Royce

by D. Hamilton-Reed

  She’d almost cost him Joy with her bullshit and if he hadn’t swallowed his pride, something he knew he had a lot of and gone over there that night who knows if they would have repaired their relationship, and the only reason he went over there was because he couldn’t spend another night coming apart at the seams. He only went over there so he could hold her, even if she turned her back on him, as long as she let him hold her.

  “Are we done?”

  “Yes, I’m sorry, I just wanted to tell you that,” and he saw her eyes filled with unshed tears and he didn’t care, she was a bitch. She’d proven that time and time again.

  But other than that he was ecstatic, especially when he saw Joy’s bride magazines on the kitchen table, he couldn’t control his excitement.

  Karen was happy when she saw her father smiling, the last time she’d seen him he was trying to knock the hide off a baseball and she blamed her mother. When he dropped them off her mother came to the door, “Oh I see he can’t face me,” and Karen lit into her. “Leave daddy alone mom! Leave him alone! He didn’t do anything and Ms. Joy is nice! She’s nice mom!” She yelled at her mother. “Karen how can you side with her? Did you hear the things she said to me?” “You said things to her too! I saw you! I saw you!” Karen yelled back, “You weren’t being nice and daddy was! Leave daddy alone!” Tammy was shocked, “You kids just don’t understand! There’s a lot more to this than you kids know!” She went to Dillon to hug him. Dillon would understand Tammy thought but he pulled away. “You’re the reason bad things happen to this family! You had no right to call her those bad names that’s why she was so mad at you!” Dillon yelled at her and Tammy was shocked and in disbelief. “Leave daddy alone mom or we’re going to go stay with him,” Karen threatened, and Tammy burst into tears, and they had to go to her and let her hug them and cry. “I’m sorry kids, I’ll be a better mom, I promise, I’ll be a better mother,” she cried and they cried too, and it was because of that conversation and her children weren’t on her side anymore she tried to apologize to Royce the next weekend.

  Joy was planning a summer wedding, “The kids will be out of school, it’ll be so much easier to work it out,” she told Royce. “Okay babe,” he didn’t care as long as they got married. She was torn on size though. He shrugged and didn’t know. “I can’t help you Joy. I’m a guy, we don’t think about weddings we just show up,” they both laughed, “So I’m on my own then.” “Yep,” he teased.

  This morning he woke up happy, a normal state for him now, Joy stirred and sat up in bed, he could see her watching him as he dressed. He smiled at her, “Royce, I need to talk to you about something,” by the softness in her voice he stopped and looked at her, “Okay Joy what do we need to talk about,” and he felt his heart reacting to what…he didn’t know yet. “I think we need to think about getting married,” and he froze he was so stunned. “Hey, I don’t need to think about it I’d marry you tomorrow if I could,” he wasn’t smiling now and his heart was beating too fast. “Well I think we need to think about it. I mean look, it won’t be just you and me anymore…I’ll be marrying into your family...and you’ll be marrying into mine. You have kids with Tammy who might cause problems, I have kids with Michael who might cause problems…I just think we should wait, think a little on it.” “Whoa wait, just wait a minute. Joy that’s separate from us. We’re the ones getting married not them, we can’t let what they might do stop us from sharing our lives,” he said looking deeply at her, and he knew she was right on that. His parents weren’t going to be receptive at first he knew that, just like they hadn’t been of Tammy, she was the wrong class, but they ended up loving her and he expected the same for Joy, and Tammy and Michael probably would cause problems. She was a vindictive bitch and he was a bastard, both had proven that. Joy looked away.

  “What’s going on here Joy?” If she said she didn’t want to marry him he knew he’d become a puddle on the floor. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked at him, “Are you sure you want to and know what you’re getting into marrying…marrying a black woman,” there she’d said it. She looked at him when she said it, her courage up, “And am I sure I know what I’m getting into marrying…a white man,” and the shock registered hard on Royce’s face. He was stunned, “You mean…you mean you might not want to marry me because I’m white!” He said shocked and in disbelief. “It’s something we should think about Royce,” and he didn’t know what to say. He just stood there looking at her. He’d never thought about being white before, and he’d never thought someone wouldn’t want to marry him because of it.

  “Okay Joy, we’ll think about it,” was all he could say and he finished getting dressed and left.

  She’d knocked the wind out of him. He had no idea she might not want him because of the color of his skin. He’d never had the color of his skin questioned and he drove to work thinking on that. He played Louie, “…it makes no difference if you’re black or white…,” and he thought, it does make a difference, to Joy it does make a difference. He looked at his pale hands on the steering wheel, his white hands, I’m white and she might not want me. The shock of that just stunned him.

  He went into the office and he just sat there thinking about what Joy said, she had to think about being married to a white man! What? Is she kidding me, this is coming up now, after the way I love her, this is coming up now. He just couldn’t fathom it.

  Bobby came into his office to find him sitting at his desk looking out at the Dallas skyline. Royce didn’t hear him come in he was so deep in thought. Bobby was standing in front of his desk and clearing his throat before he realized he was there. He looked over at him and swiveled in his chair, “Let me ask you something Bobby?” “Shoot,” Bobby said. “You ever thought about being white?” And Bobby looked at him and thought for a moment then said, “No, I mean why would I? I never had too,” and he saw Royce looking at him for a long moment before he said, “Me neither.”

  Royce thought about that and Bobby hit the nail on the head, white people didn’t’ have to think about being white, and after Bobby left he thought on it some more, white people didn’t have to think about being white but black people had to think about being black, and the further the day went on he thought further into it, white people didn’t have to think about being white, but black people had to think about being black, and Joy had to think about marrying a man of a different race and she might not want to marry him because of it.

  He looked at his hands, he examined their whiteness, it’s just skin, the outside covering, it’s not me. Is it Royce, is it not you? You’ve benefitted a lot because of it, so isn’t it you, isn’t it part of you, didn’t it help make you who you are? And he slumped at his desk, Joy might not want to marry me because I’m white, and white is not right in this instance. This was the one situation where his white skin didn’t help him, and he felt helpless because he could do nothing about it. He couldn’t change the skin he was in, he couldn’t change it, and Joy might not want to marry him because of it.

  Until she talked to her mother Joy hadn’t really thought about Royce being white, to her it just was, nothing more, nothing less. She was use to white people, at first she wasn’t, but when she went to the University of Pennsylvania that opened a whole new world for her, she’d never seen so many white faces. She’d never been the only or one of two in a sea of white faces, it was such a culture shock. Where she’d gone to school in Point Breeze she didn’t see many white people all over the place, pretty much everyone was black, her teachers, her classmates, her doctor, her dentist, but at college she was the minority.

  And after she married Michael and moved to Dallas she dealt with all kinds of people. While she worked for Mr. Jackson she was in charge of all races and as Michael built his career and she attended dinners, social events and parties with mostly white people she found they were just people. They were living their lives like everyone else except she found most of them did believe the stereotypes that had been fed to them from their culture, TV
, books and movies. And Royce some of the things she was attracted to were because of his whiteness like his blue eyes, but mostly she was attracted to him, his person, his easy way of being, he was fun and made her laugh and the way he loved her, the passion and heat between them still left her reeling. But it was her mother who made her stop and think.

  “Mom, I’ve got news, we’ve got to wait until my divorce is final, but Royce and I are getting married,” she’d said happily to her mother. Her mother paused and she heard the silence, then she said, “The white man! Justin’s father?” “Yes mom, he’s…” “Are you sure about this Joy honey, marriage is a lot different than being involved. I know you’ve been involved with him, but think about this, it won’t be just a relationship now, it’s a marriage and that means you marry into his family and he marries into yours.” “I know mom…,” “Well are you sure they’re going to accept you…You know how these things are…I told you what a hard time I had with your daddy’s people, it was tough on us that’s why we moved to the city and left them right back there in Blackstone, but they tried to pull me and your father apart and it almost worked until we moved.”

  Joy knew what her mother was referring too. Her father’s people were from Blackstone, Virginia and were light skinned, very light skinned and her mother was a brown woman, and they thought she was too dark for him, especially for him to marry. “I know what you and daddy went through mom, but that was a long time ago, that was different then.” “Maybe so Joy, but you better check it out. He’s a white man that’s a lot different than being high yella, your father was high yella and still a black man, but we still had problems with color. His sisters and aunt gave me hell, all worried our kids were going to come out dark like me. Gave me a hard time until Sylvie was born and they saw how pretty she was. After they saw all you girls, you, Sylvie and Lanie and saw how pretty you were and all of you were blessed with color right in the middle of me and your father and after that they adored all of you,” and Joy knew that was true too. Her aunts loved them when she was growing up and fawned all over them.

  “Think about it, it might be harder than you think even though it’s 2001, in some way it still feel like 1951,” her mother said, “Make sure he’s worthy of you Joycelyn,” were her last words, and those words always made Joy stop and think. “Okay momma, you’re right, we’ll take time and talk it over before we do anything,” and that was why she brought it up this morning. She just wanted to know what he thought that’s all, but she kept seeing Royce’s face, the shock and disbelief when he said, “You might not want to marry me because I’m white?” It was like it never occurred to him that that was a possibility, maybe he didn’t think it mattered and did it Joy, did it matter, she asked herself?

  She wondered that herself, sometimes it did matter and it was something they should talk extensively about and other times it didn’t, she loved Royce and he loved her. They have a son together, the white black question had already been answered between them if they have a son together, didn’t that mean it shouldn’t matter? Her mother had opened up this issue. This issue they’d never talked about, that they’d never even mentioned between them and now here it was the elephant in the room.

  Royce stood up, “Cancel my afternoon appointments Ms. Severs.” He wanted to get to the bottom of this and wanted to know why she was bringing this up now? Why would the color of his skin matter now after they’d been together, after they’d loved each other, after he loved her to the core of his being and when she could finally be his, he wanted to know why now?

  Joy heard the garage door going up in the middle of the afternoon. Royce came through the door, “Royce what are you doing home so early?” “We need to talk Joy,” and she could see the intensity in him, and she followed him to their bedroom. He stood there and so did she, he began to undress. She watched him taking off his clothes, his eyes held hers, she followed suit and began to undress. They stood facing each other naked, their clothes strewn around them.

  “Look at me, at all of me,” and her eyes went from his head to his toes, he followed her eyes as they scanned his body and when she came back to his eyes hers were soft and questioning. He held his hands out turning them over then back again, “It’s just outside covering Joy, it’s not all of me, it’s just a part of me,” he looked at her up and down her body, “And you Joy, it’s just your outside covering, it’s not all of you and yes I see it, as I know you see mine,” and he pulled her towards him, and held her and looked deeper into her eyes as if he wanted her to see the inside of him and not the outside.

  “Your outside Joy is brown, a beautiful warm brown and it covers the most beautiful girl in the world to me and I love her. Love her so much in all her sweet, warm brown glory,” he kissed her, “I love you Joy and I don’t care about the color of your skin as I hope you won’t care about mine, it’s just covering, my outside, yours is warm golden brown and I’m plain vanilla that’s all.”

  She smiled and kissed him, sensually kissed him. “Oh Royce,” she looked deeply in his eyes, “There may be lots of things about you, but plain and vanilla is not one of them, your outside is fine as hell,” she said and he laughed. “You think I’m fine Joy?” She smiled up at him, “Yes, yes I do, let me tell you about your outside,” she looked softly into his eyes.

  Joy ran her fingers through his hair, “I love your hair, the color, the soft feel to it, I love to run my fingers through it,” she looked deeply into his eyes, “And your eyes, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve lost myself in their deep blue depths,” she ran her fingers down his face, across his jaw line to his lips. “And your mouth Royce, those lips of yours, I love to kiss them and feel them anywhere on my body and seeing that easy Royce smile makes my heart flutter,” she kissed his lips and ran her hands across his broad shoulders and down his arms looking at his body, “And all of this Royce, all of you, your arms, your chest, that patch of dark hair on your chest, it’s you Royce and I love all of you,” and she kissed the dark patch, and entwined her fingers in his, “I love these hands and everything they touch. I love every inch of you Royce and none of it is plain and vanilla.”

  “Oh baby,” he picked her up into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist, he kissed her sweet lips. “Speaking of inches,” he was hard now, she laughed, “Oh he’s in there too, every inch of his loveliness.” He walked her to the bed, “Oh baby,” he laid her down, “What you said, it means so much to me and I love you so much Joy words could never describe how I feel, but your words baby, your words touch my soul baby,” he kissed her and looked in her eyes. Louie, Louie when you taste brown sugar, “Warm brown sugar that’s what you are,” he continued caressing her down her body and looking playfully in her eyes, “…and I like my sugar brown.” Joy laughed and laughed, “Oh Royce the things you say baby, I don’t know how you come up with some of the stuff you say ,” he laughed and thought, Louie, Louie had a taste of brown sugar and fell in love overnight, and he deeply and sweetly kissed her.

  “Let’s get married,” Joy said, and the next day she went back to looking in the bride magazines and by the next week she had a date, “September fifteenth babe, that’s our big day.”

  But by the next week Royce was happy with everything except September, it seemed so far away and he’d already had that scare with the color thing and he found out it wasn’t Joy thinking that way, and in the back of his mind he knew that anyway, it came up all of sudden and it had never been an issue between them and he found out it was her mother. But the one good thing that came from them talking about color was that Joy thought he was fine as hell, and he smiled. He loved knowing she thought he was as handsome as he thought she was beautiful. And now he wanted September to hurry up and get here.

  The second weekend of April rolled around and Joy’s divorce was final and it was their weekend with all the children and Royce said, “Let’s get out of here, let’s go somewhere.” “Alright, let’s go,” Joy replied without hesitation and Friday they took the children
out of school early and packed them up. He rented a private plane, and when they were all seated he said, “Let’s go to Vegas! We all want to see David Copperfield right? Well he’s there, we can go there, let’s go!” And they all cheered with excitement. Joy snuggled up against him, “This is wonderful Royce to just up and go like this,” Joy said and kissed his cheek.

  When they arrived a limo was there to take them to their hotel. He’d decided on The Bellagio he thought Joy might like that, watching the dancing waters from her hotel suite and he’d selected the largest suite they had. It was a three bedroom private villa with eight thousand square feet and twenty-hour hour butler and limo service, its own private entrance, formal living and dining room, fireplaces, marble foyer and full kitchen, a private pool and barber and salon services, it was just want he needed.

  The limo pulled up and the butler waited for them and led them to their villa, “Oh wow! Wow!” Joy and the children exclaimed as they ran in and saw the swanky beautiful décor and spacious villa, “Oh Royce, baby you didn’t have to do all this, it’s just a weekend baby,” she said awed by the place. They ran around looking at all the amenities, the private gardens and pool, a full size kitchen. “Don’t worry baby I don’t want you cooking this weekend.” “But Royce it’s here it’s so wonderful.” “No, not this weekend,” he said holding her. “Okay girls in one room, boys in the other, you make the selection,” he told the older kids and they ran to the rooms to decide, and then the butler came in, “Pardon me sir but they have arrived.” “Thank you,” he led Joy to the foyer. “You have your instructions,” he asked them, “Yes sir.” There were about five ladies and two men standing there all professional looking, a couple with roll-away bags, “Your luggage has been placed in the rooms sir,” the butler said, “Shall we get started?”

  “Right this way madam,” one of the ladies said and Joy smiled. She was led her to the master suite, three of the ladies came with her and Royce went with the others, and after that she was bathed and shaved, waxed and exfoliated, massaged and oiled down with a fine soft sheen glow. “Ummm,” she said numerous times throughout, she loved it, Royce is really spoiling me this weekend. One of the ladies with the roll-away bag opened it and revealed it was makeup. She sat Joy at the vanity in the bathroom and applied makeup expertly to her face, all this for David Copperfield? After she applied her makeup she left and another lady came in and her bag looked like a mini hair salon. Joy saw products galore, curling irons, blow dryers, an assortment of combs, rollers, brushes, “I will make you more beautiful than you already are madam,” she said and Joy smiled, and she wondered what all this was costing Royce? She let her style her hair, she was a white woman with a foreign accent but she pulled her hair to the side and gave her a nice wave on each side, then she styled it in a beautiful chignon. It twisted and coiled along the side of her neck, I am beautiful Joy thought surveying the finished look turning her head one way then the other, I look like a Hollywood actress readying for the red carpet, my hair and makeup perfect. Hmmm what am I going to wear to match this, I didn’t bring anything this glamorous?