CELEB CRUSH

by Christie, Nicole

  Again, I’m shocked into silence…because her words kind of hit home. It’s everything I’ve tried to suppress myself from doing. Have I failed? I glance at Luke, and catch him looking at me like I’ve just sprouted an extra appendage. My chest constricts painfully at the doubt clear in his eyes.

  I swallow nervously, my throat making a dry clicking sound. “That’s not true,” I say hoarsely. “It wasn’t like that, Luke.”

  He paces away from me to return to Kat’s Mercedes, slumping back against the driver’s side door for support. “Exactly what was it like then, Andi?” he demands to know. “Why didn’t you tell me you went to see her?”

  “Because I knew you’d be mad! I was going to tell you.” Eventually. “Look, this is being blown way out of proportion! Why are you even listening to her, anyway? Do we not remember the time she faked a pregnancy scare?! And—how does she even know I went to see your mom?”

  I turn my scowl on Kat who seems to burn with the fury of a thousand sanctimonious suns. She opens her mouth to answer—but a familiar voice beats her to the punch.

  “I told her.”

  Jessica emerges from the shadows like an evil bird. The harsh yellow parking lot lights play across her sharp features, making them seem especially pronounced and demonic. She strides up to our little group, her mouth set in a grim line.

  Alarm bells are going off in my head at her strategically-timed appearance. Meanwhile, Kat looks thrilled to see her co-conspirator. She surreptitiously shoots me a small smile. If smug looks could talk, hers would be screaming “Yahtzee, bitch!”

  “I apologize for overstepping, Lucas…but when it comes to Andi, you just won’t listen to reason,” Jessica is saying in her smooth cultured voice. She throws me a disparaging look. “She’s more clever and patient than most, I’ll give her that. I asked Kat to help me expose this girl for who she really is. She is going to destroy your career—everything you’ve worked so hard for.”

  Luke abruptly straightens, looking between the three of us with a terse expression. “What the hell are you talking about?”

  I listen numbly as Jessica details my traitorous exploits to Luke. They all have a ring of truth to them—but they sound really bad when she puts a sinister spin on everything. Like having Ivan hire a private investigator to go after Amber Lynn, blackmailing Micah that one time, and that thing at that Victoria’s Secret party (which, by the way, how did she find out I was behind that? And, also—I knew those few drunken moments would come back to bite me in the ass!)

  The list is apparently endless. Luke and I face each other like strangers who have just woken from an intense shared dream. The dawning anger and betrayal on his face kills me. He believes them. I want to die.

  I force myself to shatter that charged silence between us. A laugh tinged with desperation flies out of me. “You can’t seriously think I’m out to get you,” I say. Even I can hear the pleading undercurrent in my words.

  “Is any of it true?” Luke asks, voice rough with emotion. I stare up at him wordlessly. “Is it?!”

  I flinch. Panic has a chokehold on me, and my shoulders rise and fall with each shallow breath I take. I fist the material of his shirt in my hand, clutching him close and silently willing him to believe me. “Just let me explain, okay? I swear, you’re gonna laugh. You know me—”

  He pulls sharply away. “I thought I did,” he mutters with a grim shake of his head. He walks away, his posture stiff and unforgiving.

  A strangled sound escapes me. I wrap my arms around myself, hunching over slightly from the pain. “I wouldn’t do that to you,” I say desperately. “You believe me right?” Please say you do.

  He doesn’t answer. I need to fix this. I need to go to him and make him listen to me. But my feet are rooted to the spot and my mouth can’t seem to form the words. This can’t be happening. This can’t be real. He can’t…

  Kat steps in while I’m frozen like a deer in the headlights. She lightly touches his chest. “Come on,” she says gently, tipping her face up to his. “Let’s go.”

  He just stands there for a few seconds, not saying anything—and hope rises in me like fragile soap bubbles. But then he relents, allowing her to pull him back to her car.

  “Wait!” I finally manage to choke out. “I-I love you.”

  Luke stops in his tracks. He turns slowly to face me, an incredulous look on his face. I gulp as he stalks back to me; now coldly furious.

  “Now you say that to me?!” he grinds out, leaning over me so that his face is just inches from mine. “How the fuck am I supposed to believe you after all the shit you’ve hidden from me?! Were you ever going to tell me about any of it?”

  “You don’t understand!” I try again. I’m shaking from head to foot. “It’s not what it sounds like. I swear to you—I can explain everything.”

  “Yeah…you know what? Save it.” Luke shakes his head with a bitter laugh. “I’m done listening to you.”

  With that, he turns his back on me, heading back to Kat, who is anxiously watching us from behind the wheel of her Mercedes, half-leaning out of the open door.

  No, no, no. This isn’t happening. It doesn’t even feel real. Luke wouldn’t walk away. That’s my job.

  “You can’t leave!” I call after him, disbelieving.

  He pauses, standing by the open passenger door. “You know what’s so messed up? I thought the problem was getting you to trust me. I never thought I wouldn’t be able to trust you.” He turns away.

  I can feel it happen. That link—the compelling but tenuous connection that made me sense his presence before he entered a room, and had me waking up every morning feeling like it’s Christmas—is abruptly severed. And now we’re just two broken people with not enough working parts between us to form one fully functional being.

  He climbs in the Mercedes, slamming the door shut behind him. I watch them go, and he doesn’t look back once. They turn a corner and disappear out of sight. And I’m still standing there, trying like hell to wake up from this nightmare.

  I probably would have stood there all night waiting for Luke to change his mind, and come running back to me, but I sense movement to my left.

  It’s Jessica. She stays out of arm’s reach and regards me cautiously. “I told you that you were out of your depth,” she says in a pitiless tone.

  I barely spare her a glance. “He’s going to figure it out. And then he’s going to make sure you never work in this business again.”

  “It’s your word against everyone else’s, Andi. I warned you about making enemies in this town.”

  I suddenly feel tired and waterlogged. Turning my neck is a chore. “He’ll understand when he talks to his mom. She’ll tell him what really happened.”

  “And why would she do that?” Jessica raises an eyebrow, smirking slightly. “That woman literally thinks you’re the worst person in the world. She’d rather eat live baby crocodiles, standing naked in rush hour traffic, than see you with her son. Her words, not mine.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I deny stoically. “He didn’t mean what he said. He was drunk. I’ll tell him everything tomorrow. He’ll believe me, I know it.”

  “I think you’re overestimating his faith in you,” she says gently. Then she sighs. “I know actors, and they are a paranoid bunch—especially the young ones who’ve had a meteoric rise to fame like Luke. You may think he’s different, but deep down he’s just a scared little boy, waiting for someone to turn around and betray him.”

  I barely register what she’s saying. There is a roaring sound in my ears that only seems to grow louder. “Jessica,” I say, vaguely noticing how distant my voice sounds, like it’s coming from far away.

  “Yes?”

  “Why aren’t you running?”

  Chapter 35

  I wake up on the sofa, stiff and disoriented. I slowly sit up, and the bright sunshine streaming in through the windows hits me like a punch in the face. I cower away like a vampire. What time is it? My body seems swollen to
me, and my hair is an animal that gave up and died on my head. It hurts to breathe.

  I check my phone. It’s ten in the morning, and I have no missed calls and no texts. I shoot to my feet, ignoring my protesting muscles, and run to the bedroom. There’s no sign of Luke—no indication that he’d come back last night. I slump bonelessly to the ground. Did he spend the night with her? The thought is nauseating.

  I perform the daily tasks of living robotically. A hot shower helps the aching muscles, but I still feel so, so tired when I get out. Exhausted, but strangely aware—like I’ve been awake for days, surviving on caffeine pills. Last night’s events keep playing over and over again in my head like a bad movie, too melodramatic to be real. I won’t even let myself be angry because I’m not entirely convinced it happened. Not to me. Not with Luke. He swore he’d never hurt me.

  When I get tired of staring alternately at the door and the phone in my lap, I decide I need to leave. I head down to the zoo, and plant myself in front of my favorite exhibit. I pretend to watch the chimps inspecting each other for goodies, but deep down I know what I’m really doing there. I’m waiting for him to find me.

  He doesn’t come. After another sleepless night with no word, I go back to my bench and my unsympathetic primates. My phone is clutched in my sweaty little hand, and I check it every two minutes to make sure it’s still working. It hasn’t made a peep since sometime yesterday. That’s weird, right? And yet I can’t bring myself to call or text anyone to make sure it’s working. Because what if it is.

  I sit there for so long that I idly start to worry about blood clots. The top of my head is burning hot to the touch, and a few minutes ago a solemn little boy handed me his sticky lollipop. I know you’re not supposed to take candy from strangers, but the kid didn’t look too shady.

  I sense someone sit down next to me while I’m taking tentative licks. Bubble gum flavor. My stomach turns and I drop the sucker on the ground. I don’t usually litter, but…yeah, most of the time I do.

  I stare straight ahead, not really seeing anything. “Is he in North Carolina?”

  There’s a long pause. “Yeah,” Nate says reluctantly. “He had to go, Andi.”

  I let out a broken gasp. I knew he had to leave, but I couldn’t help but hope. Hope is such a bitch. Why don’t they warn you in school that it’s the most dangerous of all emotions?

  I turn to Nate and pretend to not notice when he winces sympathetically. “Did he ask you to come here?”

  He avoids my gaze, dropping his eyes to his sunglasses dangling in one hand. “He’s really messed up right now, kid. Right now he doesn’t know who to trust.”

  “They set me up, Nate,” I say fretfully. “Kat and Jessica. How can he believe them? He didn’t even give me a chance to explain!”

  “I know. They’re fucking with his head.” Nate’s expressive face is grim. He reaches over to squeeze my hand comfortingly. “Give him a little while to cool off and get his shit together.”

  I find myself nodding robotically. “When’s he coming back?”

  He hesitates. “I don’t know. You know the shooting schedule—it’s pretty brutal from here on. But, you know, stay at the hotel as long as you want. It’s all been arranged. My dad—”

  “Did he send you here to dump me?”

  “What? No. Come on, Andi.” Nate squirms uncomfortably, appearing alarmed by my shaking tone. “You guys will work things out. Luke’s just…I don’t know. He’s fucking gutted right now. Just give him some time.”

  “Time?” A strangled laugh escapes me. “What for? He walked away from me. He lost faith in me. Do you know how many times he asked me to trust him—and he can’t return the favor?! Fuck him!”

  Nate’s blue eyes widen in panic. “Whoa, wait a minute—let’s not be hasty here. I get that you’re upset right now, so don’t go making rash decisions. This—this is nothing, kid. A little misunderstanding—it’s barely even a thing. You guys will get through this. Just…don’t give up on him, alright?”

  I turn my head sharply away, letting my hair fall around me to hide my anguished face. “He gave up on me,” I say bitterly.

  “Andi, come on. Shit, I think I’m making this worse,” Nate mutters half to himself. He jumps off the bench and crouches down in front of me. “If you leave Luke, it will break him. Look, let me—I’ll call him, okay? And you can—”

  “Go away, Nate.” My voice is low and trembling as I keep my head averted.

  “No, I don’t—”

  “I said go the fuck away!”

  My violent outburst makes Nate fall back on his ass, and a wandering group of ducks is startled into flight. I’m past the point of caring that I’m making a spectacle of myself. I simply erupt like a repressed volcano, ugly emotions spewing in every direction. I don’t care who gets burned by them.

  “Leave!” I scream, and Nate, holding his hands up in surrender, goes.

  In case anyone is wondering, this is the part where I cry.

  I’m not gonna lie—it wasn’t long before my thoughts turned to revenge and destruction. I started to mentally compile a list of targets: Romey’s garage, Kat’s apartment…Jessica’s office. I’m halfway to Jessica’s before I stop myself. It takes several minutes of deep breathing and loudly scolding myself to get my sensible side back in the driver’s seat.

  I haven’t done anything (really) criminal in a long time. I still have the impulses, but I’ve been able to keep it on a leash so far. It’s not as easy as I’m making it sound. Maybe Luke is right. Maybe I am crazy.

  I have to go. Before I do something really stupid again. I’m so fucking angry.

  I've had that out of control fury before. But never accompanied by this horrible bone-deep misery. I don’t know how to cope with such indescribable pain. It’s weird; I’ve been alone many times, but this is the first time I feel lonely. This is why all the girls who’ve been dumped by their boyfriends used to binge-watch Netflix and come to school looking like zombies.

  I want to hurt someone as bad as I’m hurt. Really want to. I’m not going to, though. This time, I’m just going to leave. If I don’t think about him, I’ll be okay. To hell with him. I don’t need my heart to beat. It never did before him, anyway.

  My body is sluggish while my thoughts are racing around a million miles a minute, too quick to catch. I go back to the hotel to get my stuff. Luckily, I don’t have much there that I want to keep; the rest goes in the trash—including Mr. Jones. He smells too much like Luke’s soap and fabric softener, and I just can’t. I dump him in the trash along with anything I’ve ever gotten from him—which is everything expensive in my possession. Not that I ever asked him to buy me any of it. Who the hell needs a phone with pink diamonds on it, anyway? Not me, though secretly I am a pink diamond kind of girl. No one knew that about me, except for Luke

  Before I head over to my apartment to grab my cash stash, I make a pit stop at the Addison hotel. There’s something I need to do before I go.

  I camp out in the fancy lobby, ignoring the suspicious looks the staff keep throwing me. No one seems to recognize me, which is a good thing for them. A couple of paps caught me leaving yesterday, and I screamed at them in the devil's voice. Then they kind of sidled away from me. They can print whatever they want about that encounter, I don’t care.

  This must be my lucky day. After about an hour's wait, the special elevators doors open up to reveal Amber Lynn, dressed to kill in a poppy red wrap dress. She looks young and happy. That's about to change.

  Her long-legged show horse gait comes to an abrupt stop when I step in front of her. I can tell she instantly recognizes me by the instant fear and loathing in her pretty brown eyes.

  "What do you want?" she asks, nervously glancing around.

  I gesture for her to follow me to a hallway where the restrooms are located. She trails after me, crossing her arms over her stomach. I make sure we’re away from the prying eyes of the hotel staff before thrusting the manila folder at her. I don’t say anythin
g because we all know a picture is worth a thousand words. I have nine of them for her enjoyment.

  She cautiously opens up the folder like it’s going to explode on her. Her face goes from confused to ashen in a matter of milliseconds as she looks through the contents. “Where did you get these?” she says on a gasp, bringing her horrified gaze back up to me.

  “Private investigator,” I say shortly. “You’re not very discreet, are you? If you have to have sex with a minor, you shouldn’t do it in a parking lot, midday—and you sure as hell shouldn’t do it on school grounds. And if you’re going to provide drugs and alcohol to said minor and his friends, you shouldn’t do it in an Arby’s. That should at least be against store policy.”

  Amber Lynn quickly closes the file, holding it like she can barely stand to touch it. She runs a shaking hand through her hair. “What do you want?” she asks again. “You gonna blackmail me now?”

  “I don’t like that term,” I inform her frostily.

  I pause when a couple of older women walk by on their way to the ladies’ room. They give us curious looks as they pass, probably because Amber Lynn has this look on her face like I’m about to beat her. You’d think I’d lord my power over her, but I only feel tired. I just want to get this done and go.

  “Well?” She tries to sound tough, but fails miserably. “What do you want? Money, or something?”

  “The only thing I want from you is your cooperation.” I regard her scornfully. “Clean yourself up. Go to rehab; see a shrink. Go on a meditative journey to find your self-worth. Also, get a job—something where you don't work with teenage dreams. If you can't be the kind of mother Luke deserves then get the hell out of his life. And if you even think about divulging family secrets—or doing anything that will hurt him and cast a negative light on his career, I'll know. And you'd better hope they lock your ass behind bars because I swear to god I'll come after you."