by Hazel Kelly
Her mouth curled up into a little smile. “Yeah?”
I nodded. “Yeah, cause you had me at get away from my porch.”
“I don’t think that’s what I said-”
“It’s what you meant.”
“Still. I’m sorry if I was abrasive.”
“It hardly matters now,” I said. “Plus, I think it’s fair to say that your saltiness didn’t achieve your intended effect anyway.”
“I’ll say,” she said. “So what’s the second reason? Besides the fact that my resting bitch face inspired your creative juices.”
“And not just my creative juices if you’ll recall-”
“Focus,” she said. “What’s the second reason?”
“The second reason is that I knew there was something missing when I submitted the demo, but I wasn’t sure what it was.”
“Okay.”
“Until I heard your melody.”
Her head dropped to the side.
“So I changed the demo and sent in a new version of my song with that string of notes you wrote in the background.”
Her eyes grew wide. “You did?”
“Yeah. That’s what I meant when I said I should’ve asked for your permission, but it seemed silly to mention it when I didn’t know if anything was ever going to come from it-”
“So what happened?”
“You know what happened,” I said. “They loved it. They bought the song.”
“Who’s they?”
“The studio- the producers.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m going to sign a deal next week to give them the right to use it in their film in exchange for two hundred thousand dollars.”
Her mouth fell open.
“And part of that is yours.”
“What?”
“Because you wrote the melody that clinched the deal.”
She started shaking her head.
“So you get a writing credit,” I said. “And royalties every time it’s played for the rest of your life. Our life.”
She crossed her legs and yanked the sheet further up in front of her chest, jerking the plate of strawberries so they went rolling all over the bed.
I leaned forward, gathered them with one arm, and put them back on the plate. Then I reached over and set them down on the nightstand. When I turned back to face her, her mouth was open like she was about to say something, but her expression was frozen like a doll’s.
“Say something,” I said.
“I forgive you.”
I smiled.
“Can I hear it?”
“Of course,” I said. “I made a copy for you already, I just forgot to grab it when I was leaving the house.”
“Shit.”
“What?”
“Nothing,” she said, putting her hand on her forehead. “I just can’t believe it. I can’t believe my little ditty is going to be in a movie.”
“Well believe it. Cause you’re little ditty is going to be on the big screen and the radio and every iPod in America before Chrismas next year.”
“Wow.”
“But before I forget to mention it, you shouldn’t let anyone else hear the demo I made you just yet.”
“Are you kidding?” she asked. “Why not?! I’m so excited I want everyone to hear it.”
“That’s too bad cause, for one thing, it would violate the contract.”
“Oh.”
“And what’s more, I put all your moans on the end of the track just for fun.”
She covered her face with her hands and the sheet fell down to her lap, exposing her breasts.
I didn’t even try to hide the satisfied look on my face as she reached down to pull it up again.
“I could kill you for not telling me the second you found out.”
“Believe me. It wasn’t easy not to tell you. Fortunately, though, your jumpsuit and your hyena laughter kept my mind off it.”
She rolled her eyes.
“So here’s what I propose.”
“There’s more?”
“It’s up to you.”
“Sorry,” she said. “Can I get a sip of that champagne? My mouth is-”
“Sure,” I said, grabbing the nearest glass.
She took a sip and changed her mind when she’d just about handed it back.
“Maybe you should finish that before you hear what I have to say next.”
For once, she didn’t argue. She just tilted the glass up to the ceiling and gulped it down. “We should chug expensive champagne more often,” she said, handing the empty glass back to me and covering her mouth for a second.
“I couldn’t agree more.”
“So you were saying…”
“Now hear me out,” I said. “It’s just an idea.”
“Okay.”
“I think you should quit your job on Monday.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“But my job is my life.”
“No it’s not,” I said. “Your job is a choice.”
She swallowed.
“Plus, your control issues are wasted on consulting. You should be playing music- making music.”
“What are you talking about?”
“As much as I want to keep you all to myself,” I said. “I know if you just had access to the piano and some free time-”
“Wyatt,” she said, tilting her head down but keeping her eyes on mine. “That’s absolutely ridiculous.”
I leaned back against the pillows. “No it’s not. What’s ridiculous is not knowing how much talent you’re wasting being a desk.”
“No. It’s insane,” she said. “Plus, my job is in the perfect location based on where my apartment is and-”
“Well, that’s the other thing I was going to suggest.”
“What?”
“I want you to move in with me and Sophie.”
She furrowed her brow.
“Cause every day I wake up without you beside me feels like a missed opportunity.”
Her eyebrows jumped up her forehead. “A missed opportunity for what?”
“To be with you,” I said, sitting up. “To know you. To bring you breakfast in bed and try and make you smile.”
She shook her head.
“To touch you.”
“Wyatt.”
“What?”
“Can you even hear yourself right now?”
“Of course.”
“I don’t think you’ve thought this through.”
“Trust me,” I said. “I know perfectly well what I’m saying.”
“I don’t really think that’s what you want.”
“Yes it is. I’ve never been more sure about anything in my life.”
“You’re getting carried away. That will never work.”
“Then tell me what will work,” I said. “Because I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my whole life. I want as much you as you’ll give me.”
She swallowed and lifted a hand to my cheek. “Oh Wyatt.”
And suddenly a lump caught in my throat as I remembered the skittish deer, and the thought crossed my mind that I might’ve scared her off for real this time, that I might actually lose her.
Right after I finally found her.
Chapter 18: Addison
It was too much. It was all just too much.
Sure, I could see plainly that his words, his proposal, his desire to wake up beside me were genuine. And there was no denying that it was the most romantic, gallant, sweet gesture anyone had ever directed at me.
But he didn’t get it. I was a loner. It didn’t matter how smitten he was. His love would never be big enough to swallow me up, to make me part of his family, to make me relax indefinitely.
“What?” he asked. “Don’t oh Wyatt me.”
“I don’t mean to-”
“What’s the problem?”
“Don’t you get it?” I asked. “I can’t just move in with you and play house.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Cause what happens when you want to give me back?” I said. “What happens when you’re sick of me and-”
“Sick of you?”
“It’ll be confusing for Sophie and it will ruin everything between us, everything good that we’ve already had-”
“What are you talking about?” he asked. “I’m not going to get sick of you. And give you back? Where the hell would I give you back to? That doesn’t even make sense.”
“You’ll leave. Eventually, you’ll want to leave… except you’ll have to ask me to leave cause I’ll be at your house, and it will be horrible, and I can’t go through that again. I can’t-”
“Addison,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “I’m not going to ask you to leave.”
I shook my head. I could feel my tear ducts twitching behind my eyes. “You might think that now, but you’ll have a change of heart. Everyone always does. Everyone-”
“I’m not everyone,” he said. “And I’m not going to have a change of heart, okay?”
“That’s sweet of you to say, but-”
“I don’t want anything from you. I just want you.”
“What about Sophie?” I asked. “She’ll need things, things I can’t give her, and she’ll expect me to-”
“No,” he said, dropping his head to meet my eyes. “She doesn’t need anything from you either.”
“I can’t do it. I just can’t.”
“Why not?” he said. “Give me one good reason why we shouldn’t do whatever we have to do to be together. One good reason and I won’t push it. I’ll leave it alone, pretend I never said anything.”
“Cause I’m not able for it.”
“Why?” he asked, scooting towards me. “Why wouldn’t you want to be with me as much as possible? All I want to do is lo-”
“I’m broken.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You’re broken?”
I nodded. “My heart… it’s not right.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I can never be as trusting or as loving as you.” I swallowed and tilted my head back. “I have no idea how to accept those good things from other people. I haven’t had any practice.”
“So?”
“So?” I craned my neck forward. “So everyone I ever thought I cared about has abandoned me, Wyatt. Every single person.”
“So you cared about the wrong people. We all make mistakes.”
“Don’t you see? As soon as I allow myself to care about you, you’ll become the wrong people, and you’ll abandon me, too.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“What?” I asked, startled by the anger in his voice.
“I don’t accept that. It’s not good enough.”
“I’m afraid you don’t get to tell me that my feelings are bullshit. Or that my past is bullshit.”
“Yes I do, and I just did. And in case you didn’t hear me the first time, let me say it again. Your feelings are fucking bullshit and your past is most definitely bullshit.”
“What?!”
“I’m not saying I don’t believe you feel that way, and I’m not saying you don’t have a right to be angry about the hand you were dealt, but those excuses aren’t going to make me give up on you.”
My eyes started to water. “Your caring isn’t enough to fix me though,” I said, dragging a finger along the edge of my eye. “I wish it were, but it’s not.”
“I don’t want to fix you. I think you’re perfect just the way you are.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. “I’m not, though.” I looked up, hoping some of them would sink back down in my eyes. “I’m a mess, and I’ve never not been a mess.”
“You’re not a mess,” he said, lowering his voice and bunching the thick bedspread up around me. “You’re stubborn and you’re beautiful, and you’ve been hard done by, but you’re not a mess.”
I pursed my lips.
“No more than anyone else is anyway.”
“But I’ll always doubt your feelings for me,” I said, trying not to let my voice shake too much. “I’ll never stop. And that’s not fair to you.”
He reached under the covers and pulled my legs across his lap. “The only thing that wouldn’t be fair is if you deny me the chance to try and convince you of my feelings. At least let me try.”
“But I’ve been on my own for so long. I’m afraid to count on someone else, to trust someone else.”
“So don’t trust me. Don’t count on me. I’m not a fool. I know you’re well able to take care of yourself. I’m just asking you to spend your time with me, instead of on your own. Because you make me happy.” He pulled the covers up around us. “And I think if you’ll let me try, I can make you happy, too.”
I let my head fall against his shoulder.
“And at the very least, I can make you safe.”
I looked up at his face, wondering if he knew what he was saying and whether I understood what it meant. “Just because you’re nice about it- just because you don’t care about my past- doesn’t make it all better. It doesn’t make it all go away.”
“Let me put it this way,” he said, laying a hand on my lower back. “I don’t care if you were the loneliest little girl in the whole world. I’m prepared to spend the rest of my life making sure you never feel alone again.”
“But you could have anyone,” I said, dragging the back of my fist across my cheek.
“I could, yeah.”
I laughed and so did he.
“But I want you,” he said, tilting my chin up.
I swallowed and looked at him, wishing I didn’t find so much comfort in his face, so much peace in his arms.
“You’re not the only one with a past, you know.”
I glanced down and back up at him.
“I thought I had women figured out before I met you,” he said, speaking softly. “And they didn’t excite me anymore. Something was always missing, something that made me care.”
I took a staggered breath.
“I’d started to think there was something wrong with me that I wasn’t compelled to treat them better, especially as a father. I felt like no matter what I did, I couldn’t connect with anyone, couldn’t feel anything real, anything that mattered.”
I pursed my lips.
“So I stopped trying.” He shrugged. “I resigned myself to the fact that I wasn’t going to meet anyone that drove me crazy, anyone that inspired me, anyone whose company I could enjoy without downing at least a six pack first.”
I took a deep breath through my nose.
“And then I met you,” he said. “And not only did you drive me fucking crazy from the second I saw you in your skimpy shorts, but I could tell I drove you crazy, too.”
I smiled.
“And I didn’t know then that we might have something.” He pulled me close. “It was too soon to tell those first few days. But there was one thing I knew for sure.”
“What’s that?”
He smiled. “That driving you crazy was the most fun I’d had in years.”
“And that’s enough for you, is it?”
“Are you kidding?” he asked. “It’s more than I ever could’ve hoped for.”
I leaned into his shoulder.
“But let me propose something else-”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “No more proposals. That’s more suggestions than I can handle as it is-”
“No. I mean something else as opposed to what I said before.”
“You want to take back what you said? Even I didn’t think you’d change your mind that fast.” I said it like a joke, but my heart clenched like a fist in my chest.
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to take anything back, but I also don’t want you to think that if you won’t succumb to all my selfish demands that it’s a deal breaker.”
I exhaled and my heart started beating again. “I’m listening.”
“I realize that- while I’m
still all for what I suggested before- I may have gotten ahead of myself.”
“Ya think?”
“I understand that you might need more time to think things over, to think about what’s best for you.”
I nodded.
“And that’s fine. I’m not going anywhere-”
I took a deep breath.
“And obviously, if you want to keep your job-”
I looked up at him. “I do. I definitely do.”
“Okay,” he said, nodding slowly. “I knew that was a long shot anyway.”
I pursed my lips to suppress a smile.
“But I would like if you’d agree to spend some time in the studio with me,” he said. “Especially cause I’m obligated to write another song for the movie and I could use your help.”
“Really?”
“Of course. You’re the first person I’ve ever had to give a writing credit to that I actually like.”
The smile that spread across my face was so big I couldn’t even hide it. “Okay,” I said. “I can make time for that.”
“And if you don’t want to move in just yet, that’s okay, too.”
“Yeah?” I asked, squinting at him. “Cause it would be crazy to give up that apartment, and I don’t think I’d feel comfortable not having my own place when I’ve worked so hard to-”
“I understand,” he said. “But anytime you want to stay over, Sophie and I would be happy to have you.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“And I’m not asking because Sophie needs a mother. She doesn’t. In fact, sometimes I don’t think she needs a father either which is beyond frustrating but-”
“She does. Of course she does.”
“Still. I want you to know that I’m only asking because I want you in my life, not because I have an agenda or an ulterior motive.”
“I know. I believe you.”
“Good,” he said, leaning back against the thick wall of pillows behind us. “Let me know when you start doubting me again so I know when to chime in.”
I laid a hand across his chest and sighed.
“Deal?” he asked.
“Deal.”
“And if I could propose one more thing-”
I pushed up against his chest and craned my neck so I could look at him. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“If you don’t want to hear it then-”
“Well now you have to say.”
He smiled. “I was just going to suggest that we order room service in the morning.”