Beyond Me

by Jennifer Probst

  The room faded. All I could see was the woman I loved flirting with some tattooed bartender. What the hell was going on? Why would she be putting herself out to a stranger after what we shared? Was this a joke to her? A spring break fling, while she whispered words of love and laughed her ass off on the plane to her girlfriends? Poor little rich boy, so desperate for affection. He actually believed they'd have a long-term relationship, and she felt bad enough to jolly him along. At least she got a good fuck out of it. Or two.

  All of my weaknesses, insecurities, and fears reared up like a sleeping dragon and roared. Fire hit and spread, burning away the last of my illusions.

  I was a pussy. Stupid. So stupid to believe in her.

  I turned around. My friends were still talking.

  "You won the bet fair and square. God knows she's a cold fish, so you must've warmed her up a bit to hit her next conquest. No worries, James. We got your back. You don't want to get attached to a girl like that."

  Ice crystallized my voice. "I'm done with all of you and your sick games. Fuck you."

  "Why are you being such a pussy? You nailed her, you won the bet fair and square, and I'm gonna pay up."

  "Give me the goddamn panties now," I commanded.

  "Now that you satisfied your curiosity, can we move on? We can hold another party Saturday night. It's not too late," Adam called out.

  "So it was a bet?"

  The room tilted. The rush of noise grew still.

  I slowly turned around.

  Her husky voice stroked me, like her warm hand sliding over my dick and making me come. Those gorgeous brown eyes flashed with raw pain, but turned cold and hard so fast I thought I had imagined the switch.

  I knew I had fucked up.

  "Quinn, this isn't what you think."

  And as the words spilled from my lips, I knew it was too late.

  I LEFT the guys glaring at my back and wondered how much longer we'd have to stay. I couldn't understand how such assholes were James' close friends. He was so much better than that. My thighs brushed against each other and the decadence of not having panties shimmered through me. Who would've thought such things as removing underwear would be so frickin' erotic? I loved how James didn't allow my shyness to hold me back. With him, I became the woman I'd always wanted to be: confident, sexy, smart. Not the practical, nice workaholic who put everybody else first.

  I squeezed in by the bar and tapped Cassie's shoulder. She turned and gave me a hug and kiss. "I haven't seen you since Tuesday. You good?"

  "Very good. Just wanted to let you know I'm hanging over there with James and his crew."

  She narrowed her gaze. "The Ivy Leaguers, huh? They like their beer and tequila."

  I laughed. "Yep. Have you seen Mac?"

  "Nope, but her hottie is working at the bar."

  I looked over and caught tat guy--Austin--slinging drinks and chatting with the customers. "I'm gonna check with him, maybe he knows where she's been. She's not answering her texts."

  Cassie frowned. "You think she's in trouble?"

  "Nah, she would've called. I think she's up to something and got distracted. Maybe she's writing a song or something. She always loses track of time when she's writing."

  "Good thinking. You like him?" Cassie jerked her head toward James.

  I smiled. "Yeah. A lot. Tell you later."

  "Deal. Just be careful, okay? Remember, no drinks from someone you don't know."

  I rolled my eyes. "Cass, I was the one who warned you when we first came on the trip, remember? Besides, we pinky promised. You've been fine, right?"

  She hesitated just a moment, her gray eyes flashing with an emotion I couldn't name. "Never better. Go talk to hot guy and get back to yours."

  "Thanks." I shifted down to the middle of the bar where I saw an inch of a gap to make my move. Using my elbows, I got close and held up my hand.

  Damn. Mac's man was quite good looking, especially with the ink. The fact he could sing was also perfect. I opened my mouth to introduce myself, but he must have recognized me. His eyes lit up and leaned over the bar, ignoring the other patrons. "Quinn, right? Mac's friend?"

  "Yes! Austin, right?"

  "You got it."

  "Listen, I haven't been able to reach Mac. She okay?"

  Something flickered over his face, but he nodded. "Yeah. She's been holed up in her room for a bit."

  The meaning of that was quite clear. Mac was having fun in more ways than one. Nice. "Got it. Can you just tell her to call me when she's got a chance? I'm not at the hotel--I'm staying somewhere else tonight, so I don't want her to worry if she comes to my door."

  His brows drew together. "With that guy?" He motioned toward James and his friends. "I may have to cut them off. Never went through so much tequila in my life, and they get a little over the top when they get together."

  Embarrassment shot through me. I hated that Austin assumed James was an idiot. "I think that's a good idea. But don't tell them I confirmed."

  He leaned in really far so he could whisper in my ear. "Smart girl. Thanks for the heads-up."

  I grinned. He really was a charmer. If I wasn't so gaga over James, I probably would have swooned. "Welcome."

  "Listen, Quinn. About Mac."

  My heart dropped. "Is she okay?"

  He looked uncomfortable, as if debating whether or not to tell me. "There was some trouble. Paps found out about us. She needs you."

  I cursed viciously. What the hell? My eyes narrowed. "Was it you?"

  He glared right back. "Fuck no. But believe what you want. I don't need this shit."

  He turned away, but I grabbed his wrist and stopped him. "I'm sorry. I--I believe you. Is she at the hotel?"

  "Yeah. Surrounded by the press. We were on TMZ. Fucking shit."

  "Crap. Okay, I'm heading over there now to check on her."

  "Why do you believe me?"

  I looked into his face and I didn't know. Just a gut instinct. Maybe because it was the easiest thing to believe. Didn't necessarily make it true. "Don't know. Just do."

  "Thanks. Wait here." He disappeared for a few moments, then came back with a Sex on the Beach. "Take one for the road. Mac said it's your signature drink."

  "Thanks."

  He lowered his voice to an intimate pitch. "Thanks for believing me."

  Yep. Swoonworthy. I nodded and headed back toward James. I'd need to meet him at the house later maybe, depending on what Mac needed. Poor thing. She deserved to lead a normal life and not deal with this endless bullshit.

  James had his back turned toward me and was hissing furiously at his friend. Whoa. He was really pissed, and didn't seem to be fooling around. I tried to capture his words, but the music was too loud, so I got only snatches as I moved closer.

  "--won the bet--fair and square--"

  "cold fish--must've warmed her up--next conquest--"

  "attached to a girl like that--"

  "--fuck you--"

  Worried, I hurried faster and had just reached the table when a flash of white caught my vision. Adam was waving it over his head, grinning, and Rich and James were going at it, cursing and arguing over something. Why did that thing Adam was holding look so familiar? Delicate, lacy?

  Oh. My. God.

  My thong.

  The true dialogue swarmed around me in a world close to Alice in Wonderland.

  The blood drained from my body like a husk from a fatal vampire bite. The room swayed under my feet. And at the same time, the inner voice whispered to me that I should've known. Should've known. Should've freaking known. It had all been too good to be true.

  "So it was about a bet?" I asked.

  All the guys turned. Adam lowered my panties and gave them back to James, looking a bit humbled. Rich stared. And James pinned me with his hot blue gaze, piercing past my defenses and touching my core.

  But this time, my core was icy. Numb. Better this way, I told myself. The pain would come later, and that would be a bitch to get through. "Quinn
. This isn't what you think."

  I tilted my head as if we were having a philosophical conversation. I whipped out my hand and took back my panties, studying them with fake curiosity. "Are we revisiting Sixteen Candles? Did you need proof?"

  He muttered something vile under his breath and took a step forward. I jumped back. If he touched me, I'd be sick. I needed to get myself through this scene, calm and civilized, so he'd never know how badly he hurt me. He didn't get to know that ever.

  "You don't get it. Forget the bet. What's going on with the bartender?"

  Puzzled, I stared at him. My God, was that what it was about? He made a bet to get me into bed and thought he'd whipped me good to parade me in front of his friends. Was he taking flak from his buddies about me flirting with the bartender? The pieces of the puzzle came together. I felt even sicker. Hands trembling, I put down my drink and drew on every last reserve of strength to get the hell out of this place in one piece.

  "Austin?"

  He sneered. "So quick to get on a first-name basis. Guess I got taken in by the good girl image. Figured you'd sneak in an extra fling before you go home? Another conquest for you to laugh about with your girls on the plane ride home?"

  He didn't even realize I saw him so clearly. He'd fallen for me, but he was too chickenshit to admit it. Much easier to think I'd screw around with other guys than deal with a real relationship. He had no idea what real was. And dear God, he'd made a bet...

  My voice remained calm. "You'd love that wouldn't you? It would make you feel superior, and ease your guilt about making a bet to get me into bed. What were the terms, by the way?"

  "Never mind," he growled.

  I directed my attention to Rich and Adam. "Tell me the truth. For God's sakes, the jig is up. Might as well spill."

  Rich was drunk enough to listen to me. "Get you into bed by the end of the week. If he lost, we got his motorcycle."

  Humiliation slithered like snakes in my gut. "And if he won?"

  Rich cleared his throat. "We hook him up with Whit Bennigan as his mentor. He's a famous artist."

  I'd heard the name and knew he was making a huge reputation in the art world. I forced a smile. "Well, good, at least you got something respectable out of it. I do wish you luck with your art career. I better go and leave you all to celebrate."

  James grabbed my arm. His touch sizzled, but I bared my teeth, not able to handle the contact. "Don't. I was never gonna go through with it."

  I tried to control my shaking. "Oh, I get it. You never actually said the words to your buddies, 'yes, it's a bet.' Did you?" Silence. "Did you say it, James? Tell me."

  "I-I-I. Fuck. I said it, but I didn't mean it."

  My blood ran cold. "Got it. Thanks for the clarification. Now let go of me." He dropped his hand and looked frantic, pushing his hands through his hair.

  "Please, Quinn, it's not what you think. The bet. I never went through with it. Who's Austin?"

  Oh no. It wasn't going to be that easy for him. I smiled. "A friend. He's cutting off your tequila, by the way, so you may need to find another party place."

  Adam waved his hand in the air and began laughing. "Let her go, James. She's probably like her famous friend, Mackenzie Forbes. Puts on a good act, but screws everyone behind the scenes."

  The second jolt of horror punched me back. "What are you talking about? How do you know about her?" The betrayal was too much. The bet was bad enough, but breaking my trust was beyond forgiveness.

  Adam laughed harder. "Did you really think you could hide America's Sweetheart? She's a country music star. At least I got some money out of it."

  I shook with fury. "What are you talking about?" I whispered. "Oh my God. Was it you? You sicced the reporters on her?"

  "Just one. Got a good payoff though."

  James grabbed him by his shirt collar and shook him hard. "What the fuck did you do, Adam?"

  "Get off me, dude. You're nuts!" He stumbled back. "I'll put you in the cut of money if you want. Damn, you're so fucking touchy lately."

  James met my gaze. His eyes pleaded for me to understand. "I never told them, Quinn," he stated. "I swear to God."

  It was too much. Too many lies to take. I needed to escape before I burst into tears. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm outta here."

  "Quinn--"

  "Don't follow me, James. I mean it."

  I turned and pushed my way past the crowds. I stumbled out on Duval Street, but I'd only taken a few steps before someone grabbed by arm. I yanked away, trying to beat James off me, but the sound of Cassie's voice broke through.

  "Sweetie, it's me. What happened? Oh God, are you okay?"

  A sob caught in my throat, and suddenly, I was in my friend's arms for a comforting hug. "He made a bet, Cass. A bet to get me into bed, and I had no idea. I thought I'd fallen for him."

  A blistering array of curse words rose up to my ears. Cassie squeezed me tight. "I'll kill him. Wait here and I'll be right back."

  A broken laugh escaped and I hung on to her. "No, he's not worth it. Oh God, I'm a mess. And there's more. His stupid friend blabbed about Mac to the press. The paparazzi are swarming her right now--Austin tipped me off. Mac probably thinks he did it, but it was James. Did you know about this?"

  Cassie pulled back and gasped. "This is a mess. No, I haven't heard anything yet. What should we do?"

  I sniffed and tried to get my head on straight. My heart was already in tiny pieces, but I needed to concentrate on my friend. "Listen, I'm going up to her room. Austin said she was holed up."

  Cassie looked worried and glanced back at the bar like there was something important going on. Or someone. "Want me to come with you?"

  "No, stay. I don't think Mac needs both of swooping in if she's trying to lay low. And I need some time to process."

  She looked torn, and shifted from foot to foot. "I don't know. I hate leaving both of you alone when all this stuff is going on."

  I squeezed her hands. "Cassie, go back to the bar. For God's sakes, one of us has to have a good wrap-up to this week. I'll check in with Mac and we'll be fine. Text us later."

  "Sure?"

  "Sure."

  We hugged briefly. I made her promise not to kill James or his friends, and I headed back to the hotel to find out what the hell was going on. When I saw the news trucks and the crowds clogging the hotel, my heart sank. Too late. Poor Mac was probably trapped inside and couldn't get back out. I had to show my key to the lobby, and then make my way past her bodyguard, who let me right through.

  Mac's eyes widened when she saw me. I probably looked like a mess. "Are you okay?"

  I nodded. "Yeah. I think. What the hell is going on, sweetie? Why didn't you tell me about getting busted by the pap?"

  She dragged me into the room. "I couldn't deal. I wanted you to have a nice vacation and not worry about me."

  I dragged in a breath and just blurted out the truth. "Austin didn't leak the news."

  "I know. I mean, I thought he did at first, but then I realized I was wrong. But it was too late." Mac blinked back tears. "How did you know about it?"

  I lifted my chin. "It was me."

  She laughed. "Really funny."

  "I'm not kidding. I didn't actually do it, but I might as well have." I collapsed on the couch and covered my face with my hands. "I told James about you. Told him I was here with you. I trusted him, and his friend...he did it."

  Mac sat down beside me and rubbed my back. "James told them?"

  "No. James' buddy. Dickhead Adam." I uncovered my face. "He must have been eavesdropping...or maybe James told him. I don't even know."

  "It's okay. That's not your fault."

  I shook her head. "But it is. I told James. If I hadn't told him, then you'd--"

  "I'd still be me, and chances are? Someone else would have figured it out," she stated. "It was only a matter of time, really."

  "Mac..." I hugged her close and kissed her cheek. "Thanks for not being pissed. You're too good to me."

&
nbsp; "Please. I'm not good enough." She released me. "You didn't do anything to be ashamed of. All you did was trust a boy..."

  "And look where that got me."

  "All three of us made a mess of things down here, didn't we? What happened to carefree sex and fun? Wasn't that what I ordered us all to find?"

  "I don't know." I shrugged and tried not to think of James. Of how bad I still wanted him. Of how stupid I felt to trust him. "Maybe the two don't go hand in hand."

  She got up and cracked open a bottle of wine. "I think we need this, and you're going to tell me everything as we get drunk together and talk about how much boys suck. Deal?"

  I let out a half laugh. "I think I can agree to that. Let me text Cassie and let her know we're okay. I ran out on her, told her about the press, and left her alone. Someone has to save this vacation."

  "Good thinking."

  We spent the next hour drinking wine and confessing our escapades from the past few days. I cried on her shoulder, she returned the favor, and when I finally crawled back to my own room, I felt a bit better. I was still torn between wanting to die and wanting to kill him, so I decided to do the only thing left where I didn't have to think.

  I curled underneath the blankets, still dressed, and fell asleep.

  SHE FUCKING left me.

  I stared at the closed door. The room swayed like I was a polluted drunk, but I didn't move. Rich slapped me on the back and told me it was better this way. Adam apologized for springing the Mac thing on me, then offered me some of the money. Rich said he'd set up the appointment with Whit Bennigan.

  I was in a fog for a while. Just sat there, going over the incident in my head, knowing I fucked up, but not knowing how to fix it. Every way I looked at it, I felt completely beneath her, not worthy to be the one she loved. But to let her go, believing she was nothing to me? I couldn't let her go like this.

  My attention drifted toward Cassie, who stared at me with such hate I figured she'd like to rip my dick off for fun. She'd run out after Quinn, but now she was back. Why? Because Quinn laughed off the whole thing and didn't need her?

  I was so fucked up. The moment she found out about the bet, I should've dropped to my knees and begged her to let me explain. Especially about the thong.

  But no. All I could think of was the asshat bartender who probably deserved her more than I did. I got so jealous I went apeshit, and now I may have lost her for good. Quinn wouldn't fuck with a guy's head for fun. Then Adam had to go and make her believe I betrayed her.