Out of the Ashes

by S. M. Lynn

  “It better be me,” he growls.

  “Who else would it be?”

  His face softens. “But the boots are really hot.”

  I lean up and run my tongue along his ear. “I’ll put them back on after I strip down and you can make love to me while I wear them.”

  He growls again. “Okay, stop it or I’m not going to be able to take you to this concert.”

  Just to push him a little further, “There are plenty of dark corners at concerts like this; maybe I should change into a skirt.” I run my hands over the bulge in the front of his jeans.

  “Abso-fucking-lutely going to kill me.” And he walks away. I leave the jeans figuring if things get a little heated later we can always find a room backstage.

  On the drive to Chula Vista, Ian is surprisingly quiet. “Is everything okay?” He gives me a small smile, not the panty-dropping one and though I know something is up, he says nothing. “Okay, now you have to tell me what’s going on?”

  “What if you like him?” He says it so quietly that I’m almost not sure I heard him right. He runs his hands through his hair. Is he really afraid that… No, he couldn’t be.

  “Ian, did you just ask me what would happen if I like Adam? Are you being serious with me right now?” When he doesn’t say anything, I realize this is really bothering him. “Okay since you’re not talking to me, I guess I’ll do it all. I like Adam; think he’s pretty hot actually and I love their music but that’s it. Even if he was interested which isn’t something you would ever have to be worried about, seriously,” I gesture to myself, “I’m with you and only want to be with you. I’m not Rebecca and would never treat you like that. You’re far too special to me. I love you. Nothing will change that or make me want anything else, ever.” I wrap my arms around his neck and bring his lips to mine. But before we get too carried away, the car pulls up to the Street Train Amphitheatre.

  Ian’s mood lightens considerably with my confession on the drive over. I pretty much forget about his concern when I see our seats. “Oh my god, you didn’t tell me they were front row seats. These are impossible to get.”

  He shrugs, “I happen to know one of the band members.” Holy shit! Now my eyes are bugging out of my head. How is it he always manages to shock me? The concert starts and I get lost in the music. I dance close to Ian, pressing and rubbing my body over his. Best night ever! “If you don’t stop I’m taking you out to the limo.” He whispers harshly into my ear, grasping my hips and pulling me sharply into his groin. The show starts to wind down and I don’t want to waste the backstage passes but oh hell, why do all these decisions have to be so difficult?

  “Ian,” I lean into his chest cupping his ass. “I want you inside me.” He pulls me toward a curtained off area and flashes our passes. I still hear the music as he leads me down the hallway to a small room that must be someone’s office.

  Like lightning, he strips me out of the boots and my jeans and pins me to the door. In the distance, Adam sings about needing to love somebody. Ian runs his hand between my thighs.

  “Always so eager for me, love.” He drops his mouth to mine for a scorching kiss.

  “Isn’t it you who always says I’m fucking insatiable?” I plunge my tongue into his mouth and he lifts me off the floor.

  “Hold on.” He grips under my ass. “I fucking love this ass. I can’t wait to tear into it.” He must sense my panic. “Not tonight, sweetheart. Well, not right here anyway.” Then he thrust his cock inside me.

  “Ah god. Yes, that’s so good.” He’s pounding me against the door and I’m sure the people in the hallway know exactly what’s going on but fuck, this is wonderful. He pounds into me harder and faster.

  “I want to hear you scream when you come.” His words push me over the edge and I clench around him spurring on his own orgasm. He pumps into me until the last of his seed fills me up.

  He sets my legs down and once they are steady enough, he releases my waist to find some tissues so I can clean up a little. After I’m slightly more presentable, we make our way down to the dressing room. There are already several people in there talking and having drinks. As we walk in, holy shit! I’m face to face with Adam Levine. Now I get an up close and personal look at why he was named sexiest man alive. I think I might need to change my panties again. I have no words, completely dumbstruck as Adam comes over to greet Ian. “Ian, glad you could make it. I hope you enjoyed the show.” What the hell? Adam is the band member that Ian knows. How did he fail to mention this before?

  I shoot him a disapproving look and he just shrugs and gives me a small smile that says don’t be mad at me. “Oh, I especially enjoyed the last few songs and the encore.” He glances at me and I flush from head to toe.

  “Grab a drink, sit down.” Adam gives me a small hug not lingering too long. If looks could kill, poor Adam would be dead and Ian would have a very, very angry girlfriend on his hands. A low growl comes from Ian’s throat. Is he really having a pissing contest with Adam fucking Levine?

  Adam gives me a wink and turns to Ian, “Don’t worry man. Don’t you know that I only date models?” Then he turns and directs us to where the food and drinks are set up. I place my hand on Ian’s arm to help calm him but he wants to punch something or more precisely someone right now.

  “You just made me scream and it’ll be you making me scream later. Stop worrying. This is a dream come true for me but you’re better than the dream.” I whisper in his ear.

  “Love, have I ever told you how happy you make me?” He gives me a long lingering kiss, which I’m sure is as much for my benefit as everyone else in the room. We sit and talk with the band for a while and I’m surprised at how down to earth they are. Not at all arrogant like I thought rock stars would be.

  “Ian, that was… you are…” I can’t stifle the yawn anymore. “I love you.” I fall asleep on his chest dreaming not surprisingly of office doors and startling blue eyes. A while later I have a feeling of being lifted; I open my eyes and Ian’s carrying me through the hotel lobby garnering stares from the front desk and several patrons. But he just smiles.

  He gently lays me in the bed and strips me down before stripping himself then climbs in with me. When I feel his erection press against me, I am suddenly wide-awake. “Mr. Jacobs, have I ever told you that you are the best boss ever?”

  “Ms. Brooks, are you flirting with me?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Don’t you have a boyfriend?”

  “Oh yes, and he would be very jealous if he knew what you were pressing against me right now.”

  “I don’t know if I like this business about you having a boyfriend, Ms. Brooks; I think it might be a distraction from your job.”

  “But Mr. Jacobs, I love him. And right now I need do something for him.” I slip out of bed and grab the boots as I make my way to bathroom.

  I wash my face and clean up before I slip them on. The leather feels cold and smooth against my sensitive skin. The bedroom is dark so I open the bathroom and let the light flood in from behind me. The boots work everything just right making my legs look longer and lifting my ass. “Fucking hell, woman. I thought you were tired.” I don’t move and just shake my head at him. He is gloriously naked when he gets out of bed and walks over to me. He picks me up; my most sensitive parts pressed tightly to him, walking us back until my back is against the wall. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he uses his fingers to make sure I’m ready for him. I don’t think there will ever be a time when I’m not ready for him. “Angel, you make me so happy.” He leans down to my ear. “And I really, really like these boots.” He sinks himself slowly into me, pressing my back to the wall. I grasp tightly onto his neck. He walks me to the bed never breaking our connection and lays us down. He’s on his knees between my thighs and he pushes my legs up so he’s holding on the bottom of the boots while quickens his rhythm. The feeling is overwhelming.

  “Ian, I… I’m going to come.” He gets a better grip on the boots pushing my knees up to
my shoulders and rides me harder. Thank god for yoga. I throw my head back and my back bows off the bed. “God, oh, yes, yes, Ian.” I come screaming his name, his cock pulsing inside me as he finds his release. We lay there, joined, holding each other. He caresses my back, running his hands up and down my spine, making me tingle everywhere. I rub down his chest and around to hold his firm ass. I feel him twitch inside me. Yes, again, please.

  “Celeste, sweetheart, in the future I must ask that you remember that I’m an old man and require rest sometimes. But since we are already here…” His mouth is on mine and he slowly makes love to me until we are both spent again and finally fall asleep.

  The following morning brings with it apprehension and a strong dose of fear. If it weren’t for Ian’s surprise I would’ve tried to get out of the trip. Now that we’re here there’s no going back and this will be the ultimate test of the lies I’ve built my life on.

  The main reason we’re in San Diego is to meet with an advertising client. Ian doesn’t normally deal with the advertising side of the business but the former CEO of Ark Holdings, the company we’re meeting with, and Ian’s father were very close so he has a special connection to this account. I do my best to not let my fear show. I know the individuals that run Ark Holdings. And thanks to Lauren, I have far more knowledge about their connection to Jacobs’ Enterprises than Ian could ever guess. I’ve held out hope that since this is an ad meeting we’ll be meeting with marketing department and I can avoid the demons that chase me.

  As I climb into the elevator to prepare for the meeting, I discover that my demons are no longer chasing me; they are very much in the middle of my reality. The elevator stops a few floors from where I need to be and a woman gets on. She’s impeccably dressed, in her pale gray Chanel suit and Prada pumps. Her chestnut hair hangs down her back. Her figure perfect as it always has been. She is too busy with her phone to notice me but I would know Natasha Carmichael anywhere. As discretely as possible I study her while she responds to her messages. The past three years have done nothing to change her. Her dark hair hangs sleek and straight down her back. I can’t see her eyes but I know they are clear, green and wrinkle free despite her age. Natasha was always the epitome of perfection and time has done nothing to change that.

  The elevator stops at my floor and I quickly brush by her, adjusting my materials in hopes that I will go unnoticed. If she recognizes me, she doesn’t make a sound but somehow I doubt she even saw me. I do my best to get everything set up for the meeting but my hands are shaking uncontrollably and my heart feels like it’s going to slam out my chest.

  When Ian arrives, I try to discreetly pump him for some information on the meeting. At this point, there is no way I can sit in a conference room with her; more like there is no way she will let me sit in a conference room with her. I need to find a way to get out of this meeting or everything will be over and my new life will crumble. “I think this is everything. Are all the materials in order?”

  “Celeste,” he drops a kiss into my hair, “you always do a perfect job.”

  “So you know these clients well?”

  “Not really, just feel like I owe them the personal attention since their founder and my father were so close.”

  “So they’re in retail?”

  “Ark Holdings? Yes, they have some high-end retail stores and have been trying to make headway in the coast’s trendier boutique market for the last few years. That is what this campaign will focus on. Are you familiar with their stores?”

  “Some, I’ve been to a couple.” I shrug it off. My heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest. “So who is the meeting with?”

  “This is a high level meeting with the acting CEO, Dean Marcus, and the widow of the former CEO, Natasha Carmichael, along with their director of marketing.”

  “Fuck,” I mutter and hope Ian didn’t hear me. If Dean’s here, there’s far more to consider than just being found. Not only will he not let me leave, if he let’s me live, he will delight in torturing and tormenting me for the rest of my life. After everything that happened with Lauren, I can’t face him. Just thinking about him, knots form in my stomach and it’s all I can do to keep my lunch down. I haven’t known fear like this since Lauren was killed. I hoped that with her death I would be free from it but apparently not all skeletons stay buried. “Ian,” my fear is evident in the pallor of my face and I hope Ian will buy my excuse, “I’m really not feeling very well. I know how important this meeting is for you but is there any way I could excuse myself?”

  He looks up at me. “Angel, is everything all right? You are looking very pale all of a sudden. Maybe you should go back and lie down. I have everything I need here and I can take any notes that are needed. Just rest.”

  “Yeah, if you really don’t mind?”

  Ian wraps his arms around me and presses his lips to my hair in a light kiss. “Really, this meeting is very informal. Rest.” I try not to let him see how badly my hands are shaking. I glance at my watch seeing that there are only 5 minutes until the meeting is scheduled to start and I don’t want to risk running into them so I quickly head for the elevator, feeling my stomach roll at the thought of seeing him. Natasha might not care if I ever come back but Dean will drag me back by my hair for what I did. I step into the car just as the one next to me opens. And there he is. His back is to me so he didn’t see me. But I saw him. His muscles straining under his suit as he delicately put his hand on the small of Natasha’s back and ushers her through the door. The bile rises in my throat and I do my best to push it down. He shouldn’t have this effect on me but this man is the very definition of terror. And that’s precisely what he strikes into my heart at just the sight of him. Just as the doors close, I feel my stomach heave again and I struggle to keep the contents down.

  As soon as I get to the suite, I run for the bathroom and then I really am sick. Soon dry heaves plague my body. After lying over the toilet for several minutes, hours, I don’t know, an eerie sound fills the room. Hysterical laughter mixed with a heavy dose of terror. It’s only look into the mirror that I realize the sound is coming from me.

  When Ian comes back up to the room, I’m still on the bathroom floor curled around the toilet. I try to smile at him but it’s weak. I can’t get the picture of the two of them stepping off the elevator out of my mind. If he turned around, if she’d recognized me earlier, my life would be drastically altered. With that thought, I lean over and am promptly sick again. “Celeste,” his voice is filled with concern. “Are you alright?” He looks down at me. “Stupid question. Of course, you aren’t alright. Is there anything I can get you?”

  “Ian, please just go order some dinner. I really don’t want you watching me like this. I’m really not much to look at right now.”

  “Love, I’m going to take care of you for the rest of your life so you had better just get used to my seeing you in, um, compromising positions.” His smile radiates over my body and I know he’s trying to make me feel better but unfortunately, the only way I’ll ever feel better is to have my past completely removed from my life.

  We’re supposed to leave the next day to go back to New York but my nerves take control of my body and I’m constantly battling waves of nausea. Ian wants to stay another couple of days so I can have some time to rest and feel better. But I tell him it’s fine for us to go home. I’ve never been so glad to board a plane in my life.

  Chapter 24

  I’m still sick for several days when we return to New York. I can’t make my mind understand that they didn’t see me; that they aren’t here and are no longer a threat. I’m pale and becoming severely dehydrated. On top of it all, exhaustion has taken control because the nightmares make it impossible to sleep. They have been present every night since I watched them walk off that elevator. Ian’s suffering just as much as I am since he’s not getting any sleep either. When I realized that sleep would be impossible on that first night back, I tried to go to the spare bedroom but Ian wouldn’t allow it.
He wanted to make sure he was there if I needed anything and that included helping me calm down after my nightmares along with holding my hair back. For the rest of the week and well into the next, I spend most of my time in bed, not really getting to enjoy my new home with Ian.

  I’m not sure that this is what he envisaged when he asked me to move in with him. Ian works from his office at the house while I battle my nightmares. He’s definitely worried and watches me like a hawk. By Tuesday, he says if I’m not feeling better in the morning and at least able to keep down basic liquids, he’s taking me to the doctor. Figuring I can’t hide in our bed forever, especially from people that aren’t even here, I try to enter the world of the living again.

  Wednesday my body finally stops rejecting everything I put in it. I’m even able to keep down a little food. My color isn’t much improved and my strength is non-existent. It will be a few days before I’m 100% again but this is a good start.

  Ian and I finally make it into the office on Thursday. I call Gavin to see if he wants to meet for lunch since I haven’t seen him in a while. We make plans to meet at the deli around the corner. Ian can’t get away but asked if I’ll bring him back a sandwich.

  At lunch, I tell Gavin about what happened in San Diego and about how it literally made me sick. He asks if I’ve told Ian what’s really going on but there’s no way I can yet. “I know I need to and I will. I just need the right time. I just need to know that we can make it through that before I drop it all on him.”

  “Celeste, there’ll never be a perfect time to tell him and, this is your life so ultimately it’s your decision, but the longer you wait the harder it’s going to be for both of you. The only way to know if you’re going to make it through this together is to just tell him. I’m here for you no matter what.” Gavin shakes his head and I know he thinks keeping this from Ian is a bad idea. But I’m just not ready yet.