Midwife to Destiny

by Nana Prah

  Ora waved it in the air like a flag of truce.

  “That’s great. I’d like you to read it to me.”

  “Out loud?”

  “Yes.”

  Ora opened the letter and started reading the five pages. Once she’d started writing last night, the pain, hurt, and anger of the past thirty-four years of being neglected and unloved by her father poured out of her and she couldn’t stop writing. When she’d finished, she’d fallen into bed exhausted. A sense of freedom settled over her now that she’d expressed her true feelings about the man who’d given her life but had refused to nurture it.

  Ora folded it when she had finished and Diana allowed her to sit in reflective silence.

  “How do you feel?” Diana asked.

  She’d anticipated the question. “I’m sad. I never realized how much his leaving affected me. I’ve been harbouring so much despair and blaming myself for his leaving.”

  She hadn’t caused him to shirk his responsibilities. Now she was ready to make sure the little girl she’d been, knew once and for all that all blame for his absence lay on him, not her.

  They dissected the letter and its components. By the time the session ended, she wondered how she’d make it to the door after being drained of all energy, as if she had been running a marathon she hadn’t trained for.

  “What is the best day to meet again?” Diana asked.

  “Considering how I feel now, it would be best to do these sessions on a day when I don’t have to work. I’m exhausted.”

  “Emotional introspection can be a lot of work, but you’re doing well.”

  Diana’s words were encouraging and Ora was filled with a sense of accomplishment. She went though her work roster. “I’m not working on Thursday. Is that a good day?”

  “How about ten a.m.?”

  “That’s fine.”

  “For your next assignment, you are to write everything you think is lovable about yourself, but the catch is to have Jason do the same thing. If he’s willing. It would be helpful if he could bring his list here himself.”

  “You want Jason to come to a counselling session with me?”

  “Yes.”

  “But why?” She wiped her sweaty palms on her slacks. She’d fought coming to counselling tooth and nail. Why would he come, when the session wouldn’t benefit him? It would be a waste of his time.

  “Would you like him to be a part of your life?”

  The crafty woman now made her speak out loud what her mind had repeated many times since she’d broken up with him. “Yes.”

  “Even though we’re dealing with you and your commitment issues, he needs to understand and be involved in what’s happening and how you’re helping yourself. Didn’t you say he wanted to assist in any way that he could?”

  She nodded. His offer had been the highlight of her first call to him after their breakup.

  “This is a way to help involve him in your healing process. It will help to strengthen your relationship. He’ll be here for one session. Think about it. If he can’t make it on Thursday, then we can set the session for a more convenient day.”

  She doubted he’d come, but understood her therapist’s reasoning better. “I’ll ask him.”

  “See you on Thursday at ten. Have a good day.”

  ***

  Jason ran into Ora on his way out of the hospital for a seminar at the medical school. He hadn’t seen her since she’d started therapy even though he thanked God they were talking, even if just on the phone.

  Her smile lit up her eyes. He hoped seeing him had put the glow on her cheeks.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here.” His heart drummed so loud in his ears he could hardly hear himself talk.

  “How are you doing?”

  He put his hands into his pockets to keep from reaching out to touch her. “I’m hanging in there. How’s counselling going?”

  “I’m learning a lot about my motivations. She’s even getting me to talk about my feelings.” She rolled her eyes.

  Jason chuckled. “Feelings are important.”

  “I’m learning that.”

  “Listen—”

  “I thought—”

  “You go first,” he offered. Her hands had grasped the strap of her bag as if it was a lifeline. He braced himself for bad news.

  “My therapist said I should invite you to a session.”

  He released the breath he’d been holding. “You mean I should go to counselling with you?”

  He’d never seen her chew her cheek before. She must be anxious. How come she hadn’t figured out he’d do anything for her? “Tell me the day, time, and place and I’ll be there. In fact, I’ll drive us there.”

  Her face relaxed as she loosened the grip on her bag. “You sound enthusiastic about it. You do understand it’s a therapy session, right?”

  “I told you I wanted to help you get through this. I want to be with you and I’ll do whatever it takes.” He longed to reach out and take her in his arms and hold her forever. The desire to remove any hurt she’d ever experienced in her life overshadowed everything. He should be the one to help her fix her life, not the therapist, but she had to deal with her demons herself, though he’d be with her every step of the way if she let him.

  “There’s another thing.”

  “Name it, Ora.”

  She smiled. “She wants you to make a list of the things you like about me.”

  “That’s no problem.” His list would be pages long.

  She tilted her head to the side. “You have no issue with going to counselling with me?”

  Giving in to his need, he reached out, took her hands in his, happy when she didn’t pull away. “I understand the value of it.”

  His gut twisted when her eyes welled with tears.

  “Thank you for your support.”

  “You’re welcome. Dealing with what’s wrong in your life and fixing it is my first priority.”

  At that moment, she existed as his world, his queen, and his heart.

  “What were you going to say?” she asked.

  It took him a few seconds to remember. “Would you like to go to lunch with me tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can we meet at the cafeteria at one then?” This lunch would be a new beginning, again.

  “I’ll be there.”

  “I miss you.” He admitted, not sure if he pushed his luck by saying too much too soon.

  She swallowed before speaking. “I miss you, too. I’m sorry about everything I’m putting you through.”

  “As long as everything turns out all right, it will all have been worth it.”

  “I appreciate your patience.”

  Because he couldn’t resist being so close and not having her in his arms, he reached out and hugged her. He whispered into her ear. “I told you I would wait for you. I don’t plan on losing you ever again.”

  She sighed before stepping back. “I don’t want you to be late for your meeting.”

  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He hesitated to move from his spot.

  “Yes. Have a good day.”

  “You, too. Bye.”

  “Bye.” She reached a hand out as if going to touch his face but let it fall back to her side, turned around, and walked into the hospital.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Ora and Jason sat side by side on Diana’s couch, close enough for their knees to bump when they shifted. The wonderful tingly sensations touching Jason evoked, had her making quite a few position changes during the session.

  “Have you written your lists?” Diana asked after the introductions were made and a rapport established.

  “Yes,” they responded in unison.

  She was a bundle of nerves. The man she loved sat in therapy with her. Pushing her to get better so they could be together. His concern amazed her.

  “Read yours first, Aurora.”

  She dug into her oversized bag and produced the paper which held her assignment. “I suppose you want me to r
ead it out loud.”

  “You are correct.” Diana smiled.

  Her face heated as she perused the list. It’s not bragging if it’s an assignment. “Things that are lovable about me: I’m a person of strong faith, kind, generous when least expected. A loyal friend, a good daughter and sister. I can forgive without hesitation, am honest and direct so people always know where they stand with me, intelligent and have common sense. I’m excellent in emergency situations, easy to get along with, a hard worker. I care about my patients, and love laughing.”

  “Was the list difficult to write?”

  “At first, yes, but once I got started, it flowed.”

  “Off the top of your head, what are some things you don’t like about yourself?”

  “That one’s easy.” She glanced at him. “I can be indecisive at times, my temper sometimes gets me into trouble, more times than not I’m strict and unyielding about things, I have difficulty holding on to a relationship, I’m stubborn, sometimes I’m a know-it-all, and I can be inflexible about making changes, especially personal ones.”

  “What made the negative list easier to create than the positive one?”

  “I think about the things I do a lot. I’m pretty sure I have gained an ‘awareness’ of life.” She used her index and middle fingers to make air quotes to emphasize the word, hoping she didn’t sound as if she’d been gloating. “Every time I do something that hurts another person, I reflect on it and how I could have avoided causing someone pain.” She focused her attention on Diana, but Jason’s gaze sent warmth across her skin.

  “I see. Now Jason, you read your list.”

  Jason’s rich voice enthralled her as he read the three-page list he’d prepared. He had included all of the things she’d listed about herself and so much more.

  “You like all those things about me?” She couldn’t manage to close her mouth, amazed at his extensive list.

  “The list is not complete.”

  “What about the negative things about her?” Diana asked.

  He sat thinking for a minute. “There aren’t many. She has a fierce temper, but it must be provoked. Once the anger is out of her system, she’s rational again. She’s not very open with her feelings, and she’s stubborn.”

  “Is that all?” Diana prompted.

  “That’s all that comes to mind.”

  “Which list was harder for you?”

  “The negative aspects.”

  “Really?” Ora asked.

  “Yes.”

  The hour-long session ended in what seemed like five minutes.

  “Thank you for coming to the session, Jason. Aurora, let’s make an appointment for next week.”

  “I don’t have a problem coming back next week also if you want me to,” Jason volunteered.

  Her heart skipped a beat.

  “That’s okay, Jason. I think you’ve helped a lot, but next week, it will just be Aurora.”

  ***

  Ora couldn’t hide her gratitude toward her cousin as she contemplated all she’d been through these past few months.

  “Therapy is the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. Thank you for putting the mirror up to my face and forcing me to see the real me, Esi.”

  “Any time. If you ever feel the need to return the favour, please do.”

  “Today is my last session with Diana. I’m sad.” A few months ago, she would’ve never spoken those words because she would have perceived them as a sign of weakness. “I’ve learned so much about myself over the past few months while seeing her. Aspects of myself I never knew existed have popped up into my consciousness and I like it.”

  “You seem freer. More open and in touch with your feelings.”

  And better able to love and be loved without fear of being left. She’d even forgiven her father. He’d never be one of her favourite people, but at least now, he no longer posed a threat to her emotional stability. “You know I’ve changed when you can say the word feelings and I don’t cringe as a reaction.”

  “How are things going between you and Jason?”

  Ora smiled. “We’ve been taking it slow and building our friendship. It feels like we’re dating, but we aren’t. We haven’t kissed since we broke up.”

  Esi raised her eyebrows.

  “All right, since I broke it off with him. But we’re closer now.”

  “That’s great. Are you a couple?”

  “Not that I know of.”

  “I see. So you’d have no problem if he started dating….” She gave a dramatic pause. “Gifty.”

  A flash of red passed before Ora’s eyes but she put her hands up in front of her and answered, “He’s free to see whoever he wants.”

  Esi rolled her eyes. “Sure. You know I don’t believe you, right?”

  Ora shrugged. She meant every word. She and Jason weren’t in a relationship. His friendship alone meant the world to her. It would be nice if they became a couple again, but she didn’t mind that they were taking things nice and slow. “You can believe whatever you want.”

  “How about if we celebrate after your last session and get some ice cream at the mall? I could use the sugar influx even if my hips can’t.”

  “Your hips are just fine. You have a shape that makes men turn around and stare, even when they’re with their women.”

  Esi looked over her shoulder to view the shelf behind her. “I am ‘bootylicious’, aren’t I?” She shook her rear.

  “Don’t hurt yourself. Or anyone else for that matter.” They dissolved into a fit of giggles.

  “I promised to hang out with Jason this evening, but I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if we all went to the mall for ice cream.”

  “Even though I’ll be the third wheel again, going out with you two is better than anything I had in mind. I should find myself a good man.”

  “He’s out there. You deserve someone great because you’re such a wonderful, if not dramatic, person. You’ll find someone, I’m sure of it.”

  “God sure is taking his time bringing him to me.” Esi sighed.

  “And His time is always the best.”

  She thought about Jason as she said the words. She’d rather be friends with him for the rest of her life than have no relationship with him at all. A contrast from the immature attitude she’d had a few months ago. He’d become a light for her, a beacon of hope, and she loved him more now than she could ever have imagined loving anyone.

  He’d stuck by her when she wanted nothing to do with him as an attempt to protect herself. The man had become her everything and every day, she took a moment to thank God for placing him in her life.

  “You said your session is at four today, right? Then how about if I meet you guys at the mall at around six?”

  “I don’t like the word ‘around’ when talking about time. Let’s just say six, okay?”

  “Fine. Six, it is.”

  Esi picked at near invisible pieces of lint from the couch. She’d wait until her cousin spit out whatever bothered her. “Aurora, I have a confession to make.”

  Here it comes. “I don’t like it when you use my given name, Esi. It makes me nervous.”

  “Sorry, but I have to get this off of my chest and seeing as to how you’ve been doing so well in therapy, I figured you wouldn’t kill me. It’s about Jason.”

  Fear ripped through her. She sprang to the edge of her seat ready to run to him if anything had happened. “What is it?”

  “He contacted me when he tried to find information about you. His cousin who works in the pharmacy department got a hold of me.” Esi held up her hands over her head to ward off any blows. When none came, she chanced a look at her.

  Ora placed a hand to her chest in relief that nothing had happened to Jason. “What are you talking about?”

  She took a deep breath. “Remember when you yelled at me for showing Jason where we lived?”

  “Yes.” The sweetness of their first kiss on that day remained vivid in her memory.

  “Jason called me
a few months before he moved to Ghana. He got my number through his cousin.”

  “You mentioned this already. I still don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

  “Sorry. Jason asked me about you and I provided it, especially the part about you not getting married.” She raised both hands in front of her. “You’ll be happy to know that before I gave him the information, I interrogated him like a police investigator. I questioned him with a brutality that even impressed me.”

  The words had rushed out of Esi’s mouth so fast it took a minute for Ora to comprehend what she’d said. “But….” Shock silenced the rest of the words.

  “All I wanted was your happiness, Ora. From what he told me, he’d been miserable without you and so were you even after a couple of years had passed. Time hadn’t diminished how you felt about him, although you kept it all bottled up. I’d never seen you so miserable before. You had some strong emotions for him. Your stubborn nature prevented you from calling him. I sang like a canary and told him everything.”

  “Esi!”

  She resembled a statue. Ora couldn’t even see her breathing. She let her cousin stew in her own meddling juices for a few minutes as she paced to the window. “You little schemer.” Ora laughed. “I can’t believe you. Who do you think you are? My midwife to destiny or something? It must have been killing you to keep this secret for so long.”

  “You don’t know. I thought I’d burst. You aren’t angry?”

  “I have every right to be, but no, I’m not. You helped bring Jason to me and despite all we’ve been through, I know without a doubt he’s the love of my life.”

  This time, Esi sat speechless. A rare occurrence; Ora should have taken a picture of while she had the chance.

  “Thank you for caring so much about me that you meddled into my life,” Ora said. She owed her cousin so much more than she could ever repay.

  “Anytime. Midwife to destiny. I like it. I should have a card made. Esi Darfour, Midwife to Destiny. I’ll add extraordinaire.”

  “Don’t push it!”

  “You’re not mad?”

  Ora put her hands on her hips. “Wouldn’t you know it by now if I was?”

  “Yes.”