Royce

by D. Hamilton-Reed

  Bobby scanned through the pictures and looked at Royce, “Aw man,” Bobby said as he looked at one picture then another. “Yeah he’s my son, Joy had my son, his name is Justin Royce,” he said smiling. “I can see that, he’s a beautiful baby,” and Bobby looked at him, “He looks just like you.” Royce was smiling, “I know isn’t it uncanny he looks more like me than either Karen or Dillon?”

  Bobby put the pictures back in the envelope and sat there stunned; he didn’t know what to say, “Well this changes things man, how are you going to work this out?”

  And Royce shrugged, “That’s the problem…,”

  “I can see that it would be Royce, does Tammy know?”

  “Nah not yet, I’m still trying to come to terms with Joy.”

  “Oh let me guess what does she want, too much child support and not enough visitation?” And Royce looked at him wondering if he should tell the truth, but from Bobby’s question he felt Bobby thought like him, that it was just a matter of terms and not, I don’t want you in his life at all, he decided to tell it all.

  “I wish it was just that, but no she wants nothing from me as a matter of fact she doesn’t want me in his life at all; she wants him to be raised by her and Michael and then let him come to me after he’s older and can understand,” Royce said and his heart hurt when he had to say it out loud like that, and he saw Bobby react.

  “Are you kidding?” Was Bobby’s first reaction, he’d never thought that a woman wouldn’t want the baby’s father in his life, that never occurred to him, but now he thought about it, maybe she had a point. This could work out best for everyone. Tammy doesn’t know and Royce could ignore it until the kid was old enough. “Well she might have a point,” he said and he saw Royce’s expression go hard.

  “What point does she have?” Royce asked.

  “Putting it off until he’s older, it might be easier…”

  “Easier for whom?” Royce interrupted.

  “For you, Tammy, the child, everyone,” Bobby said and he saw Royce’s face and knew that was not okay with him and since that night at The Club he’d made a vow to always be in Royce’s corner, no matter what. “But I don’t know if you should do it though,” and he saw Royce look at him hope in his eyes, hope that someone understood and Bobby knew he did understand. He knew how a father felt about his children, especially when they came from the woman he loved and Royce loved Joy, there was no question in his mind about that.

  “Why do you think I shouldn’t do it?”

  “Because he’s your son Royce and…,” Royce looked on waiting, “I can see it in the pictures that you’re…,” and Royce looked on, “Happy with him,” and that was true too. Bobby had seen his happiness in those pictures, he’d seen a happy smiling Royce in those pictures, a Royce he hadn’t seen in a long time, and he saw it now as his hope went up and he smiled, “I know man, you should see him, he’s so beautiful, I just love him.”

  “So what are you going to do about it?” Bobby asked.

  Royce looked at him and said what he’d been thinking the past week, his only drawback was Joy, he didn’t want to hurt her, but he knew what he had to do, “I’m going to fight for him,” he said and Bobby smiled.

  Royce stayed at the office until it was time to meet Michael and he was glad he‘d talked to Bobby because now he felt surer than he’d felt before. Joy was the holdup, he didn’t want to hurt her, he wanted her to love you, “No I want her to agree for me to see him.” He drove out to Joy’s; the guard was different this time of day, “Royce Harrington to see Michael Abrams,” the guard made the call and opened the gate. Joy let him in, the whole family was home now and he saw Lindsey and Deon in the family room. Deon was playing a video game on the TV, he was working the controller like he’d seen Dillon do a thousand times. Justin was on the floor draped across Lindsey's back a teething ring in his mouth working it with baby drool running down his hand making baby happy baby sounds while Lindsey cooed to him and read him a story from a baby book.

  “Come in Royce,” Joy led him to the kitchen, he could smell the aroma of whatever Joy had made that night, even though now the kitchen was clean and everything put away it smelt delicious and it reminded him he hadn’t eaten. He hadn’t seen Michael yet and then Michael came in, he was comfortable in blue jean long shorts and a golf shirt, “Hey Royce man,” he said cordially and they shook hands. Then they sat at the table and he heard Joy in the family room, “Take your brother and go to my room, watch a movie in there okay, we grownups need to talk,” then she came in the kitchen and she put a crystal decanter on a tray with three glasses and brought it over and sat it on the table. Cognac or Brandy, he thought; she sat down next to Michael and Royce knew it was going to be two against one.

  “Well first of all man let me say thanks for coming by. I know this is hard on everyone, but we have to resolve it so it works out best for all involved, are we agreed on that?” Michael asked and poured himself then Royce a drink, Joy passed on the drink he offered her. “You’re welcome, and of course that’s why I’m here to work this out.” Michael smiled at him, “Hey let me ask you something first, how did you find us man?” Royce looked at him, he would never tell him he’d hired a private investigator, “Well it wasn’t hard, I looked you up, it’s not like you all disappeared or anything.”

  “Ahh,” Michael said, “I guess you’re right it was that easy huh?” Royce nodded, at least that’s what Jameson had told him when he asked how hard it was to find Joy, “It’s all in the public records Mr. Harrington, it wasn’t that hard, it was just verifying that Mrs. Abrams was in fact the Mrs. Abrams you were searching for,” Jameson said, and Michael was thinking it was that easy, just like it was that easy for you not to wear a condom with my wife. He felt so disrespected by Royce, like Royce was acting on his whiteness and could do what he wanted to put him in his place and that place was beneath him. Michael chafed, but he wanted to be professional. “So what is it you want Royce, what do you want as it concerns Justin?”

  Royce wasn’t expecting that question, he thought he was going to go straight into about it being best for Justin if they raised him without him and he was ready for that. “He’s my son,” he said looking Michael square in the eye, and Michael felt that disrespect again, “And I want to be a part of his life like any father would...,” he looked at Michael again, “Look Michael, I know this is tough, a tough situation,” and Michael was thinking you got that right, it’s like a snowball, it won’t disappear and melt in the light of day, instead it keeps rolling down a hill adding more shit to it and getting bigger and bigger.

  “But we can work this out, I want to be a part of his life and I have a right to do that he’s my son, that’s all I ask, just let me be there,” and Michael thought, if he says he’s my son one more time I might punch him. He leaned in closer to face Royce, “We can’t do that, we don’t think it’s best for him and we want to do what’s best for him,” and he looked Royce square in the eye, “And for the record he’s not your son, I’m listed as his father, I’m the one listed on his birth certificate.”

  Joy sat there and she could feel the tension growing between the two men. She could see Royce weighing his words carefully on what he was about to say next but his eyes showed he was getting angry, and Michael she could see that little smirk when he knew he had someone and she could feel his anger bubbling. “Let’s talk about Justin, okay,” she intervened, “Royce think of Justin, this situation is confusing enough as it is, let’s not add to it,” she said trying to convince him.

  Royce looked from her and back to Michael and he saw him seething beneath the surface and he thought the first thing I’m going to do is change his name, “I am thinking of Justin, and if I wasn’t his father we wouldn’t be sitting here talking about this would we?” He said eyeing Michael and he wanted to say, so can that shit. He didn’t like being fucked with and Michael was fucking with him, he went on, “The only thing I’m agreeable too is visitation and I’ll pay child support, I’m no
t here to shirk my responsibility to him,” he said looking at Michael, and Michael wanted to punch him if he thought he would allow any of his money to come into his house.

  “Well what do you suggest we tell him when he’s in school and the kids start asking him about his father, do you want him saying my father is the man across town my mother had as a lover?” Michael asked and Joy gasped, “Do you?” He repeated ignoring her, “Or do you want him to feel good about himself and his family and the confidence he will need in this life?” Michael asked.

  Royce knew he was right on that it was going to be tough on Justin from that standpoint, people were going to talk, “Look we’ll handle that when the time comes, we’ll make sure he has a good answer, but we shouldn’t deny him his father because of what people will say,” he said; his anger flashing a bit now.

  He was tired of other people’s opinion deciding his life, other people is what caused her to leave in the first place. She was going to tell him that night. This could have been resolved months ago and he could have been there for her, but now after the fact here they were dealing with it, and he saw Michael sit back a disdainful look on his face. “Don’t you think it matters? He has to live in this world, the world the way it is, and for you it might be easy to handle what other people say,” and Michael wanted to add because you’re white and you’d never had to live with what other people thought of you, but just like him Justin would, “But Justin will live with it every day of his life,” he said looking at Royce.

  “No I don’t think it matters,” Royce said and he didn’t think it mattered in the scheme of things, it was a minor thing to deal with, “What I’m asking is bigger than that, to be in my son’s life is much bigger than worrying what other people will say about him,” he said.

  “Then you don’t understand what it’s like to be black and Justin will be black and treated as such,” Michael emphasized and he saw the stunned looked on Royce’s face. Ahh, Michael thought, he hadn’t thought about that, and he was right. Royce hadn’t thought of that, he just saw his son, the son he made with Joy, he hadn’t thought about how the world would see him.

  Royce didn’t know where to go next to make them see this from his point of view, “Well put yourself in my shoes, how would you feel if it was you, if you had a child with another woman and you wanted to be a part of that child’s life and she was trying to stop you?”

  Michael stared at him a moment before he said, “If I were in your situation I’d do like the mother wished,” he said without hesitation, “Apparently she has good reason,” he added and Royce couldn’t believe it.

  “So you would just walk away?”

  “Yes”

  “Well I can’t do that”

  “Okay then let’s do it, let’s switch places let’s say after all the women I’ve been with at The Club, including Tammy,” and he looked at Royce as if to say, yes I fucked your wife too.

  “Let’s say Tammy had my child and to keep her family, her marriage to you and to protect the child she asked me to let go, to let you and her raise him as your own. I would honor her wishes, because I know she’s doing what’s best for the child,” and Royce was fuming now and he wanted to punch Michael.

  “Well I wouldn’t ask that of you if the tables were turned, I’d know you might want to see your son,” he said evenly, and that was true he’d never think to deny a person their child. He might be furious at the situation and want to kick the shit out of Michael but he wouldn’t think of denying him the right to his son. Maybe that’s it, he thought, Michael just wants to kick his ass for being with Joy, maybe if they fought it out he would see reason and not try and keep him from his son.

  “What is it Michael, what will make you see all I want is to be there for my son, do you want to kick my ass, and maybe then we can focus on what’s best for Justin and stop all this dicking around?” He looked squarely at Michael, he heard Joy gasp and he glanced at her and he could see the angst on her face, “Then let’s do it, let’s have it out,” he said.

  He hadn’t had a fight since he was sixteen when a new ranch hand not much older than him kept calling him “Daddy’s boy,” and acted like he couldn’t do anything, and after a while he got tired of it and went after him, it wasn’t much of a fight though, before any real punches were thrown he was pulled one way and the ranch hand the other. But if Michael wanted to fight this out he would, he saw Joy put her hand over her mouth, and Michael’s anger was evident.

  “You damn right I want to kick your ass, you took advantage of her and you know it!” He said angrily and Royce was stunned and taken aback. He sat back in his chair and his shock said it all.

  “I did not take advantage of her, I can’t believe you’re saying that, all I wanted was to be there for her, to help her and protect her. I…,” he paused when he saw them looking at him, Michael as if he was seeing him for the first time and Joy with tears in her eyes, and he was going to say I loved her, but didn’t want to say that in front of Michael, “I didn’t want to see her hurt, that’s all,” he looked away, he didn’t want them to see his eyes water. He wanted Joy was all he’d thought about at The Club and when he looked back Joy was wiping a tear and Michael had him fixed in a hateful gaze.

  “She wasn’t yours to protect, because of your meddling we’re in this situation and…,” Michael stared openly and hatefully at him and said, “And if you wanted to protect her so much you should have worn a god damn condom,” and before Royce knew it he was out of his chair and so was Michael and it was Joy who stopped them she burst out crying in a loud painful sob.

  “Noooo!” She cried out and both felt her pain and looked over at her alarmed, and she cried harder and Michael went to her, and Royce wished it was him. “Don’t cry baby, we’ll work it out,” he soothed and held her. Michael looked over at Royce, “We’ll talk again, let’s call it a night,” he held Joy against his chest and Royce saw himself out.

  “Fuuuuccckkkkk!” He said and banged his hand against the steering wheel, “Fuck that didn’t go well! We didn’t accomplish a thing!” He drove down the street and out the neighborhood and the only thing he was sure of was Michael hated him for what he’d done and he ran his fingers through his hair. He was angry, sad and hurt that they hadn’t resolved anything and he wanted this to work out and from the looks of it they’d just made it worse. He drove home, it was late, when he walked in no one was there to greet him but Duke, he came up and licked his hand, “Hey Dukey boy,” he said and scratched him on the head. He could hear the kids upstairs getting ready for bed, loud footsteps and talking loudly to each other about this or that, apparently one was in one room and the other was in another and they were talking loudly so the other could hear. They were a good brother and sister they got along great. He walked into his bedroom and took off his clothes, Tammy was in the shower, he changed into comfortable clothes and went into the kitchen.

  Tammy had left a covered plate for him on the table, good he was starving. Duke came over to him as he sat down, “Okay boy I bet no one took you for a walk did they?” Duke was a big Golden Labrador Retriever with soft loving brown eyes, “Okay, I’ll let you out back for now okay,” he said. He knew Duke, he was the one who took him for his walks every day, he needed to go out now is what he was trying to say, he let him out in the backyard he saw him run to the back fence raise his leg and take a long leak. He went back to his plate and uncovered it, it was a big bowl of Tammy’s chicken soup, it was her specialty, it was really pot luck as she described it. “When you live in a trailer park you don’t throw nothing away,” she’d said, “So at the end of the week whatever was left in the refrigerator went in the pot,” she said, so she’d been making this chicken soup since the day they’d gotten married, but now it wasn’t what was left in the refrigerator she prepared it as a meal, it had big pieces of chicken, sausage, carrots, peas, celery, it was very good and hearty.

  The only thing he’d changed for her was the bread, the first time she served it she laid out loaf
bread from a bag on a plate and he asked, “What is that?” “Bread silly,” she said. “Yeah, I know that but why is it on the table; don’t we have rolls or something?” He’d never in his life seen loaf bread straight from the wrapper on the dinner table. “No, it’s all we have,” “Oh, well next time fix some rolls or something,” he said and she did. She had a few trial and errors but then she found she liked French bread she spread with butter and garlic and toasted it in her toaster oven. He uncovered a plate of garlic bread, Tammy was a good wife, he thought, how was he going to tell her this, how was going to tell her Joy had his child?

  He wolfed down his food and then took Duke for his walk and as he walked all he could think was how this had turned so bad. It’s Friday, the weekend would give us time to cool off, but as it stood right now he knew he was no closer in convincing Joy or Michael he deserved to be in Justin’s life and they were no closer into allowing it. They didn’t want him around and that hurt, his heart was hurting and pounding in his chest wondering if he was doing the right thing, wondering if he should just let it go.

  CHAPTER 6 , JUSTIN

  Royce spent the weekend thinking, and that Monday morning instead of going to the office he went straight to Joy’s. She opened the door but looked away from him, “I didn’t expect you back,” and he could tell she was still upset. “I’m sorry Joy, don’t be mad,” she looked at him, “Well I am, what the hell was that Royce?”