Worth The Risk

by Carly Marie

  I was getting insight into Mark’s life, and even knowing this was going to turn out poorly, I knew it was important for him to get this out.

  “One night, Marcel asked us to join him and his girlfriend for dinner.”

  I blinked in surprise. I hadn’t appreciated how close they were growing up until that moment. Marcel had known Mark was in a relationship with a man—he’d always supported him. I was happy Mark had that kind of friend in his life. “You two really have known each other your entire lives. That’s awesome.”

  I could hear a lightness in Mark’s voice as he spoke of Marcel. “Yeah. Pretty much. I never hid anything from him. So I’d told him about me and Dwayne early on. He was the first one to really start asking why we weren’t going out or why I wasn’t going to the bar as much. I’d kept telling myself it was because we were in a new relationship and couldn’t keep our hands off each other long enough to go to the bar without making out.”

  They were in college. He should have been able to make out with a guy in a bar if he wanted to. I’d made out with guys in college bars twenty years earlier. “Things were different twenty years ago,” I offered instead.

  “That’s what I tried to tell myself for a while. But when Marcel finally cornered me one night and flat out asked me to bring Dwayne to dinner with them, I brought it up to him. He freaked out. We had a major fight. It ended up with him telling me that there was no way he would want to be seen as the queer guy. Then he threw my major in my face.”

  I winced. Mark didn’t have to tell me what was said. I instinctively knew the next words out of his mouth were going to make me hate the man he called Dwayne.

  Mark stuttered a moment. “H-he told me that I would never get a job as a doctor. People wouldn’t want to catch gayness from me, that parents would think I was a pedophile.”

  I growled, a sound that surprised even me. “Are you fucking kidding me? A gay man told you that?”

  Mark’s laugh was sad, and I could visualize him shaking his head. “Yeah. We broke up that night and I haven’t seen him since. I told you that I met Nicole shortly thereafter. I’ve always acknowledged that I’m attracted to both men and women, but I didn’t let myself seriously consider pursuing another relationship with a man after Dwayne. Then again, it hasn’t really been an option.”

  He didn’t speak for a few long seconds. The explanation helped me understand why Mark wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship with both feet. He was still new enough to town that he didn’t have a true appreciation for how welcoming it was. Homophobia was unavoidable, but to be a gay man in central Tennessee, Fairview was about as close to truly LGBT friendly as you could get. “Thank you for telling me that.”

  “It’s been so long since I’ve been attracted to a man, I never thought I’d move here and end up finding you. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m working on it.”

  I was honored that he felt like what we were working on was important enough to even consider coming out publicly, especially after an experience like that. Learning you’re bisexual and finding out your first boyfriend had internalized homophobia was bound to leave a lasting impression. “I’m not in a hurry. We’re good to take it slow,” I said, trying to reassure him. It didn’t say much about my previous boyfriends, but this was already a healthier relationship than I’d been in in more years than I cared to think about, even if he wasn’t ready to tell the town.

  CHAPTER 16

  Mark

  I cannot wait for this day to be over. I’m going to hit the bed so hard tonight when I get home. Told everyone we’re taking the weekend off, so I’ll give you a call tomorrow when I’m functional again.

  I read the text over again before sending it to Jeff, then gathered my keys to lock up. I’d been lighter after telling Jeff about Dwayne. He’d taken it well and assured me that we could take our time. I felt cowardly for not being ready to be out publicly, but Jeff’s reassurances were helping.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket before I got out the door.

  You’ve earned it. Talk with you later.

  It was later than normal as Trish and I locked up that night. I’d taken on extra patients that day just to know I wouldn’t have a backlog going into the weekend. I’d told Trish as well as the other nurse, Joe, that they were welcome to go home. We’d all worked more than our fair share over the week, but they’d refused. I finally put my foot down and told Joe to get out of the office thirty minutes earlier. He’d looked progressively worse throughout the day. I’d cornered him in the hallway with a flu swab at six, and when I’d finished with the patients I had and checked his test, I hadn’t been surprised to see it come up positive.

  Despite our best efforts to stay protected with vaccinations, religious handwashing, and wearing masks all week, even we were susceptible to getting sick. We’d been running on fumes for days, so everyone’s immune systems were down. It had only been a matter of time before one of us caught something. Joe had strict orders to fill his prescription and rest for the weekend. All I could do was hope Joe would be the only one to get sick.

  As the deadbolt clicked into place, Trish gave me a weary smile. “Good work, Doctor. You’ve earned this break.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “It’s Mark.” I’d told her that countless times since taking over the clinic. Doctor felt too formal for the environment we worked in. Even being called Dr. Murray felt out of place. I’d been introducing myself as Dr. Mark to patients and I’d been trying to get my staff to simply use my name, especially after hours. “But thank you. I wouldn’t have survived these last two weeks without you all. I can’t thank you enough for sticking it out.”

  Trish waved me off. “What was I going to do? Go home to an empty house and watch TV?”

  Even my laugh sounded tired. In just a few short weeks, I’d learned that she had a work ethic like I’d have killed for in some of the nurses, and even some doctors, I’d worked with over the years. She truly thrived on staying busy. She’d told me earlier in the week that she hated TV and didn’t have one in her house. Her free time was spent volunteering or with her son. She loved doing something. “Well, right now I would give my left arm to go home, grab a beer, and watch TV.” I scratched my forehead. “Though I don’t think I’ve been to the store all week. TV may have to wait for the grocery store. My mom has been keeping the boys through dinner, so I’ve only had to throw breakfast at them since Monday.”

  My stomach growled at the thought of food.

  “I bet Jeff would be happy to pick something up for you if you asked him. He’s looked worried about you the last few days.”

  The words swam in my head. I understood each of them, but was she saying what I thought she was saying? “I’m sorry?”

  Her eyes widened under the street light. “Wait, is it a secret you two are seeing each other?”

  “I… I, um.” I fumbled for words. “It’s not secret, but it’s so new we haven’t told anyone.” My head tilted to the side. “How did you know anyway?”

  Trish had the decency to look bashful. “Well, I guess I just put it all together. You’ve been going to the garage for lunch whenever you can. I should probably admit that Annie and I have lunch together when our schedules align. It isn’t like she was gossiping, just mentioned passing you on the street, or once she told me she needed to get you guys food before we had lunch. Then when he brought Jenna and Seth in earlier this week, you guys had a familiarity about you. I saw how concerned he looked about you Wednesday. And I heard him ask you at least three separate times if you were alright.” She smiled fondly at the memory. “Jeff’s a sweetheart. And from what I know of you, you are too,” she added quickly.

  I chuckled to myself but was too tired to make it a full laugh. “We’ve only had the chance to go on one date so far, but it was really nice.”

  Trish reached out and squeezed my bicep. “If anyone in this town knows what it is like to be busy, it’s Jeff. He went from a single man in his mid-twenties to a single father o
f two with a middle-of-the-night phone call, and he never batted an eye. That man worked himself to the bone for years to provide a good home for the kids. The garage hasn’t always been what it is today. When his old man died, Jeff had inherited a pile of garbage, despite his best attempts to turn it around beforehand.”

  Jeff had told me about inheriting the car and what it meant to him. He’d told me that he’d always wanted to run the garage. He hadn’t told me that his dad hadn’t taken care of the business. I had been lucky enough to come into a very well-maintained office. The prospect of turning the clinic around while also raising kids would have been a nonstarter. “I can only imagine. Owning your own business is hard. I’m only just figuring that out.”

  Trish stopped at her car, her face etched with concern that hadn’t been there before. “Oh no, have the last few weeks been too much? Are you reconsidering?”

  Despite my bone-deep exhaustion, I still found the energy to laugh. “Oh god, no. This,” I gestured vaguely at the building, “has been insane the last ten days. I’m so damn ready for a day off. But honestly, even as tired as I am now, I’m happy. This is the first night in weeks I have spent away from my boys. I’ve been home to at least tuck them in at night and give them breakfast in the morning, or at least attempt to give them breakfast.” I was still ruining more than I was plating, but the margin was getting smaller. “That’s more time than I spent with them while I worked at the hospital. I used to work eighteen-hour shifts and I’d end up missing days of time with them.”

  “We like you here, Doctor.”

  “I like it here. I also like that a significant number of my patients aren’t on death’s door when they finally make it to me. The flu and strep throat is nothing compared to heart attacks, gunshot victims, and overdoses nightly.”

  Trish stifled her own yawn but forced words out. “I’m glad to hear that you like the town.” She unlocked her car and I waited for her to get in. I’d made it a point to walk the staff to their cars after I closed up, even though I walked. I felt better knowing they were safe. Not that I worried about muggings or robberies like I did in the hospital parking lot in Louisville, but accidents happened and I didn’t want one of them to be injured and alone. “I don’t think anyone else suspects anything is going on between you and Jeff, and I’m not going to tell anyone.”

  “Thank you, Trish. I’m not trying to hide that I’m with him, but it’s still so new. I want to make sure that it will all work out before I let my boys know. They seem to really enjoy spending time with him and have talked about him frequently these last few weeks. I don’t want to get their hopes up by telling them we’re seeing each other only to have it not work out.”

  Trish beamed at me. “Single mom here, Doctor. I respect that completely.”

  “Mark.” I was beginning to think it was useless to continue to correct her. “I appreciate your understanding in this.”

  We wished each other good night just as a cold blast of air whipped across the parking lot. I shivered and fought to button my coat with my gloved hands.

  I made it home mostly by muscle memory. I had to accept that I was too tired to make it to the grocery store that night, so while I walked my mind kept drifting toward what I had in the fridge or cupboards to make for a quick dinner. The mental ingredient list was interspersed with regret at not being able to see Jeff that night. Jeff had been more than understanding, but I wished I could muster the energy to talk with him about something more than being exhausted.

  Making the turn into my driveway, I was initially shocked to see someone stepping off my front porch. It was after seven, so there shouldn’t have been anyone there. Then I realized the large car in front of me looked familiar. I narrowed my eyes, too tired to think clearly, but I knew I should know the car. Then I saw the unruly hair and smiled. I’d know that head of hair anywhere. It made my heart flutter and my entire body sag with relief.

  After rescuing Jeff on the side of the road, I should have recognized Louie as soon as I saw him. Why Jeff was at my house when he knew I wasn’t home remained a mystery. He seemed surprised to see me ambling up the driveway. His eyes widened before he gave an awkward wave.

  My exhaustion was momentarily forgotten. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

  He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I was hoping I’d be here and gone before you got back. I know you need sleep and likely just want to decompress after the day, but I also thought you’d need something for dinner. I left a casserole dish on the porch.”

  I watched as Jeff opened his door and started to climb in. “Have a good—”

  “Stay?” I interrupted his thought before he could get it out. “Please? Have dinner with me.”

  Just seeing him standing there with a bashful smile and full of excuses had me wanting to pull him into a hug and not let go all night.

  “You sure? You’re so tired. I don’t want to get in the way of your sleep.”

  His sincerity was touching. “I’d like you to stay. If you want to. Just don’t expect me to be all that talkative.”

  Jeff looked relieved at my invitation. “No expectations of conversation. I’m good with watching a movie on the couch.”

  My shoulders relaxed, and a weight I hadn’t realized was there released. “Great.”

  As soon as we were in the house, Jeff shooed me toward my room and told me to get changed, even suggesting a shower as he reheated dinner for us. A shower sounded heavenly and I wanted it badly.

  By the time I shuffled back to the kitchen wearing only a pair of old flannel pants, Jeff had two dinner plates set at the island and filled with roasted chicken, green beans, and seasoned rice. My stomach let out a low rumble as soon as I smelled it.

  “Holy hell, that looks and smells amazing.” My mouth had already begun to water, and I was trying to figure out how quickly I could get the food into my stomach without looking like a heathen.

  He gestured to the plates. “Eat, before your stomach eats us both. Have you eaten anything today?”

  I thought back on my day. Had I eaten anything? I couldn’t remember if I’d had a break in patients long enough to eat. I’d had a break long enough to call Jeff, but I’d been so nervous, I hadn’t eaten anything while talking to him. I finally shook my head as I picked up my fork. “Can’t remember.”

  Jeff’s smile was fond, but he didn’t fuss at me, though I had a feeling he’d be lecturing me about taking better care of myself at some point in the near future. Just not tonight. I think he could tell I was far too exhausted to listen to a lecture about how much I ate or when.

  Either Jeff had missed his calling as a chef or I was so hungry that my overcooked scrambled eggs would have tasted like a five-star meal. I was fairly confident it was the former because the chicken practically melted in my mouth. “You made this?” I asked, mouth still full but not caring.

  Jeff nodded. “Just something small I thought I could whip together quickly. It’s easy to reheat, so it’s a perfect meal for when you don’t know exactly when you’re going to eat.”

  I moaned as I took another bite. “I think I love you.”

  Jeff snorted a laugh, making me replay what I’d just said. My face flushed and I ducked my head. “It’s okay. You can love my cooking.” Then he winked playfully at me.

  He cleaned the dishes up when we were done eating and slid them into the dishwasher. I was pretty sure it had been clean but still full when I’d left for work that morning. He’d been busy while I was showering and getting my pajamas on. “Go on to the living room. I’ve got a book in my car I can read or we can watch a movie. No pressure to do anything.”

  “Want to watch a movie?” Getting lost in a movie sounded better than conversation or reading.

  “Movie’s great.” He took a seat on the far side of the couch, leaving plenty of room for me to sit anywhere in the living room. I appreciated how thoughtful he was being at giving me space and time to relax at my own pace.

  Instead of overthinking my moves, I
took the seat next to him and pulled my legs up on the coffee table in front of us, then covered up with the throw blanket. The remotes landed in my lap, and I looked over to see Jeff giving me a crooked smile. “You choose.”

  Ten minutes later, we were settled on the couch. Jeff had gotten up to grab us each a beer out of the fridge, and when he sat back down, I found us a little closer than we’d been before. A few minutes later, I was leaning against his side as I nursed my beer, and his fingers ran up and down my arm.

  It felt normal. Like we’d been doing this our entire lives and like I could continue doing it for the rest of my life. What the hell was I thinking? We’d been on one date and my mind was jumping to forever. I shook my head in hopes of clearing the insane thought.

  “You okay?” Jeff’s voice from beside me had me scrambling to find an answer.

  “Just getting tired.”

  His laughter warmed me, but I didn’t know what was so funny. “You’ve been sleeping on and off for the better part of the last two hours, and you’re just realizing how tired you are?”

  I blinked the clock across the room into focus to find it was approaching eleven. Where the hell had the time gone? Then I looked at the two empty beer bottles on the coffee table and couldn’t even remember finishing my beer.

  Jeff gave me a little push. “Let’s get you to bed.”

  Too tired to form words, I nodded and forced myself to stand up. Jeff had already grabbed the bottles, and I heard them clink into the recycling bin in the kitchen. Making it to my room felt like an accomplishment. It took my hands a number of tries to hook onto the waistband of my pants and work them down. I left them in a heap beside my bed as I pulled the blankets down and collapsed.

  Jeff had stopped at the doorway to my room. “You good?”

  “Mmm.” Hopefully, he understood that I meant I was more than good.

  “Sleep well. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  Fog cleared from my brain. “Wait. What? You aren’t staying?” Then I remembered he had kids at home. “Sorry, stupid question. You need to get back to your kids and you have to work in the morning.”