Violet’s Bucket List

by Embers, Tuesday

  Caty smoothed the few hairs that had come loose from my ponytail away from my face. “Then we’ll make a plan right now. How much is in your savings? Like, what kind of window do we have, here?”

  I rattled off a number that made Caty’s eyes widen. “What the crap, V? Why are you always worried about money? You didn’t need any of that overtime.”

  I spoke before I could filter myself. “I have to save, because what if Brady’s cancer comes back? I was barely able to support us last time. I need a bigger cushion, so I’ve been preparing for it, just in case.”

  Caty froze. “Um, do you know something I don’t?”

  I shook my head. “No, he’s fine. It’s for my own peace of mind. You know, if you have a rainy-day fund, it never rains?”

  “What about your student loans?”

  “Paid off last month. I didn’t want to tell Brady, because his are more than mine were, and I wanted to celebrate together.”

  “That’s sweet.” Caty made a show of breathing deeply when I started to panic again. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s more than alright. Do you think we can get one of your coworkers to write you a character reference? I can get started beefing up your resume tomorrow. We’ll send that puppy out only to the places you really want to work, and you’ll have a new job by the end of the week.”

  I shook my head. “I hate leaning on you when you’re already going through too much.”

  Caty moved my forehead to her shoulder as we sat in our stools at the kitchen counter facing each other. She soothed the ache in my chest by rubbing slow circles into my back. “Hey, you lean on me as often as you need. I’m actually doing okay with the whole Dennis thing. Better than okay. The evil revenge plot helped, I think. See? You fix me, I fix you. Finally, I get a turn.” She paused to giggle, her shoulders vibrating with the guilty glee of a schoolgirl. “I dropped off Mr. Li’s special meal for Dennis, and he’s been on the can all day. He’s scheduled a colonoscopy because he’s so worried about his leaking butthole. The whole house smells like a fart, plus rotting fish from the attic fan trick you pulled.” She giggled. “So much for hump day. Remind me to get Mr. Li a big old Christmas present this year.” Caty was gentle with me while I rested my head on her dainty frame. When she pulled back, she gripped my shoulders, and stared into my eyes with a blazing look of determination. “Since it’s my turn this week to take care of you for a change, I get to be in charge. First things first, get out of these scrubs and put on a dress. We’re going out tonight.”

  I groaned and pulled back. “I can’t imagine something I’d want to do less right now.”

  Caty was firm. “We’re going to Eli’s club, and we’re going to look amazing. We’ll dance, have drinks, and forget the bad parts about today.” Before I could argue, Caty held up her hand to stop me. “While you’re getting dressed, you’re going to tell me everything I need to know so I can redo your resume. See that? You’ve already got a plan. While you’re at work tomorrow, biding your time because you’re a nice person who didn’t leave Keith’s loser butt high and dry, I’ll start looking around at what’s right for you on my lunch break. I’ll submit your resume to the best of the best rehabilitation facilities. You won’t even have to go through that process. I’ll fill out the online applications and do whatever needs to be done. All you’ll have to do is interview for the jobs, once I find them for you.”

  I shook my head. “You know I can’t let you do that. You’ve got a life, too.”

  Caty glanced around the apartment. “What life exactly do you think I have right now? My kids are painting clay pots for the rest of the week, Brady’s on his home-daily schedule now, and Eli sleeps all day. I’m going bored out of my mind, and I’m almost done with those French lessons. Really, you’re saving me. Please let me do this.”

  Caty was stubborn when she put her mind to something. Before I knew it, I was being shooed into my bedroom. I flipped through my closet, though I already knew what was in there. I owned exactly two shirts, and they hadn’t been worn in ages. I had a navy cotton skirt that fell to mid-calf, and a lavender one that was shorter. Caty had bought the skimpy thing for me years ago. I’d never actually worn it in public, though. I opted for the longer navy skirt, and threw on a red cardigan over a t-shirt, wondering when it was that I’d lost my desire in life to doll myself up. Eli had only seen me in either scrubs, pajamas or jeans.

  When I came out, Caty did her best to temper her frown. “Perhaps I need to be more specific. I’m picking out your clothes, because we’re going to a club. Not the 700 Club, the club where Eli works. You can show off your hot body for your boyfriend and dance with me.”

  “I’m too old for clubs,” I admitted. “We haven’t gone dancing in ages.”

  Caty marched to my closet and ripped out the short, sparkly lavender skirt she’d bought me so long ago. She threw it on the bed with a V-neck fitted t-shirt that I rarely wore because it showed two whole inches of cleavage. “Change and be ready to go in fifteen. We’re making a pitstop. I texted Brady, and he’s meeting us at the club.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. “That outfit’s too slutty on me. I’m not you, Caty. I look like a hooker in revealing clothing. You look classy and cute in stuff like that. My body’s different.”

  “I wouldn’t know because I haven’t seen your shape in a hundred years. You’re a woman, Vi. Embrace it for one night.”

  “I don’t need to be slutty; I need to get away or something.”

  Caty blinked at me a few times, and then went over to her closet to fish me out a pair of shoes. “Hmm. That’s actually not a bad idea. Get dressed, babe. I’ve got a couple things to take care of before we go.” Then she left me to stare down the miniskirt that taunted me, telling me I had fat thighs, and I would soon be unemployed.

  29

  The Fat One

  Caty was all smiles when she cut straight to the front of the line, clutching my hand and giving the rest of the partiers in line a “screw you, we’re awesome” smirk with swing of her slim hips. She kept me behind her for the big reveal. “Hello, Ireland. I brought my hot friend tonight. Want to meet her?”

  Eli smirked. “No one’s sexier than my Mouse. Where’s she hiding?”

  I stepped out from behind Caty, embarrassed at the whistle he let loose. “Ye cut off your long hair!”

  I chewed on my lower lip, unsure if that was a compliment or an accusation. “Number 57 on the bucket list. I wanted to donate my hair to a company that makes wigs for cancer patients. They took off twelve inches.”

  “I can see tha. Turn around. Let me get a look at ye.” He narrowed his eyes at the line of people who were frustrated they had to wait. “Hold onto your panties. Can’t ye see I’ve got the hottest woman alive batting her lashes at me?”

  I flushed at the public compliment, grateful for the polite kiss he blessed my lips with. “You like it?” In truth, it wasn’t crazy short. Caty had taken me to a salon after my meltdown, and the stylist whipped me up with an A-line bob. It was shorter in the back, hanging to the middle of the nape of my neck, but it arced down to my shoulders in the front. I was shocked at how carefree and sexy the cut looked. I’d never thought much about my hair, except for the usual get-out-of-my-face annoyances. Now I was a woman with a hairstyle, not just hair. It was the boost I’d needed to start my new path without McCale’s Rehab Clinic dictating my every waking hour.

  Eli ran his fingertips across the edge, drinking me in with hunger he didn’t bother to suppress for the viewers. “I love it. Tell me my shift’s almost over. I want ye so badly, Mouse. Did ye come up here just to tease me, and drive me mad?”

  “Maybe.” A coy smile curved my lips. It felt like I was the shy schoolgirl getting asked out by the captain of the football team (which, incidentally, had never happened to me). “Number 57 on the bucket list, done.”

  “Finally, something ye put on the list. I’m proud of ye, Violet.”

  I blinked up at him, not realizing how much I’d needed someone
to say those words to me until they tumbled out of his perfect mouth. “Really?”

  “Always. Ye have a plan, and you’re chasing it. A woman with a plan is dead sexy.”

  I love everything about this man, I thought, gazing up at him with pure rapture.

  “Got any room in the club for two lonely girls?” Caty cast him a bright smile, no doubt loving that she had an in here. She was wearing a pink, tight mini-dress that didn’t bother sending mixed messages. Girlfriend was there to be stared at from all angles.

  “Lonely, eh? Go on in, Caty. I’m sure ye can find a lad or two to take the edge off.” Eli’s eyes met mine, and then fell to my outfit. Caty hadn’t been able to argue me out of wearing a blue cardigan over the form-fitting top. Though it didn’t cover my cleavage, it kept the more dramatic curves of my body off the radar. I also hadn’t been able to handle the heels in such a short skirt, so I was wearing slip-on pink tennis shoes. Not exactly Manolos, but whatever. At least this way, I was less likely to trip over my own two feet. Eli’s gaze combed over my thighs with obvious lust that gave me my first genuine smile all day. “Ye look lovely, Mouse. Don’t go trading me in while you’re out on the dance floor.”

  “Never,” I promised, leaning up to give him another light kiss before he let us in the door.

  Going to a club for the first time in ages was a little like riding a bike – that is, if the bike had strobe lights, four hundred people, glow sticks, bubbles and silver glitter floating from the ceiling on the dance floor. The music was so loud, you could barely understand the words. For a while, we were all one heartbeat, moving in and out with perfect synchronicity. Our pain, our joy, our aspirations and defeats were one song, and we felt it all as one organism that only responded to a heavy bass.

  It wasn’t so loud at the bar, which was where Caty and I ended up after half an hour of attempting to dance our cares away. Turns out? That only works in your twenties. After that, you need something more for the harder-to-expunge cares, and Caty knew just the thing. “Two Long Islands,” she requested, her fingers in the air to catch the bartender’s attention. We leaned against the polished wooden bar, our elbows in something sticky as we tried to catch our breaths.

  “Whoa. You know I can’t drink that. I can barely finish a beer.”

  “Then don’t finish it,” she replied simply. “But you’ve had a hard day, which is as good a time as any to take the edge off. Drinks are on Dennis. Come to think of it, if you’re hungry, food’s on Dennis too. Want a new car? A second cardigan?” She waggled her eyebrows at me.

  I sniggered, took the hint and slid the sweater off my shoulders. It was hot on the dance floor with that many people all looking for a better Friday night than normal life had planned. When the bartender brought us our drinks, I took three sips, and decided I was probably done. My mother would rise from the dead just to cry if I ever got drunk, especially in public.

  “Brady’s finding a parking spot,” Caty informed me, holding up her phone to show me a text from him.

  The bartender whose nametag read “Nathanial” made his way over to us again, and I wondered if perhaps Caty was going to order fried pickles – her bar favorite. When the brunette with a beard and hipster glasses set a shot down in front of me, I blinked up at him in confusion. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I ordered this.”

  Nathanial jerked his head to the man sitting two seats over from us. “From the gentleman who wants to get into your pants over there.”

  My eyes widened in shock. This sort of thing never happened to me. It could be because I traveled with mini-dress Barbie everywhere I went, or it could be because of my stellar cardigans. What can I say? Some ladies just know how to rock a good cardigan. “Oh, um, thank you.” I leaned forward to get a good look at him and thank the stranger, touched that someone thought I was lovely on a pretty crummy day. Of all the times I’d wished to be the mysterious beauty at the bar who men sent drinks to, this was the perfect night to be chosen among the elite.

  Caty waved to Brady, who’d just come in through the door, flagging him down so he could join us. He slapped both our hands and ordered himself a beer, standing between us. “Whoa! Caty, who’s your hot friend?”

  “I know, right?” Caty grinned appreciatively, reveling in every compliment I received.

  I beamed at Brady for the sweet words I’d needed to hear, unsure as I was. “Thanks, B.”

  “She texted me pictures, but in person, I barely recognized you. Hair looks awesome.”

  “Thanks.” I chose to dismiss my inner self-doubt and believe him.

  Brady shook his head at us. “I can’t believe you two crossed off an item without me and Eli.”

  Caty shot him a withering look. “Hello, did you really want to wait around in a women’s salon all afternoon?”

  “Fair point. Looks like you’ve got yourself an admirer, V,” Brady teased, tapping the lip of my shot glass. “You should send him an olive or something.”

  The mystery man at the bar had his blue dress shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, his rust-colored cowlick sticking up from dancing, and a grimace on his face in response to my polite smile. He leaned over the bar and shook his head, shouting over the music too loudly, “Nah, man. I didn’t want the fat one. The blonde.”

  Brady stopped short, his hands in the air and shock on his face. “Ho! Did he just say what I think he did?”

  It was like being offered flowers, and then getting bashed over the head by them in the same breath. I don’t know why I let that sting me, but the gut-punch made my eyes mist over as my chin lowered in complete and utter mortification. I slid the shot over to Caty, who was livid enough to spit nails. “Just not my day, I guess.”

  Nathanial offered up an apologetic look, and poured me a shot of who knows what for the faux-pas. “Here, sweetie. On me. Don’t listen to that guy. What’s your name?”

  I wanted to answer the clearly kind bartender. He was a decent enough human being to have pity on a stranger, but I knew if I opened my mouth, a pathetic, childish sob might tumble out. Instead I worked up a smile and shook my head before lowering my chin again.

  Caty was on her feet with the shot in her hand. “What did you just say about my best friend? Did you just call her fat? Do you have a death wish?” She took the shot and poured it over his crotch, making him look like he’d wet himself, because well, that’s my girl. She was much like me in that she had a hard time standing up for herself, but would punch through walls if something hurt her friends. She still wasn’t ready to confront Dennis, but dude at the bar was getting a swift reckoning. Brady was right behind her. He picked the indignant guy up by his collar and marched him toward the exit, stopping by Eli on the way out.

  As grateful as I was for the Dynamic Duo handling things when I was down for the count, frozen in my shame, I very much wished I could just melt into the floor. I couldn’t process Caty’s pep talk, deciding I’d rather spend my attention on my drink instead. The Long Island iced tea was smooth, without the vicious bite of alcohol. It almost tasted like a normal iced tea, which part of me knew was the danger. If I had an hour or more, I could finish a whole beer, but usually I gave up halfway through because I didn’t want to risk the loss of control, in case Brady or Caty needed me for something. Plus, I was a lightweight, for sure. Tonight, I didn’t care. I got through half of my drink and my shot before Brady came back, this time with Eli by his side. “He won’t be coming back in,” Brady assured me.

  Eli, whom I wished hadn’t been involved, stared at me with pity, which is pretty much how every girl dreams of being seen by the guy she has a crush on. Now Eli knew I was fat; the guy at the bar had yelled it loud enough. “Are ye alright, Mouse?”

  I nodded, but kept my eyes on my drink, staring it down and willing it to keep me from dissolving into a puddle. “It’s fine. It’s no big deal. I’ve got my mother’s hips, thighs and chest, and I won’t apologize for that. I won’t feel bad for looking like her; she was beautiful.”

  Ca
ty and Brady both nodded so quickly, they looked like bobblehead dolls. Caty was adamant. “That’s absolutely right. Every girl in here would kill for your double D’s. That guy was drunk, and very, very stupid.”

  I kept my eyes on my glass. “It’s fine. No guy’s ever sent me a drink at a bar before. I thought it would feel cooler than that, is all.”

  Caty and Brady’s chimes of “You are cool!” and “You’re the hottest girl in here!” were sweet, but the night was officially a bust. To make matters worse, the drink was hitting me faster and harder than I’d been anticipating. It had been so long since I’d indulged in hard liquor. “I’m fine, guys. I’d really just rather forget about it.” I gripped the ledge of the bar to keep the room from tilting like a cheap carnival ride.

  I finished off my drink when Caty told the guys about me quitting my job. I didn’t want to be conscious for that conversation. “Ye really quit on tha bastard? Good for ye, Mouse. Tha’s grand! You’ll find a better place tha’ll snatch ye up in no time.”

  I tried to nod, but my head started to feel like it was floating. Brady caught sight of my lidded eyes and sniffed my glass. He swore loudly. “Did you know this isn’t a virgin? Did you know there’s liquor in here?” His tone sharpened at Caty, who shrank. “What were you thinking, letting her drink this much? You know she can’t handle it.” He shook his head at me. “Come on, cowgirl. The only place you’re partying tonight is at home.”

  Before I knew it, I was scooped up in Eli’s arms, floating through the sea of partiers without a care in the world.

  30

  Buenos Noches, Papi

  I didn’t want to wake up when Eli climbed into bed with me; I was too ashamed to face him. After he’d carried me to Brady’s car, he finished off his shift, and then came right home. “Time to rouse, sweetheart.”