I grumbled pushing the buzzer. “Fine, but I’m not in the mood to talk.”
I left my door open for them before getting back in bed. I hit play on my iPhone again and went back to staring at my wall. After a minute Ayako and Juanpa stormed into my tiny apartment.
“Oh my god, why are all the lights off, Camilo? I’m going to kill myself.”
That was Ayako. She flipped the kitchen light on, causing me to yelp and pull the covers over my head.
“Ugh, that’s too bright, Ayako.” She totally ignored my complaint and came over to the bed instead. She immediately started trying to pull me up and hug me at the same time.
“How are you doing, hon? You had us so worried.” Her forehead was all wrinkled as she pulled back to take a good look at me. “Where are we at right now? Are we cursing his name and burning the shit he bought, or are we just retreating to figure things out?”
I shrugged her off grumpily. “Ayako, chill. I’m getting up in a minute. I’m just cold. And no, we’re not burning anything just yet, but we’re definitely not doing well.” She squeezed my shoulder in sympathy.
“We got you, friend. We brought everything we need to figure this out.” She started listing things. “Wine, pizza, emergency pack of Camel lights—”
She stopped and tilted her head to listen to the music that was playing. “Oh damn, is that ‘Ex-Factor’?” She straightened like she was girding her loins. I rolled my eyes at her clowning. “Okay, so we’re rolling deep tonight.” She looked over at Juanpa like they needed to revise the game plan and he nodded solemnly. They were so extra, but I really was glad to have them here.
“This shit is serious if we’re throwing back to The Miseducation,” Juanpa said, pulling a pint of some kind of artisanal gelato from the paper bag he was holding. “Good thing we stopped at the boujie bodega down the street and got this.”
She gave us both a thumbs-up, and went to the kitchen. Immediately she started putting wine in the fridge and getting plates out, as I stared at their takeover of my apartment.
Juanpa the dirtbag was already eating a slice of pizza out of the box without even taking his coat off. He gestured to the box as if asking if I wanted a slice. I shook my head.
“I’m not hungry.”
Ayako scoffed at my rejection. “Well you’re going to eat and tell us what happened! Dinorah’s worried about you too. She asked us to tell you to call her.”
“I called her already. She’s at Odette’s at a dinner party. I told her I’d come over tomorrow.”
Juanpa finished inhaling his slice of pizza and walked over to me after finally taking his Tims and coat off. “Have you talked to Tom?”
I turned my head away and lay back on my side, so I was back to staring at my new favorite spot on the wall. “No, I have like four messages from him, but I didn’t call him back. The first couple were right after I left his house. They were just desperate, and begging me to call him. The last one was from this morning. He said he knew how much he’d hurt me and if I could just give him a little bit of time, he would show me how much he loves me.”
I stopped to take a deep breath, feeling like I was going to cry. “Because he never wants to lose me.” I sighed as Ayako passed me a slice of pizza. I glanced up at her with a hopeful look. “Vino?”
She just wagged her finger at me. “Not until you eat. Then we can get intoxicated.”
I frowned and took a bite as she watched me eat. “Fine.”
I worked on my pizza for a few minutes as the other two got settled. By the time I’d finished my slice Ayako had gotten in the bed with me, and Juanpa was in a chair next to the bed.
He leaned in, his handsome face serious. “So give us the details, because the eight word text you sent out last night was pretty vague.”
After I’d hung up with my mom, I texted the guys and Ayako to let them know what happened. I didn’t have the energy to explain, so I’d just sent them a super cryptic message.
I broke up with T. Will call tomorrow.
Then shut off my phone before any of them could respond.
“I need wine first.” Ayako passed me the glass she brought me from the kitchen, and I started to speak when Juanpa held up a hand while he pulled his phone out of his pocket.
“Wait, let me FaceTime P and Nesto. They told me to call them when we came over.” He talked while tapping on the screen. “They almost drove down here today while you were still MIA. We were too scared of you to show up unannounced after you asked us not to, but it was discussed.”
I chuckled helplessly at Juanpa’s attempt to make me laugh. “You’re not funny.”
“I’m not trying to be, you scared us.” I still felt like shit, but it was good to have my friends with me right now.
A few seconds later I heard Patrice’s voice come over the speaker. “How’s it going?” Juanpa just shook his head and moved his chair so Ayako and I could see the screen. Nesto, Jude and Patrice were all sitting on a couch with worried looks on their faces.
Nesto leaned forward, so he was staring right at me. His brows furrowed. “How we doing, brother?”
I lifted a shoulder in response. “Not great, but at least I don’t feel like my heart got ripped out of my chest like I did yesterday.”
Patrice leaned in too, but Nesto spoke again before he got a chance. “Do you need us to come down? Just say the word and we’re there.” Both Jude and Patrice nodded furiously at Nesto’s offer. “You were here to hold me down when shit got real last year with Jude.” He turned his head then and smiled at his blond lover, who stared up at him with such tenderness, it made my heart ache.
After a second Nesto turned back to look at me. “I know things seem completely fucked up now, but I know they’ll work out, Camilo. He just got mad extra on you, but you can come back from that.” He gave me a cheeky smile then. “Just like the rest of us he had to learn the hard way to take your grumpy ass seriously when you ask for something.”
I closed my eyes, feeling the tears starting to well up. There was too much happening in the feelings department. I took another gulp of wine and handed the glass to Ayako, so I could make a time-out sign with my hands.
“You motherfuckers need to stop it with this lovefest. I’m already a fucking wreck, so please keep your shit together for a minute, so I can tell you what happened.”
After about two seconds of everyone trying to hold it in, Nesto and Juanpa busted up and for the first time in the last twenty-four hours I felt like maybe things would be okay. When we all stopped laughing, I took my glass back from Ayako and started talking.
* * *
“I love him, there’s no doubt and I’m certain he loves me. The issue is he broke my trust. And I’m scared if I let him get away with this now, I’ll be having to overlook overbearing and, frankly, disrespectful shit forever. The worst part is I know I’ll get back together with him if he shows up, even if he does nothing to make amends.”
Ayako put her arm around my shoulder after my grim prediction. “Hon, you said he asked you for time in his message and that he said he would show you he understood where he’d gone wrong. Maybe he’s thinking of a way of repairing things. He knows where you live and he hasn’t come around yet.” I got another squeeze of the shoulder and nods all around. “He’s a good guy. Clearly he’s not perfect and is a little too reliant on his bank account to do his work for him, but he loves you and he makes you happy.”
I sipped my wine, thinking about what she said. “Maybe. I hope so. Because I know if we just get back together without fixing this, it will be the beginning of the end. I won’t be able to live with myself if I just take him back, after what he pulled.”
They all gave me matching sympathetic faces, but didn’t offer any more platitudes, clearly there was no quick, easy fix for where things had gone wrong for Tom and I. “Thanks for coming to sit vigil with me,” I said to
Ayako, then waved at the screen. “And for offering to drive down.”
Ayako shook her head at me like I was being ridiculous. “Nothing died, babe.”
Juanpa, Nesto, P and Jude gave their own enthusiastic nods, then J spoke. “We’ll be here with you until the bitter end, unless you start playing that band with those dudes who sound like whiny cats. You know I can’t go there with you, pa.”
Fucking Juan Pablo had to make me laugh again. “Shut up, MCR don’t sound like whiny cats, and don’t even front like you don’t have “Helena” in one of your Spotify playlists. I know what you get up to.”
He just ignored me and stood up.
“I’m getting more wine.”
Jude balked at Juanpa’s derision. “I like My Chemical Romance.”
Nesto put his arm around him shaking his head. “Damn, babe, you just said that and I’m still obsessed with you.” He waved his hand between the two of them, the smile on his face was pure mischief. “This shit must be real.”
Jude turned red then pinched him hard on the arm, and Nesto glared in my direction. “Ow, shit. See, Camilo, he’s pinching people now too. You’re a bad influence.”
Ayako and I sat on the bed chuckling while J got us more drinks and the other three messed around on the screen. I felt grateful for my friends and hoped Tom had someone with him tonight. I wondered if we really would be alright. If we could move past this.
I hoped so, I did, but now the seed of doubt had been planted. I feared maybe he didn’t know me as well as I thought. That he didn’t get which were the things that really mattered most to me. I didn’t know if there was anything Tom could do to make me fully trust him again.
Chapter Thirty
Tom
“We’ll see you Sunday then?”
I nodded as I passed Maxwell Libe’s backpack. “Yes, I may get back Saturday. I’ll let you know.”
He waved his hand at me as he balanced Libe on his hip. “You’ll probably be tired, let’s say Sunday night. We’ll be fine.” He smiled at Libe, who had nodded along to every word he said, her thumb stuck in her mouth. “We have lots of plans with nana and grandpa. Right, sweetheart?” he said, nuzzling her hair.
“Daddy, we’re going to go ice-skating!” Libe told me excitedly.
“You’ll have a great time. I can’t wait to hear about it. I’ll call you every day while I’m gone, okay?” I leaned to give her a kiss on the cheek.
“Okay, Daddy,” Libe mumbled around her thumb as Maxwell strapped her into the booster seat in his car, passing her a book to entertain her a couple of minutes while we talked.
Maxwell looked at me intensely, like he was trying to work something out.
“Thanks for doing this, Maxwell. I know it’s very last minute.”
It was the Monday after my big fight with Camilo. I hadn’t spoken to him since Friday, and in that time I’d come up with a plan I hoped would show him how much I cared for him. It involved leaving town for a few days, however. So, I’d asked Maxwell for help and he’d agreed to take Libe while I was gone.
“It’s fine, Tom. It’s the least I could do, after all my very poorly timed interruptions.” The corner of his mouth lifted then, and in that moment we both probably felt a pang of regret. For us and what we lost. “I’m glad you’ve found someone you’re willing to make changes for. I hope it works out for you.”
I shrugged, trying to convey an ease I did not feel.
“I’m not sure if this will change things for Camilo and me, but I want to do this for him anyway. Not so he’ll take me back, but because I know it’s important to him.”
Maxwell’s smile was bigger this time, even though his eyes were still a little sad. “Well even if it wasn’t me, I’m glad someone finally made you learn to pay attention.”
That was an understatement. “Oh, Camilo has my attention. That and more,” I said, determined to prove just that to him in the next few days.
With that Maxwell started moving, getting into the driver’s seat. I waved at them as they drove off and then crossed the street to the garage to get my car. Within minutes I headed up to the Bronx to pick up Dinorah.
* * *
Friday night, as I thought of all the things Camilo had been trying to manage in the past couple of months, I remembered him talking about how much Dinorah wanted to go down to Miami during her leave. Camilo couldn’t make the trip with her with everything he had going on, but I could. I had the time and the means to do it. And once the idea got in my head, I went with it.
On Saturday morning I’d woken up with a plan in my head. I called Dinorah to ask her if she was up for it, and she’d immediately said yes. She was convinced things would be okay with Camilo and me, but I told her I wanted to do this for her no matter what, and that once we came back I would try to fix what I’d broken. I didn’t know if there was anything I could do to make Camilo trust me again, but I could at least do this one thing that would mean so much to him and Dinorah.
The plan was to take her down there so she could get some closure, get a chance to say goodbye properly. Camilo had talked to me about how much Dinorah regretted the way they’d left Miami. How that last year had tainted all the happy years she’s had there. I was hoping on this trip she’d be able to at least get a chance to reconnect with the memories she’d made there.
I pulled up in front of Dinorah’s building and saw her waiting on the sidewalk with a big smile on her face and a little suitcase next to her. I had only seen her once since she started her leave, but could see why Camilo had worked so hard to make sure she was able to take the time off. She looked like a different person, her eyes were bright and her back straight.
She looked stronger. Once again I felt a pang of regret, for messing with what Camilo had been doing for his mother. I now understood why he’d been so determined to do it, and why my interference had cut him so deeply.
I quickly got out of the car and went around to grab her bag. As soon as I got there she started talking excitedly. “Tom, thank you again for doing this. Milito is going to have a heart attack when I call him to tell him.” She laughed.
I didn’t find it as funny. “How pissed do you think he’ll be? Because Milo doesn’t like it when I do things without asking and this is a big one, Dinorah,” I said as we got into the car. “He’s not going to like being kept in the dark again.” I was legitimately worried about how he’d take this.
Dinorah patted my cheek and smiled reassuringly. “He’ll be surprised. Especially because he’s not part of the plan. You know he doesn’t like to feel left out. But he’ll be okay and he’s very busy with the renovation. I talked with Ayako and Juan Pablo too. They’ll make sure to keep an eye on him while we’re away. My son is strong,” she said with a fire in her voice. “The strongest. He just needs time to calm down, and think things through. So do you, Tom.”
“I hope I’m doing the right thing.”
She squeezed my shoulder and gave me an understanding look. “I hope so too, but even as stubborn as Milito is, he’s smart and is not one to be wasteful. He knows what you have is special. He’s hurt and disappointed, and a little scared, but he loves you.”
“And I love him.” I stared straight ahead as I maneuvered the car through the busy streets of the South Bronx, getting us out of the city.
Dinorah scoffed as if to say, “Well no shit.”
“I know. From the first time he talked to me about you, I had a feeling you two were like his daddy and me. Meant to be.”
I was trying to figure out how to respond to her words without making a fool of myself when she jumped in her seat, and started looking through her purse. “I need to call him before we leave the city, to let him know.” She laughed nervously, and I felt her pain. Camilo’s temper was nothing to take lightly.
She tapped her phone, and soon it was ringing on speakerphone. She winked at me as we waited.
“Hey, Mama.” He sounded so weary, and my heart lurched at the sound of his voice.
“Hola, hijo, so, I want you to know everything is fine.”
“Okaaaay,” he answered bemusedly.
“I’m on my way to Miami, to go see your daddy’s grave. I’ll be back on Saturday.”
Camilo’s shriek echoed in the car. “What?” He spluttered. “How?”
“I’m driving with a friend. Someone totally safe. I’m one-hundred-percent alright.” She sighed as we listened to his string of protests.
“I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. This month he would have turned sixty-five, this is the right time. I want to go down there and see the places that were special to the two of us. I know we talked about doing it in the summer, but I’ve got the time now. Besides, I didn’t want you to have to take time off. I can do this on my own.”
“Mama, what if something happens to you?”
She laughed at that and shook her head. “I don’t know if you remember this, but I came from Cuba in a boat on my own. I can do this.”
“I know.” His tone changed then, like he remembered he needed to reassure his mom he believed in her. “You can do anything. I’m just surprised, and a little worried. This is so sudden.” After a pause he asked, “Can I talk to the person?”
Dinorah and I shared a look at Camilo’s overprotectiveness. “No, you may not, Camilo Santiago Briggs. You just need to trust me. I’ll call you every night, and I’ll be posting on my Facebook account. You’re always pestering me to use it.”
He chuckled at that, but when he spoke he still didn’t sound very convinced. “Okay, Mama, but text, okay? This is so unexpected, but you sound happy and that’s all I want. You, happy.”
“I know, papi. Don’t worry about me, esta bien?”
“Si. Te quiero, Mama.”
“Y yo a ti.”
She ended the call and we sat there in silence for a few seconds, then Dinorah laughed. “Well that went better than I thought it would. He’s going to fall over when he realizes who my travel companion is.”
American Fairytale (Dreamers) Page 26