In His Place: Sonic Idols Book #2

by Lisa J. Hobman

  My parents had been weird ever since I arrived home for my visit. Every time I mentioned Allie, they clammed up and changed the subject. I presumed they had found my balled-up sheets of paper, filled with puke worthy lyrics, in my bin when I had gone on tour, and they put two and two together. Their reluctance to talk about her was probably their way of protecting me. Bless them.

  I was only staying for a couple of days before we headed up to Gairloch to check out Nick’s studios, so at least they wouldn’t need to walk on eggshells for much longer. I was needled with guilt that they felt they had to be like that. And on so many occasions I almost confronted them about it. But there was never really a good time. I resorted to spending a lot of time in my room just so they could relax. And I even considered leaving early. But I missed them when I was on tour so I was stuck between a rock and hard place.

  We had just eaten lunch and the topics of conversation had revolved around Nick and the new studios. Den and his wedding had also cropped up but I think my mum and dad remembered that Bobbie was connected to that particular event so they again changed the subject. We were then back on Nick and his studios and they talked about how brave he was to be taking such a risk. Although, I knew different. It wasn’t a risk. I knew deep down that his studio venture would be a success. And with Cat by his side, he was bound to be a winner. She seemed so perfect for him. She was beautiful, feisty, and had a wicked sense of humour. And good grief, how she bloody adored Nick. Then again, he went all starry-eyed when he talked about her too. So that was another situation where horrific circumstances turned out great and I was so happy for him.

  I was, however, getting worried about Chris, and I voiced my concerns to my folks. Something was going on with him but I didn’t know what. I hoped that a few days up in Gairloch might help him too. They agreed and advised that I should just be there for him as he had been for me.

  After lunch, I retreated to my room once again and I stood in front of the notice board in my room, smiling at the photos of me and Joe and the postcards from trips we had each taken with school. There were also postcards that our folks had just posted locally to us because they knew we liked to receive mail. There were cards with pictures of cute animals. Cards with beautiful scenery and even cards with just one word as the picture, like Family. I was blessed to have had such a wonderful childhood. And the two amazing people downstairs were the ones to thank for that. If only they wouldn’t worry about me so much. But then again, if only I didn’t give them reasons to worry.

  I ran my hands through my hair and huffed the air through my puffed cheeks. “Sheesh, bro, I’ve really done it this time. If you’re up there looking down on me, I want to say I’m sorry. I love you so much. I hope you still know that. And I would never have admitted to anything about Allie if you were still here. Even though you apparently knew. I was your brother first and foremost.â€� I shook my head as my eyes began to sting. “I’m carrying such guilt around. Guilt because I didn’t come to your show that night. Guilt because I fell in love with your woman. And guilt because I still love her even though I’ve tried so hard not to. Please don’t hate me, Joe. If I thought for a second you hated me, I…â€� My voice cracked and I rubbed at the dampness around my eyes. “I’m so sorry. Okay? For everything. I wish I could talk to you. Through a medium or a psychic or something, you know? Just to find out if you still love me. Or if I’ve ruined everything we ever shared because of how I feel and what I’ve done. But to be honest, I don’t think I believe in all that shit anyway.â€� I laughed. “I know you were a great believer in all things mystical, but me? Nah. I think I’m more of a realist. I’ve been a shit brother and I acknowledge that. ‘Nuff said. Hearing someone I don’t know pretend to be passing on messages from you to confirm it would just hurt. In fact, why the hell am I talking to your photo?â€� I chuckled and shook my head. “I’m obviously going crazy. But anyway, bro, the band still talk about you. Still joke about your daft antics. They still miss you. And I miss you. Oh, God, I miss you like you wouldn’t believe. I just… I wish I knew you still loved me back. That you can forgive me.â€�

  I leaned towards the noticeboard, and as I did, one of the photos slipped on its pin. I stared, open-mouthed at the photograph and froze. For a split second, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and a shiver travelled the length of my spine. On the notice board was a postcard with only the word Love printed on it in brightly coloured letters. And the photo that had slipped was one of Joe, Allie… and me. But the way it had slipped meant that Joe had disappeared behind the word Love, leaving just a photo of me staring up at Allie with that love-filled gaze.

  And then I knew.

  I sniffed and wiped my eyes again. “Thank you, Joe. Thank you.â€�

  Chapter 43

  Allie

  *

  It’s funny how colours seem a little duller when your heart is broken. The fact that it was stupidly self-inflicted heartbreak seemed to make matters worse. I stood at my easel, staring blankly through puffy eyes at the canvas I had started a week before. I had no inspiration. None. All that filled my head was what ifs. What if I had taken the chance back when Si admitted he loved me? What if I had really thought through my feelings and decided that I would own them no matter what? What if I wasn’t such a bloody coward? What if I didn’t worry so much about what people thought? What if, what if, what bloody if.

  All a bit late now, but it seemed that beating myself up was at the top of my agenda every day. I had tried running, but yet again, the music on my playlist tortured me, and unfortunately, running in silence gave me too much thinking time.

  I had tried to keep busy. I went out with the local art group to try some outdoor painting but it chucked down with rain and I felt guilty. Like the weather was reflecting my mood. I even apologised to them all as I packed my things up and left and they looked at me like I had fallen out of a tree. So, regardless of the fact I was my own worst enemy I seemed to be better in my own company.

  The Delaneys had called on several occasions and left lots of concerned messages, but I couldn’t bring myself to answer or return their calls. What would I say? “Oh, yeah. I spoke to Nick and he pretty much told me to sod off out of Si’s lifeâ€�? Yeah, that would make me look like a real fighter. The truth was, I didn’t feel I had the right to fight for him. He had been nothing but honest with me and I hadn’t returned the favour.

  And now it was much too late.

  For goodness sake, Allie. Pull yourself together. No point in sitting around wallowing in self-pity. Get your head on straight. You’ve a lot to look forward to in life. You don’t need a man.

  I didn’t need a man. I needed a particular man. And so, the war inside me continued. My head tried to rationalise my heart, and my heart just kept saying, “I told you soâ€�.

  Having walked away from my canvas for the third or fourth time that same week, I sat in the garden with a cup of tea on my little table and my eyes closed, listening to the birdsong. I became aware of a ringing sound and I fumbled around to find my phone which had fallen under my chair.

  “Hello?â€�

  “Allie? Hi, it’s Nick. I think we need to talk.â€�

  “We do? What about?â€�

  “Look, I’ve had a very long chat with Mr and Mrs Delaney.â€�

  Uh-oh. “You have?â€�

  He sighed. “Yeah. I feel bloody awful, Allie. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me you’re in love with him too?â€�

  I fell silent, unable to conjure up the right words. And wondering what the hell difference it would’ve made anyway.

  “Allie? You there?â€�

  Say something, you muppet. “S-sorry. Yes, I’m here.â€�

 
; Another sigh. “Thank goodness. I thought you’d hung up. I wouldn’t blame you after our last conversation. I’m so sorry. I honestly had no clue that you felt that way about Si. No clue at all. Things would have ended very differently if I’d known. It really does change everything. I’m such an interfering idiot. But… I don’t understand why you couldn’t tell me.�

  I rubbed my fingers over my stinging eyes. I was so tired of crying. “I couldn’t say anything, Nick, because you were right. He’d been through too much already and I would’ve just made things worse. I don’t want him to be hurt anymore. So, I figured I would just try to move on.â€� My voice wobbled and I feigned a cough to try and cover it up.

  Nick chuckled. “Oh yeah? I can tell you’re really succeeding with that plan.â€�

  “Sarcastic pig.â€�

  He laughed louder. “Yup. You know me so well. Look. I’m truly sorry. I want to make it up to you. I want to sort this whole thing out. But I need you to trust me. Do you trust me, Allie?â€�

  Daft question. I would trust Nick with my life. He had always been like a brother to Joe and only had Si’s best interests at heart. “Absolutely. Why?â€�

  “Okay. I have a plan.â€�

  Chapter 44

  Si

  *

  I have to admit to being a bit like a kid waiting to go to the sweet shop for the whole journey up to Nick’s studios. We were taking the tour bus simply because it was easier than trying to sort individual forms of transport for us and our gear. But the bus wasn’t exactly fast. Nick was already up there as he couldn’t wait to get home to Cat, and I was looking forward to seeing her again. Last time had been too brief and I was too busy with Bobbie to talk properly and get to know her.

  Chris was very subdued and I contemplated trying to find out why on more than one occasion, but every time I made to do so, he either disappeared into his bunk or stuck his earbuds in.

  I finally managed to catch him off guard around three hours into the journey. “Hey, what have I done to piss you off, Chris?â€� Okay, so it wasn’t subtle, but then again, subtlety wasn’t exactly his style.

  He scrunched his brow and stared up at me. “What are you on about, dude?â€�

  I sat down opposite him at the table. “Every time I see you you’re giving me the fucking stink eye. I know something is up and I want to know what it is. Did I say something wrong? Are you angry because of the stuff I told you about Allie?â€�

  He shook his head. “It’s not all about you, you know. I know you’ve had a shitty time of it lately, mate, but stop thinking the fucking world revolves around you.â€�

  Ouch. “Hey, that’s bullshit. You know it is. Come on. Spill it.â€�

  He dropped his gaze to his phone which sat before him on the table. “Maybe another time. Look, I’m sorry for getting pissy, all right? You haven’t done anything. Nothing at all. I’m just on a downer. I promise I’ll talk to you at some point but just not right now. Can you leave it for now?â€�

  Worried about pushing things too far, I sighed. “Look, you were there for me when Joe died. You were there for me when things went wrong with Allie. You’ve always been there for me. And I want to return the favour. So, when you’re ready, come and find me, okay? No judgement, no awkward questions. Just two good friends putting the world to rights. Deal?â€� I held my hand out towards him and he grasped it.

  “Deal, buddy. Now… seeing as you’re here, I have a joke for you.â€�

  I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help grinning as the Chris I knew and loved reared his ugly head again. “Oh, yeah. Go on then.â€�

  He sat up straight, and with a cheesy grin, he spoke. “So… how is a drum solo like a fucking huge sneeze?â€�

  I smiled and shook my head. “Oh, God. Go on…â€�

  He started laughing before he got the words out. “You know the bastard’s coming but there’s fuck all you can do to stop it.â€� He threw his head back and guffawed like a bloody idiot.

  His stupid laugh was infectious and it was so good to see him happy that I joined in. “Yeah. Haha! Good one, Chris. Good one.â€�

  ğŸ�µğŸ�µğŸ�µ

  We pulled up to Rockhill House and my jaw fell open. I had seen it in photos on Nick’s phone, but nothing had prepared me for how beautiful it was in real life. Absolutely huge but with understated elegance, if that even makes sense. Okay, so it was a mansion, but it wasn’t gregarious or tasteless. It was absolutely stunning. Double stone stairways arched up to the front door and the door itself was a huge, carved oak slab.

  Nick and Cat were waiting at the top of the steps like the Laird and Lady of the manner, and I couldn’t wait to get up there and hug them both. I jogged up to greet them and was enveloped in a group embrace.

  “Aww, it’s so good to see you both,â€� I told them in a muffled voice, thanks to being engulfed by tons of long hair.

  “It’s good to see you too, Si. I bet you’re exhausted,â€� Cat said as she smiled up at me.

  I shook my head. “Nah. Too excited for that.â€�

  Chris and Stig joined us, and Den and Roger followed on as we were invited inside. The entrance hall. The tiled floor and high ceilings were like something off a movie set and I gawped around like a little kid.

  Nick started the house tour and we all walked around with huge grins plastered on our faces. The living areas were already starting to resemble a family home and I could picture Nick, Cat, and a couple of toddlers running around the place. He was one lucky SOB, that’s for sure. The kitchen was quite modern. Not finished yet, but there was going to be every mod con and a huge island counter top in the centre. There was a cinema room, and an office big enough for several staff, and a reception area for the business side.

  “I’m not taking you to the studios yet. I’m saving the best until last.â€� He winked and gestured for us to follow him up a flight of stairs.

  He showed us to the bedrooms next. I stopped counting at six. The bedrooms were pretty much decorated as they were left when he bought the place, although they looked clean and comfortable.

  “This area is getting a complete overhaul when Cat decides on a design scheme.â€� He whispered dramatically behind his hand, loud enough for her to hear, “But she’s far too bloody picky if you ask me.â€�

  She whacked him and laughed as her cheeks coloured pink. “Hey, I just want it to look good, you rotter. They’ll all be thinking I’m a diva.â€�

  Nick pulled her into his side. “You? A diva? Not at all, my precious girl.â€� He kissed the side of her head and she rolled her eyes, still smiling.

  “Si, this is you,â€� Cat told me as she opened a large door. “You should have everything you need, but if not, just shout. Or ring the servant bell. It still works. Although there’s no servants now.â€� She giggled.

  “Cheers, guys. This looks lovely.â€� I wasn’t kidding. It looked like one of the better hotels we had stayed in as a band. High ceilings, floor to ceiling arched window, and a dressing room off to the side.

  Cat pointed to the opposite side of the room. “You have your own bathroom. It’s a little dated but it’s all working.â€�

  “Great. I’ll just drop my bag in here.â€� I stepped into the room and dropped my bag by the bed.

  Once all the guests had been shown their rooms, it was time to go see the studios. We walked down two staircases into the basement area and my excitement rose exponentially with every step we took.

  “So, there are going to be four recording studios to begin with. And two big soundproofed practise rooms. Each studio will
have a fully kitted out control booth and state of the art sound equipment. Studio one, the biggest, is just about ready, but I might need to enlist you guys to help bring some gear down in the lift.�

  My eyes widened. “There’s a bloody lift?â€�

  Nick laughed. “Yeah. It was necessary partly because of access for bands who want to bring their own gear, and also because I want this place to be accessible to everyone. Wheelchair users will be able to use the studios too, thanks to the doors being widened and control stations being on hydraulic lifts to put them at the comfortable height for whichever engineer is in charge of production for the session.â€�

  He had thought of everything and I was so impressed. Studio one was massive and equipped for a full band to do either simultaneous recording or individual by sectioning off areas with moveable walls. It was incredible. Like nothing I had ever seen before.

  “Bloody hell, mate. This is fucking awesome. What’s the sound quality like so far? Have you tested it out?â€�

  Nick glanced at Cat who blushed again. He pulled her into his side. “Cat and I recorded a song together. The sound’s pretty fantastic, actually.â€�

  Stig piped up, “Bloody hell. She’s gorgeous and she sings?â€�

  Cat waved her hand dismissively. “Ugh, no. I play guitar mainly. I’m not a singer.â€�

  Nick kissed the side of her head. “Hey, don’t sell yourself short. Guys, she has a bloody amazing voice. In fact, I was thinking if we needed female backing vocals—â€�

  “Nick, don’t say that. They won’t want me for backing vocals.â€� Cat’s face was bright red now and she looked horrified.