by Janet Gover
‘Can I help you?’ Jess asked.
‘These are for you.’ He held out the car keys.
‘I don’t understand,’ Jess said, as she took them.
‘It’s the car I promised you,’ Adam said, emerging from the house. ‘I know it’s not much, but I’ve had the garage give it a good service. It should run fine. I hope it’s all right?’
Jess looked at the car. It wasn’t much, but it was hers. ‘It’ll do just fine,’ she said. ‘There’s even room for the kids if Ellen needs to use it.’
‘I know,’ Adam said.
‘So, you were in on the conspiracy too. Were you?’
Adam just winked and returned to bed construction.
Neither Jess nor Ellen had much in the way of personal possessions, so setting up their rooms didn’t take long. They left Sister Luke in charge of the kids, and set off together to buy groceries. The town’s only shop wasn’t exactly a supermarket, but they managed to put together a fairly decent haul of essentials. When they returned laden with soap and toilet paper, several large boxes of foodstuffs and other household bits and pieces, the house was in order.
‘Okay,’ Jess said. ‘I think we owe you all dinner. And by “we” I mean Ellen, because she’s a far better cook than I am.’
It was a most unusual gathering in the big family room that evening. Returning from the kitchen where she was preparing tea and coffee, Jess paused in the doorway and looked at this group of people she had known for such a short time, but felt she could now call friends.
Adam, under Trish’s watchful eye, was measuring the windows that looked out onto the backyard – garden was too fancy a word. Trish had some curtains that she didn’t need and was trying to decide how much alteration they’d need to fit. Jack was sitting on the floor with Ellen’s children. Harry had pushed up the sleeve of Jack’s T-shirt and was carefully comparing the tattoo of the Disney duck on his arm with the drawing in a comic book. Bethany was just leaning against Jack’s side, hugging the soft toy that had been his gift to her. Ellen and Sister Luke were both chatting at the big wooden table that still held the remains of an apple pie. Ellen had almost magically thrown together a wonderful meal for seven people, without batting an eyelid. The food had been very, very good; better than meals Jess had eaten in restaurants. And if the plates had been second-hand and mismatched, the company had been all she could ask for.
More than she could have asked for. Far more than she deserved.
What would these good, honest and kind people say if they knew who she was? Knew what she had done? Jess felt a lump rise to her throat, and turned quickly back to the kitchen. She busied herself with the teapot and mugs, pausing only to dash a tear from her eyes.
You killed my son!
No. I didn’t know the drugs were on the plane.
‘Jess?’ Adam’s voice chased the scream from her head.
‘I’m just making the tea,’ she said, without turning around.
‘Jess? What’s wrong?’ Adam crossed the room to stand behind her.
He was so close she could hear the sound of his breathing. Sense the warmth of his body and even more the strength of his compassion and his desire to help her. More than anything in the world, at that moment she wanted to lean back against him. She wanted him to put his arms around her and tell her that everything was all right. That she was all right.
But that was just not going to happen. For so many reasons.
Hoping he wouldn’t see the glint of a tear on her cheek, she shook her head. She didn’t trust her voice so she just kept moving the mugs around on the worktop in front of her.
‘Jess. Look at me.’
‘I’m fine,’ Jess mumbled as she turned to face him. ‘Everyone has been so kind. I guess I’m just a bit over-emotional.’ She brushed the tears away from her eyes.
He shook his head, denying her words. His eyes searched her face, and Jess felt as if he could see deep down inside of her. Deep into her soul. Asking questions that she wanted so desperately to answer. How she wished she could tell him everything. There would be no more secrets or lies between them. Those were becoming as hard to bear as the memories and the guilt.
But that was not going to happen. She broke eye contact and turned back to the teapot.
‘Why did you come here, Jess?’ he asked in a voice so gentle it almost broke her heart. ‘What are you running away from?’
Maybe if she shared the past, the nightmares might leave her alone.
You killed my son!
She could never tell him that.
‘What makes you think I’m running away from something?’
Because I’ve been there, Adam thought. I’m still there. Once you start to run, it’s almost impossible to stop.
He wanted to put his arms around her and pull her close. To push her hair back from her lovely face and tell her she didn’t have to hide any more. He wanted to tell her that whatever had happened to her in the past, Coorah Creek was a new start for her. He was a new start for her.
New starts didn’t always work. No one knew that better than he. Some things could never be washed away. Never be forgotten. Whatever was haunting Jess, it had left a scar deep within her. Adam knew about scars. Not just those of the body. He understood how badly a soul could be scarred. He knew how she felt, because the pain in her eyes matched the pain deep inside him.
Maybe if he told her his truth? If he shared his past, maybe she’d feel safe enough to do the same. The temptation to tell her was so strong. But how could he? In all these years he had never been able to tell the full story to Sister Luke. What was it about Jess that made him feel as if he could place the very deepest part of his soul in her hands? Was it her innate kindness? Was it the sense that she knew what pain felt like? Or was it simply that Jess was a beautiful woman and he was a man who had been alone too long? Whatever it was, he couldn’t do it. He wouldn’t burden Jess with his pain. She couldn’t heal his scars. But perhaps he could help her. If only she would let him. If only he knew how.
‘Look at you,’ he said. ‘You’re smart. Educated and beautiful. A jet pilot, no less. Why are you in a one horse town like this? Flying for someone like me? You could have the whole world, but you came to the Creek. There has to be a reason.’
Adam watched her eyes. He could see the memories passing behind them. He could see the intensity of the emotions – there was pain and something else as well. Guilt?
‘You can tell me,’ he said.
‘No. I can’t. I really can’t.’ The words were almost a sob.
His instincts told him to pull Jess to him and hold her until she felt safe again, but he knew he couldn’t do it. He could never be the man she needed. All he could hope to do was to free her so she could be the woman she was meant to be. Then she could leave here and resume her life. Find a man who was worthy of her. The mere thought was like cold steel in his gut.
‘Adam?’ Trish’s voice was hesitant, as if reluctant to interrupt. ‘I’m sorry, but Syd has just called from the pub. He needs me back there.’
‘I hope there’s nothing wrong?’ Jess stepped past Adam, as if anxious to get some distance between them.
‘Not really. It’s the mayor. It looks like he’s having one of his nights.’
‘I’m sorry … I don’t understand,’ Jess said.
‘Geoff Coburn, our mayor,’ Adam explained, willing Jess to look his way. ‘He’s a good man most of the time, but once or twice a month he goes on a bit of a bender. He doesn’t cause any trouble, but Trish is the only person who can deal with him when he’s like that.’
‘Really?’ Jess questioned Trish, still refusing to look at Adam’s face.
‘Don’t ask me why.’ Trish shrugged. ‘But I had better get back there. I was hoping Adam would drive me.’
‘Of course—’
‘Why don’t I drive you?’ Jess interrupted. ‘I have this lovely new car outside. I’ve only driven it once. To the shop and back. It would be nice to have another run.’
Trish smiled. ‘That would be great. Thanks, Jess.’
‘It’s the least I can do after I used your car so often,’ Jess said. ‘Let me go and get the keys.’
She walked out of the door without a second glance.
Trish bid Adam goodnight. Behind him the electric kettle bubbled furiously, then turned itself off with a loud click. He’d lost any appetite for coffee. He had a feeling he was in for a sleepless night, even without the caffeine. From the living room he could hear the soft murmur of voices. He should go back in there, but he didn’t think he could face that either. Jack, Ellen and the kids had no idea of the darkness in his past. And Sister Luke knew far too much about it. It was time he went home to the hospital. It was empty now that Nikki had taken her baby home. Adam was comfortable with empty.
He headed for the kitchen door. He’d walk back to the hospital and maybe take this chance to do some work. Even for a tiny place such as this there was a surprising amount of paperwork, and he was always behind. Sister Luke would be pleasantly surprised if he did some of his own volition, rather than her dragging him to his desk like a reluctant horse. Just as he put his hand on the door handle, Sister Luke’s voice stopped him.
‘You’re heading home?’
‘I thought I might. I could get some of that paperwork done before you have to yell at me again.’
A faint smile touched the nun’s lips. ‘I never yell at you. I merely suggest.’
Adam started to smile, too, but it never reached his eyes. For the first time since her return from the east, he looked closely at his dear friend’s face. ‘Are you all right? You don’t look well.’
‘I’m just tired from the trip,’ Sister Luke assured him.
‘I think you should let me give you a check-up.’
‘Adam Gilmore,’ Sister Luke said with some of her familiar fire, ‘don’t you dare start fussing about me.’
‘Absolutely not.’ Adam held his hands up in acquiescence. ‘Me? Fuss? Never!’
‘All right then. In that case, I shall allow you to drive me home.’
Adam hid his surprise and the concern that followed. Sister Luke lived next to the church, just a short walk away. In all the years they had worked together in Coorah Creek, she had always walked home, whatever the hour of day or night. He made a mental note to talk to her again about her health. Soon.
‘Should we say goodbye?’ he asked, indicating the other room, from where Jack’s voice could be heard.
‘I think Ellen and Jack are doing just fine without us,’ Sister Luke said. ‘In fact, right now I think leaving them alone is probably the best thing we can do – for all of them.’
‘Do I detect a hint of matchmaking?’ Adam said, as he held the front door open for Sister Luke to precede him down the stairs.
‘And what if you do?’ Sister Luke challenged him.
‘Nothing. Nothing.’ Adam held up his hands as if to ward off evil.
‘Ellen and Jack and those kids. They need each other.’
‘I wouldn’t have thought Jack needed anyone.’ Adam followed Sister Luke down the stairs.
‘Which goes to show how little you know about such matters.’ Sister Luke fixed him with a steely glare. Then she smiled softly. ‘But one of these days, Adam, you will learn.’
His car was parked in the driveway, and Sister Luke got in before he could respond. Adam shook his head. Sister Luke was right about so many things. She was probably right about Ellen and Jack. But in his own case …
Inside the house Ellen heard the car door slam and looked around. ‘I guess everyone’s gone home,’ she said.
Jack was sitting on the big couch, Bethany tucked under one arm, sound asleep. Harry was sitting on Jack’s lap, struggling to keep his eyes open as Jack read yet another one of the Duck Tales from the huge pile of comics he’d brought with him.
‘I should go as well,’ Jack said. ‘And I think these two are ready for bed.’
‘Well past ready,’ Ellen said, with a fond smile. ‘You have been so patient with them today. Thank you for that.’
Jack gently ruffled Harry’s blond hair. ‘My pleasure.’
‘Now, Harry, you give Jack back his comics,’ Ellen said.
Her son’s face fell, as he slowly closed the comic.
‘No. You keep them,’ Jack told the boy.
Ellen frowned. Jack’s comics had each been sealed in individual plastic wrappers. There were a considerable number of them, and she suspected some were quite old. She didn’t know much about comics, but she had a feeling a collection like that had to be quite rare … and valuable. ‘Jack, you can’t just give away your collection,’ she said.
‘I’ll tell you what,’ Jack said, looking down into Harry’s face. ‘How about you keep the comics here, and then we can read them together. That’s if it’s all right with your mum?’
Two sets of eyes fastened onto her face. Ellen wasn’t sure which one swayed her. ‘That will be fine,’ she said.
While Harry carefully carried the box of comics through the door to the small bedroom, Jack gathered Ellen’s sleeping daughter in his arms. He carried her through to join her brother. Ellen folded back the bedcovers, and Jack gently placed Bethany into her bed. His big hands gently pulled the bedclothes back over her as she curled into her sleeping position without even opening her eyes.
‘Can Jack tuck me in too?’ Harry asked.
Jack raised an eyebrow and Ellen nodded.
She stood in the doorway watching as her son settled himself down for the night. He slid up Jack’s shirt sleeve for one more look at the tattoo. ‘Goodnight Uncle Scrooge,’ he said.
‘Goodnight, Harry.’
Ellen almost giggled at Jack’s really bad Scottish duck voice.
Jack stood up and joined her at the doorway. This close, in the half-darkness, Ellen was struck again at how big he was. She barely reached his shoulder. Those hands that had brushed her sleeping daughter’s cheek could break up a fight in a pub, or move furniture or snap timber. But they could be gentle hands too. Ellen wondered what those hands would feel like … gentle on her skin.
Jack looked down into her face and Ellen wished she were different. Wished she was the sort of woman who could invite a man to stay. Wished she were the kind of woman who could make a man want to stay. But she wasn’t. She’d lost that many years ago. A man like Jack would want … would deserve … someone better than her. Stronger than her. Maybe she could have been that woman once, but too many years and a bad choice of husband had changed her. Jack would never want someone who was … soiled. As she was. She dropped her eyes and turned back into the brightly lit living room.
‘I guess I should go,’ Jack said. ‘Thank you for dinner.’
‘You’re very welcome,’ Ellen replied, moving to open the front door. She stood aside as Jack stepped out onto the front veranda. He turned back and hesitated.
Ellen did not step through the door. ‘Thank you for everything,’ she said, from the safety of the living room.
‘Goodnight.’
Ellen closed the door and leaned back against it. Her heart was pounding, but still she heard the long moments he waited, before he turned away.
Chapter Fourteen
‘Are you busy next Friday?’
Adam turned as Jess spoke, looking startled by her question. ‘Not especially. Well, not yet, but you know what it’s like.’
‘Yes, I do,’ Jess replied with a smile. She swung her gaze away from her instrument panel to Adam who, as usual when they were flying, was sitting in the co-pilot’s seat. ‘It’s either all go or else it’s full stop.’
‘Are you getting bored with us already? Missing the bright city lights?’
No and no, Jess thought. She certainly was not missing the bright city lights. And she wasn’t bored. At least not at times like this. Flying with Adam was one of her greatest pleasures. If there was no patient to care for, he seemed most at ease when they were in the air. Less of a loner. Less reticent. His habit of sitting next to her was so very different from his earthbound tendency to avoid personal contact. Jess was honest enough to admit that she enjoyed the intimacy of their time alone at ten thousand feet.
But they didn’t fly every day. When they were on the ground, Adam retreated back into his professional shell. She spent a lot of time alone at the hangar, waiting for a call to action. And there were only so many times a pilot could wash and polish her plane.
‘I was talking to Sister Luke yesterday,’ Jess said. ‘She suggested I do a talk for the kids at the school. About being a pilot. Like a careers talk.’
‘Sister Luke is always coming up with ideas like that,’ Adam said with a grin. ‘If you let her, she’ll have you helping with all kinds of projects.’
‘I don’t mind,’ Jess said. ‘It gives me something to do when it’s quiet. And I want to feel as if I’m part of the town.’
‘You’re part of the town already,’ Adam said. ‘You’d be surprised how many of my patients ask about you – especially the single men,’ he added in a teasing tone.
Almost as if he was flirting with her. Well, two could play that game.
‘Sister Luke suggested we could do it together … the talk at the school,’ Jess said.
‘Oh, did she?’ Adam raised an eyebrow.
‘Yes. If I didn’t know better I would think she was trying to …’
‘Attention, all stations Birdsville …’ The harsh voice from the radio prevented Jess from taking the thought further. While she answered the radio call, she cast a quick glance at Adam. He was grinning to himself. That grin didn’t appear often enough. It made him look a little younger and very handsome. Her heart skipped every time she saw it.