Black Moon Rising

by Frankie Rose

  “Easier doesn’t mean right, Jass. It never has.”

  He pushes away from the wall, slowly moving toward me. Just like inside his head when he kissed me earlier, he makes sure I can see him coming. And just like before, I do nothing to stop him. Heat radiates from his body, and I can almost feel his skin beneath my fingertips, smooth and hard. Jass reaches out for me and for a brief, drawn out moment, his hand doesn’t touch mine. He looks down at it, a curious expression on his face, as if he doesn’t really know if he’s going to do it or not. He blinks once, twice, three times, and then closes his fingers around my wrist, lifting it up, inspecting it in the oddest way. He turns my hand over. Says nothing as he studies my palm, his eyes following the lines that crisscross and intersect there. We’ve been here before. In the dreamscapes he’s constructed, I’ve touched him and allowed myself to be touched. I’ve wanted and allowed far more than that. This is real, though. In the flesh.

  “Jass—”

  He places my hand on his chest, closing his eyes, and my words die on my lips. He’s real. His skin is hot to the touch and just as I imagined it would be: firm, solid, and well defined. His breath hitches in the back of his throat as I press the tips of my fingers into his pec. I can feel his heart beating wildly beneath my hand—a frantic, erratic beat, completely at odds with his otherwise very still, very contained demeanor. So unexpected. So human.

  It’s wrong, but I want to fall into him. I want to be swept away in his arms. I want to fall, knowing he has hold of me and that he will protect me. How can I trust him to do that, though? He wants to take me back to the Construct. He wants me to bend the knee to him, to swear him a fealty I do not owe him. One I will never be able to give. I look up at him and the small room I’ve called home for a couple of weeks now tilts uneasily. His eyes are still closed, which seems like an offering in a way. He makes himself vulnerable by closing his eyes. We both know he doesn’t need his vision to know if I’m planning on attacking him or trying to kill him, but still…it’s an offering all the same. His jaw clenches, and he breathes out down his nose—more of a sigh than anything else. “This is easy,” he says quietly. “This is right.”

  I have a thousand things to say. I have a thousand reasons why this is not easy and not right, but my tongue’s tied itself in knots, refusing to let me speak. Jass places his hand on top of mine, pressing my palm down so that there’s no way for me to retreat…and I don’t even try. His breathing is growing more uneven by the second. Or mine is. I can’t tell.

  “We’re balanced on two sides of a knife edge,” Jass whispers. “We’re answers to a question that was posed a long time ago. We’re the same answer, Reza.”

  I close my eyes, too, unable to stand the electricity that’s firing between us any more. “But what is the question?” I ask. I’m breathless, my words barely louder than the rustling of cloth.

  “You know. You’ve always known.” Jass removes his hand from over mine, slowly taking hold of me by the hips. He guides my body forward, and suddenly there is no space between us. His bare chest is pressed up against me, and I feel the maddening perfection of his skin through the material of my training vest. My nipples are peaked and tight already, my breasts heavy. I’m so dizzy. I can’t seem to make my legs hold the rest of me up properly. It’s a battle, but I remain standing.

  How many women has he been with on The Nexus? The only two people more powerful than Jass on that base were Regis and Stryker, and the whole fleet knew about the line of women disappearing in and out of their sleeping chambers every night. He may have had me while we were unconscious, but what about while he was awake? It’s ludicrous, but I find myself caring about the number of notches on Jass’ bedpost. Those damn posts have probably been whittled down to toothpicks by now. His hands slip around my back, and down, down, until he’s gripping hold of my ass. Our connection pulses, a thread of white light burning hotter and hotter inside me, and a euphoric wave surges through me. This is different. This never happened before. Jass must feel what I’m feeling. His head rocks back, and a strained gasp escapes past his lips.

  When he allows his head to drop, his eyes are no longer closed. They’re open, and they are almost totally consumed by the gold flecks that usually rim his irises. He’s a ruthless, unknowable man, and yet when I look at him right now, so much fire in his eyes, I feel like I do know him. The sensation is more uncanny than anything I have ever experienced before. It’s more than knowing him. I am a part of him, and he is a part of me.

  I hate the sensation, and I’m addicted to it. I never knew a person could be so conflicted. Being with Jass is like drowning and floating off into oblivion all at once. It’s burning up and freezing. I can’t wrap my head around it. I know I shouldn’t want him, but every cell in my body screams otherwise. It demands his hands on my body. It demands his lips parting mine.

  Jass’ hair tumbles into my face as he leans down to kiss me, and my heart races away from me. He’s turned on. I can feel just how turned on he is as he leans his body into mine, huffing out a pained breath against my mouth.

  Gods…

  Is this really happening? How can I be so reckless? How can I be allowing this? It feels as though we’ve been working our way towards this for a very long time, both of us tumbling, headlong, blindly toward this inevitability ever since Jass stepped foot onto the Invictus. In every possible reality, in every possible universe, Jass and I end up here. Together. Joined by this tie that refuses to let either of us go. I know it without a shadow of a doubt. I’m sure Jass does, too.

  When his mouth meets mine, the tether sends a bone shattering pulse of energy through me—more forceful and demanding than ever before. I can barely breathe as Jass parts my lips and opens my mouth, stroking my tongue with his own. His fingers dig into my skin, his shoulders shaking; the tether must be sending the same amount of energy into him, too. He’s always so composed. So stoic and unreadable. He’d never allow anyone to see him so affected by something unless it was completely unavoidable.

  He rests his forehead against mine, briefly closing his eyes again, as if he’s at war within himself. And then it’s as if something inside him snaps. His caution disappears. His slow, gentle movements vanish, and a desperate, frantic need takes their place. In one swift, rough act, Jass sweeps me off the floor, lifting me into his arms, and he pins me against the wall. The wind is knocked out of me for a second, but I barely notice. He’s a man possessed. He kisses me with a furious abandon that scares and thrills me in equal parts. My body cries out for more. I gather handfuls of his hair as he works his mouth over mine, making demands of me that I never considered possible before.

  I will never bend to Jass’ will, and he will never bend to mine. This, somehow, is where we meet in the middle, and I’m damned if the compromise isn’t the headiest, most addictive thing in the galaxy.

  “I’m going to take you,” Jass growls into my ear. “I’m going to have you, Reza. I won’t allow anyone else to touch you. To look at you. To claim you. I’ll fucking kill anyone who tries.” His mouth is on my neck, then. Teeth grazing my collarbone. His tongue laving at the hollow of my throat. My head tips back, and the frustrated sigh I let out surprises me—relief and need, woven so tightly together.

  Through the haze that’s clouding my head, I manage to find a kernel of common sense. “We should stop,” I pant. “This…this is—”

  “If you say this is wrong,” Jass snarls, “I will put you down and walk out of this room, and I will not come back. This is not wrong. This is what we were made for, Reza.”

  I close my mouth, my protest fading and dying. If he were to put me down and leave right now…I can’t even contemplate what that would do to me. The seed of doubt that caused me to speak out in the first place is still there, but it silences itself.

  “Tell me you don’t want me to leave, Reza,” Jass whispers. He strokes the right side of my face with the tips of his fingers, his unusual, beautiful eyes searching my face. “Tell me you want this.
Tell me you want me.”

  Those words are inflammatory. I know the consequences of such an admission. There will be no turning away from it. No going back. It’d be unwise to give Jass the confession he’s pleading for without analyzing all of this a little closer. My heart wants to give him what he wants, but my head’s all over the place.

  “Reza,” Jass groans. “Stop fighting me. Stop fighting this. Put everything else aside for two moments. Put aside the Construct. Put aside the Pirians. Put aside the past, and the future, and everything else in between. Be here with me, right now, in this moment. Tell me the truth.” His hands roam downward, over my chest. My training vest is thin and barely covers my stomach. The moment Jass’ hands reaches my naked skin, I lose all ability to think straight. The tether pulls taut, more energy and pleasure flooding me, and I hiss under my breath.

  “I want you to stay,” I grind out through my clenched teeth. “I…I do want you, Jass.”

  “That’s all I fucking needed.” He’s holding me one moment, trapping me between his body and the wall behind me, and then the next I am traveling through the air, away from him, hurtling toward the bed. I land on my back, my arms and legs spread wide, held in place, not by Jass himself but by some invisible force. I strain against the pressure, but I can’t move an inch. Jass slowly walks toward the bed, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He is a dark prince. A man of shadow and darkness. I can see something else in him, though. The potential for more. Darius’ hope that Jass will turn into a different person altogether now that he is no longer addicted to the Light is wishful thinking. I know that. But as he reaches the bed and looks down at me, there’s more than simple lust in his eyes. There is the beginning of something akin to love, and any creature who is capable of feeling love is capable of good.

  “You could probably break free if you tried,” he says softly.

  “Probably,” I answer. I’m not so sure, though. I’m not as strong as Jass. Not yet, anyway. There may come a day when I’ll be his equal, but it’s hard to picture. In any case, he’s correct. I’m not fighting him right now. I’m letting him hold me down with his mind, allowing myself to be vulnerable, and it’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. “I’m choosing,” I whisper. “I’m making the decision to trust you.”

  Jass’ mouth lifts into a dangerous smirk, but I can see the surprise he’s trying to hide. He wasn’t expecting trust from me. “Let’s hope you don’t regret it,” he says. He falls onto me on top of the bed, and it’s all I can do to stop myself from crying out. My training vest tears down the middle, the fabric renting in two beneath Jass’ urgent hands. He halts, then, looking down at me, his eyes feasting on my naked breasts.

  I want to hide and cover myself up, but it’s impossible with my wrists still pinned to the bed. Jass brackets my body with his arms, holding himself up. He leans over me, and he fastens my left nipple in between his teeth. An explosion of pain and pleasure goes off in my head, and my spine arches away from the cot. Jass shudders, as if he feels what I’m feeling, too.

  “Shit…” he hisses. “I tried not to want you. I tried to douse this fire before it could take hold of me. I couldn’t do it, Reza. You commanded my attention from the other side of the galaxy. And now that I’m here with you…” He shakes his head, like he’s struggling to form a coherent thought. “Nothing else seems to matter anymore.”

  I know how he’s feeling. I’m struggling for air. I can’t fill my lungs properly. My body’s working in overdrive, battling to keep up with what’s happening. Jass’ hips angle down; he grinds himself against me, between my legs, and my vision dims. Is this how it is for all people who share a connection? Is this what it feels like for all people who are fiercely attracted to one another? Or is our tether intensifying the experience one hundred fold?

  Jass slides his hand between our bodies, and a rush of pure ecstasy begins to burn at the apex of my legs. He rubs and he strokes at me, kissing me at the same time, and the assault of energy and pleasure is almost too much to bear. I’m panting and writhing all over the bed by the time Jass puts me out of my misery and slides my underwear down off my hips, then from my body completely.

  Rocking back, he sits on his heels, his eyes roaming up and down my naked form like a starving man, about to enjoy his first meal in cycles. “You’re perfection,” he murmurs. “I’ve never seen anyone like you before, Reza. I’ve travelled all over the galaxy. I’ve seen every life form that’s ever existed, and nothing and no one has ever compared to you.” Moving quickly, he slides his pants down his body, stepping out of them, and then he’s standing in front of me, just as naked as I am. He is raw, though. Fearsome to behold. His body would make a maestro weep. They wouldn’t be able to capture his beauty with paint, ink, clay or stone. Any artist would abandon their craft and forever mourn the loss of it, because they’d know how impossible it to would be to do this man justice.

  “Are you afraid?” he asks.

  I was never afraid in the dreamscape. This is a thousand times more intense than that ever was, though. I think. I search my soul, and I’m shocked by the answer to his question. “No. I’m not afraid of you. Not anymore.”

  Jass runs his hands up the insides of my thighs, and I shudder when they meet between my legs. He growls, a low rubble that sounds like it’s worked its way up from the very bottom of his diaphragm. “I dreamed of you when I was a child,” he tells me. “I dreamed of you when I began to grow into a man. I dreamed of you before I knew the sea of stars that house the heavens. I dream of you when I close my eyes, and I dream of you when they’re open. The days pass and nothing remains constant, Reza. You are my only constant. I move through this life without ever caring which direction I’m heading in, so long as it’s toward you.”

  I am scared of his words. They are mirrors of the truth that lives inside me, and has always lived inside me. I’ve run and I’ve hidden, and I’ve tried to convince myself that I’m actually living, that I actually have a choice in where fate leads me, but I’ve always known it’s not true. Every moment of my life, every second I’ve spent training, or eating, or learning, or fighting… every single one of those moments has been leading me here. To him.

  “I can’t love you,” I whisper, closing my eyes. “I can never love you. Not if this is who you truly are.”

  Jass dips down between my legs, his eyes flashing brighter than both Pirius’ suns combined. He looks sad when he speaks. “Do you really think either of us have a choice?”

  TWENTY-FIVE

  JASS

  EVERYTHING

  I want to be everything she needs. I want to be everything she desires. I want to be more important to her than the air she breathes and the warmth on her skin. Now I want too much.

  In the dark, Reza lies unconscious, her head resting on my chest. A show of trust. I want to be worthy of that trust, but I can’t see how that will ever come to pass. Her hair is a tangle of spun fibers, the darkest brown to the purest gold, and I can’t stop myself from stroking my fingers over it as she sleeps. My hands know her body intimately. Touching her, exploring the lines and curves of her, was a brand new experience in a universe where nothing feels new to me anymore. However, there is a part of me that has always known the shape of her, and memorized her strength and her fragility before the very first sparks of life stirred out there in the pitch-black hollow of space.

  There’s one question burning in my mind as I lay absolutely still, listening to the soft pull and draw of her even breathing: Is this real? Do I really feel this way about her? If this thing, this connection, has been a part of me since before I can remember, how can this tangle of emotion I feel for Reza be genuine? Is it just providence? Have we already lived a thousand lifetimes, always had this same connection, drawn to one another over and over again, only to meet and fall in love each time? If so, then is this connection the only reason I feel so strongly right now? Is the tether something I can put aside and forsake, because it weakens me and makes me act so damn rashly?


  Reza has asked herself these same questions. I’ve felt them eating away at her. I’m sure she’s come to the conclusion that her heart is not the architect of this mess, but her very cells, programmed and designed to seek me out, no matter where or who I am.

  She said she can’t love me, but I know that isn’t true. I feel it when I kiss her. I felt it when I was inside her and she was wrapped around me, clinging to me, praying into my ear for more of me. The connection between us fused our souls together, and forged us into one all-powerful, living, breathing thing. I was her, and she was me in that moment. I saw everything we were, we are, and everything we will be. It nearly brought me to my knees.

  Ever since the Construct began my training, I have been their creature. I’ve done as I was told, and I’ve turned myself inside out for them, to the point where their approval was all that mattered. When I pushed inside Reza, her eyes burning into me, her fingernails digging into my back, all that changed. She has no idea the power she holds over me. I’m her creature now. Her slave. Fuck going back to the Construct. Her approval is the only thing that will motivate me from here on out, and I have no idea how to even form the words to let her know.

  Would she want me to say those things to her?

  Does she even see a way forward for us?

  Will the Construct find and kill us before we get a chance to figure these things out?

  I’m so used to regulation and routine. I’m so used to following the Construct’s edict, everything being laid out before me so simply, that the confusion that comes with all of these questions is hard to process.

  Unlike in my room, Reza’s quarters come complete with a tiny window that sits high on the wall above her bed. The tiny snap shot of night sky visible through the sand-scuffed glass is hazy, but I can see a single bright star out there, floating in the sky. There might be planets orbiting that star. There might be life forms and entire civilizations that haven’t even heard of the Construct, or the deadliest weapon in their arsenal. The name Jass Beylar might be as alien to them as they are to me. What would life look like if Reza and I travelled there and began a new life together? Would she be able to say goodbye to the people of Pirius? And would I be able to settle for a life of peace and simplicity, if it meant that I got to spend it with her?