Jameson pulled out a file from his briefcase and handed it to Royce, “Everything you need is here, her home address, her phone number, all the information you need to contact her,” and Royce took the folder, his life line to Joy, “Thank you,” and he wrote a check to Jameson with a bonus. The waitress brought their drinks and he opened the file, “Did she look okay, how was she?” He asked as he scanned down the page. “She’s as you described,” and Royce looked at him. “She’s a very beautiful woman as you said” and Royce smiled, “That she is,” and Jameson was waiting for him to mention the other thing but he didn’t, so he left it alone. Royce saw what he needed in the file. He’d hoped for pictures but he knew he didn’t ask for that, he’d only asked for contact information, “Is there a way to get pictures, maybe some photos of her?” “Yes, but it would take more time and stealth, but I’d be happy to accommodate you with photos,” Jameson said. “I’ll let you know then, but for now I have what I need,” Royce drank down his drink in two solid gulps; he needed it to calm his nerves. Then he shook Jameson’s hand and left with the precious information in his hands.
He sat on the information for two days, one minute determined to see her, the next scared she might not want to see him and changed his mind. Then he thought of calling her, but that wasn’t good enough. He looked at her address, Los Colinas, you did move far didn’t you Joy, he thought, Los Colinas was at least forty-five minutes away from The Enclave, No chance of ever running into anyone from the old neighborhood there, he thought. And then on the second day he got up from his desk, combed his hair, straightened his tie, went down to his car and drove to Joy’s following the directions in the file. He drove to the gate and the guard came out, Shit, he thought, I didn’t know it was gated, but now I’ll know if she’ll see me or not, he pushed the button to roll down his window, “Royce Harrington to see Joy Abrams,” he said to the guard. “Yes sir,” he said and went into the little guard house and picked up the phone.
Royce saw him talking, and then hang up, “Okay sir, third street on the right, Mrs. Abrams is expecting you,” the gate opened and Royce drove through, his stomach bunched and fluttered. Joy agreed to see him, that was a start, but he didn’t know what to expect, would she tell him to go away, that she only agreed to see him to tell him to keep away from her.
He turned right onto Guadalupe Street and drove to the end of the cul-de-sac and found number six, Beautiful house, very stately. It was the middle of the afternoon so her children should be in school, Good, they could be alone as they talked, and he hoped she would at least talk to him a little before she told him to never set foot near her again. His heart was thumping and beating wildly, it was all over the place from excited to scared as hell, back to excited, then back to scared as hell.
He walked up the walkway and rang the bell and Joy answered. For a moment Royce just stood there looking at her, Damn, she’s still beautiful. He tried to smile, but he had no idea if it came across. “Come on in Royce,” Joy said, she was smiling at least and he walked across her threshold and she closed the door. He was vaguely aware of the immense beauty of the house, the hand scraped dark as coffee hard wood floors, the gold textured walls and Joy’s exquisite taste but he was more interested in her.
“I expected this day to come, I just didn’t know when,” she said. She looked at him, and before he knew it he took her in his arms and hugged her and she hugged him back. He wanted to hold her until his heart settled down, just to feel her real in his arms and he held on tighter than he should.
She released her hug and looked up at him. “It’s okay you’re here Royce,” she said. Joy could see he was having a hard time, he was smiling, he was happy, so happy, she could see that, but his eyes showed every emotion. They went from fearful, to happy, to sad; they were all over the place. “I knew this day would come,” she said and led him inside her house. They walked to the family room, Royce was watching her behind, she had on short blue jean shorts and a white t-shirt with buttons across her breast.
She led him to a dark brown leather sofa and he was grateful to get off his shaking legs, “You want something to drink?” “No, no, I just want to talk to you, see you, make sure you’re doing okay,” he said. He wanted her to know right off he wasn’t stalking her. “I know Royce, I knew this day would come and now that it’s here I don’t know what to do, but I was going to contact you, but I kept putting it off and now you’re here and I’m glad this day has finally come,” she said almost in disbelief, and Royce just looked at her wondering how did she know he was going to find her when he didn’t know until a week ago.
She got up and went over to a blanket on the floor and picked up a baby, oh, Joy has a baby? He’d been so focused on her he hadn’t even noticed a baby lying there on a blanket, toys all around. She came back to where he sat and turned the baby to him.
“Royce I’d like you to meet your son Justin Royce Abrams.”
Royce was stunned. He looked at her then the baby, then back at her and then the baby. He stared at the baby and the baby looked at him and he saw his blue eyes staring back at him and he smiled at the baby and the baby smiled back and he saw Karen’s smile and Karen had his smile.
“Oh Joy, oh my god Joy,” he said once the realization sunk in. Joy had his child and she was smiling. This is what Jameson saw that day, a tall woman holding a baby and when the baby turned to look at him he looked just like his client.
“I know. It’s a shock isn’t it?”
“Understatement of the year,” he said chuckling.
“Would you like to hold him?” He nodded and Joy handed him his son. Royce pulled him to his chest and hugged him, “Oh my God,” is all he could say.
“That’s why I knew this day would come. I wanted to contact you and tell you, I kept telling myself to do it, and I made myself promise I’d do it before he turned a year” she said looking at Royce smile and stare at his son, “He’s four months old,” she said.
“Oh Joy,” Royce said smiling at his beautiful son. This was beyond his wildest dreams, that one of those nights of loving Joy they’d made a child.
“I don’t want anything from you, I just wanted you to know about him,” she said, “Michael has agreed to raise him as his son.” Royce was half listening; he was more enthralled with his son, the son he made with Joy than what she was saying. “I just wanted you to know so in case he wanted to find you one day you wouldn’t be shocked,” he heard that.
Whoa, wait, “What? What do you mean in case he wants to find me one day?”
“Well Michael and I are going to raise him as our son Royce. You don’t need to be involved, we think its best and less confusing considering the circumstances,” and he stared at her.
“But he’s my son Joy, my son,” he said looking at her in disbelief.
“Royce think about this. I know he’s your son and I paid homage to you and gave him your name. I wanted him to know that one day, but it’s the best thing to do, the best way to handle this,” she said.
He was dumbfounded, “To keep him from his father, that’s the best way to handle this,” he asked, “You want me to know about him and stay away is that what you’re saying?”
“Well…yes Royce, we think it’s the best way…,”
“We who? You and Michael, because I sure don’t Joy. He’s my son, I just found out I have a son, a beautiful baby boy and you want me to forget that and hope he comes to find me one day!” He said incredulously. He looked at her for understanding, because to him this didn’t make any sense, “You want to keep him from me because…because why Joy, I don’t understand.”
Joy looked away and he saw her wipe a tear, “Because it’s best, the best thing to do Royce. You know how he came about, you know you and I should have never been together and if it wasn’t for The Club we wouldn’t have been.”
Ouch! It felt like she slapped him and he was stunned for a moment before he regained his composure, “I don’t know if I can do that Joy. I don’t know if I can do it
your way,” and he didn’t he had a son, a son with Joy and once she put him on his lap all he thought was I’m going to be there for you little guy, I’m your father, and in the next instant she was taking that away from him.
“Royce please,” she said and he was looking at her in disbelief.
“Is this why you left so soon, did you know then Joy?”
She was sad now, “Yes.”
He was stunned again, “You knew then you were having my baby and didn’t tell me!”
“No, I didn’t know it was your child, I knew I was pregnant and I was going to tell you that …night,” she saw him wince, “I was going to tell you but you know what happened, then I was afraid. I didn’t know what they’d do to me after what they’d done just because you and I had been together, I didn’t know what they’d do if they knew I was having your child,” she said and he wondered who was this they she was talking about, was it their friends? The people who’d acted crazy that night he had to admit, or was it white people in general? “I know Joy, it was a crazy situation that night, but I wished you’d told me anyway, called me or something and I could have been there for you,” he said and she looked at him now, her shame in this clear. She’d hidden this from him, she knew that, “I know, I’m sorry Royce, but it wasn’t until he was born that I was sure he was yours and Michael had agreed and understood there was a possibility he wasn’t the father and he’d accepted it and to be the baby’s father but I wanted you to know that’s all, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
Joy had planned on telling him that night, and Royce didn’t know she’d found it easier to tell him than Michael. He was going to be to the first to know, she wanted to tell him, talk it over with him and get a feel for where he was at on it, but she didn’t. His friends butted in and ran her away and she didn’t tell him that although Michael had agreed to raise his child he was mad as hell about the condoms, or lack thereof.
While he and Joy talked he concentrated on the baby, he couldn’t help it and the baby focused on him. He’d relaxed by now, this situation needed resolving. He was lying back against the sofa, the baby on his chest, the baby would put his fingers in his mouth as he talked, or he rubbed his cheek and Royce smiled as the baby touched him. Royce played with his little fingers, he touched his little soft cheeks, and ran his fingers through his curly dark hair, Joy’s hair, thick, dark and curly. Neither of his other children had hair like this, and to him Justin was the most beautiful baby he’d ever seen and Joy wanted him to give him up, to walk away.
“But I know now Joy, that’s the problem I’m having with this, I’m his father, he’s my son…and I can’t just walk away.”
Joy was not happy with this turn of events, she’d wanted to tell Royce, he should know he had a son. It didn’t feel right not to tell him which is what Michael wanted, she’d felt that was wrong to do that to Justin and to Royce. Justin should know who his father was and Royce should know about him, and from the moment she held him in the hospital she’d said to herself, “I have to tell Royce, it’s the right thing to do,” but Michael didn’t want her too, so she’d stalled and let it go, and her last plan was to tell him before Justin was a year old, By his first birthday I will tell Royce, she’d vowed, but now she wasn’t so sure this was a good idea.
“Think about it Royce, how are you going to explain this to Tammy? You think Tammy is going accept you having a child by me? It’s the best thing Royce!” “She’ll accept it, he’s here she doesn’t have a choice but to accept it.” “Will she Royce, will she?” “Michael did,” he said looking her square in the eye. “Arrggg Royce,” she said getting frustrated, “Why can’t you understand this is best for everyone,” and Royce hated those words, best for everyone, because usually they meant best for the ones speaking them and not best for the ones involved. “Uh huh, best for everyone. You’re saying it’s best for Justin to deny him his father,” he said, his eyes intensely on her, “A father who wants to be there for him,” he added and he saw her wipe tears away. He hated to see her cry, but he had to have his say on this.
Then little Justin began to squirm and his little face showed his distress. “He’s getting hungry, you don’t mind if I feed him in front of you do you?” “Well no why would I mind?” He didn’t understand the question, get the baby a bottle and feed it, why would he mind? “Oh well some people think it’s uncouth to breastfeed in front of them,” Joy said as she was unbuttoning the buttons across her breast, and now he understood, hmmm this he might not be able to handle. Joy’s breast in front of him; he was already having to control himself from touching her. It was only made easier because of the deep conversation they were having, so he played it off. “I’ve seen breast before Joy, I’ve even seen yours,” he joked with her; she laughed and rolled her eyes and shook her head. The flap fell down and he saw her white bra. She took the baby and turned her back to him and made her adjustments and when she turned around the baby was against her breast with a white cloth diaper over his face.
“I’m sorry about what happened that night Joy, it really messed things up and I’m sorry for all that,” he said. “I am too, it was a mess, a complete mess,” she said and little Justin obviously didn’t like the diaper over his face because with his free hand he grabbed it and was now playing with it and Royce saw a peek of Joy’s breast and he felt himself rising, he crossed his legs. Joy took the diaper and put it back where it was and Justin grabbed it again, swung it back and forth and this time he dropped it and it went on the floor. Joy laughed, “Well there goes any ounce of modesty I was trying to exhibit,” she said. He chuckled and watched his son nurse from his mother and he thought it was beautiful. Tammy hadn’t breastfed either of their children, this was the first time he’d ever seen a mother nurse her child and it being his child and the woman being Joy made it the most beautiful sight he’d seen in a long time.
He watched Justin as he enjoyed his milk and he reached out and took his little hand and played with it. Justin squeezed his finger with his little hand, his eyes looked over at Royce, his finger wrapped around Royce’s finger and he never stopped sucking. “It’s beautiful Joy,” he said, “He’s beautiful and I love him,” he said and Joy looked at him, and she could see it was genuine, Royce loved his son. Royce reached over and stroked Justin’s hair as he nursed and that’s what he did, he touched and stroked Justin, smiling and cooing at him as he nursed.
They kept discussing the situation and neither was getting anywhere with the other. Joy wanted Royce to give up Justin and Royce couldn’t and didn’t understand why she wanted him too, and he made no attempts to leave. He wanted this issue resolved or he wasn’t going anywhere until finally Joy said, “I’ve got to pick up the kids Royce, but here,” she said and wrote down her phone number, “Call me and we can discuss this some more before we do anything okay,” she said. “Okay, and here is my number, my office and cell phone,” he said, “Yes we do need to discuss this some more,” he agreed with her. He walked out with her and watched as she put Justin in his car seat, he kissed him and held his little hand, “Bye Justin,” he cooed to him and he hugged Joy, “I’ll be talking to you,” he said then he walked to his car and drove away.
Michael came home that night and knew immediately something was on Joy’s mind. This past year had been a trying one for him, every since the fiasco at The Club and soon after Joy had come to him with her news. She’d come to him with tears in her eyes, “I have something to tell you baby,” she was lying in bed and he was in the bathroom doing his nightly routine, flossing, brushing his teeth and when he saw her tears he wiped his mouth and went to her, “What is it baby, is it that bad for you to cry?”
She nodded, “It’s going to hurt, so yes it’s bad,” she said. He sat beside her his stomach in knots waiting for her to say what was going to hurt. “I’m pregnant,” and he smiled, “That’s not so bad, I know we hadn’t planned on more children, but it’s okay Joy baby,” he said still smiling at her. He was a stickler for plans and he thought sh
e was upset that he’d be upset at her for messing up his plans; he leaned in and kissed her. “I’m glad you’re happy baby, but the part that’s hard for me to say is…,” and she paused and he saw her tears. “Go on Joy what is it?”
“It’s that it might be Royce’s,” and this did shock him and it hurt too.
“What? What do you mean it could be Royce’s?”
He stood and looked at her, he paced and stood and looked down at her and he saw her crying, “Well I’m two months and it was during the time we were in The Club and I was with him too.”
“Oh well that shouldn’t matter you used protection right? He wore a condom didn’t he so you shouldn’t worry about that,” he said matter of fact and she cried harder.
“No, he didn’t,” and Michael froze.
“What are you saying, he didn’t use a condom? What one time he didn’t or what, be straight with me,” he said shocked. “We never used one,” and he lost it, “Fuuucccckkk! Fuck Joy, what the hell was going on with you two! I don’t understand why you did any of this with him! First he’s the only one you would go to and now you’re telling me you never used a condom! What the hell Joy!” He stared down at her, she cried, “Why not? Why didn’t you use a condom? You know how that makes me feel, that you let another man fuck you without protection!” He was angry, “Are you crazy to do that to me, to us, to have unprotected sex like that! Jesus Joy, where was your head in all this?” He was so mad at her, she’d messed up, this was the worse news he could have heard.
He sat on the edge of the bed and couldn’t look at her, he wanted to slap her, just slap the hell out of her for being so stupid and he’d never thought of her as stupid. He’d always thought of her as one of the smartest people he’s ever met. She’s graduated with high honors at an Ivy League school for crying out loud. “Why did you do that?” He wanted to know why she wouldn’t think of something as simple as a condom, hell there was a drawer full of them, every shape, size and color you wanted. She was crying. “We just didn’t…we just didn’t think of using one,” she said through her tears. “Jesus Joy, do I have to explain everything to you? I thought you knew that, it’s just something you should know to do in a sex club. Fuck this is bad, this situation keeps getting worse and worse,” he wouldn’t talk to her for days after she told him and then he accepted it.
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