The List

by Velvet Vaughn

  The words triggered a powerful déjà vu and her head spun wildly. She remembered hearing the same words, the same voice, a long, long time ago.

  Years spiraled backwards. She was ten years old and lingering in the same weightless state, hovering somewhere between living and dying. A deep, masculine voice penetrated the dark, wrapped around her heart and brought her back to life.

  Could it possibly be…no, it couldn’t be Matt Dianetti again, crooning to her, coaxing her to awaken. He hated her for putting Lauren in danger. He would never be sitting beside her in the cold, gloomy hospital room.

  “Don’t leave me. Please open your eyes. I love you and I’m sorry.” The voice broke. “Come back to me, sweetheart.”

  It is Matt. And he said…he loved me. Is he…crying? Why is he crying? I can’t stand to know he’s sad. Maybe if I fight through this haze, I can see his face one last time…

  Forty-two

  Jac realized the minute she rejoined the living. She could smell the heady scent of flowers. She inhaled and savored the fragrance. Lauren’s lowered voice drifted to her. She cracked one lid and found her standing with Matt by the door. They didn’t know she was awake.

  “Dad, are you trying to kill yourself? You need to eat and you have to get some sleep or you’re going to need a bed next to Jac. Look at you. You’re the walking dead.”

  “I’m not leaving until she wakes up. Now be a good girl and go with your grandparents to the cafeteria.” He kissed her cheek. “Get something healthy to eat.””

  “Fine.” Lauren grudgingly disappeared through the door. Matt propped an arm against the wall and rested his forehead on it, his whole body sagging with exhaustion. He pushed himself upright and turned around, swiping his hands over cheeks darkened by a black shadow. Tufts of hair stuck up all over his head, his clothes a wrinkled mess.

  His weary gaze met hers and his face melted with relief. He rushed to her side. “Jac, honey, you’re awake.” He kissed her and brushed a stray tendril from her face.

  She still felt woozy, half gone, but she didn’t want him to wear himself out on her behalf. She forced her lips to move but her voice was hoarse and scratchy. I love you Matt, but please “go” and get something to eat. “I don’t want” you to get sick but I’m happy “to see you again.” Her lids drifted shut and a few beats passed before she could open them again. Her speech hadn’t come out as planned. She needed to regroup and try again. When she opened her eyes, Matt looked mortally wounded.

  He pushed to his feet and cleared his throat. “I understand,” he said gruffly. “You’ll never know how sorry I am for those awful things I said.” His voice cracked. “I would give ten years off my life to take them back.” He ran his thumb over her bottom lip. “I know you probably can’t forgive me, but know that I love you. Always.”

  He turned and walked away.

  Jac stared at his back in horror. Matt, “don’t” go, I “love you, too.”

  He froze and stiffened but didn’t turn around. She gestured wildly at his back, trying to get his attention and felt a searing pain in her shoulder.

  His head drooped. “I don’t blame you,” he said sadly. “I don’t like myself much right now either.”

  With that, he was gone.

  Tears welled. What had she done?

  * * * *

  A few minutes later, a doctor pushed through the door, having been alerted to her consciousness by Matt.

  “Well, well, sleepyhead, how are you feeling?” The doctor’s voice boomed in the room. He was a big man with silver hair and a slight paunch. He attached a stethoscope to his ears and began to examine her. He checked the stitches on her stomach and shoulder, the bandage on her neck, the bump on her head and pronounced her on the mend. When she tried to talk, he told her to rest her voice and had the nurse bring a soothing liquid syrup to coat her throat.

  She closed her eyes and attempted to rest once they’d left but all she could think about was the look on Matt’s face when he thought she told him to go away. Tears spilled over her cheeks. She had to let him know she didn’t mean it. She accepted they had no future together, he had told her as much on numerous occasions. And now that the killer had been caught, they would have no reason to see each other. But she didn’t want him to go through life thinking she hated him. She didn’t. She loved him.

  With her uninjured shoulder, she pulled the blanket away and swung her legs over the bed. Her head spun wildly and she waited until the room came into focus again. Clutching the portable IV stand in her fist, she gingerly padded to the door but vertigo struck and she swayed on her feet.

  “Jac!”

  Two small hands wrapped around her waist and steadied her. She appreciated the support.

  “Let’s get you back to the bed.”

  Jac smiled at Lauren, tears in her eyes. The young girl helped her settle back against the pillows and pulled the blanket around her.

  “I’m glad you’re awake,” Lauren said as she dropped into the chair beside the bed. Jac reached out her hand and she clutched it. “You had us all worried.”

  Jac tried to ask how long she’d been unconscious but the only thing that came out was “long.” Lauren produced paper and a pencil from her bag and handed it to Jac. She scribbled her question.

  “It’s November second. You’ve been in here almost four days.”

  Jac’s eyes widened. She thought she’d only been out a few hours, not a few days.

  “Dad stayed by your side the entire time,” Lauren replied casually.

  Jac scribbled frantically on the notepad. He left because I upset him, but I didn’t mean to.

  Lauren scanned the note. “He understood,” she remarked softly. “He told me what he said to you and he’s supremely remorseful. He repeated over and over how much he wished he could take it back. The guilt is consuming him—he couldn’t even eat, knowing you’d never be able to forgive him.”

  Jac covered her hand with her mouth. Lauren gazed at her from under her lashes. “Can you forgive him, Jac?”

  Jac nodded gently, her eyes flooded with tears. Her pen moved faintly over the paper. I love him.

  “I knew it!” Lauren jumped up to hug Jac, which was hard to do with the IV and all her stitches. “He loves you too. I know he does.”

  Jac shook her head desolately.

  Lauren sighed and plopped in the chair. “That’s my fault.” She hurriedly added, “I need to explain why dad is fighting his attraction to you.”

  Lauren launched into her story. “My parents met in college and fell in lust. I wasn’t planned.” Jac’s eyes widened and Lauren’s mouth quirked. “My mom told me,” she clarified. “She said a condom broke and my dad insisted on getting married. My dad had been drafted by Miami so after they graduated, they moved and bought a house with his first signing bonus.

  “Corinne, that’s my mom, started acting strange a few weeks before I was born. According to Grandma, she was restless, edgy. They chalked it up to nerves at being a first-time mom, moving to a new city and stress, being alone while Dad left to practice and games. But what did they know?” she reflected gloomily.

  “Corinne told me she felt as if she was suffocating with the restraints of motherhood and marriage and was frightened over the changes in her body. She didn’t think she would ever get her figure back. To her credit, she managed to nurse me five weeks. But I guess my dad came home after a road trip to New York and found her bags packed. She told him she wasn’t cut out to be a mother or a wife, she needed the freedom to go wherever she wanted, when she wanted. Then she walked out the door.”

  Jac sucked in a breath. “Oh, Lauren.”

  “My Dad was twenty-two, divorced, raising a baby alone. Oh, and a football superstar. My grandparents saved him. They bought a house close to us and my grandma stayed during the season and watched me when he went to practice or a game. My grandpa flew down as much as he could. I don’t know what we would have done without them.

  “Even when I was little, Dad di
dn’t date much. He met someone when I was seven.” Lauren described the striking redhead named Sue who connived and schemed to get her claws into Matt.

  A light clicked in Jac’s head. Sue. That was the name Lauren whispered the first night they had dinner together. She told Matt that Jac wasn’t Sue.

  “Sue told dad that she loved children and begged to meet me. He hesitated because he didn’t want me to get attached to her and then if they broke up, she’d be gone like my mom. Finally he relented and invited her over to our house. He said if I approved, he was going to ask her to marry him.” Lauren made a disgusted face. “I hated her on sight. She hung all over my dad and pretended to fawn over me. She convinced Dad to let her take me to the beach the next day.

  “As soon as we were alone, Sue’s entire demeanor changed. She ignored me, told me to be quiet when I tried to talk and instead of going to the beach, we went shopping, or rather, Sue went shopping. She spent the entire time trying on sexy clothes and racy lingerie.” Lauren chuckled. “I called them frilly underpants at that age.” Her face hardened. “Then she told me she was going to use those frilly underpants to get Dad to do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, including sending me to the same boarding school she attended. At that age, I couldn’t understand why she thought red panties would make Dad do what she wanted.” She laughed. “I knew they wouldn’t fit him.

  “When we got home, Dad had a huge grin on his face at seeing us together that I just couldn’t tell him. He was absolutely beaming. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I plastered on a smile, said nothing while Sue gushed on about what fun we had and slunk silently to my room.

  “Dad proposed and Sue immediately accepted. We started having ‘just the girls’ trips, as she insisted on calling them, daily for two weeks. She repeatedly ignored me and either locked me in the car or in her apartment by myself while she went shopping or out with friends.”

  Jac gaped in horror.

  “The final blow came when I accidentally spilled soda on Sue’s silk pants.” Lauren gestured with her hands. “The woman went ballistic. She pulled the car over and spanked me until I bawled. Even that irritated her and she smacked me. Then she had the nerve to threaten me, demanding I not tell Dad.

  “We drove to the mall and I snuck away, which wasn’t hard to do since she barely watched me. I was going to call Dad when she left but it was dark beneath the dress rack I crawled under and I cried myself asleep. When she couldn’t find me, Sue called Dad and told him I acted up all day and ran away. Dad called the police and left practice without telling the coach. When I woke, I was scared and tried to find a phone. A man came up to me and asked about my parents. I told him I was lost and he said he would help.” Lauren swiped a finger under her nose and said deceptively nonchalant, “How was I to know he was a registered sex offender? Not that I knew what that was at the time.” She pulled a face.

  Jac choked and bolted upright on the bed, causing her stitches to painfully revolt. She gripped Lauren’s hand.

  Lauren smiled grimly. “He showed me a knife, grabbed my hand and threatened to stab me if I made a sound. Then he forced me to his car.”

  Lauren took a shaky breath. “In what has to be the greatest coincidence of my life—or my Guardian Angel working overtime—Dad had been searching outside and saw the man dragging me away. He screamed my name and tore off after me. The man got scared and started running but my little legs couldn’t keep up and I fell and skinned my knees. He didn’t have time to stop and get me, so he left me. Dad grabbed me, got the man’s license plate number and notified the police. They caught him a few miles away.”

  “Oh sweetie,” Jac croaked in heartfelt sympathy.

  “Needless to say, I clung to Dad’s neck and wouldn’t let go. Sue came rushing over, made a huge scene, crying and carrying on, saying she was relieved to have me back. She even fainted, but come-on, who faints without messing up their hair or clothes? Then she tried to make sure Dad knew it was my fault and that I had run away.

  “When Dad put me to bed that night, he was still shaking. He hadn’t let me out of his sight, barely let me go since the ordeal. He told me how much he loved me and how proud he was. Then he asked why I ran. I just shrugged and he didn’t push. I waited until he left to sob into my pillow. I didn’t want Sue as my mom. The wicked stepmother from Cinderella sprang to my mind, making me sob harder. My overactive, theatrical seven-year-old mind pictured my hair pinned up in a handkerchief, rags for clothes and covered in soot while Sue shined brighter than the Hope Diamond.”

  Jac smiled sadly at her description.

  “I didn’t even hear Dad come back into the room. He gathered me in his arms and rocked me, crooning softly as he smoothed my hair. I knew then that I couldn’t let him marry that hateful woman.

  “Words tumbled out and I told him the whole saga from the threats to the spanking. Dad stiffened as he listened, gruffly told me it would be okay and laid me gently on the bed. He kissed me on the forehead and left the room. I scrambled out of bed and followed silently, eavesdropping as he called Sue. He told her that if she ever laid a hand on his baby again, he’d have her arrested if he didn’t kill her first, which he was tempted to do with his bare hands. He told her she was lucky he wasn’t calling the authorities right now for child abuse and endangerment and warned her to never contact us again.

  “I’d never heard my dad speak that brutally. He slammed down the phone and I watched as he lowered his head to his hands. I think he was crying. I didn’t know if it was because of losing Sue or what happened to me. I just knew I couldn’t take it. I ran over to him and threw my arms around his neck.

  “He apologized over and over and said how he had no idea about Sue. He said that he didn’t really love her but he didn’t want me to grow up without a mom. He told me how sorry he was that I had to go through it and how he didn’t know what he would have done if I’d been kidnapped. His voice shook with emotion and for once, I was the grown up, telling him it was okay. He carried me to bed and I fell asleep in his arms.”

  Lauren looked at Jac with wetness gleaming in her eyes. “Now you know why he acts the way he does. He hasn’t dated seriously since. And it’s all because of me.”

  Jac shook her head, tears flying off her cheeks. “Not your fault,” she rasped. Her heart was breaking at what Matt and Lauren had endured.

  The door swung open, interrupting their talk. Luke and Logan sauntered inside. Lauren swiped at the tears in her eyes and ran to greet them while Jac managed to compose herself. They stayed an hour, filling her in on Dan, letting her know Marcus Cardinal had been found and arrested, and that Harvey Block had been released but advised to leave town and not return. They didn’t admit it, but she was sure Luke and Logan had been the advisors.

  By the time they all left, Jac was exhausted. Lauren promised to visit tomorrow and the nurse gave her a sedative.

  Jac closed her eyes recalling Lauren’s story and realizing how all the pieces fit into place: Matt’s relationship reluctance, his over-protectiveness, the way he snapped when Lauren disappeared. No wonder. He almost lost his child once before. She didn’t blame him one bit.

  She thought about the nightmare with Tash in the basement. Matt put himself in the line of fire and saved her life again.

  He was the most incredible man she’d ever known and because he possessed principles she completely understood and deeply admired, she’d have to adjust to a life without him.

  Forty-two

  Matt spent the next ten days buried in work, trying to keep thoughts of Jac from invading his mind. She already dominated his dreams. He hadn’t seen her since the night she sent him away. He needed to give her time to heal, regroup and hopefully forgive him. Lauren talked to her daily and updated him on her recovery. She’d been released last Friday and was working with the insurance agency to assess her losses from the fire.

  He didn’t think she knew about the crew he sent to clean up the charred remains or the company he put on retainer to build
a new one. When she felt better, he wanted her to design the space but right now the construction crew was in the final stages of the project on which they were currently working. If he hadn’t pulled a few strings and called in a few favors, it would be several months until she could rebuild. Insurance would take time and he didn’t want her to have to wait. If she wouldn’t let him rebuild the club, he’d offer an interest free loan. He had plenty of money.

  His major project the last few months, a luxury hotel in Indianapolis, finished thankfully on time. He’d wanted to ask Jac to attend the opening gala with him tonight but Lauren thought it was too soon after Jac’s injuries. Since he hadn’t seen her since the night she sent him away, he had to abide by Lauren’s judgment.

  He studied his reflection in the mirror as he secured the bowtie. He hated wearing a tuxedo. The gala was scheduled to begin in half an hour. He had to be in place before the dignitaries arrived. Adjusting the coat on his shoulders, he walked to the dresser and affixed diamond cuff links. His gaze swept over the view from the penthouse suite. The room encompassed the entire fortieth floor. Floor to ceiling windows on all four sides provided a panoramic view of the city. No expense had been spared in decorating, right down to the baby grand piano and six-person sunken hot tub.

  He wanted Jac here by his side so much it was a physical ache. He wanted to weave his hands through her hair, devour her mouth, press her against all that cool, slick glass and sink into her with the city lights shining below.

  His body reacted to the carnal images and he had to adjust the black pants of his Armani tux. With an aggravated sigh, he picked up the telephone and punched in a number.

  “Are you ready, princess?”

  “I’m ready.”

  “I’ll be right down.”

  Lauren unwaveringly insisted that she have her own room. The floor below his housed the Presidential Suite and the Wedding Suite. He gave his parents the Wedding and Lauren the Presidential since none would take this one. They adamantly insisted he have the best room in the hotel and he didn’t have the energy to argue.