Lone Star Joy

by Kathleen Ball

  "She stepped right in front of the bullet, Stamos," Joy whispered.

  The smell of blood became overwhelming. Joy's stomach began to roll. "Stamos, I need you to take over."

  Stamos gave her a long look and applied pressure to Nanny's wound.

  Joy bolted for the door. She barely made it out of the barn before she vomited. It took forever for her stomach to empty. Wobbly, she walked over to the bench and plopped down. Popping a piece of gum in her mouth, she felt the perspiration on her brow. How much was too much?

  "Joy, are you alright?" Stamos yelled.

  "I'm fine," she yelled back, but she knew that her voice betrayed her tumultuous feelings.

  Finally, the police, Ida Perkins, and Doc Parker arrived. The only one Joy was interested in was Doc Parker. She already knew that Nanny would be fine, but she hated that she was in so much pain. Doc Parker could help Nanny with that.

  As she watched the police approach her, Joy panicked. She'd never had a good experience with the cops. Having Ida Perkins dogging their heels didn't help any. Joy sat up straight and she narrowed her eyes. "Did you need something?"

  "We need to take you in for questioning," one of the police officers told her.

  She expected as much. Shrugging, she stood, ready to go. She didn't look anywhere other than the police car. She couldn't. She didn't want to think that it would be her last look. Her fear had come to fruition. She wouldn't be here to watch Dillon grow up. She wouldn't be there to give Stamos his morning and evening kiss. Touching her belly almost made her breakdown.

  Sitting in the back of the police car, she told herself to buck up. No whining, no weakness. That hit on her life may still be waiting for her.

  The ride was quick and as the car parked, Joy caught site of Ida smiling at her. She tried to ignore her, but Ida made it impossible. Joy wanted to smack her when she insisted on being in the interrogation room. Somehow, Ida got her way and they all went inside together.

  The interrogation room was standard. It had the two-way mirror, the camera, and stiff uncomfortable chairs. Hers rocked a bit and she had to bite back a smile. She knew that it was a tactic to keep the prisoner unsteady and miserable.

  The brick walls were painted the same ugly green as all the rest and she wanted to laugh as it grew warmer in the room. Textbook, that's what it was. Didn't they know that she was a hardened convict and she was on to their tactics?

  They offered her coffee, which she refused. One time she drank several sodas and then they wouldn't allow her to use the bathroom. Adding Ida to the mix might even be fun. Good cop, bad cop, and evil witch. That combo she'd never had.

  The door opened and the three of them walked in. Joy bit her lip and looked away. Taking a deep steadying breath, she sat back in the chair and stared defiantly at them.

  "Why don't we begin with how you killed your father?" Ida asked, almost gleefully.

  Joy ignored her. It was either that or go over the table and strangle her. Shifting so that she looked in the direction of the police, Joy waited.

  The two officers looked at each other. It was obvious they didn't work out who was good cop and who was bad. Amateur hour, but she had to endure it.

  Officer Rice, the bigger of the two with curly blond hair and piercing blue eyes, cleared his throat. "We have the murder weapon, a dead body, and you."

  The other one, Officer Terrell smiled at her. "Now, I'm sure that you have a good explanation. You didn't mean to kill your father, did you?" He played with his handlebar mustache.

  They both stared at her waiting for a confession.

  "Oh please," Ida said with disgust. "She killed her father. We have the evidence, we don't need a confession."

  Officer Rice threw her a dirty look. "We need to hear your statement."

  Officer Terrell smiled. "It's the fastest way to get out of here."

  Joy snorted. "Are you offering me a get out of jail free card? If not, then I want a lawyer."

  "Oh, come on, don't go and lawyer up. That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Officer Rice pounded the table with his fist.

  "Y'all can pound that table all you want. This is not my first rodeo. I want a lawyer."

  She smiled as they all looked at each other. They were out of gas.

  Except for Ida, she jumped out of her chair and grabbed Joy by her long braid. Putting her face right in front of Joy's, Ida hissed, "Oh no, you are not getting out of it this time. You killed your father and your stepmother. You are a monster and I won't rest until you are behind bars."

  The pain of having her hair pulled was immense, but Joy barely flickered an eyelash. Ida wanted to get a rise out of her and Joy did not intend to cooperate.

  "Let go, Miss Perkins." Officer Terrell stood up, walked around the table, and tried to pry Ida's hand open.

  It wasn't until Officer Rice got up that Ida paid any mind to what they were saying. Finally, she let go of Joy's hair and the three exited the room, but not before Ida gave her a long vicious look.

  Joy looked at the two-way mirror and resisted the urge to smile. She knew they were all behind it talking about her and watching her. Her nightmares never ceased.

  Somehow, she thought that Stamos would have called her a lawyer by now. Unless he didn't believe it was self-defense. Maybe he agreed with witch Perkins. Taking a deep breath, Joy knew no matter what, Stamos would always be there for her. That's what love meant.

  He'd be there and soon. She would just have to wait a little bit longer. But as the hours passed, Joy grew less and less confident.

  Her warring heart drew her into deep misery. He loves me, he loves me not. Her mind whirled and whirled until she didn't know which way was up. So many untruths in her life, how was she to know what was real and what was just plain made up?

  Shaking her head, she thought of Dillon. That was a true love. The bliss she experienced when he was in her arms was genuine. Next, she thought of Stamos. That was a true love wasn't it? Their lovemaking had been just that, making love. Hadn't it?

  Putting her hand over her abdomen, she knew that the love for her baby was real. The whole world around her had been so crazy, so full of betrayal and deceit that Joy felt bereft.

  She didn't even know who she was. Was she the hardened women who refused to lower her guard? Was she the warm and loving wife and mother? Was she the respected friend or was that all an illusion too?

  Maybe she'd been a fool to believe in Stamos. Her heart was being squeezed in her chest. Breathing became hard and she washed herself in despair. Where was he?

  She sat with her back toward the mirror. Not so others couldn't see her. She didn't want to see herself. She couldn't face herself if she'd been a fool. Five long hours she'd been sitting alone. As she waited, her faith waned and her mind tortured her with doubt.

  Fear found its way inside her and try as she might she couldn't push it out. She should have stayed in prison in the first place. Her life would have been better if she'd never gone to Stamos' ranch. Then she thought of her unborn baby and knew that she couldn't regret it.

  Was this purgatory or was it hell? Having been happy made her situation even harder to bear. She couldn't take any more and the tears that had been waiting to fall, trailed down her face. This time she didn't try to stop them. What was the use? There was no one to see them. No one for her to draw comfort from. She felt reminiscent of that scared fourteen-year-old girl that had first been put in prison. She was on her own, once again. It was official, she'd been born under an unlucky star.

  The door handle turned and Joy anxiously waited to see who'd come through it.

  "Joy, are you okay?" Callie asked as she approached Joy.

  Joy gave her a weak smile. Her heart hurt. She had expected Stamos to be the one who came. "Yes, of course I am. This is nothing new to me."

  Callie took her hand and pulled her up. "Let's get out of here."

  Joy stood open mouthed. "I can go?"

  Callie smiled at her. "Yes and we need to get out of here b
efore these jackasses change their minds."

  Joy nodded and allowed Callie to lead her out of the interrogation room. She wanted to turn and stick her tongue out at the two-way mirror, but she resisted the urge. All she wanted was to go home.

  She blinked at the bright sun while she walked to Callie's truck. Where was Stamos? Joy was too proud to ask her friend where he was. It killed her not asking, but she had her pride.

  Joy waited in vain for Callie to tell her what was going on. She listened while Callie talked about Garrett and her twins. She half listened and hoped that she was making the right responses. Her mind was too full of questions for her to give Callie her full attention.

  Joy watched in horror as Callie passed the turnoff to her ranch. She wasn't going home after all. Stamos probably didn't want her around Dillon. She was a killer now. It was real this time.

  "Almost there," Callie announced cheerfully.

  Joy nodded, biting her lip until she tasted blood. This was too much. All this turmoil couldn't be good for the baby. Taking a deep breath, Joy tried to grin and bear it. Unfortunately, it didn't take away the excruciating pain in her heart. That, she knew, was permanent.

  Callie parked the truck and they both quickly got out. No one came out to greet them and Joy's last tiny bit of hope faded. She supposed that this was where she'd be staying for a while. At least she was with friends.

  "I'm going to the barn," Joy called out, as she headed in the opposite direction of Callie. She needed to be alone for a bit.

  Walking into the big barn made her smile. The smell of horses and hay brought down her anxiety level. Nino, Nanny's foal, greeted her. "Hey, girl. How's your mom?"

  Nino put her head over Joy's shoulder, hugging her. Joy closed her eyes and enjoyed the moment. When she opened them, she was surprised to see both Garrett and Stamos. "Oh."

  Taking a step back from the horse, Joy nodded at both men. "How is Nanny?" she asked, looking only at Stamos. He was a welcome sight and she needed to drink in his essence.

  "She'll be fine." Garrett walked past Joy, patting her on the shoulder.

  Stamos stared back at her. It was impossible to know what he was thinking. He looked so solemn.

  "Will you be bringing my things over or have you already done it?" Joy asked, miserably.

  "Your things?" Stamos asked, taking a step toward her.

  "Yes."

  "What are you talking about? Are you alright?" Stamos asked, taking another step in her direction.

  Joy nodded. "I'm fine. I realize that you don't want me around Dillon anymore and..."

  Stamos took another step until he stood in front of Joy. "Joy, what in God's name is going on in that mind of yours?"

  Joy felt as confused as Stamos looked. "I figured since you didn't come to get me, and I'm here instead of at home..."

  Stamos cradled her cheek in the palm of his hand. "Oh, Joy. I'm sorry. I should have been the one to get you. I was here helping with Nanny and Callie offered to go and get you. It never occurred to me that you'd think there was something wrong. Dillon and I have been crazy all day without you."

  Joy looked into his eyes and knew that he was telling the truth. Pulling away, she turned her back to him. "I-- I just don't know what to think, what to feel. I'm afraid, Stamos, so afraid. My doubts have shredded all of my faith and confidence in us. I can't seem to rid myself of a feeling of doom. A feeling that I'm headed for destruction."

  Joy's voice quavered and it made her mad. "I've turned into a weak ninny here at your ranch. I have wants and desires that I can't have. Not anymore."

  Stamos stepped behind her and she pulled away. "No, don't touch me." Turning, she glimpsed the hurt in his eyes. It made her heart twist painfully. "What would have happened if they'd locked me up? My mind can't seem to get rid of you, Dillon, and the ranch. You are all I think about and that could get me killed. It could get our baby killed. Stamos, the world is a dangerous place and prison is a hundred times so."

  Stamos nodded. He looked as though he understood. He didn't look happy, but he got it. "You owe me..."

  "Stamos, don't be that way," Joy pleaded.

  "You owe me a good morning kiss. A promise is a promise," he told her with a stubborn look on his face.

  "Stamos..."

  "No you listen to me for a change. I understand where you are coming from. You are right if you were going to prison, but you're not."

  "But--"

  Stamos held up his hand to stay her. "It's my turn. I love you with everything I have; everything I am. My son loves you. You are his mother. The baby you carry is a part of both of us. Do you think I wanted to let you into my heart? No, I did not. I've been hurt in my life too." Stamos took a deep breath. "Here's the thing, only you can decide to be a part of this family. You still have to stay until your prison work release is done. Let me know what you decide."

  Stamos stepped forward and grabbed her hips, hauling her against him. He slanted his lips over hers, plundering her mouth. He kissed her long and hard, making her gasp. Then just as suddenly, he put her from him and walked away, leaving her feeling bereft.

  Joy walked to the stall where Nanny was recuperating. She looked good. Opening the stall door, she went inside and knelt down to stroke Nanny's head. The vet must have given her a sedative, but Joy knew that Nanny was aware of her presence.

  "Thank you, Nanny, you saved my life." Joy sighed. "My life, what a mess. Nanny, I just don't know what to do. My heart says one thing but my head says another. I love that man of mine with my heart and soul. Why can't I get past all the warnings in my head?"

  Nanny looked at her and nickered.

  "You're right. Life is too short."

  The stall door opened and in came Pirate, the love of Nanny's life. Right behind him was their daughter Nino. Joy leaned down and kissed Nanny on her head. "I understand now. Thank you."

  Stamos looked up from his desk. He knew it was Joy and Dillon. He just wasn't in the mood for either. He felt bordering on an injured bull and he didn't want to take out his anger on either of them.

  Joy continued to stand there. Stamos wished her away to no avail. He did notice in the brief look he gave them, that Joy had let her hair down. Did she know that it made him crazy? Probably she was using it as a weapon against his resolve to stay angry. Looking up at her again, he noticed the sorrow in her eyes. He looked away. She was using every female trick to get to him.

  "Okay, you can go now," he said, without looking up.

  Joy gasped, but she didn't leave.

  "What do you want, Joy? And let me warn you I'm not in the mood for any nonsense."

  "Nonsense? How dare you," Joy cried.

  Stamos stared at her and smiled. "Oh I dare, sweetheart. I dare a lot."

  "No. We are not going to do this," Joy told him.

  "Not with Dillon in the room anyway." Stamos shrugged. "If you want to come back later, well, we'll see."

  He could see the hurt and confusion in Joy's eyes before she turned and fled. Hell. He hadn't planned to act that way. He lashed out at her because he hurt. Why was it that every time they were almost there on their way to happiness, something grabbed it away?

  This time that something was him. He needed space. He needed time. He needed to ride the range on Frankie. Stamos' lips twitched. Joy had him calling Franklin, Frankie. She'd love to know that. Maybe when he got back.

  Walking to the barn, Stamos pulled his hat down further on his head. A cold wind blew across the Texas grass. "What are you doing in here and why is my son out in the cold?"

  Joy flinched at his harsh words. "I'm so sorry. I will bring your son back inside." She brushed past him.

  Corny, Rowdy, and Shep all stared at him with their mouths hanging open. "Get to work," Stamos, growled. It didn't give him any satisfaction to see them scramble.

  Saddling Frankie, Stamos thought about Joy. Maybe she was trying to make amends. Hell. She hadn't done anything. "Hey, Corny I've changed my mind. Could you unsaddle Frankie for me?"


  Corny took the reins smiling at Stamos the whole time. The whole ranch was loco. Stamos pushed his hat back and strode toward the house. He wanted to be with his wife and their son.

  The house seemed uncharacteristically quiet. Stamos wondered where everyone was. Pouring himself a cup of coffee, he thought maybe he heard someone in his office. He grabbed his cup and peered into the room. It was Joy.

  Standing with her back to him, she looked out the window. It was obvious that she was crying, and Stamos knew how much she hated to cry. Her hair hung down her back like a shiny curtain of brown and gold. She had filled out in all the right places. Her ass looked wonderful.

  He could feel himself harden. His whole body ignited in anticipation. He wanted her more than he had ever wanted anyone. She was his woman and it was time she knew it.

  Joy stood at the window trembling. Her head turned slightly as Stamos approached. She didn't turn around.

  Stamos sighed, and then he moved directly behind her. He wrapped one arm around her middle as he kissed her up and down the side of her neck. He could feel her shiver with each kiss.

  "Stamos," she moaned.

  It was all the encouragement he needed. "You are one sexy woman."

  Joy turned her head and looked at him as though he was crazy. "If you say so."

  Stamos came up behind her. "I know so." He reached around her and pulled her against him.

  "Oh, Stamos," Joy cried out, as they made love.

  They stood there for a few minutes until they both caught their breath. Stamos took a step back and as Joy turned around, he scooped her up in his arms and kissed her deeply.

  Her eyes were wide with wonder. "Wow. Does that mean you're not mad at me?"

  Stamos sat on the couch with Joy still in his arms. He grabbed the plaid blanket off the back of the couch and covered them both. Joy's squirming was starting to make him crazy. Finally, she settled against him.

  "Joy, I'm so sorry."

  They sat there together for a while, both quiet.

  Joy gazed into the dark liquid pools that were his eyes. The truth of his statement shined through. Reaching up, she ran her hand along his chin, unshaven and strong. It made him look sexy. Turning, she faced Stamos with her legs straddled on both sides of him.