envied man in his neighborhood.”
If he is alive today there probably is no more bitter person in the world than the inventor of the high-wheeled bicycle. He is probably still claiming that he was “crowded out” by the combine in 1855 when the high wheel was abolished and the “safety” introduced.
But it is the “safety” bicycle which has come to stay, and which is now about to sweep the flash-in-the-pan automobile from the roads and the unreliable airplane from the skies. The bicycle has been lying low all these years while the Wright brothers and Ford have been experimenting. We old cyclists have been keeping quiet and letting the fly-by-night innovations run their course. And now that our predictions are coming true, we are donning our trouser clips and pulling our caps over our eyes, crouched over our handlebars in silent expectation. At the word “Go!” we will sweep down the road, and it needs must be a nervy automobilist who will stand in our way.
The only trouble is that I can’t find my bicycle.
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What Does
Your Boy Read?
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One of the reasons children grow up so quickly these days must be that the books which are written for grown-ups are so much more fun to read than the so-called “juvenile literature.”
Most of the children’s books today are designed to improve the child’s mind or inculcate in him a spirit of good clean camel-hunting. Instead of heroes taking pot shots at Indians or hiding gold in caves, we find the continent of South America as the hero of one modern child’s book and the man who discovered how to insulate copper wire as the hero of another. What inducement to read is there for a boy who has spent a hard day at school and in the back lot? Now I ask you!
There was such a hue and a cry about the old-fashioned dime novel (which cost a nickel) that no self-respecting parent today would allow his children to have one in the house; and yet Frank and Dick Merriwell, and even Old and Young King Brady, were as highly moral characters as, I venture to say, any of the modern heroes who set out to get specimens of quartz for the Museum and become president of the Interurban Oil Company in the process. Old King Brady did chew a little tobacco now and then, it is true; but most of the dime-novel heroes were models of behavior which many a child of today would do well to follow. I’ll bet there are not more than six young men in the country now as well behaved and noble as Frank Merriwell used to be.
Take the following excerpts (imaginary but typical) from an old-time thriller and a new-fashioned “inspirational” book for children:
“Dick Montague turned and faced the four masked figures who confronted him and Elsie Maxwell as they stood, with their backs to the wall, in Old Indian Meg’s cave. His eyes flashed fire as he rolled back one sleeve.
“‘Your names are unknown to me,’ he said in a calm voice, ‘but, unless my eyes deceive me, you are members of the Red Band which has been marauding the country hereabouts. I know you all to be cowards at heart, and although I am not one to pick a fight without justification, I will offer to knock down the first man who dares make a move toward this young lady here!’
“The four blackguards sneered in unison but there was something in Dick Montague’s voice which inspired terror in their craven hearts.
“‘Come, son, have a cigarette and let’s talk it over,’ said one of them, taking a step forward.
“Crack! A blow on the face from Dick’s fist felled him to the floor of the cave.
“‘Get up, you yellow dog!’ said Dick (for it was indeed he). ‘You know very well that I do not smoke cigarettes, otherwise I should not be able to lead the flying wedge on the Yale football team with such courage.’
“A second member of the gang stepped forward. ‘You darned little whelp,’ he muttered, ‘I’ll – ’
“But before he could finish his sentence, he, too, lay sprawling on the ground, the victim of a second crashing blow delivered by the young athlete.
“‘Get up, you yellow dog,’ said Dick, ‘and the next time, mind your language when there is a lady about!’”
And now something from the “recommended reading list” for the kiddies, put forward by the National Society for the Drying up of Children’s Books:
“Little Sir A. S. Eddington turned to his companions who were clustered about the telescope.
“‘It was awfully good of you chaps to ask me here to look through your telescope,’ he said, wiping off the eyepiece carefully, for you never can tell who has been looking through a telescope before you. ‘I wonder if the rest of you boys know that the other name for the Milky Way is the Galaxy.’
“‘I knew it, but I had forgotten it,’ said H. Spencer Jones, the little boy who was later to become head of the observatory at Edinburgh, but not until he had learned not to forget things.
“‘The Galaxy, or Milky Way,’ continued little Sir Arthur, ‘is perhaps three hundred thousand light-years in diameter. Think of that!’
“‘Do we have to think of that?’ asked happy-go-lucky Dr. Arbuthnot. ‘It makes me giddy!’
“There was a general laugh at this, but there were more serious matters to be attended to.
“‘The center of the system of globular clusters is in Sagittarius,’ continued Arthur
“‘In what?’ asked someone incredulously.
“‘In a group of stars known as Sagittarius,’ repeated Sir Arthur impatiently, ‘so called because it means “the archer,” as this group of stars used to be represented in the old days by the picture of an archer shooting an arrow.’
“‘Let’s go out and shoot arrows now,’ suggested Dr. Arbuthnot, and away they all went to shoot arrows.”
Now, in this latter form of writing for children there is undoubtedly a great deal of valuable information, but if I were a child (and I sometimes wonder) I would welcome bedtime if that were all I had to sit up for.
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Index of Titles
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A • B • C • D • E • F • G • H • I • J • K • L • M • N • O • P • Q • R • S • T • U • V • W • Y
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A
“Abandon Ship!”
“Accustomed as I Am—”
Announcing a New Vitamin
Around the World Backward
Around the World with the Gypsy Jocke
y
Atom Boy!
TOP
B
Back in Line
Big Coal Problem, The
Brief Course in World Politics, A
Bunk Banquets
TOP
C
TOP
D
Defying the Conventions
TOP
E
Eel-Snooper, The
TOP
F
For the Entertainment Committee
TOP
G
Greetings From—
TOP
H
Helping Hand, The
Here You Are— Taxi!”
Hiccoughing Makes Us Fat
History of Playing Cards, A
How the Doggie Goes
TOP
I
Ill Will Toward Men
Indian Fakirs Exposed
Inherent Vice: Express Paid
Is the Sea Serpent a Myth or a Mythter?
TOP
J
TOP
K
TOP
L
Laughter and Applause
Little Noise Abatement
Little Sermon on Success, A
TOP
M
More Work Ahead
TOP
N
TOP
O
Our News-Reel Life
“Over the Top”
TOP
P
Pincus Wall Paintings, The
TOP
Q
TOP
R
Railroad Problem, The
Return of the Bicycle, The
TOP
S
Sand Trouble
Special Anthropological Extra!
Swat the Tsk-Tsk Midge!
TOP
T
Tell-Tale Clues
Tourist Rush to America, The
Trip to Spirit Land, A
Truth about Thunderstorms, The
TOP
U
TOP
V
TOP
W
What About Business?
What Are Little Boys Made Of?
What of Europe?
What Does Your Boy Read?
What Time Is It?
When the State Plays Papa
TOP
Y
Yarns of an Insurance Man
Yesterday’s Sweetmeats
TOP
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