She went into the kitchen, got her cookies and milk, brought it out to the table, set it by Sarah and then she went to one of the chairs in the living room where she sat down. She picked up a packet of information she’d printed off from the computer. “If you need help or have any questions, feel free to ask. I’ll be right here.”
Sarah didn’t answer.
As Carolyne reviewed the material in her hands, she heard the back door open. In moments, Meghan came in, hesitating as she saw Sarah.
“I’m being punished,” Sarah muttered. “So just ignore me.”
Carolyne couldn’t let that pass. “There are results for our misbehavior, sweetie. Even as adults.”
Sarah stared at Carolyne curiously and then at Meghan. “Are you being punished by God with the cane 128
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because you drink?” she asked quite innocently. Carolyne knew the girl had been serious when she’d asked Meghan that. But by the look on Meghan’s face, Meghan didn’t have an answer.
“No, Sarah. God doesn’t work that way.” Carolyne had to answer for her.
She saw Meghan shift and perhaps a bit of relief entered her eyes as she glanced toward Carolyne. “Come on in, Meghan. Have a seat. Have you read what I asked you to read?” she queried as Meghan slowly made her way into the living room and seated herself. A line creased across Meghan’s face, showing she had slept hard.
“Those verses you had me read? God certainly punished that high-priest guy in the Old Testament if he went into that room and wasn’t right with God,” Meghan said.
So, she had read them. Carolyne smiled. “That’s different, though, Meghan. In the Old Testament, the high priest was performing a specific ceremony. Remember, on that list, I mentioned things that are shown often represent other things? It’s called types and shadows. Well, the high priest represented Jesus. I showed you the New Testament verse where Jesus is referred to as our high priest. Anyway,” Carolyne continued, “the high priest’s job was to, once a year, go into the place where God dwelt with the blood from the lamb he had sacrificed and sprinkle it on the mercy seat, which is the top of the ark of the covenant, so that we would obtain mercy for one more year.”
“From sins,” Meghan said. “Though I’m not sure how a lamb could do that.”
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“They released a goat sprinkled with blood to show that our sins were pushed off,” Carolyn said. “Because, you see, the lamb couldn’t actually cleanse us from our sins. It was looking forward to One who could.”
“And if the priest didn’t do the sacrifice right,” Meghan added, “he was killed. That’s why they tied the rope to him.”
Carolyne nodded. “But how did they know he wasn’t dead?”
Meghan shrugged.
“The priest wore a special garment with bells and pomegranates about the bottom. If they heard the bells, they knew he was still alive.”
“That’s what I didn’t understand. Why does all of that matter?”
Carolyne smiled. “Because, these are symbols of things that were eventually going to come to pass. Jesus became that sacrificial lamb and died on the cross as the ultimate sacrifice. The lamb they sacrificed only showed their faith in believing a savior would come. Jesus was that sacrifice. Only someone who had never sinned could cancel out our sin and reunite us with God.”
Meghan shook her head. “It’s so much to take in.”
“It sure is.” She noted that Sarah was listening intently, so she continued, “The bells and pomegranates represent the gifts of the Spirit, such as healing, prophecy, words of knowledge, and the fruit is love, joy, peace, kindness and on and on. We see these at work in people’s lives and it shows us that the sacrifice was accepted.
“Jesus rose, offered the blood to God in heaven, and 130
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God said that it canceled out the debt. The Bible says that the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ, His Son. So, He paid the price, and all we have to do is accept that in order to start a relationship with Him and find ultimate peace.”
Meghan sighed. “From this?” She motioned to her leg and then wiggled her hand.
“Yes, dear. From that. Your body shouldn’t control what you feel in your heart. When my husband died, I was horribly devastated and not sure what I would do, but one thing I did know was that God still loved me, and even with the loss of my husband, I knew He was in control.”
Meghan hesitated and Carolyne changed the subject. “Well, you kept up your end, and I have been on the computer like I promised and kept up my end.
Carolyne handed Meghan the papers. “Multiple sclerosis is a central-nervous-system disorder. Your body sees the fatty tissue that surrounds your optic nerves, your spine and your brain, as an invader and attacks it.
Where your nerves are attacked determines what type of symptoms you’ll have. For instance, since you are having problems with one of your legs, your spine is probably being attacked somewhere, I would guess.”
“What do you mean, attacked?” Sarah asked.
Carolyne smiled, glad Sarah was curious enough to participate. “Meghan’s body, for unknown reasons, has started eating away the fatty tissue that surrounds her nerves. And when it’s happened and that fatty tissue is gone, her brain will tell her leg to move, but it’ll take a longer time for her leg to get the message, if it gets it at all. If she’s hot, the message takes even longer to get Cheryl Wolverton
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to where it’s going, which means the muscles won’t re-spond like they should. So, when she tells her leg to move, it might work fine until she goes outside in the middle of a Texas summer and then decides to walk five miles in the heat.”
Meghan nodded. “I knew that much.”
Carolyne reached out and took her hand. “There’s more, honey. Some of the damage will go away. Give it six months or so to see. And they now have medications that can help slow the progression of the disease.”
Meghan didn’t look as if she believed her. “My grandmother wasn’t on anything.”
“That’s because they didn’t have them back then.
They’re called the A.B.C.R. drugs. Each letter stands for one of the four drugs they have for relapsing-remitting multiple sclerosis—Avonex, Betaseron, Copax-one and Rebif. A neurologist prescribes them. They work to slow down the progression of the disease and, from what I’ve read, a lot of women never end up in a wheelchair.”
“Women?” Meghan asked.
Carolyne waved her hand. “And men, though it seems if you are a woman, you are twice as likely to get this disease as a man, and the farther away from the equator you live, the more likely you are to get it.”
“Why is that?” Sarah asked, and Carolyne noted she had stopped working altogether and was listening intently.
“They don’t know. And it seems if you are Anglo-Saxon—white,” she explained to Sarah, “your chances of contracting the disease are much higher.”
“So that’s why you use a cane?” Sarah asked.
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Meghan shook her head. “I have trouble with balance because of my leg.”
“And that might clear up,” Carolyne informed her,
“unless there is permanent damage.”
For the first time Meghan looked hopeful. “You mentioned that earlier. But how?”
“The fatty tissue grows back. Only if the nerve end-ings are permanently damaged will you sustain long-term symptoms. Meghan, it’s all here in the papers I printed. You really need to read this and find out more about your disease. There is such hope, but you should be on medication.”
“It won’t stop the MS, though, will it?”
Carolyne shook her head. “No, honey. But with God and the joy and peace only He can give you, you will be more than a conqueror. And I’m praying that God will heal you completely.”
Meghan shuddered. “I just don’t know if I can
live with this.” She thumbed through the papers. Carolyne could tell she wanted to read about the disease but was afraid to at the same time. “I don’t remember much about my appointment when the doctor told me I had MS.” She shuddered and then whispered, “I can’t be like my grandmother.”
“And you might not. Over fifty percent of patients never end up in a wheelchair. I am so excited with what I read, Meghan. You have to read it as well. And I’ve included a bio on a woman named Sue Thomas, who used to work with the FBI. She has MS. Her story is wonderful. Read it and gain hope.”
“You have so much information,” Meghan said. “I’m not sure I can believe all of this.”
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Carolyne laughed and patted her hand. “Well, as I said, this disease isn’t a punishment. God doesn’t work like that. Discover His love for you, honey, and you’ll realize that as well. And I think, once you read that information, many of your fears will be laid to rest.”
Meghan hesitated and then leaned forward and hugged Carolyne. “You are a gift sent to help me and you have no idea how much you mean to me.”
Surprised, Carolyne hugged her back. “I’m just one who knows what it’s like to hurt and I want to help you get past the hurting. And if you’d like, I’ll show you how to use the computer and you can research the places I’ve bookmarked for you.”
She felt Meghan shudder and this time she thought it just might be excitement. “Thank you. That would be wonderful.”
“What about making an appointment with a doctor?”
Meghan hesitated. She looked down at the papers and then back to Carolyne. “I think I might want to.”
She caressed the papers. “I just couldn’t believe it when I was diagnosed. All I could see was my grandmother’s face.” She closed her eyes as if remembering. Then she opened them and focused on Carolyne. “Your words have given me hope just like those verses you gave me helped me find peace.”
Carolyne smiled.
“I might actually be able to work again, to live again.”
Carolyne took her hand. “Well, first things first. One of the ways to conquer fear is to learn all you can about the problem. Read up on that. Oh, and by the way, the most common symptom of MS is fatigue.”
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Meghan chuckled.
“Are you going to die from MS?” Sarah asked.
Both women turned at the little girl’s voice they heard. Sarah sat at the table and she was no longer looking at them but writing again and purposely squinting at her paper.
“The information says that people with MS don’t die from MS.”
“My mom died. And they said people don’t always die from cancer.”
Carolyne went to the young girl and squatted down next to her. Hugging her with an arm around her shoulders, she said, “And people work in granaries all the time and never die, until something goes wrong. Sometimes we don’t have the answers, sweetie, to why someone we love dies. But, think of it like a checkers game.
Do you play checkers?”
Sarah nodded.
“Well, you can see all the pieces and where to move them to set them up so they can jump each other right?”
Sarah nodded again. “Yeah.”
“Well, in life, sometimes we can’t see why things are happening. But God can. Like in that checkers game He knows that maybe someone might stop serving Him later and turn away from Him, so He brings them home early, or He sees that if this person comes home early, other people will come to know Him. It’s like a big checkerboard and God knows that this one thing must happen so that everything else will fall into place.”
“So God killed Mom?” Sarah asked, aghast.
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“No!” Carolyne squeezed Sarah tightly. “Sin came into the world. With that, sickness and death came into the world. God doesn’t give us diseases, but sometimes He will allow us to go through a disease because He knows it’s going to save someone else or help someone else to love Him. We were born to love Him and our life here is very short. You know the Bible from church, honey. Paul tells us that to live is Christ but to die is gain.
In other words, he lives every day for God, but if he dies, that’s even better because he will be with God.
“So, though your mom’s death was horrible and is sad to us, God knows why He had to bring her home and we just have to love Him and know that we’ll see her again one day.”
Tears welled up in Sarah’s eyes. “I don’t want her gone though!” She jumped up and ran from the room.
The sound of the bathroom door slamming echoed in the silence.
Carolyne stood, hesitated and then sat back down.
“Oh dear.”
“Do you think she understands?” Meghan asked.
Carolyne shook her head. “No. None of us understands. We just have to accept and go on and trust God.
I’d better go to her.”
She stood again.
Meghan stood. “Let me.”
Carolyne was surprised by Meghan’s offer. But she didn’t argue. She nodded and sat back down.
Meghan walked slowly down the hall to the bathroom. When she got to the door, she knocked.
Sarah didn’t answer.
Poor little girl.
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Meghan pushed open the door and found Sarah sitting on the floor, toilet paper in her hand as she wiped her eyes.
Meghan ignored the glare the little girl gave her and walked in, closing the door behind her.
Suddenly, she wondered why she was there. What had possessed her to get involved?
But she knew. Deep down inside her, she knew.
Going over, she sat down next to the young girl, allowing her body to slide down the wall until she was resting next to the girl. She didn’t say anything for a long time.
Neither did Sarah.
Eventually, she whispered, “Life’s the pits sometimes, isn’t it?”
The little girl shuddered and nodded. “I want my mama back.”
Meghan nodded. “I wanted my daddy back too.”
Sarah looked up at her. Meghan saw it from the corner of her eye. “He left and I never saw him again and it hurt really bad.”
Sarah sniffled and wiped a sleeve-covered arm across her nose.
Meghan slipped an arm around her. “I feel all alone sometimes even now.”
Sarah leaned up against Meghan, and Meghan wilted when she felt tears against her side.
Meghan realized she had started crying too, silent tears, running down her cheeks. “You have your daddy.”
“Sometimes,” the girl muttered, stiffening.
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share Ms. Carolyne. She’s really worried about you. She has a special love, I think. She takes in people who need loving and loves them.”
Sarah, obviously getting over her tears, pushed away.
“I don’t need love because I have my dad’s love.”
Meghan smiled. “Everyone needs love.”
As she said that, she thought about what Carolyne had told her about God. God loved her. He had given people an entire Bible showing His plan for humans and, if Carolyne was to be believed, it was because God loved her, loved Carolyne, loved Sarah and even had loved Meghan’s grandmother.
Everyone needed love.
That meant her as well.
But could God really love her?
He hadn’t done this to her. But she felt in some ways she deserved it for hating her grandmother so much. The material she’d read over said the disease wasn’t really passed through families.
So why did she end up with this if it wasn’t genetic?
Could she even love God?
Could God keep her from ending up a bitter old woman like her grandmother?
So ma
ny questions.
“I have to go finish my homework.”
Meghan glanced at the now-composed Sarah and frowned. “It’s okay to cry.”
“I don’t need to cry.”
“Well, I’m here and so is Ms. Carolyne, if you want to talk.”
Her young eyes averted and she stood. “Don’t tell anyone the stuff I said.”
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Meghan nodded.
Had she helped the young girl any? Meghan wondered as she worked to get up off the floor. She saw Sarah glance back at her, hesitate and then scamper off.
The look in her eye of longing to come back in told Meghan she had made contact on some level.
More than that, talking with the girl had helped her.
It felt good to help someone else and not think about her disease.
Glancing up toward the ceiling, she asked, “God, can You really help me?”
There was no answer. She hadn’t expected one.
She was going to go back and reread those scriptures with the information Carolyne had given her and then read up on her disease.
Maybe there was hope in her future after all.
Chapter Eleven
Meghan rushed into the living room, patting her hair as she hurried along. She didn’t have her cane today as she was walking pretty well.
It had been nearly a week since she’d talked with Carolyne and each day they had discussed more about the Bible.
The rest of the time, Meghan had secluded herself in the apartment, studying and researching information about MS and reading in the Bible about hope.
She hadn’t gone to church with them on Sunday—
she was still a bit too afraid to do that. She remembered the looks of some of the people in town when she’d gone shopping that day with Mary and Margaret.
It wasn’t that they were bad looks. But some had stared. She thought others had probably decided she was inebriated by the way she’d walked, and then when Mary and Margaret had bought her the cane and made such a big production of showing her how to use it, she’d seen looks of pity in some people’s eyes.
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