Lover Eternal tbdb-2

by J. R. Ward

  Rhage's mouth fit over hers again briefly. "I just want to lie down next to you. Okay?"

  Literal translation… right. Except as she stared at him, she couldn't ignore the differences between them. She was breathless. He was calm. She was dizzy. He was clearsighted.

  She was hot. He was… not.

  Abruptly Rhage sat back against the wall and pulled the blanket that hung off the couch into his lap. She wondered for a split second if he was hiding an erection.

  Yeah, right. More likely he was cold because he was half-naked.

  "Did you suddenly remember what I am?" he asked.

  "Excuse me?"

  "Is that what turned you off?"

  She remembered those fangs of his on her lip. The idea that he was a vampire turned her on. "No."

  "Then why did you shut down? Mary?" His eyes bored into hers. "Mary, will you tell me what's going on?"

  His confusion as he stared at her was appalling. Did he think she wouldn't mind being a pity fuck?

  "Rhage, I appreciate the lengths you're willing to go to in the name of friendship, but don't do me any favors, okay?"

  "You like what I do to you. I can feel it. I can smell it."

  "For chrissakes, do you get off on making me feel ashamed of myself? Because I'll tell you, having a man get me all hot and bothered while he might as well be reading a newspaper doesn't feel good on my end. God… you're really sick, you know that?"

  That neon gaze narrowed in offense. "You think I don't want you."

  "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I've missed all that lust on your side. Yeah, you're really hot for me."

  She couldn't believe how fast he moved. One minute he was sitting back against the wall, looking at her. The next he had her down on the floor, underneath him. His thigh shoved her legs apart and then his hips drove into her core. What came against her was a thick, hard length.

  His hand tangled in her hair and pulled, arching her up against him. He dropped his mouth to her ear.

  "You feel that, Mary?" He rubbed his arousal in tight circles, stroking her, making her bloom for him. "You feel me? What does this mean?"

  She gasped for air. She was so wet now, her body ready for him to drive deep into her.

  "Tell me what it means, Mary." When she didn't answer, he sucked her neck until it stung and then took her earlobe between his teeth. Little punishments. "I want you to say it. So I know you're clear on how I feel."

  His free hand dipped under her butt, tucked her closer, and then his erection pushed into her, hitting the right place. She could feel the head of him probing through his pants and her pajama bottoms.

  "Say it, Mary."

  He surged forward again and she groaned. "You want me."

  "And let's just make sure you remember that, shall we?"

  He released her hair and took her lips with a raw edge. He was all over her, inside her mouth, on top of her body, his heat and his male smell and his tremendous erection promising her one hell of a wild, erotic ride.

  But then he rolled off of her and went back to where he'd been against the wall. Just like that, he was under control again. His breathing even. His body still.

  She struggled to sit up, trying to remember how to use her arms and legs.

  "I'm not a man, Mary, even though parts of me look like one. What you just had is nothing compared to what I want to do to you. I want my head between your legs so I can lick you until you scream my name. Then I want to mount you like an animal and look into your eyes as I come inside of you. And after that? I want to take you every way there is. I want to do you from behind. I want to screw you standing up, against the wall. I want you to sit on my hips and ride me until I can't breathe." His stare was level, brutal in its honesty. "Except none of that's going to happen. If I felt you less, it would be different, easier. But you do something weird to my body, so totally controlled is the only way I can be with you. Otherwise I'm liable to lose it, and the last thing I want to do is scare the hell out of you. Or worse, hurt you."

  Visions swam in her head, visions of everything he had described, and her body wept anew for him. He took a deep breath and growled softly, like he'd caught the scent of her sex and relished it.

  "Oh, Mary. Will you let me pleasure you? Will you let me take that sweet arousal of yours where it wants to go?"

  She wanted to say yes, but the logistics of what he was suggesting hit her hard: getting naked, in front of him, in the candlelight. No one but doctors and nurses knew what had been left behind on her body after the disease had retreated. And she couldn't help thinking of those sexy women she'd seen come on to him.

  "I'm not what you're used to," she said softly. "I'm not… beautiful." He frowned, but she shook her head. "Trust me on this one."

  Rhage prowled over to her, those shoulders rolling like a lion's. "Let me show you how beautiful you are. Nicely. Slowly. Nothing rough. I'll be a perfect gentleman, I promise."

  His lips parted and she caught a glance of the tips of his fangs. Then his mouth was on hers and, God, he was fantastic, all drugging sweeps of lips and tongue. With a moan, she wound her arms around his neck, digging her fingers into his scalp.

  As he laid her down on the floor, she braced herself for his weight. Instead he stretched out next to her and smoothed her hair back.

  "Slowly," he murmured. "Gently."

  He kissed her again, and it was a while before his long fingers went to the bottom of her T-shirt. As he pushed the thing up, she tried to concentrate on what he was doing to her mouth, forcing herself not to think about what he was revealing. But when he tugged the fabric over her head, cool air hit her breasts. She brought her hands up to cover them and closed her eyes, praying it was dark enough so he couldn't see much of her.

  A fingertip brushed the base of her neck, where her tracheotomy scar was. Then it lingered on the puckered spots on her chest where catheters had been plugged in. He pulled down the waistband of her pajama bottoms until all the punch holes in her stomach from the feeding tubes were revealed. Then he found the insertion site for her bone-marrow transplant on her hip.

  She couldn't stand it any longer. She sat up and grabbed for the shirt to shield herself.

  "Oh, no, Mary. Don't stop this." He captured her hands and kissed them. Then he tugged at the shirt. "Won't you let me look at you?"

  She turned her head away as he took her cover from her. Her bare breasts rose and fell as his eyes took her in.

  Then Rhage kissed each and every scar.

  She trembled no matter how much she tried to hold still. Her body had been pumped full of poison. Left with holes and scars and rough spots. Rendered infertile. And here was this beautiful man worshiping it as if everything she had borne was worthy of reverence.

  When he looked up and smiled at her, she burst into tears. The sobs came out hard as punches, tearing at her chest and throat, squeezing her ribs. She covered her face with her hands, wishing she had the strength to go into another room.

  While she cried, Rhage held her against his chest, cradling her, rocking her back and forth. She had no idea how long it took before she wore herself out, but eventually the weeping slowed and she became aware that he was talking to her. The syllables and cadence were completely unfamiliar and the words indecipherable. But the tone… the tone was lovely.

  And his kindness was a temptation she shrank from.

  She could not rely on him for comfort, not even in this moment. Her life depended on her keeping it together, and there was a slippery slope to tears. If she started crying now, she wasn't going to stop in the days and weeks ahead. God knew, the hard inner core of her had been the only thing that had gotten her through the last time she'd been sick. If she lost that resolve, she had no power whatsoever against the disease.

  Mary wiped her eyes.

  Not again, she thought. She would not lose it in front of him again.

  Clearing her throat, she tried to smile. "So. How's that for a buzz kill?"

  He said something in the oth
er language and then shook his head and switched into English. "You cry all you want."

  "I don't want to cry." She looked at his bare chest.

  No, what she wanted right now was to have sex with him. With the weeping jag finished, her body was responding to his again. And given that he'd seen the worst of her scars and didn't seem turned off, she felt more comfortable.

  "Any chance you still want to kiss me after all that?" she asked.

  "Yes."

  Without allowing herself to think, she grabbed onto his shoulders and pulled him down to her mouth. He held back for a moment, as if surprised by her strength, but then he kissed her deep and long, as if he understood what she needed from him. In a matter of moments he had her totally naked, pajama bottoms gone, socks gone, panties tossed aside.

  He stroked her from head to thigh with his hands, and she moved with him, surging, arching, feeling the bare skin of his chest against her breasts and stomach while the smooth fabric of his expensive pants rubbed like body oil over her legs. She was aching and light-headed as he nuzzled her neck and nibbled on her collarbone, working his way down to her breasts. She lifted her head and watched as his tongue came out and ran a circle around one nipple before he took it into his mouth. As he suckled her, his hand slid up her inner thigh.

  And then he was touching her core. She heaved under him, breath shooting out of her lungs in a rush.

  He groaned, his chest vibrating against hers as he made the sound.

  "Sweet Mary, you're just as I imagined. Soft… drenched." His voice was rough, hard, giving her an idea how much control he was using to keep himself in lockdown. "Open your legs wider for me. A little more. That's it, Mary. That's so… oh, yeah."

  He slipped a finger and then two inside of her.

  It had been a long time, but her body knew where it was headed. Panting, holding onto his shoulders with her nails, Mary watched him lick her breast as he moved his hand in and out of her body, his thumb rubbing in just the right place on the downstroke. In a flash of lightning she exploded, the force of the release pitching her headlong into a void where only pulsing and white heat existed.

  When she came back down, Rhage's heavy-lidded eyes were grave, his face tight and dark. He was like a total stranger, utterly removed from her.

  She reached for the throw blanket to cover up with, figuring the shirt wouldn't do but half the job. The movement made her aware that his fingers still penetrated her.

  "You are so beautiful," he said gruffly.

  The B-word made her feel even more uncomfortable. "Let me up."

  "Mary—"

  "This is just too awkward." She struggled, and the shifting of her body only made her feel more of him.

  "Mary, look at me."

  She glared at him, frustrated.

  In slow motion, he withdrew his hand from between her legs and brought the two glistening fingers to his mouth. His lips parted, and in a savoring draw he sucked off her slick passion. When he swallowed, he closed his glowing eyes.

  "You're unbelievably beautiful."

  Her breath froze. And then redoubled as he moved down her body, putting his hands on the inside or her thighs. She tensed as he tried to open her legs.

  "Don't stop me, Mary." He kissed her navel and then her hip, spreading her wide. "I need more of you in my mouth, down my throat."

  "Rhage, I—Oh, God."

  His tongue was a warm stroke right up her center, reeking havoc on her nervous system. He lifted his head and looked at her. And then he dropped back down and licked her again.

  "You kill me," he said, breath brushing where she ached. He rubbed his face on her, his beard growth a soft rasp as he bathed in her core.

  She closed her eyes, feeling like she was going to fly apart.

  Rhage nuzzled her and then captured her hot flesh with his lips, sucking, then tugging, now flicking with his tongue. As she arched up off the floor, one of his hands went to the small of her back, and the other landed on her lower belly. He held her in place as he worked her, keeping her body from jerking away from his mouth as she thrashed.

  "Look at me, Mary. Look at what I'm doing."

  When she did, she caught a glimpse of his pink tongue licking free from the top of her cleft and that was that. The release shattered her, but he just kept going. There seemed to be no end to his focus or his technique.

  Finally she reached out to him, needing that thick length of his to fill her up. He resisted easily and then did something sinful with his fangs. As she came apart again, he watched her orgasm, his brilliant teal blue eyes staring up from between her legs, casting shadows, they were so bright. After it was over, she said his name as a hoarse question.

  In a fluid motion he got to his feet and backed away from her. When he turned around, her breath came out in a hiss.

  A magnificent, multicolored tattoo covered his entire back. The design was that of a dragon, a fearsome creature with five-clawed limbs and a twisting, powerful body. From its resting place, the beast stared out, as if it were actually seeing through its white eyes. And while Rhage paced around, the thing moved with the undulations of muscles and skin, shifting, seething.

  Like it wanted out, she thought.

  Feeling a draft, Mary pulled the blanket around her body. When she looked up, Rhage was way across the room.

  And still, that tattoo stared at her.

  CHAPTER 23

  Rhage stalked around the living room, trying to work off the burn. It had been hard enough to keep his body in check before he'd put his mouth on her. Now that his tongue knew her taste, his spine was on fire, the burn spreading out to every muscle he had. His skin tingled all over, itching so badly he wanted to take sandpaper to it.

  As he rubbed his arms, his hands shook uncontrollably.

  God, he had to get away from the scent of her sex. The sight of her. The knowledge that he could take her right now because she'd let him.

  "Mary, I have to be alone for a little while." He glanced at the bathroom door. "I'm going to go in there. If anyone comes to the house or you hear anything unusual, I want you to get me immediately. But I won't be long."

  He didn't look at her as he closed the door.

  In the mirror over the sink, his pupils glowed white in the darkness.

  Oh, Jesus, he couldn't let himself change. If the beast got loose…

  Terror for Mary's safety sent his heart on a sprint that only made the situation worse.

  Fuck. What was he going to do? And why was this happening? Why—

  Stop it. Just stop the thinking. Stop the panic. Get your internal engine back into idle. Then you can worry all you want.

  He put the toilet lid down and sat on it, resting his hands on his knees. He forced his muscles to relax then focused on his lungs. Drawing in breath through his nose and exhaling out his mouth, he concentrated on keeping his respiration good and slow.

  In and out with the breath. In and out with the breath.

  The world receded until all sounds and sights and smells were shut out and there was only his breath.

  Only his breath.

  Only his breath.

  Only his…

  When he'd calmed down, he opened his eyes and lifted his hands. The trembling was gone. And a quick check in the mirror showed that his pupils were black again. He propped his arms on the sink and sagged into them.

  Ever since he'd been cursed, sex had been a predicable tool that helped him deal with the beast. When he took a female, he'd become stimulated enough to make it to the release he needed, but the arousal never rose to the level where the beast was triggered. Not by a long shot.

  With Mary, though, all bets were off. He didn't think he could control himself enough to enter her, much less make it to orgasm. That damn vibration she called out of him shot his sex drive straight into danger land.

  He took a deep breath. The only saving grace appeared to be that he could get himself back under wraps quickly. If he got away from her, if he marshaled his nervous syste
m, he was able to beat the feeling down to a manageable intensity. Thank God.

  Rhage used the toilet, then washed his face in the sink and dried off with a hand towel. When he opened the door, he braced himself. He had a feeling that when he saw Mary again, the feeling would return a little.

  It did.

  She was sitting on the couch dressed in khakis and a fleece. The candlelight amplified the anxiety in her face.

  "Hey," he said.

  "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah." He rubbed his jaw. "Sorry about that. Sometimes I need a minute."

  Her eyes widened.

  "What?" he asked.

  "It's almost six. You've been in there for nearly eight hours."

  Rhage cursed. So much for a quick fix. "I didn't know I was gone for that long."

  "I, ah, I checked in on you once or twice. I was worried… Anyway, someone called for you. Roth?"

  "Wrath?"

  "That's the name. Your phone kept ringing and ringing. Eventually I answered it." She looked down at her hands. "Are you sure you're okay?"

  "I am now."

  She took a deep breath and let it out. The exhale did nothing to ease the set of her shoulders.

  "Mary, I…" Damn it, what exactly could he tell her that wasn't going to make things harder for her?

  "It's okay. Whatever happened, it's okay."

  He came over to the couch and sat down next to her.

  "Listen, Mary, I want you to come with me tonight. I want to take you somewhere that I know you'll be safe. The lessers, those things in the park, are probably gunning for you, and they'll look here first. You're a target now because you were with me."

  "Where would we go?"

  "I want you to stay with me." Assuming Wrath let them in the door. "It's too dangerous for you here, and if the slayers are going to come for you, it's going to be soon. We're talking tonight. Come with me for a few days until we figure out what to do."

  Longer-term solutions evaded him at the moment, but he would find them. She'd become his responsibility when he got her mixed up in his world, and he wasn't going to leave her undefended.

  "Trust me on this. Just a couple days."