Hollywood's Baddest

by Susan Westwood

  She tried her best to wrestle the tangle of emotions in her, attempting to control them and hold them at bay, but it was almost more than she could do. The only saving grace for her was that she had done so many arraignments that it was really just routine for her, and she was able to stand and speak as she needed to, to do her job as she was expected to do it, and not falter once; not even a little.

  The judge asked Lucas how he wished to plead, and Lucas answered him, “Not guilty.”

  There was a soft murmuring in the courtroom and the judge set the trial date for one month from that date. He left the bench and everyone rose as he left, and Alexis stood there beside Lucas, her ears ringing, her heart pounding as reality set in on her.

  She had one month to prove that the man beside her was innocent, or she was going to lose her job and her career would be practically forfeit. Her breath was short and she tried to hold back the panic that set in on her.

  Harvey walked over and sneered at Lucas. “You plead not guilty. Ryan, I’m going to throw the whole book at you. I’m going to request maximum sentencing for you. You’re the highest profile case I’ve tried, and you’d make a hell of an example to the public to stay off of drugs. You’d be the best public service campaign this city has ever had. Thanks, Ryan, you just handed me a win. A big one.”

  With that, he walked off, leaving Warren, Lucas, and Alexis looking after him. She turned to him then and tried to talk to him quietly.

  “Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you at all. I…” she began, not quite knowing what to say, but knowing that she had to say something.

  “I’m fine.” He answered quietly, looking away from her. She knew he was avoiding her, but she wasn’t prepared for the yank on her heart that it caused.

  “Is there anything that we need to talk about? I thought… I thought I would probably have heard from you by now…” she trailed off, feeing pathetic as she stood there looking at him with imploring eyes.

  He sighed and looked away from her, “I’ve just been busy, that’s all.” he answered with a quiet voice.

  Warren stood up then and leaned around Lucas, looking at Alexis. “I guess we’ll talk to you soon. Let us know when you have some kind of defense built up for him.”

  Warren took Lucas then and led him from the courtroom, walking out of it and into a massive sea of reporters who were all waiting for them just outside.

  Alexis knew then that all that had happened between them was nothing more than a one night stand to him, and she was the only one still thinking about it and wondering where to go afterward; like a small boat tossed about on a wide ocean of big waves. She found herself in unfamiliar territory with no idea how to navigate through any of her emotions or dashed expectations.

  He didn’t want anything else from her, and she had no idea how to come to grips with that. She could not begin to understand how they could have shared so much with each other, both in conversation and in physical connection, and then walk away from each other completely as if nothing at all had happened, knowing that nothing at all would ever happen again.

  She was nothing more than just another woman, just another good time one time, just like so many other women he had been with; all of them sent to the curb when he was done with them, not one of them staying in his life longer than one night.

  She had never felt so used and abandoned. She had never been so overwhelmed with the realization of what an utter fool she had been, and how stupidly she had acted. She was less than nothing to him, and nothing would change that. He was done with her, and he had already moved on, leaving her far behind him in no time at all.

  She felt as if her heart had just been ripped from her chest by nothing more than the empty look in his eyes. She wasn’t in love with him, but she had not been that close to anyone in so long that the loss and emptiness; the loneliness, overtook her completely.

  She picked up her things and walked slowly out of the courtroom as if she was in a daze, and before she could even take a breath of fresh air, she was inundated by a wall of reporters and media who were drowning her in questions.

  Alexis did her best to answer some of the questions shot at her; as many of them as she could, before she didn’t feel strong enough to stand there and speak any longer. She waved them away then, though some of them were audacious enough to follow her to her car. She climbed into it and drove away, leaving the courthouse and her reality check behind her, and as she realized it, she knew that she was probably leaving her career behind her as well.

  She went back to her office and tried to collect herself in the solitude of the four walls where she worked, but she wasn’t alone for long. Anderson Nolan came in not ten minutes after she had closed her office door behind her. She wiped swiftly and subtly at her eyes to dry the tears away, not wanting him to see them.

  If he did see them, he didn’t show it. Instead, he sat at her desk and waited as she turned to face him, leaving the window behind her and taking her seat. She looked across the desk at him and waited. She knew what was coming.

  “Well, how did the arraignment go?” he asked directly.

  She took a deep breath. “Harvey offered him a plea bargain and he turned it down. He pled not guilty.” She answered shortly.

  Anderson pursed his lips thoughtfully, and nodded his head slowly. “Then that means that you will have your hands full proving him innocent. How is his defense coming along?” Anderson asked, looking at her as if he was looking right through her.

  She gave her head one small shake. “It’s not very strong. There isn’t much that we can use that proves he’s innocent.”

  Anderson sighed and leaned forward, looking at her intently. “When is the trial date?”

  “One month.” She answered quietly.

  “So, you have a month to save him and to save yourself. You’d better get busy.” He said sternly.

  She looked at him imploringly. “Anderson, I don’t feel like I can do this. I feel like I’m personally compromised in this case and another attorney should take it over. Really, that would be best for him and it would be best for me, and for this firm.

  I don’t want to let you down, I don’t want to let the firm down, and I certainly don’t want to let the client down. I feel like I’m not the right person for this one. There are other attorneys here who could do this and possibly win. I’m too personally invested in it to give it my best any longer.”

  Anderson shook his head. “I appreciate your being candid with me, but that does not change anything. This is your case and you will do it. No matter the cost, no matter the circumstances or the situation. It is your case. Finish it, and win it. You know what the consequences will be no matter the outcome.” With that, he stood up and walked out, closing the door behind him, and leaving Alexis in a pool of tears.

  Chapter6

  The minutes turned into hours, and the hours turned into days. She went to work, she stayed in her office most of the time, only interacting with others when it was necessary, and she went home. She worked incessantly on the Ryan case, all the while feeling like every part of it was a dagger being driven into her. There was no word from Lucas at all; not one. No text, no call, no email; it was the great void, and she had fallen into it because he had taken her there and she had let him. She wondered if he had planned to abandon her all along, and if that was something he always did. She wondered if all the while he had been teasing her, flirting with her, drawing her in toward him, if he had been thinking to himself about leaving her afterward and focusing on the next girl he was going to go after; like a game. A hunter of women.

  She wasn’t eating much or sleeping well and it began to take a toll on her. She could feel it all throughout her body, and she knew that it was going to take her down if she didn’t get better soon. She had avoided her sister’s calls and only returned short brief texts to her.

  She hadn’t seen any friends or done any social activities since all of it began, and she knew that she was going to have to do something to
change it, but the reality was that she just wasn’t willing to face what she knew was coming. She had been used and left alone; abandoned, and her career was about to end. There was nothing else that she felt she had which was bright in her world.

  Alexis told herself that it wouldn’t have hurt so much if she had known ahead of time that he would leave her alone like he did. She told herself that it only hurt so much because she hadn’t let anyone in close to her in so long; he had lit a fire in her like no one else ever had, and it burned so hot and so bright that it went out too fast, leaving her cold and dark. She was amazed that he didn’t feel that, too; that he could walk away from it like it was nothing, but he did, and she could not understand how he could treat her that way, or how anyone could treat another person that way. She felt too much, and carried it too deeply.

  Sadness gave way to anger in the two weeks that followed the arraignment, and she began to resent having to defend a man who she believed with everything in her was guilty. She hated having to defend a man who had used her and tossed her to the curb like a piece of trash that wasn’t worth anything. It was infuriating to her, but even that anger burned up what little energy she had.

  Two and a half weeks after the arraignment, she was sitting at home when her sister called her and she finally relented and answered the call, knowing that she had avoided Abby as long as she was probably going to be able to. The time had come to tell her what happened, and accept the shame of her actions and foolishness.

  “Hey Abby,” she said quietly.

  Abby hesitated a moment and then sighed. “Okay, tell me what’s wrong. You’ve been avoiding me left and right and that isn’t going to work anymore. You have to talk to me. I don’t know what’s going on, other than that crazy case of yours, but you better talk to me now.”

  Alexis looked around her bedroom as she sat on her bed; her eyes were wide with tears as she tried to stem them, but to no avail. They rolled down her cheeks and little by little, all of the pain that she had been feeling came to the surface and bled from her, washing her clean in its release.

  “Oh Abby! God… I’m so stupid! I can’t believe I could have been so stupid.” She cried, wiping at her face in a futile attempt to keep it dry.

  “First of all, you aren’t stupid, second… what’s going on?” she pressed again.

  With a heaving sigh, Alexis began to tell her. “I… I don’t know what got into my head, but I was working with Lucas and he kept flirting with me… he kept coming on to me, and I tried to stop him a couple of times, but he was like a bull going after a target; he just wasn’t about to give up. I don’t know if it was the thrill of the chase for him; the game he was playing, or what, but he seemed to want me more and more, the further away I pushed him. Finally, he pushed enough that I gave in.”

  Abby gasped and squealed. “You did not! You did? Oh my god… did you sleep with him? You slept with Lucan Ryan? Oh… my… god.”

  Alexis rolled her eyes and then closed them. “Yes. Okay? I slept with him. I am the most naïve, stupid, idiotic, foolish woman in the world, and I caved to him and slept with him.”

  “Well? So? How was it?” Abby asked in fascination.

  Alexis had stopped letting herself think about that night, but as she spoke about it aloud, it all came rushing back to her and her heart hurt all over again. “It was amazing. It’s never been like that for me with any man, and… it was just incredible. You couldn’t imagine how incredible it was. I’m never going to have another night like that in my life, and I would want it like that every night if I could have it like that. He was… just… incredible.” She thought of the note he had left for her, telling her how incredibly hot she was. She closed her eyes and wiped away more tears.

  “Wow… I’m not surprised, but it’s so amazing!” Abby gushed, and Alexis just shook her head.

  “Well, it was amazing the night that it happened, but it sure as hell has not been amazing since then. Not even a little bit.” She said miserably.

  “Why?” Abby’s voice changed and worry replaced her excitement.

  “He stopped talking to me. As in, totally, completely, entirely, stopped talking to me. Not one word from him since then, except for when we were in court and he had no choice but to talk to me, and even then it was just a few quick short sentences, and only about his case, really. I asked him if anything was wrong and he told me no; we were fine, he was just busy, and I haven’t heard from him since.” Alexis covered her eyes with her hands.

  Abby gasped again. “Are you serious? He’s blowing you off! Oh my gosh! What an absolute snake! What a jerk!” she exclaimed angrily in defense of her sister.

  “Yeah, pretty much. He’s been totally radio silent. I’ve had better conversations with walls.” Alexis bemoaned her pain.

  “I can’t believe he did that.” Abby said in a harsh tone. It was clear that she was furious with the movie star. “That is such crap. You are worth so much more than that. I am just… my god. What a jerk! I’m never going to watch another one of his movies again. You know, Alexis, you are worth so much more than that. You are worth a whole lot more than that. You need to be worshipped by an amazing guy who loves everything about you. That’s what needs to happen. Not this fool who left you hanging like that.”

  Alexis shrugged. “Well, apparently he doesn’t think I’m worth anything. He just… kicked me off to the curb like it was nothing at all for him, and I’ve been so lost, trying to figure out how to handle that. It’s been horrible!”

  Abby sighed and tried to comfort her. “You’re going to get through this. It’ll be okay. It’s probably going to take a while; it’s been so long since you were with anyone, but you will get over this. He was just fun for a night, look at it like that and then let it go. That’s exactly what he’s doing with you.”

  “Well, it’s not just that. It’s not like I can just forget about him; I’m busy working on his case every day, trying to find some way to prove that he is innocent for a crime I’m so positive that he is guilty for, and there’s nothing I can do about that, because I either prove that the guilty man is innocent or I lose my job.

  Anderson told me that if I lose this case, I’m out. I won’t be working there anymore. I hate that my whole career is contingent on his court case win; something I can’t possibly prove because he’s guilty as hell! It’s so frustrating! There are reminders of him every single day and I just hate that I can’t get over it and just… let him go.” she cried for a few moments and Abby didn’t say anything, she just let her sister cry it out until she was able to talk again.

  “I haven’t been eating, I haven’t been sleeping much, I feel terrible; I’m sick all of the time.” She choked back a sob. "I’m an emotional wreck, and I just feel miserable. I’m sure that part of it has to do with my period, but I…” she stopped talking and opened her eyes, blinking in stillness as she stared straight ahead in silence.

  “What is it? What are you doing, Alexis?” Abby asked worriedly.

  “Math. I’m doing math… oh god.” Alexis said in a low voice.

  “What do you mean you’re doing math? What are you talking about?” Abby asked in confusion.

  Alexis closed her eyes and shook her head. “No… no… no…” she murmured. “It can’t be.”

  “Alexis!” her sister snapped at her.

  “I’m late. My period is late. By more than a week.” Alexis finally said, and it was Abby then who became silent.

  “Abby?” Alexis asked quietly into the phone.

  “I’m hanging up now. I’ll be right over. Don’t go anywhere.” Abby said, and then the line went silent. The call had ended.

  Alexis stared at her phone for a moment and then set it on the bedside table and thought back over the time that had passed since she had stayed the night with Lucas. The math added up, but the reality did not. There was no way she told herself. No way in the world she could be pregnant. It just wasn’t possible. She got out of bed and began to pace, thinking about it, and then s
he began to clean, and twenty minutes later, there was a firm knock at her door. She went straight to it and opened it up to see Abby standing there with a bag in her hand.

  Abby handed her the bag and came marching straight into the house. “Here. They have so many different kinds of tests now, you just wouldn’t believe it. I got you a few of them just to make sure. Now, you take that bag in the bathroom and you get busy, and then you call me in as soon as you’re done.”

  Alexis looked in the bag hanging in her hands and saw four pregnancy tests in it. Her heart began to race and the blood rushing through her head threatened to deafen her. “It can’t be. I can’t be,” she said quietly.

  “Well, you could be, but we aren’t going to know if you don’t get into that bathroom and take those tests. Now, hurry up.” Abby practically dragged her down the hall to the bathroom and pushed her inside, closing the door between them.

  Alexis pulled each box out and followed the instructions on them to the letter, terrified of making a mistake. When all four tests were done, she set each one up on the box on the counter and opened the door. Abby was waiting right outside of it for her, and she came straight in.

  They both stared at the tests and waited, but it didn’t take long for each one to show a result on the indicators. Every one of them was positive. Alexis gasped and cried and Abby didn’t say a word, she just wrapped her big arms around her sister and held her, keeping her close until Alexis had cried out every tear in her body, and then Abby walked her to her bedroom and curled up in her bed with her, holding her hand and talking with her.

  “We’ll figure this out. We’ll get through this. I know this wasn’t in your plans, but babies are always a blessing, even if they don’t seem like it at first. Don’t you worry about it; don’t you fret. I’m here for you and I always will be. We’re just going to do this thing together,” Abby vowed to her, and held her hand firmly.

  Alexis shook her head. “No this isn’t the way it was supposed to go! I was supposed to get a promotion and become a senior partner! What am I going to do with a baby? I can’t have a baby! I’m a career woman! And… god… Lucas. What on earth am I going to tell Lucas? He’s not even speaking to me right now! How am I ever going to tell him about this?”