Out of the Ashes

by S. M. Lynn

  Ian saw real estate development as a way to make his mark in the company and the world and it was a mark not left in the shadow of his father and his grandfather. I know that is really important to him. He loved both of those men dearly and misses them greatly but he wants to be his own man too. Listening to Ian talk about his family and his growing company leaves me to drift back to my own memories.

  Above all else I loved my father; he was the center of my universe. Daddy was truly a self made man; though by the time I was born, I never had to experience any of the struggles that he had when he was starting out. He started as a small rancher but knew that he wanted to expand and do something different. He bought his first retail store at 23 with the dream of owning a chain of high-end retail stores. For many years that’s where he focused all his attention and eventually made his dream a reality, which is why he had me a little later in life. After meeting my mother, when he was 40 though she was only 20, she finally convinced him to settle down. 1 year later they had me and I became his focus in this world. A truly doting father, I remember all the business trips he would take me on with him; I knew he had to work but he always made time for me. My last trip with him to New York was one that would stay with me forever.

  I was 18 and had just graduated from high school a few weeks earlier in June. So this was partially a graduation gift and partially a birthday present since my birthday was also in June. I would be starting college in the fall, though with the credits that I earned while still in high school, I would be finished in just over 3 years. Daddy wanted to spend a few days just the two of us before I jumped into that next chapter of my life.

  Daddy had to travel back east to meet with the stores’ ad agency. He was working on a new campaign with the new store that would be opening in LA in a few months. Being a boutique, this was a little different concept than his previous stores so he was nervous about the launch but he knew that Jacobs Enterprises was the perfect partner to get his new brand out.

  I waited in the lobby while my father met with Robert Jacobs. I enjoyed the time reading and listening to my iPod. After about an hour, Daddy and Robert came out of the conference room with another man to inform me it was time for lunch. I was immediately struck by this man. Finally Robert turned toward me, apologizing for not making proper introductions, and said, “This is my son, Ian. He has just finished his undergrad at Yale and is going to be joining the firm while working on his MBA.” I could feel the heat rise in my cheeks. I couldn’t help it; I had never seen such a beautiful man before. Ian’s eyes met mine and I could immediately feel the heat between us. He was supremely gorgeous and though I had just met him, I knew it would be very easy to fall for this man. Even at my young age, he kindled desires in me that I had not experienced before.

  Throughout lunch, Ian smiled politely and being at least a little closer to me in age, made some small talk. Mostly he talked while I listened. He talked about finishing school and asked me about my high school graduation. Then as if remembering himself, he told me about his fiancé, how they had just gotten engaged two months before and were planning a wedding for next spring. While I was saddened by that news and felt the flair of jealousy grow in the pit of my stomach, I knew that I would never forget that meeting.

  My memories only make me sadder. I’m not sure if it is a good thing or bad thing that he doesn’t remember me. I suppose it’s a good thing as then there would be a lot more explaining to do.

  ~

  As the trip to England approaches, Ian’s demeanor becomes tense and more distant. I can’t tell if he’s worried about the condition of the property or the time lines, as both of those have been his main concern on the project since he bought the property. I guess only seeing it first hand will help him gauge what he has really gotten himself into there. I try to brush it off hoping once we arrive and he begins with his development ideas, he will be more at ease. Plus there is the fact that this trip has been delayed several times over last couple of months so that can only be further contributing to his anxiety. But we are finally getting to leave tomorrow, and there are many details that need attending to. I think I have everything in place until Ian returns from his late afternoon meeting. “Celeste, I’m sorry to spring this on you at the last minute but I need the return portion of our tickets cancelled. I no longer know how long we will need to be there. It could be a month or more rather than the two weeks I had originally thought. With all the delays, well, I just can’t say how long we will be there.” Crap! A month or more. Shit!

  “Okay, Mr. Jacobs, Ian, I’ll get it taken care of right now. Is there anything else you need? Otherwise when that’s done I’m going to go home and let my roommate know and throw a few extra things in my suitcase.”

  “No, that should do it. I have the itinerary you left for me. Thank you for the directions to the airport. I’m sure Connor knows how to get there but thank you the same.” He teases me; this is the first playfulness I’ve seen from him in weeks.

  “Just trying to be thorough,” I grin as I pick up the phone to call the travel agency.

  Who knew cancelling the return on a ticket could be so time consuming? “The cost is not important; we just need to get the tickets changed tonight. Our flight is in the morning.” I finally tell the agent on the other end of the phone. “Just cancel the return.” I hear her typing for a few more minutes. “Okay,” she says, “I have it taken care of. I’m sending over the new papers now. You should have them in your email in the next few minutes.” I wait for my email to ping then print the revised pages, placing one copy in my bag and taking the other over to Ian. He’s so engrossed in the plans he’s looking at that I don’t think he even saw me put the new itinerary and ticket information on his papers. “Ian,” I regret that I have to pull him from his thoughts. “I left the new paperwork with your stack. I have copies of everything so if you forget something, don’t worry. Also I have your passport so don’t go looking for it. What time should I expect Connor in the morning? Our flight is at 10:00 a.m.”

  “Hmm, we’ll be there at 6:00 a.m. to pick you up. With traffic and check in, that should give us plenty of time.” I give him a smile and nod then start toward the elevator. “Celeste,” he calls to me as I am heading to the elevator, “I never told you that night at the gala but you looked incredible. I just wanted you to know.” With that he lowers his head back to the proposal in front of him. The elevator doors close on me with my mouth hanging open wondering where in the hell that came from.

  Chapter 10

  I know we vowed to be completely professional with each other and things have been going really well. But it seems for my heart things are going too well. There’s no longer any doubt about my feelings for this man. I can’t lie to myself anymore; I’ve seen below the beautiful exterior of him and as Connor predicted, I discovered a good man. A man that any woman would be proud to have. And so everyday has been a struggle against my heart and everyday I have felt the crack, which started the night of the gala, grow larger and larger with the knowledge that he doesn’t want me.

  I don’t know what to think. Why almost 3 months later would he choose to bring up the night of the gala? And why would he say I looked incredible that night? How could he even remember what I wore or looked like that night? With these thoughts scrambling my brain, I climb in the backseat of the Audi for Connor to drive me home. This was the custom since Ian felt more comfortable with me in his car rather than a cab with the late hours we were keeping. I think Connor suspects something is off since I don't try to chat him up as usual. I simply stare out the window trying to make sense of what Ian said to me. Even after arriving home, his words continue to ring in my head until finally I drift off, only to have him invade my dreams as well.

  My alarm goes off far too early pulling me from my dreams of all things Ian. This particular morning I truly don’t want to awaken to find it was all a dream. Since working with Ian, my nightmares have faded. No, they aren’t gone completely but they are no longer an every nig
ht occurrence. And then to make things better, or worse depending on your view, the nights I’m granted a reprieve are the nights that I spend with Ian in my dreams. I find I look forward to those nights. I am only torturing myself with visions that will never be but in them I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time.

  I finish putting my last bag by the door, feeling a little bad that Connor will most likely have to carry them down to the car. I then peek into Gavin’s room. He flings his arm over his eyes to shut out the light I let in. “What time is it?”

  “Almost 6:00 a.m. Just popping in to say goodbye.” I hadn’t expected this to be so hard but now that the trip is indefinite, I feel like I’m leaving a piece of myself behind. Gavin has been there through very difficult times for me. Those first few months in the city were particularly hard. I often had violent nightmares, waking up screaming and covered in sweat. Gavin would soothe me and stay with me until I went back to sleep. He only asked me once what the nightmares were about and when I shook my head not saying a word as I continued to sob, he just put his arms around me and held me. No questions asked. Like I said, Gavin always seems to know just what I need and when not to push. Eventually things got better, the nightmares stopped; well at least, the waking up screaming part stopped. Sometimes I still dream of him; I can see the looks on their faces, his face. I remember with perfect clarity the moment I knew there was only one thing left I could do. My dreams often held the fire, the burning car on the night that Lauren died. Through the fear, I can still smell the smoke and see the blood. A tear slips down my cheek partly from the thought of missing Gavin and partly from the thought of all that I’ve already left behind.

  You’re not running from Gavin, I remind myself, simply going away for work. Gavin was gone on shoots for weeks at a time and things were always okay. I can call, he can call and we can always email and text each other. It won’t be much different than the last few months have been except we’re on different sides of the ocean. Seeing my tears, Gavin calls me over to him. “Babe, there’s no reason for the tears. You’ll be fine; I’ll be fine. I hope you get some time for sight seeing and that the tyrant doesn’t keep you chained to your work all the time. Though since your work is him, I take it back; I totally hope he chains you to your work.” He says with a naughty wink. That gets me to smile, which is exactly what he intends. “I’ll call you whenever I can and even if you can’t answer, I’ll leave you a voicemail and I will text every day. Deal, darling?” I nod my head and vow to do the same just as the buzzer sounds. “Now don’t keep Mr. Hot Boss waiting. Run along.” I stand up and he swats me on the butt. With a little yelp, I go down the hall rubbing my sore behind. After I buzz in Ian and Connor, I check my room to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything. All the important documents are in my bag, I have my purse and I pretty much packed my entire wardrobe so yeah, I’d say I’m ready to go.

  Connor doesn’t complain at all as he carries my bags to the car; it takes him two trips though because he insists that I not carry any of them and there’s no way he could get all three at once. I expected some grumbling from Ian about the number of bags but even he’s surprisingly chipper this morning. Maybe this won’t be such a bad trip after all.

  Things go smoothly at the airport and soon Ian and I, with Connor lurking somewhere nearby, are seated in first class sipping our mimosas. “I could get used to this.” I say as I sip my drink.

  “Ms. Brooks, don’t think I will allow drinking at breakfast to become a habit at work.” He says with a wink.

  It seems hot and playful Ian is back in full force. “Oh, you really are a tyrant. Next thing I know you’ll be tying me to the desk and not allowing me to have any fun.”

  His eyes grow wide at my comment. Leaning over, voice barely above a whisper in my ear, “Celeste, I can think of lots of ways that having you tied up could be fun.” Then he straightens back up as if he said nothing. Molten heat shoots through my core; the dampness that I haven’t had to contend with for months is back between my legs; my thighs clench and I can feel my nipples pebble inside my bra. The friction of them against the lace and the lace against the silk of my shirt is almost unbearable. How am I going to sit through this whole flight with him? Now all I can think about is me spread out on his desk, hands bound and him in all his glory doing all kinds of nasty things to me. You’ve got to stop, I repeat to myself over and over. I’m so wet now; I’m sure he can smell my arousal. I keep pushing my thighs together hoping to stop the pulsing between them but it’s impossible. I look over at Ian, who’s facing forward, eyes closed but even from my angle, I can tell he’s grinning. He knows what he’s done and he is very pleased with himself.

  Well, there’s only one way this ache will get alleviated. So as soon as we reach cruising altitude, I excuse myself and head to the first class bathroom. An airplane bathroom isn’t ideal but it will do. I can’t handle the sensations building in my body any longer. I bring one hand to my hardened nipple; the other up my skirt moving my panties off to the side. Within mere moments I know it won’t take much more. Pictures of Ian’s hands on me, his mouth on me run through my head as I press my fingers inside. I bite down on my lip to stifle the noises coming from my mouth, though if anyone’s standing right outside the door, they will probably suspect something. But I don’t care; in that moment all of my fantasies with Ian are reality once again. Somewhere deep within me I know without a doubt that he is the man I will always crave. It’s Ian loving me, touching me, moving in me in my mind. As I build to the point of explosion, there’s a knock on the door. “Celeste, are you alright? You have been gone for a while and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” At the sound of his voice, everything in my body lets go and my orgasm propels out of me.

  Holy shit! Hoping it won’t sound like I’m in the middle of a glorious orgasm and knowing the words are exactly the right ones to say at the moment, I yell out to him. “Yes, Ian, I’m coming.” When my pussy finally stops tensing and my legs no longer feel like Jell-O, I straighten my clothes and hair and walk back to my seat. I’m slightly flushed from my bathroom escapades but, dammit, I’m a hell of a lot happier than when I left too.

  “Everything okay? I was getting worried.”

  The look on his face doesn’t say he’s worried in the slightest. The look says I know exactly how hot I made you and I know exactly what you did in that bathroom. Shit, he probably even knows exactly what I was doing when I yelled out to him. Smug bastard! The grin on his face is unbearable to look at so I lay my seat back and roll my head away from him. I’m mortified and not sure I can face him. But when I close my eyes he’s right there again.

  ~

  “Celeste,” a gentle rubbing pulls me from my sleep. “Celeste, ah there are those eyes.” Ian’s peering down at me. “Hey, we’re about to land. They need your seat put up and seat belt put back on.” His tone is so soothing and gentle. My earlier indiscretion forgotten, at least in my mind. I sit up, right my seat and belt myself in for the landing.

  Connor collects the luggage and waits for us by the car when we walk out of the airport. But this isn’t just any car; before me is a white Range Rover Evoque. A shudder ripples through me as I think about the last time I saw one of these, the night that Lauren died. “So was everything alright? You never did answer me. Just laid down and went to sleep like you were exhausted or something.” His smug grin is back. “Shit, you slept the whole flight you have got to be starving. I will have Connor take us for some, what time is it? I guess we’ll call it a late dinner.”

  “Thank you, Ian.” And that’s all I said; I felt that answered all of his questions.

  Instead of going to dinner, we check into the hotel and order some room service. Ian booked us into the most spectacular suite. Two bedrooms, of course. But the place is huge. Full living room, full dining room, a prep kitchen and 3 bathrooms. When dinner arrives, I sign the ticket and arrange it on the table. Ian decided he needed a shower while we waited for the food. After my activities on the plan
e, I probably should have done the same but I decided just to wait for the food. Just as I’m laying out the last plate, he steps out of his bedroom. Ah shit, I’m in trouble. Look away, look away. I yell at myself; willing my eyes to do anything except stare but it’s no use. He stands there in the doorway oblivious to my stare; jeans hanging low on his hips, no shirt. All hard muscles, tight abs and jeans that are so low I can even see some of his well-defined V as it dips below the waistline. To top it off, he is in the middle of towel drying his inky hair and I watch as several drops sprinkle onto the carpet. “Hey, did room service get here?” He asks mid rub, peering up at me from under the towel. I know exactly what look is on my face when he finally catches me staring but there’s no way to prevent it. Sex on legs, remember? My mouth hangs open; my fingers wrap into my skirt and hold on for dear life, my eyes glaze over in lust. I’m sure he can see just how hard my nipples are through the lace bra and material of my shirt. Maybe a shower is just what I need; I can take care of this little problem that seems to becoming up every time I see him.

  His grin spreads across his face. I can’t handle any of his smiles in the state I’m in. My legs are already very unsteady; maybe I should sit down. Yes, sit down, eat and then go take care of this. Yes, that’s what I need to do. Ian saunters over to the table; no, he doesn’t walk. He knows exactly what he’s doing once again and so he makes his gait purposefully slow using those hips in all the right ways. He glides like his feet aren’t even touching the carpet. Oh god! I feel my knees begin to quiver and a familiar heat creep through my body as I watch him. Thank god I’m sitting down.

  “Mmm.” He leans in close to me, “this smells absolutely delicious.”