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She was just Meghan. Plain old Meghan. But to them she was a drunk or a sick person or someone to be pitied.
The emotions she felt confused her and she wasn’t sure how to react. Did she feel guilty that they were right? She was a drunk, or at least she had been right after her diagnosis. Was she despondent over the MS?
She was angry that people pitied her, but hadn’t she been pitying herself when she’d gotten drunk? Hadn’t she only focused on the disease and refused to hear the hope?
She wanted to explain to them that she was sick but she was still the same person.
So she had called and made an appointment with a neurologist. She couldn’t believe she’d done it, but she had.
She hadn’t gone to church, and hadn’t left the house, for that matter, since that day, but it had been time well spent.
And then Carolyne had convinced her perhaps a smaller group, like the women’s Bible study, would be best to start out in. It had less than thirty women and was a very friendly, low-key affair. They were studying the tabernacle right now and after all of the verses Carolyne had given her regarding that building, Meghan was convinced she should go. She couldn’t believe that every single thing in that building had meanings of Christ shadowing it. That had blown her away, but she still had so many questions.
If she weren’t going for that reason alone, she would admit that she felt she owed Carolyne for all she had done.
Carolyne hadn’t once looked down on her. Instead, Cheryl Wolverton
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she’d quietly encouraged Meghan to talk, and talk Meghan had. She had made Meghan feel as if she were at home, part of the family, and accepted.
She had made Meghan feel loved—a feeling she hadn’t felt in years. She had even made Meghan feel as if she just might be able to go out and face the looks she’d received on the streets that day—as long as Carolyne was by her side.
Not that she didn’t have butterflies in her stomach.
She did.
But it had to be done. She couldn’t keep hiding, as Margaret had informed her only yesterday when she and Mary had come with more packages for her. She had to get out and face that fear, or that fear was going to eat her up. And those two old women were right.
Though they liked to argue and were definitely a bit eccentric, they had wisdom that spoke to Meghan’s heart.
So she’d agreed to go today to Bible study.
“There you are,” Carolyne’s smile was forever in place. She had just gathered her purse and keys and was getting ready to leave. She wore a pair of khaki pants with a button-up top. Her hair, turning silver, was combed back and curved under around her neck with a slight puff about her face. She looked very attractive and stylish.
She wore little makeup, but really didn’t need it as her face glowed with an inner peace and happiness that Meghan envied. To finish off the outfit, she wore a pair of brown loafers. She looked as if she wanted to kick about the house rather than go to church. “Am I over-dressed?” Meghan asked.
Meghan had dressed a bit more formally with a 142
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brown skirt and long-sleeve silk blouse, hose and dress shoes.
Carolyne shook her head. “You look wonderful, dear.
We dress however we feel comfortable at church. Some women wear dresses and others wear jeans. We’re not particular here.”
Meghan hesitated.
“What is it, honey?” Carolyne asked and her brow creased with concern.
“I just, well, I’m nervous.”
Carolyne nodded, her eyes full of understanding.
“That’s why we want to take small steps.”
“But what about the gossip? Do you think this is going to hurt Dakota?” She hadn’t seen him all week.
Late, after she was in bed, she’d hear his car pull up and many mornings he was gone before she came down for breakfast. He worked too hard and she didn’t want to add to his burden with her reputation.
“Let Dakota worry about Dakota, honey.”
Meghan couldn’t help but be worried.
“Come on. Show them what you’re made of.” Carolyne started toward the door.
“If I knew, maybe I could.”
Carolyne waited for Meghan to exit and then locked the door. They climbed into the station wagon and put their seat belts on. “You’ll discover yourself as you have time to heal.”
As they drove, Meghan found herself relaxing and enjoying the morning. The last of the leaves were falling from the trees and the wind whipped them along.
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on her arms and was glad for the long sleeves. The air was fresh here, not polluted like in the big city and she found that she enjoyed the evenings and mornings outside, inhaling the scents of small-town America.
She could see for miles just outside the city if she would venture that far. And the stars at night were so bright. It was so different. She didn’t remember Shenandoah being like this. Of course, she’d been five when they left. This was breathtaking. How she loved it, and loved this woman for everything Carolyne had done for her since she’d arrived.
Cars chugged about the streets while people hurried from store to store. And yet, despite all the hustle and bustle of the harvest season, the town was still quaint and peaceful.
As they drew nearer to the church, Meghan saw Chase standing on the corner writing up an accident.
A small sporty red car and a white compact sat back to front as if the white compact had stopped at the light and the red sports car had bumped it. Both were dented but no one seemed to be hurt. Another officer directed traffic around the accident. Chase saw them and waved, and then glancing about, he started across the street toward them.
Carolyne checked her rearview mirror and then slowed down. Smiling, she rolled down her window.
“Good morning.”
“Morning.” Chase walked over to the car, slipping the clipboard under his arm. Leaning down so he could look inside, he asked, “Where are you off to?”
“Bible study,” Carolyne replied. Chase touched his hat in acknowledgment of Meghan.
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and had a good attitude too. But she was still embarrassed that a police officer had seen her drunk, and was unsure how to act around him.
“So, how is Sarah doing?” Chase’s attention had returned to Carolyne.
“She’s doing fine. She mentioned that you were remodeling the house.”
Chase shook his head and chuckled. “I’m only thinking about it.”
“I’d forgotten you were a carpenter before you headed to the big city.” The sound of cars passing on the damp road from a rain the night before was rhyth-mic as one by one they drove past.
“That was a long time ago.” He shifted his stance.
“So, Sarah’s talking more then?”
Carolyne smiled. “Just give her time, Chase. She’s coming around.”
“I really appreciate all you’re doing for her,” Chase said. “By the way—” he pulled the clipboard from under his arm as he got ready to go back to work “—I’ll be getting off early today, so she might not be at your place after school.”
Carolyne reached over to roll up her window.
“Thanks for letting me know.”
“See ya.” He hunkered back down and smiled at Meghan. “Have a good day.”
“Thanks,” Meghan murmured.
Carolyne turned back to the light, waiting for it to turn green. “That’s nice he’s getting off early,” Carolyne said.
That brought up a subject Meghan wanted to ask about. “Dakota puts in a lot of hours, doesn’t he?”
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Carolyne glanced at her briefly before the light turned green and she continued dow
n the street. “Yes.”
“I don’t mean anything by asking. I just noticed that he comes home many times after I’m in bed and is gone a lot of mornings when I get up. I didn’t know pastors put in those types of hours.”
Carolyne sighed. “I think he puts in too many hours, Meghan. But that’s a mother’s opinion.” She hesitated and then added, “If he could hire an associate pastor to help with the load or even have some volunteers, it might give him more time to spend at home. His new youth pastor is great, but he needs an associate.” She shook her head. “But that’s not how it works, so he puts in extra hours to get everything done.”
With a flash of insight, Meghan suddenly realized Carolyne was a very lonely woman, without a driving purpose in life. She had noticed that Carolyne always had dinner ready, waiting for Dakota even if he didn’t show up.
It hadn’t dawned on her until now just how empty Carolyne’s life must be, nothing to do but knock around an empty house and wait for a son who never showed up.
“But at least he’s doing God’s work,” Carolyne said and her melancholy gaze was gone, replaced by the normal perky Carolyne whom Meghan had come to recognize this last week.
Her comment about God’s work brought about another question that Meghan had been pondering. She’d been spending many nights up, thinking about all she and Carolyne had discussed. Every day they would sit down and talk about the verses she’d read as well as the 146
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new information she and Carolyne had found on multiple sclerosis. She felt as if she were in school again, though this time she was enjoying it. “Is that what God is about? Doing work for Him?”
“Not at all. First and foremost, it’s about a relationship. For example, a husband and wife have a relationship. They talk, eat together, sleep in the same bed, and spend much of their time together. The same is true of God. God wants a relationship with us. He wants to talk with us, worship together—He wants to spend time with us. But it all starts with that commitment in our heart.”
They turned into the church parking lot. Meghan hurried on with what she wanted to say. “I read about how God chased Jacob all over the place until he crippled him and then finally Jacob became Israel.”
“That’s a very good point.” Carolyne put the car into park and turned off the engine. “God loved Jacob and He wanted Jacob to serve Him. He didn’t give up on Jacob.”
“I keep thinking about that type of love, how wonderful it must be. God sent His Son to die for us, and He is willing to chase us down because He loves us so much. And with everything you’ve shown me, there’s no way I can say Jesus isn’t real.” She thought of the many different historians and eyewitnesses that she’d read about in the various notes from various books. She shrugged and then admitted, “Even if you hadn’t shown me the evidence, my heart tells me Jesus is real.”
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and she just couldn’t ignore the longing within her anymore. “I want that love in my heart, Carolyne.”
Carolyne smiled the gentlest of smiles Meghan had ever seen. And then she reached out, took Meghan’s hands in hers and said, “All you have to do is ask.”
And that is exactly what Meghan did, right there in the car with Carolyne. She asked Jesus to come into her heart.
Chapter Twelve
Carolyne was happy. As they walked into the church, she admitted that the joy in getting to pray with someone when they accepted Jesus was probably the best feeling in the world.
“Hi, Mom. Meghan.”
Dakota walked up the carpeted aisle, papers in hand, as if he was on his way out. Carolyne smiled at her son.
He looked tired today, dark circles starting to develop under his eyes. However, when those tired eyes turned to Meghan, they brightened, Carolyne noted with surprised interest.
“Hello, honey,” Carolyne replied, watching the emotions that played across her son’s face before his gaze turned back to her.
Carolyne also saw the pink that entered Meghan’s cheeks.
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wonderful news,” Carolyne prompted when Meghan glanced her way.
Her son smiled and waited.
“I—um—well, I asked Jesus into my heart.”
Dakota looked speechless and then grinned. Snag-ging her, he suddenly pulled her into his arms and en-gulfed her in a bear hug.
Carolyne had never seen her son react quite that way with anyone over any news.
“I’m so happy for you, Meghan!” He hugged her longer than was necessary before he finally released her and stepped back.
Meghan stepped back, too, flustered but happy. Running her hands down the front of her legs and eyes shining, she said, “I don’t know if I feel different or not, but inside I think there is a peace that I can’t explain.”
Dakota, still grinning, replied, “Everyone has a different experience.” He checked his watch and the smile left. “I have to get these papers to someone but I want to talk later.”
Carolyne frowned at her son, and how the interplay between Meghan and Dakota was forgotten at such a much-used phrase. “You often say that.”
He had the grace to look guilty. “I promise. This time. I’ll be home early tonight and I want to hear the entire story.”
His gaze returned to Meghan and the attraction in his eyes was gone. He took her hand and squeezed it.
“Thanks for sharing.”
Eyes still shining, Meghan nodded.
Carolyne wasn’t sure how she felt about what she’d seen pass between the two. One thing was certain, how-150
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ever: she didn’t think her son realized how much he actually cared for this woman—and as more than someone to help. She had just seen the evidence. And watching Meghan’s face, she feared Meghan was already half in love with her son.
Worries about Meghan at this stage in her new walk warred with how any rejection by her son could hurt her.
Satan could certainly use something like that to cause her to stumble. Of course, with so many new things in Meghan’s life, Carolyne had to wonder if the young woman was even ready to be looking at a man as she had Dakota.
Then there was Dakota. He was so busy. Could he find time for a relationship? Did he even want to? He rarely dated, too busy with life to bother, he often said.
But then Carolyne reminded herself that God was in control and it was in His hands. Both her son and Meghan were old enough to handle whatever took place, and Carolyne would simply be there to help if things went awry.
“Where do we go?” Meghan asked, and Carolyne realized she’d been standing there studying her retreat-ing son.
“Through the door to the right of the pulpit. It leads to the offices and extra classrooms.” Carolyne led the way. “I don’t want you to be nervous. Remember, most of these women are nice. But we all have our faults.”
“I’m not sure how that makes me feel,” Meghan chuckled nervously, making Carolyne realize that instead of encouraging Meghan, she had done the exact opposite.
Working to reassure her, she offered information.
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“You’ll enjoy the study. We’re on the golden laver, which represents the daily washing the priests did. Its spiritual significance is daily Bible reading and how we need to look into the Bible and wash ourselves with the Word. But enough of that. They’ll go into more detail in the class. We also have refreshments.
Coffee, tea and usually some sort of snack, so feel free to help yourself. And don’t feel you have to share anything with anyone if you don’t want to when we have our share time.”
They got to the door and Carolyne pushed it open.
She noted half a
dozen ladies sitting about the oblong white table and chatting. More, Carolyne realized, stood over near the concessions. And of course, the very one she had hoped wouldn’t show up today was there. Georgia Bennett. Georgia rarely missed a meeting of any kind at the church. And of course, with Meghan around, she’d want to keep up on anything going on. This was evidenced by the way Georgia spotted Meghan immediately as if she’d been watching the door and lying in wait. She started toward them.
Just great. Though exasperated, Carolyne pasted a smile on her face. She slipped her arm through Meghan’s arm and held her closer.
Startled, Meghan glanced at her, but before she could say anything, Georgia arrived.
“Good morning, Carolyne. How are you?”
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makeup, barely visible, was impeccable. Carolyne smiled politely. “I’m doing well, and you?”
“Fine.” Pleasantries done, Georgia’s gaze zeroed in on Meghan. “And you must be the guest who’s living with the pastor.”
There was a sudden murmur among those nearby who heard what Georgia had said.
Meghan looked aghast, blanching white in mortifi-cation.
“She’s our guest and is living in the garage apartment, Georgia.” Carolyne corrected her loudly enough for those who had overheard Georgia to hear her as well.
Georgia fluttered her fingers as she reached up to feel the pearls around her neck. “Oh, my, yes. I’d heard that.
I’m Georgia Bennett,” she added, not taking her gaze off Meghan. “And what brings you here?”
“We’re here for the Bible study, of course,” Carolyne chuckled, though she felt her smile was becoming strained the more Georgia talked. “We’re about to find a seat.”
“Oh, of course, of course.” She didn’t move. “Dakota has always opened his house up like some kind of shelter. We pay good donations for a shelter in Dallas, but he insists on bringing the people to his house.” Her trilled laughter was meant to make it sound as if she’d meant nothing by her words.
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