“And you still will. But from now on it has to be as friends.”
He flinched. “No.”
He reached for her, strong fingers scorching the burning heat of her cheek. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t touch. Couldn’t soothe. Not anymore.
“You wanted space yesterday and I reluctantly gave it to you. But I’m not going to go back to being friends. I don’t want to be with her.”
She nodded. “I know. But would you feel the same if I hadn’t torn the two of you apart?” He opened his mouth and she continued before he could protest. “I always thought I hid my feelings. Now I realize that was a lie. I sabotaged your marriage. I made it obvious I loved you. I didn’t have to say the words. You could see it. Everyone could. And my lack of professionalism cost you dearly.”
“In all honesty, sweetheart, that’s bullshit.”
“Is it? You were madly in love with her when you first married. I remember, because I tried to deny I was jealous. And at the first sign of trouble, I jumped at the opportunity to be your confidante. I never should’ve crossed that line, because deep down, I knew what I was starting.” She grabbed his hand from her cheek and squeezed his fingers. “The truth is, if I hadn’t ruined what the two of you had, right now you’d be celebrating the news of your child. You’d be so happy, Ryan. And through the envy, I would’ve been happy for you, too.”
“I disagree. The two of us were inevitable—”
“Because of my feminine wiles and subliminal messages. How could you resist?” She chuckled through her desire to crumple. “And now you need to put all that in perspective. We have to go our separate ways so you can concentrate on the pregnancy and I can focus on Slicker to ensure the tour doesn’t get extended.”
She dropped his hand and the jovial expression to drive home her message. There was no negotiating, even though his searching gaze made her want to falter.
He nodded, slow at first, then more convincing. “I’ll do what you want, Leah. I’ll think about it. I’ll make the decision that’s best for me, and when it brings me straight back to you, will you accept that? Will you support me having a child with someone else?”
She sucked in a breath, held tight until it turned toxic. He still didn’t understand. Those gentle eyes and loving heart weren’t allowing her message to sink in. “Ryan, my support is inconsequential. We both know this will never work. Julie is only one force trying to tear us apart. My contract is the other. It’s best if you let me go and concentrate on being the father you’ve always wanted to be.”
“You’re placing me back in the friend zone permanently?” He inched closer, his hand returning to her cheek.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, because it’s not going to happen.” His fingers brushed her skin, trailing over her jaw, her neck. Even his gaze lingered like a physical caress, his affection hitting her on every level. “Fighting the need to kiss you is killing me.”
She closed her eyes at the rapid sense of forming tears. She wanted his kiss. Wanted to rip it from him without apology or remorse.
“I love you, Leah.”
She whimpered—like a fool, like a weak, pathetic kitten.
“I can hate myself for it later, but right now all I want to do is place my lips against yours.”
She sucked in his breath and descended into the darkness of inevitability as his mouth touched hers. She was at his mercy, untethered, floating aimlessly. There was so much love in their connection, so much necessity in the softness of his mouth, his lips, his tongue.
All of it redundant.
“Ryan…” She pushed at his chest, demanding space.
I love you. I should’ve agreed to run away with you. And even crazier than that, I wish like hell I was the one carrying your child instead of a woman we both despise, but…
“Please don’t make this any harder than it needs to be.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
San Antonio, TX
“Ryan?”
Felicity nudged him in the ribs, dragging his attention out of the staring match with the carpet and back to the journalist sitting before them. “Sorry. What was the question?”
“There’s no more questions.” The woman offered her hand to shake. “I can see the final weeks of the tour are taking their toll. I’ll let you both get back to work.”
Ryan clasped her hand and they stood together. “We appreciate you taking the time to chat with us.”
“It was my pleasure.” She released her grip and pocketed her notepad as her cameraman began packing up equipment. “We’ll broadcast the segment on the news tonight. We wish you all the best with the show.”
He remained quiet, zoning out of the present and back into his thoughts while Felicity pushed to her feet beside him. At Leah’s request, he’d joined Flick in interview after interview to promote tomorrow night’s epic performance. The two of them were the face of the event. Slicker and Reckless joining forces to create unstoppable magnificence.
They’d promoted the outdoor activities available to people who didn’t have tickets to the concert. They’d boasted the thousands of promo items up for grabs and how the show would be live streamed to people outside the stadium for one night only.
He’d done everything Leah had asked, including keeping his distance for the last six days. Their interaction had been kept to a minimum and strictly band related. He hadn’t voiced his concerns about her wellbeing. He hadn’t confirmed if Alana’s comments were true—that Leah had been a mass of anxiety and nausea since New York.
He kept his promise. Even though it destroyed him.
“I guess this is it.” Felicity turned into him as the news crew left the room, pulling the door shut behind them. Her face was solemn. Big eyes and a furrowed brow. “Tomorrow this crazy charade will be over.”
“Yep.” And a new one would begin.
He tugged her into his arms and sank his chin against the top of her head. “Are you and Hannah excited?”
She shook her head. “I know I didn’t hide my resentment when we first started this crazy scheme, but I’m going to hate pretending we’re enemies even more.”
“Me, too.” Their fake relationship would end as soon as Julie announced her pregnancy, and then Felicity would play the role of scorned lover until the gossip died down. All he had to do was sit back and watch the carnage. “Hopefully, it will all work as planned and you’ll gain more followers from all the shared sympathy.”
“Popularity is the last thing on my mind. I’m more concerned about ruining your reputation.”
“Don’t be.” He’d already kissed his good name goodbye and finger-waved that fucker farewell. “As long as the two of us are still friends behind closed doors, I’ll be happy.”
She hugged him tighter. “We’ll always be friends.”
Friends. The word stuck in his head, reminding him of the one friendship he’d always valued above all others. There was no way he could last months, putting space between himself and Leah. Not even weeks. He’d already endured six days of hell where he’d had to watch her suffer from a distance. He couldn’t take much more.
“I’ve lost you again.” Felicity leaned back and met his gaze. “What are you thinking about?”
“I think I’m done waiting.”
“For what?”
“For her.”
A knowing grin curved her lips. “About time.”
“It’s only been six days.”
“And you made up your mind on day one.”
“True.” He inclined his head. “But Leah needed time, too—”
“To strengthen her resolve about never getting back together.”
He stiffened, the tiniest sliver of fear brushing the surface. “No. She wanted me to have a clear head.”
“Ryan…” She looked at him as if he’d missed something. As if he were a child who hadn’t caught on to an easy concept.
“What?”
“No woman ever wants a man to take his time making a decision about a relat
ionship. You either want it or you don’t. At least, that’s the way I see it.” She shrugged. “From my point of view, she was banking on your kindness to give her space to move on.”
He shook his head. “No.” Leah wouldn’t play him. Yeah, she’d openly said they were back to being friends, but he hadn’t believed it. He couldn’t believe it. Not when they were in love.
There was a knock at the door. “Ry?” Blake’s tattooed fingers gripped the wood before his head came into view. “Come on, we’ve got three million posters left to sign before tomorrow night.”
“Give me a minute.” He raked his hands through his hair. Was he back to square one? Would he have to repeat history all over again, convincing Leah they could make this work, all because he’d done the right thing in giving her space?
Fuck.
Blake pushed the door wider and stepped inside. “What’s going on?”
“I think Leah’s been playing chess, while I’ve been playing checkers.”
“Is that supposed to make sense?” Blake gave him a blank stare.
“Probably not.” He pulled tighter on his hair. Think, think, think. Space was one thing. Termination was another.
“Did you hear me? We’ve got sixty-three billion posters to sign, and if they don’t get done today, Leah’s going to shove the colored markers in a place I won’t appreciate.”
“Give him a second,” Felicity grated.
Blake raised a brow. “Bossy. Just the way my boy likes ’em. You sure you two haven’t hooked up?”
“He’s got a dick.” She rolled her eyes. “So, no, he’s not my type.”
“Lesbian?” Blake glanced to his left, pinning Ryan with a wicked grin. “Did you cause that, buddy?”
“Are you referring to lesbianitis?” Felicity cocked a hip. “Because, yeah, it’s totally catchy.”
“Don’t get your ovaries in a twist. I was merely referring to Ryan’s special skill set. One kiss from him sent Leah fleeing to the other side of the country. So…” He shrugged. “You never know.”
“I know,” she growled.
“And I totally respect and admire your decision.” Blake raised his hands in surrender. “In fact, I’d love to introduce you to my wife and maybe encourage you to sprinkle some of your girl-on-girl tendencies her way.”
Felicity gaped and turned her wide-eyed stare to Ryan. “Is he serious?”
“Unfortunately.”
“How do I make it stop?”
Blake chuckled. “I’m kidding. Lighten up.”
Movement in the doorway drew Ryan’s attention. Inch by inch, Sean silently backed into the room, his focus still on the hall.
“Out.” Blake pointed to the door. “This is my hiding spot.”
“Nope,” Sean whispered and shut the door gently. “I’m not going anywhere.” He leaned against the glossy wood and repeatedly flexed his right hand. “If I have to sign one more poster, I’m not sure I’ll regain feeling in my fingers.”
A bang cracked through the room and Sean went barreling forward as the door flung wide, Mason and Mitch scuffling in after.
“I think we lost her.” Mason panted, slamming the door shut.
Felicity looked from Sean to Mason to Mitch. “You’re all running from Leah?”
Mitch nodded. “Don’t look at me like that. Satan’s got nothing on that woman when she’s running behind schedule.”
“Ohh…kay…” Felicity frowned as she crept closer to Ryan’s side. “I think that’s my cue to leave.” She kept her gaze on the rest of the band as she placed a quick peck on his cheek. “If I don’t speak to you before you figure out what you’re doing with the lady in question, good luck.”
“Thanks.” He gave her his best I-can-handle-this smile and watched her leave the room.
“Did we walk in on something?” Mason picked up a wooden chair and jimmied it under the door handle.
“They were not having sex. I can assure you of that.” Blake winked at Ryan and tapped the side of his nose with his index finger.
How was he supposed to react? How? His friends were fucking morons.
“I’m not even going to ask.” Mason tested the door handle and nodded at a job well done. “I don’t think demon woman will get through that.”
“Then I think we have a problem.” Ryan pinched the bridge of his nose. “Because the woman you’re trying to keep out, is the one I need to go after.”
They all glared at him.
“You’re not exposing our hiding place. Whatever it is can wait.” Mitch sank into a chair and kicked a leg over the arm rest. “Leah’s not in her right mind, anyway. It’s like PMS, hysteria, and bipolar all rolled into a package of heels, tits, and flawless make-up.”
It didn’t matter. If Felicity was right, he didn’t want to give Leah another second thinking he was letting her walk away. He had to bridge the gap. At least temporarily. Until he worked out a plan that made everything fall into place. “I’ve seen her at her worst. It won’t bother me.”
He made for the door and Sean stepped in front of him.
“You’ve seen her at her worst, but have you witnessed her Jekyll and Hyde impersonation? Because since this morning, she’s got that shit down pat.”
“And I’m not pointing fingers,” Mason added. “But I think we’re all pretty clear on who should be taking the full brunt of this ass reaming.”
Ryan turned to face everyone, arms wide. “Then let me out. I’ll take it.”
“Or will you make it worse, my little grasshopper?” Mason tented his fingers in front of his chest and tapped them together. “Why do you need to see her so urgently?”
Admitting he may have made an error in judgment wasn’t on the top of his to-do list. They would slay him. Verbally, at least. Then again, they may confirm he hadn’t made a mistake after all. “I think I fucked up.”
“Clearly,” Mitch drawled. “You have a fake girlfriend, impregnated the wrong woman, and ditched the one you were supposed to keep. What’s your point?”
“I didn’t ditch Leah. She was the one who told me to take time to think about what I wanted.”
Blake stepped forward. “I thought you were the one who asked for space.”
“No.” He shook his head. “The baby hasn’t changed the way I feel about her. I’m not going back to married life.”
“Does Julie know that?” Mitch asked.
“Not yet.”
“How about Leah?”
“I told her the day I found out about the baby. And then again on the jet. But she still wanted me to take more time.”
Sean groaned. “No wonder she’s in an epically bitchy mood. You’ve left her hanging.”
Ryan’s heartrate increased. “I gave her what she wanted—time. Space. How can I be in the wrong?”
“For starters, don’t listen to a woman when she says she’s ‘fine,’ or that ‘nothing is wrong,’ or if she ever utters the words ‘I’m not mad’—”
“Or ‘I’m almost ready,’” Mitch added. “That shit is never true.”
“And never, ever believe her if she tells you to take time to think about your relationship.” Mason clucked his tongue and shook his head. “What she’s really saying is ‘do you love me enough to make an on the spot decision about our future?’”
“Umm…” Ryan wasn’t sure if he should be shocked at their insight or petrified that he’d clearly made the wrong move. Either way, he was fucked if these four were now the experts and he was the novice. “Thanks… I guess it’s more important than ever to go find her.”
“Touch that chair and I’ll be forced to hurt you.” Sean cracked his knuckles, not an ounce of humor in his features.
“But you just said—”
“We said you fucked up,” Mason muttered. “We didn’t say we were letting you expose our cavern of protection.”
Sean inched closer to the door. “She’s in Lord-of-the-Flies mode and we all refuse to be Piggy.”
“But what we can do,” Blake drawled, �
��is help you find those balls of yours so you can tell her how it’s going to be.”
Fucking morons. He couldn’t understand how they weren’t laughing through the pitiful misogyny. It didn’t matter, though, because he already knew they weren’t going to let him out. Not without a fight.
“Fine.” He slumped onto the nearest chair, resigned to wait it out. “In all your infinite wisdom, please tell me exactly how I’m going to get Leah back.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Leah’s feet were killing her. She hadn’t walked this much in years, but the back and forth from the dressing room to the parking lot was well worth the blisters. The stadium had been surrounded by fans hours before Slicker took the stage. Now, with ticket holders inside, the people outside were still amassing to see the live performance feed.
Scott had already emailed her with a report to show Slicker’s sales had increased over the last hour. Their social media followers had, too. Volunteers were handing out promotional items to those who downloaded on the spot, and although there would be hell to pay for the stack of Reckless posters left unsigned, she was sure her men would work the crowd into a frenzy once they walked on stage and blew their chart target out of the water.
Everything was working seamlessly.
So why did it feel like the world was ending?
Ryan had done what she wanted. He’d given her space. But all the distance achieved was heartache. Her anxiety was out of control. Her mood mimicked a heartrate monitor. Up, down, up, down. She couldn’t cement the professionalism she’d always clung to. It was elusive, hiding behind a sea of tears and a blanket of nausea.
Tomorrow would be worse.
Even if they successfully removed the Slicker burden, Ryan’s fake relationship with Felicity would be replaced with an announcement of an unborn child from his real wife. A charade would be interchanged with something more tangible and destructive.
“Leah?” a voice called through her ear-piece.
She paused in the middle of the hall and pressed a finger to the device to respond. “Yeah?”
“I’ve got a stack of people trying to get backstage. Did you organize some sort of pre-show event I don’t know about?”
Reckless Beat Box Set #2 Page 57