Ignited

by Suzannah Daniels

  I had so many emotions roiling within me, so many jumbled words that I didn’t know what to say, so I remained quiet.

  “Carey went to load some of my boxes, but he left me his phone so I could make a couple of calls. He’ll be back in a minute. I just wanted to thank you for everything, to tell you that I’m sorry. I didn’t know….” She burst into tears, and it moved something deep in my chest. I wanted to pull her into my arms and take away her pain. I wanted to bury my face in her long, silken tresses, to press my hand against the small of her back and mold her body against mine.

  But she was no longer my responsibility, and it wasn’t my place to protect her, to soothe her, to love her.

  I had to let her go.

  I had to release my one.

  “I didn’t know,” she repeated. She was hurting, and so was I.

  “I know you didn’t, and I’m sorry that you’ve been in agony for so long over false information. You have the chance to live the life you wanted, and just know that all I want is for you to be happy. For me, that’s enough. This is your rainbow, Amber.”

  She was bawling, and the sound of it tormented me.

  “But what about you?” she whispered between shattered breaths.

  “Shh.” I tried to calm her, despite the fact that my insides were churning like the winds before a storm. “Don’t worry about me.”

  “He’s coming,” she whispered. “I need to go. Take care of yourself, Hawk.”

  I didn’t get the chance to respond before she hung up. That was it. That was my last conversation with Amber Lawson.

  And as I stared at my wrist, I realized how much I hated the number one.

  Amber

  The mysterious white car turned out to be Carey’s. When we arrived in New York, I couldn’t believe how much my life had changed in the last couple of days. Carey loved me, and I loved him. His relief that we were back together was obvious, and I was more than relieved to find out that he was still alive. But every time he touched me, I thought of Hawk.

  Considering the ordeal of the last few months, it shouldn’t be surprising that Hawk was on my mind. I wasn’t sure that I would have survived it without him.

  I convinced myself that everything would return to normal after a short adjustment period.

  When we arrived at Carey’s apartment building, he tipped the valet and carried our bags up to the room. Most of my belongings had been donated to charity. I’d packed my favorite things and found a home for Gracie. I already missed her, but I knew that Natalie loved her just as much as I did and would give her more attention that I ever could.

  Following Carey into the apartment, I took in his lavish furnishings. I reached down and ran my fingertips along the engagement ring now back in its place on my finger.

  I had tried to talk to him about his mother, but he had quickly changed the subject.

  Anger at what she’d done to me burned in my chest despite my mother’s advice to smooth things over with her.

  “So you really did die?” I asked as I sat on his stiff leather couch. Everything was new and pristine, and I wondered how Carey would react when children were touching it with messy hands.

  “Yes, briefly.”

  “Was it scary?”

  “Honestly, I don’t remember any of it. I just remember waking up a few months later and asking my mother where you were.”

  “And what did she say?”

  “Haven’t we been over this already?” he asked, sounding slightly irritated as he sat down beside me. “She didn’t say much at first. Eventually, she told me that you wanted her to tell me that you were breaking up with me.”

  “I wouldn’t have broken up with you just because you were in a coma,” I told him.

  “She’s my mother, and even though I know that she lies when it suits her, I had no reason to believe that she would lie to me about that.”

  I touched his arm, and he covered my hand with his. “I know. I never would have thought that she would lie about your death.” I laughed without humor. “I guess now I know why she didn’t give me a chance to come to your funeral. She must hate me even more than I thought.”

  “She doesn’t hate you.”

  I heard the words, but I didn’t believe them. The woman was so desperate to get rid of me that she lied about her own child’s death. If that wasn’t hatred, then what was?

  He rubbed my arm, and I noticed how much colder his hands were than Hawk’s. Why had I never noticed that he had such cold hands?

  “Once my mother realizes that she has no say in whom I choose to be with, she’ll accept it.”

  “She told me you were dead, Carey. Dead!” I screamed hysterically, as all the months of anger and frustration and loneliness unleashed inside me. “Do you know what that did to me?”

  He pulled me to him as the tears started to fall. I wanted him to soothe me the way Hawk had, to kiss my temple and assure me that everything would be okay.

  “But I’m not dead.”

  Frustrated, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I opened them again. “And I’m glad. But that’s the point. You weren’t dead and yet your mother told me that you were. She let me believe it, and damn it, Carey, it nearly killed me.”

  He gathered me in his arms. “I’m sorry. It’s late, and we’re both exhausted. Why don’t we get some sleep?”

  I nodded, thinking rest would do me good. As Carey led me to his bedroom, I convinced myself that tomorrow would be a better day.

  Hawk

  My first waking thought on Saturday morning was filled with the image of Amber being whisked away in Carey’s arms. I wanted to be angry. Jealousy poured into my soul until I could feel nothing but the urge to punch him repeatedly for taking away the one woman with which I could actually see myself spending my life.

  But it wasn’t his fault, and it wasn’t her fault. If I blamed anyone, it would be his mother, and even though I was pissed, my mother had raised me to never lay a hand on a woman, not even one as deceitful as Carey’s mother. Not that I knew where she was, anyway.

  Someone I didn’t even know had completely destroyed my world.

  I sat up in bed, the sheet pooling at my hips, and rubbed my face with my palms.

  Having no idea where I went from here, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and leaned over, propping myself up with my elbows resting near my knees.

  “Damn,” I muttered, seeing no way to change the course of things.

  The only thing I knew to do was to take solace in the fact that this was her rainbow. She was in love with Carey before she ever knew I existed. I should be happy for her.

  And I was.

  Even if her happiness meant that I was miserable.

  ***

  After spending time in my apartment alone, I finally decided to get out for a while. The funny thing about being alone is that one can’t hear anything but his own thoughts. And my thoughts had been putting me through hell all morning. I needed a distraction, some meaningless chatter to give me something to focus on besides Amber.

  When I walked into Whiskey Nights, Mason had my beer ready before I even got to the bar.

  “You’re here early today. Where’s your girl?” Mason asked.

  I refrained from groaning out loud. The one subject that I was trying to escape was the very one that he brought up. I let out a sigh. I’d have to break the news sooner or later.

  “New York.”

  “New York? What the hell is she doing in New York? I thought her family was from Alabama."

  After taking a long swig of my beer, I nodded. “They are.”

  “So what’s she doing? Don’t tell me you already scared her away with all your sugar and spice. Women like the bad boys….”

  “And what?” Lexi asked, walking up beside Mason. “You think you’re a bad boy?”

  Mason shot her a lopsided grin. “Everybody’s a bad boy compared to Hawk. Meet me in the office, and I’ll show you just how bad boy I can be.”

  “T
urns out her fiancé isn’t dead after all,” I blurted, mindlessly turning the beer bottle in my hand.

  Mason and Lexi both snapped their heads in my direction and stared at me with gaping mouths and wide eyes.

  “What did you just say?” Lexi asked.

  Nodding, I repeated myself, “You heard me right. It turns out her fiancé isn’t dead after all.”

  “So,” Mason drawled, “she’s in love with a zombie?”

  Lexi elbowed him, and he grunted.

  “Well, technically, if he were a zombie, he’d still be dead,” I reasoned, glad for a little comical relief from the heaviness that weighted my heart.

  “Damn technicalities,” Mason mumbled.

  “Tell me about it.” I took another long swig.

  “She lied?” Mason asked.

  “No. She thought he was dead.”

  “So how can he not be dead now?” Lexi asked, still bewildered.

  Mason put his arm around her shoulder. “His heart’s still beating. He’s breathing.”

  Lexi elbowed him again. “Why don’t you be considerate of Hawk’s feelings?”

  “I am,” Mason countered. “That’s why I’m trying to lighten his mood.”

  Lexi gave Mason a small smile, and Mason moved behind the counter and grabbed me another beer.

  “All right, man. What the hell’s going on?” he asked me.

  “We went to have Thanksgiving dinner with her parents, and when we got there, her fiancé walked out of her house.”

  “That made for an awkward dinner,” Mason said.

  “I didn’t stay. They were hugging, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t watch her with him.” I took another swig of beer and set the bottle down against the bar a little harder than necessary. “Damn it, I couldn’t do it.”

  “Lex, go get Stormy and ask her to watch the bar,” Mason instructed her.

  Lexi immediately left to do his bidding.

  “What did she say to you?” Mason asked, turning his attention back to me.

  “I didn’t talk to her before I left,” I told him. “She called me yesterday to apologize. She said she didn’t know that he was still alive.”

  “Do you believe that she really didn’t know he was alive?”

  I pursed my lips. “Mason, I held her while she ached for him. I wiped her tears away, tears that fell because she missed him.” I closed my eyes, hating the truth of the situation. “She loved him.”

  “I saw the way she looked at you.” Mason rubbed the nape of his neck with his palm. “She may have loved him, but she loved you, too.”

  Sighing heavily, I wished that made a difference, but it didn’t. Not now that he was back.

  Stormy and Lexi walked toward the bar.

  Stormy immediately began checking with customers while Lexi approached us.

  “Hey, love,” Mason said, motioning Lexi to him. He put his arm around her shoulders. “I’m going to take Hawk to the office. Can you handle things out here?”

  She immediately nodded. “Of course.” Lexi turned to me and laid her hand on my forearm. “Hawk, you know if there’s anything I can do, all you have to do is ask.”

  I patted her hand. “I know. Thank you.”

  She gave me a small smile, squeezing my arm before she released it.

  Mason walked around the bar and slapped my shoulder. “Let’s go talk.”

  I grabbed my beer and followed him.

  The office was larger than I expected, everything neatly in its place. Notebooks lined a bookshelf, and everything on the desk was freakishly organized. The stapler was lined up perfectly parallel with the tape dispenser. An organizer held pens and paperclips and other miscellaneous items. A neat stack of papers rested on one side of the desk.

  Mason and I sat in the two chairs that faced the desk. He scooted his chair around towards me. “So why did she think he was dead in the first place?”

  “He had been in an accident and was in a coma. Apparently, his mother never approved of Amber, so she saw it as the perfect opportunity to get rid of Amber by telling her that he had died.”

  “And I thought my mother was a psycho,” he said.

  Mason’s mother had never really been there for him or his sister, Haley. For as long as I could remember, she had always chosen men and drugs over them.

  “Surely, his mother didn’t think that harebrained scheme would actually work.” Mason raised his eyebrows while he watched me with amber eyes.

  I shrugged. “I guess the woman’s delusional.”

  The magnitude of everything I was telling him hit me.

  Closing my eyes, I squeezed my temples with the heels of my palms. “Shit, Mason, I miss her so bad.”

  “So go get her.”

  My eyes flipped open. “Did you hear anything I just told you?”

  “Every word.” He pointed toward the wall. “It hasn’t been that long ago when Lexi’s ex showed up and took her outside in the parking lot. And what did you tell me? You told me that if it was someone you cared about, you would go out there and check on her.”

  “Yeah, but that was because you were afraid he might hurt her.”

  He shrugged, his tawny hair brushing against his shoulders with the movement. “Doesn’t matter. If you care about her, go get her. Forget about whatever screwed up shit is going on in that family and go get her.”

  “She loves him, Mason. His death nearly killed her.” With my fingers splayed, I shook my hands in the air, palms facing up. “This is the miracle she’s been hoping for, don’t you get that? I can’t just swoop in and carry her off. He has a longer history with her than I do. Hell, they were going to get married!”

  “You can’t just sit here and do nothing,” he countered, frustration evident in his voice.

  I rubbed my face with my palms. “I can. I will. I love her enough that her happiness is more important than mine. So I will sit here and do nothing, except hope that she has a long and happy life with him.”

  “I’ve seen the two of you together, Hawk. She belongs with you.”

  “What if she doesn’t? What if she belongs with him?”

  Mason didn’t reply. He leaned back in his chair, his long legs stretched out in front of him. “That’s bullshit.”

  “I wish it were,” I said softly, my emotions churning wildly within me while I tried to maintain a calm exterior. “I can’t go to her no matter how much I want to. After all the shit she’s been through during the last year, I can’t make this any harder on her than it already is. I have to accept the fact that she loves him. I have to, Mason. Because I love her.”

  I stood, pulling money out of my pocket to pay for the beer.

  Mason held his hand up, his palm facing me. “It’s on me,” he said quietly.

  I nodded and walked toward the door.

  “Hawk, I agree with what Lexi said. We’re here if you need us. Let us know if we can do anything for you.”

  Still facing the door, I nodded and then left.

  My plan of being distracted backfired, and if I were going to be miserable, I’d do it at home.

  Chapter 21

  Flashover

  Amber

  During the next week, Carey and I spent our time getting reacquainted. I had expected everything to fall into place, but as he touched his lips to mine, it still felt nothing like I remembered. I pulled away, hugging myself.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, gripping my shoulders while he took a step back and peered at me with cautious eyes. “Are you nervous about seeing my parents?”

  I used to think his eyes were beautiful. They were blue like Hawk’s, but they lacked the intensity.

  “Amber?”

  Snapping out of my reverie, I answered, “Yes, I guess I am.”

  “I know you’re angry, but for my sake, try to remember that my mother, as screwed up as it is, was doing what she thought was best for me. We’re back together now, and I won’t let her come between us. She’ll have to accept it. There is no alternative.”


  His mother would never accept me, but I just nodded.

  “I love you, Amber.”

  “I love you, too.” And I did, so why did I feel like I was being traitorous to Hawk? Why did nothing feel as right as it did before?

  “Let’s go,” he said softly, squeezing my shoulders.

  ***

  Thirty minutes later, I was standing in his parents’ living room, trying not to let my temper get the best of me. I fought the tears that threatened my composure as I remembered all the anguish that had consumed me because of this woman and her lies.

  “Mother,” Carey said, addressing her as she walked in the room, “you remember Amber.” His voice held a hint of sarcasm.

  As always, her appearance was impeccable. Her sleek black dress showed off her slender figure, and her blond hair was swept into a neat bun.

  “Amber.” I could see the tightness around her mouth as she spoke. “Your father’s in the den, Carey. Why don’t you go get him?”

  Carey gave a cursory glance at me and then looked back towards his mother. “All right.”

  His mother’s eyes never left me as she waited for him to leave the room.

  She continued to stare at me in silence before she finally spoke.

  “You may not agree with what I did,” she said in a low, controlled voice, “but you’re not right for Carey.”

  In that moment, I loathed her. It was difficult for me to look at her without thinking about all the anguish and distress that she caused Carey and me, and even though my mother told me to smooth things over, I couldn’t do it. “Shouldn’t that be for him to decide?” I asked, arching my brows in question.

  “He loves you, so he can’t see it. But the two of you will never work out. You’re from an entirely different world than he. He has a bright future ahead of him. He needs someone who is educated, sophisticated.”

  “Since his wife will have to deal with you, he might be better off with one who is medicated, maybe a little intoxicated.”

  Her lips pinched into a frown. “I will see that the two of you never marry.”