American Fairytale (Dreamers)

by Adriana Herrera

“She sounds awesome.” A warmth spread to my chest when he said that and I remembered my mom’s words from the other night. Was this feeling the certainty she told me about?

  “She is.” I stopped then, noticing a tree I hadn’t seen before.

  Camilo stood next to me and bent over to look at it more closely. “What is it?”

  I lifted a shoulder as I pointed to a cluster of green fruits that looked like tiny pickles hanging from the trunks.

  “I’m not sure what they’re called in other countries, but in the DR they’re called vinagrillos. We had one in our backyard growing up. They’re really sour, thus the vinegar-related name,” I said, my lips almost puckering from the memory of biting into one. “We used to do contests to see who could eat the most without puking.” I grinned at his horrified look. “I haven’t eaten one in at least fifteen years, but I can totally remember the taste.”

  Camilo was focused on what I was saying, his eyes wide, listening to my story.

  “I like hearing your DR stories.”

  “I like sharing them with you.” I sounded winded. So many feelings that I thought no longer applied to me.

  We were quiet for a second looking around before starting for the next part of the exhibit. After a few steps I noticed that Camilo had stayed behind. When I turned around I saw him hurrying toward me with something in his hand. When he got to me he gestured behind an enormous palm tree, extending his hand once we were hidden.

  “Here.”

  When he opened it I saw a green vinagrillo in his palm, and my face broke into another grin.

  “I didn’t steal it. This one fell to the ground,” he said in a tight voice.

  I tried to lighten the mood and teased him a bit. “Those looked pretty green,” I said, lifting an eyebrow in question.

  “Okay, maybe I gave it a little nudge.” He looked so flustered, like he had no idea why he’d done it.

  I put my palm over his, touching him for the first time in what felt like forever. Our hands brushed as I took the fruit and we both shivered from the contact. Here, hidden from view, the moment felt wildly intimate.

  “Thank you.”

  He shrugged again, but I could see the tension in his shoulders. This mattered. “Try it.”

  I brought it up to my mouth and bit into it, it was too sour, and familiar. I closed my eyes as I chewed.

  I laughed when I was done. “Wow that is so sour, and delicious.” I extended the bitten fruit to him in offer. He immediately leaned in, and for a second it seemed like he would take a bite from the fruit in my hands. But at the last second he reconsidered and plucked it out of my hand.

  Looking more than a little harried, he brought it to his mouth, and took a big bite.

  Immediately his eyes widened and he turned his head to spit it out.

  “Oh my god. That’s crazy sour.”

  I did not dare laugh as he gulped water from a bottle he grabbed from his bag. When he was done he took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes at me.

  “Were you fucking with me?”

  I held up my hands, still holding in a laugh. “No, I really did love those. We almost never took more than one bite out of them though, and never one so big.” I smiled ruefully. “It was a pretty lame contest.”

  He cut his eyes at me as we stepped around the palm tree back to the exhibition. “You could’ve told me.” His grumbling was adorable, and I would’ve given almost anything to be able to grab him and kiss that grumpiness out of him.

  I dipped my head and tried to sound contrite. “Sorry. Next time we are revisiting my childhood in the Dominican Republic, I will provide disclaimers.”

  “You’re not cute.” He scoffed as we walked and again I felt like being here with him was exactly where I was supposed to be.

  All of a sudden he piped up. “Can I ask you something?”

  He looked so serious I was almost afraid to say yes, but I nodded.

  “Do you see yourself as Dominican?” He gestured at my face, as if presenting me with the evidence. “I mean, you look...white. Your name is Thomas Hughes. But it sounds like so much of who you are is tied to your DR roots. How do you negotiate those parts of yourself?”

  Damn. He didn’t beat around the bush. Sanjay and Henock waited years before they’d asked me that.

  Not Camilo.

  “That’s a pretty loaded question, Camilo. Are you sure you want to get to know me this well?”

  He dipped his head, those gray eyes certain and locked with mine. “Yes I do.”

  “All right,” I said, once again surprised at how eager I was to open myself up to Camilo. “Well the short answer is yes. I don’t just see myself as Dominican, I am Dominican. That’s where I was born and lived my entire childhood. I came to the U.S. as an adult. Well a legal adult anyway. I’m American too, of course, but I consider myself an immigrant in this country in a lot of ways. When I came to New York for college—I won a scholarship for Columbia.”

  He nodded, impressed, and mouthed “fancy.”

  “Thank you.” His reactions were always so genuine, I felt like I was always just on the cusp of smiling whenever I was around Camilo.

  “It was an amazing opportunity, but at first I was lost. I’d only been to the States for visits a few times, and always with my parents. It was so intimidating to come here on my own. Just me and my two suitcases. It was daunting and so lonely. I didn’t know where I fit. In the DR I’d been Dominican like everyone else. Here I looked white and with my name the Latinx students weren’t sure what to make of me. The white students just assumed I was some kid from the suburbs.” I held up my hand then, because I wasn’t trying to imply I didn’t have all kinds of advantages. “Don’t get me wrong. I was very privileged. I’d gone to the international school where my dad taught in the DR, so I was fully bilingual and had a scholarship to one of the most prestigious universities in the world, and through my dad was a U.S. citizen. I was living the Dominican boy dream, but it was still a hard adjustment. College was tough.”

  I smiled thinking about Heni and Sanjay, and how meeting them was like finally finding my people.

  “I didn’t really come into my own until grad school. There I met my two best friends who ended up becoming my business partners and my U.S. family in many ways. Sanjay’s family emigrated from India when he was a boy, he grew up in the Midwest where his dad was a physics professor. And Heni came here for grad school from Ethiopia.”

  Camilo was still intent on me, he’d made affirmative sounds as I spoke, but he hadn’t said a word yet.

  “The guys and I had very different backgrounds, but we hit it off from day one and became each other’s support system. Well and Priya too. I don’t know what I would have done without them. As for how I negotiate those sides, I’m still figuring it out. I think in many ways I chose the path of least resistance. I just let people assume what they want.”

  He seemed to be struggling with the last part or whatever he wanted to say in response. Then he looked up and took a sip from his water.

  “Thanks for sharing that.”

  I knew he was holding something back, but I didn’t want to push. I had a feeling whatever was floating around in his head was not going to be something I wanted to hear.

  “You seem like you have something on your mind?”

  I felt like Camilo could see into those parts no one else noticed. I’d always been cautious about who I let in. Depending on the people I was with or the situation, I could be Tom Hughes, successful American businessman or Thomas Caonabo Hughes Gomez, son of Esperanza and grandson of Libertad. Those two people were very different and they almost always stamped each other out.

  He shook his head and smiled. “I was just thinking. My mom’s really light skinned, and in many ways she could pass. But her name is Dinorah Santiago and she didn’t speak a word of English when she came here. So ther
e was always a line there for her. Even for me. I was born here, but I’m brown and it puts me in the ‘other’ category.”

  He paused then and his eyes were trained on something in the distance, like he was making sure he got whatever he was going to say right. That was something I was beginning to learn about Camilo, he didn’t shy away from talking about the uncomfortable things, but he was careful with his words. It wasn’t oversharing or flippant prying; Camilo asked about the hard stuff because he wasn’t afraid to grapple with the answers.

  When he was ready to say more he turned those gray eyes back on me. “It must be challenging to have what gives you an advantage also erase you. That the Tom people see doesn’t fit with who you actually are.”

  I dipped my head in agreement. Camilo saw too much.

  “It’s something I think about all the time. I always wonder, would I have been able to have the success I had with my business if I would’ve looked more like my mom or if my name was Juan Perez? I wonder if I would’ve been able to get into the rooms I did. Or if I did, would I have been taken seriously?”

  After a moment, I spoke again. Wanting to share with Camilo these things I rarely ever spoke about out loud. “When we started our company Henock and Sanjay asked that I be the face of the business during our initial talks with investors.” I fiddled with a little branch on the tree in front on us, recalling the discomfort of that conversation.

  “They thought it would give us a better chance of securing the funds we needed for the startup. It hurt so much to hear it, and I debated with the decision of going along with it. Not just because I knew they were right and it made the world so fucked up, but by how matter of fact they’d been about it.” I shook my head remembering how awful I felt for them, for us.

  “I try not to take things for granted, but I forget sometimes.” I sighed feeling like I’d said too much. “I overshared.”

  He was looking at me with such kindness, like he really was trying to understand.

  “Don’t apologize. Thank you for telling me a bit more about your story and being so honest. Sounds like you don’t take any of this lightly.” The smile he gave me was the one I got when something I said had caught him off guard. “You keep surprising me, Tom.”

  I turned so that I could look at him when I spoke. “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”

  He lifted his eyes to the ceiling as if he was searching for an answer.

  “I’m not sure yet.” His eyes looked unsure when he focused them back on me. “But the more I know about you, the harder it is to remember it’s not a good idea to get involved with you.” After that he walked off too fast for me to respond. As I went after him, I realized I probably wasn’t supposed to. But I hadn’t made it as far as I had in business by missing opportunities, and this was one opening I was not going to miss.

  Chapter Ten

  Tom

  “I can’t go to the movies with you guys tonight. I’m meeting someone. This is my night to myself and I made plans.” I could hear my ex sigh over the phone. We usually did well with the shared custody, but every once in a while Maxwell would get on a kick of doing something as “co-parents.” I was usually all for it, but not with eight hours’ notice.

  “You’re usually free on Wednesdays.” His tone was casual, but I knew he was fishing. “What are you doing?”

  This was not a conversation I was having with Maxwell.

  “I’m sorry, but I have to go. I’m about to start a meeting. I’ll see you on Friday when I drop off Libe. Have fun at the movies tonight.” I ended the call and turned around to find Henock and Sanjay staring at me.

  “How’s Maxwell doing?” Sanjay asked with a hint of amusement. He knew how annoyed I got when Maxwell got pushy like this.

  “He’s just great.”

  “Sounded like he was trying to guilt you into one of those co-dads outings.” I didn’t even answer, because what was the point? But it seemed Sanjay wasn’t done.

  “Have you told Henock about that thing you’re doing, Tom?” The amusement was clear on his face.

  “You’re just getting away with this because Priya isn’t here. I’ll tell her you were shaming me as soon as she gets back from the hospital.” Sanjay just laughed me off, but Heni was already on it.

  “What thing? Did I miss something?”

  He was still getting stuff sorted out in the kitchen, so I just ignored them both. Sanjay, Heni and I were having a business brunch to discuss a new business investment at Heni’s place. He’d been home in Ethiopia for a few weeks and had missed the news about Camilo. Today would be the fourth time Camilo and I met to discuss the project, and things were going slow but well. Ever since that day in the Bronx, something had changed for me. I was more myself with Camilo than I’d ever been with anyone.

  Our little weekly ritual had become one of the things I looked forward to the most, and if I was being honest with myself I was dying to touch him. The desire to kiss him during those meetings was so strong at times I had to remind myself to breathe. I couldn’t keep this going forever, pretty soon I’d have to come clean and ask Camilo if he would have dinner with me.

  I just hoped we were on the same page. Today we’d see each other at Red Rooster again only a little later than usual because he was doing something with clients first.

  The eagerness for five to arrive, so I could see him was intense and new for me. I craved Camilo’s company, and couldn’t get enough of his energy when I was with him. There was nothing filtered or curated about him. He was who he was and he thought what he thought, and he said it. If you didn’t like it, that was your problem to figure out.

  “Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that expression on his face.” I straightened up on Heni’s couch and looked over at him and Sanjay standing by the dining table.

  “What?” I glanced up to find matching bemused expressions trained in my direction. I knew they were about to get on my case for daydreaming while we were supposed to be discussing business, so I stayed silent.

  Heni walked over and passed me a cup of the coffee he’d brewed with the beans he’d brought back from Ethiopia. I inhaled the aroma as he sat down next to me.

  “Well it’s our duty as your best friends to inquire about this young man’s situation. Sanjay informed me of what’s been going on and we’re doing our due diligence.” I shot some side-eye in Sanjay’s direction. “Uh, that’s really not necessary.”

  “We failed the last time, and you ended up married to Maxwell.” He held up his hand, anticipating my protest. “Who is a nice guy, but who we knew was not right for you. So we’re being proactive this time. When can we meet him so we can assess?”

  They were ridiculous.

  “You’re not meeting Camilo any time soon, because he and I aren’t dating.”

  Yet.

  “So far we’ve been discussing the project I’m funding at his place of work.” I got two variations of very over-the-top eye rolls, at my stuffy answer. “Also, who says either of you had any business telling me who to marry? I admit things moved fast with Maxwell, but I have no regrets. I have Libertad and even though he and I weren’t right for each other, I think we’re doing a pretty good job raising her.”

  This last statement seemed to mollify them both. They were on this new kick of being more in touch with their straight man feelings, and it was getting old.

  I pointed at Sanjay, knowing exactly how to end this line of questioning. “Sanjay, Priya would tear your balls off if she knew you’re ganging up on me with Heni.” This time he actually looked scared at the mention of his wife.

  I laughed again and shrugged. “I really like Camilo. He’s been...surprising. Being with him reminds me of how much fun the three of us had building Nuntius, the pride we felt in that, you know? When we thought our ideals would help us take the business world by storm. Even the hard parts had joy. Same with Maxwell and Li
bertad. There was a lot of pain, but there was joy in that struggle too. I don’t know, I guess he’s just made me think about things differently.”

  When I finished Sanjay and Heni were both staring at me slack-jawed.

  “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you get this deep about anything, even when we were running the business.” Sanjay’s amazed look again matched the one on Heni’s face. The comment about not remembering me being deep about anything before stung, but it was a fair one. I was cautious with my feelings, of showing too much. Camilo was teaching me by example that to find someone’s love I had to be bolder.

  Heni lifted his hands in defeat. “We take back what we said. You do you, take your time.”

  “I do hope you guys can meet him soon. Believe me, I’d love for him to take pity on me and let me take him on an actual date. Not these made-up meetings we’ve been doing for the last month.”

  They both nodded but didn’t say anything. So I didn’t volunteer the fact that I was thinking of asking Camilo out to dinner tonight. I wasn’t sure I could wait anymore. Thankfully it seemed like we were done talking about our feelings for the day. I clapped my hands and moved to the table.

  “Now can we please switch the conversation to tech startups in Tanzania?”

  Camilo

  “Well don’t you have a pep in your step? Headed home, Mr. Briggs?”

  I rolled my eyes at Ayako’s teasing tone as I put my scarf back on and grabbed my bag from the corner on the floor where I’d left it. “You know exactly where I’m going.”

  “Remind me again.” I ignored her and her smartass tone as I walked out of the old computer lab at the shelter where we’d had our dance therapy class. Our residents had already gone up to their rooms, but Ayako and I stayed behind to put everything back in order. I’d been rushing, so I wasn’t late to my meeting with Tom.

  I also didn’t want to risk running into Melissa and getting another one of her “I know I can trust you, Camilo” pep talks.

  “Wow, what’s happening in there?” Ayako asked, swirling a finger in the vicinity of my ear. I was about to answer when one of our clients walked by and waved at us, a smile on her face. “Another great class, except no one can ever keep up with Camilo.”