Serenity (Inevitable Book 5)

by Janet Nissenson

  “Well, I sure as hell do!” declared Matthew fiercely, yanking her back into his embrace. “I think I knew when we spoke for the first time at Ian and Tessa’s wedding that you were this incredibly unique and special person. And I wished then that I had someone like you in my life. Someone who’d show me kindness and compassion and just love me for who I am, and not for the material things I could give them. And you don’t have to make a commitment to me, Sasha. I won’t ask you for that, won’t pressure you into any sort of permanent relationship. Even though you were on the brink of moving in with me before I screwed everything up. That offer still stands, by the way. Except that we’d have an additional roommate.”

  At her inquiring look, he explained that he’d insisted on getting custody of Casey, and that his son would be living and going to school in San Francisco now.

  Sasha smiled fondly. “I’m so pleased for both of you,” she told him earnestly. “He’s a wonderful young man, so kind and genuine. Just like his father. He, um, has kept in touch with me over these past few months. I hope that’s all right with you.”

  “Of course it is. And I already knew that the two of you were in contact with each other. Though I asked him not to say anything about these new developments to you, since I wanted to be the one to tell you.”

  She nodded. “I was sort of wondering why I hadn’t heard from him, but figured he was just busy. And, well, if I ever decide to revisit the idea of moving in with you, having Casey there would just be a bonus.”

  Matthew looked relieved. “I figured that you’d feel that way. And Casey is probably the most self-sufficient kid you could ever want. He’s actually cooked dinner for me these last few nights, gone to the grocery store by himself, did the laundry. Having him with me has been a joy. And having you move in would make both of us very, very happy. Casey said to tell you that, by the way.”

  “Tell him thank you. And I’ll think it over, I promise. But I honestly don’t know if I’m capable of making that sort of commitment now, Matthew. I realize that I was ready before all of this drama happened with Hayley. But now - well, as you may have surmised, it’s difficult for me to trust people. And - ”

  “And I broke that trust,” he finished sadly. “I broke your heart. But I’ll do whatever I have to do in order to convince you that will never happen again, Sasha. It’s why I just showed you those divorce papers. Lindsey is out of my life for good. And my relationship with Hayley is going to need some serious repair work. She needs to regain my trust, needs to prove to me that she can be responsible and honest. Most importantly, she needs to accept that you’re a part of my life and that I will never, ever allow her to treat you rudely again.”

  Sasha hesitated for long seconds before replying. Matthew was swiftly starting to break down all of the defenses she’d erected around herself these past few months, telling her all of the things she’d longed for him to say, and tempting her to simply say yes. But old habits tended to die hard, and she needed time - and space - to ponder everything she’d just learned.

  “I can’t give you an answer right now,” she stated with determination. “I need to think about all of this, meditate on it, work through it in my own way. So, please. Give me the room I need, all right?”

  Matthew looked as though he was about to argue the matter further, but then gave a weary sigh and raked a hand through his hair instead. “All right,” he consented reluctantly. “I know I screwed up big time, and that I’ll have to win your trust back. If it makes any difference to your decision, I’m planning to look for a new home here in the city. Someplace in a residential neighborhood, maybe closer to Casey’s school. I realize the condo doesn’t have much personality, and that you’ve never really liked the place. I feel the same, by the way.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. And whether or not it sways my decision, I think it’s the best thing for you and Casey. A chance to make a fresh start.”

  He gripped her almost desperately by the biceps. “A chance for all of us to make a fresh start,” he reminded her. “Please give me that chance, Sasha. Please. I’ve been so lost without you, so unhappy. These past few months have been the worst of my life, and I know it’s all my fault. Let me make it up to you, sweetheart. I’ll get on my knees and beg if I have to.”

  Sasha shook her head, clasping his face between her palms. “No, Matthew. Don’t ever do something like that. I have no desire to punish you, and there’s nothing to make up. You had what you believed was an impossible choice to make, and I don’t blame you for wanting to take care of your daughter. If there’s anyone to blame, it’s your ex. And it sounds like you’ve already made her pay the price, in more ways than one.”

  Matthew pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I’ll give you the time you need,” he promised. “So long as you promise that you’ll at least consider coming back to me.”

  “Yes. I promise. I don’t know how long it will take me to decide, or what my ultimate decision might be. But I do promise to think about it and - mmm!”

  He cut off what she was about to say next by kissing her long and hard, walking her backwards until she was pressed up against the wall. He kissed her with a hunger that spoke of desperation, as though he could coax the answer he wanted from her that way. Sasha groaned beneath the pressure of his mouth on hers, the way his tongue parted her lips and tangled with hers. She had missed him, too, missed the intimacy they had shared both in and out of the bedroom, missed being held in his arms this way. For a few precious minutes she let herself forget everything that had happened, that he had chosen to walk away from her, and all of the heartbreak that had ensued following his departure. For now she kissed him back fervently, letting her hands rove over his shoulders and back, then slide down to caress his buttocks. She didn’t resist when his hand cupped her breast, his thumb teasing the rock hard nipple. And she offered no protest when he hooked her leg around his waist, allowing the swell of his cock to rub against the notch of her thighs.

  Matthew’s lips traveled down the side of her neck, then back up to her ear, where he muttered hoarsely, “God, I want you! Feel what you do to me, Sasha, how crazy I am for you. Please, sweetheart. Please. It’s been so long, not since that last night at the condo. Let me love you.”

  His hand cupped her between her legs, his thumb rubbing against her clit through the thin cotton fabric of her yoga pants. Sasha gasped, well aware that she was perilously close to coming right then and there, and she swiftly took hold of his wrist, pulling it a few inches away from her overly sensitized body.

  “No,” she gasped raggedly. “Not here. And definitely not now. You promised me space, Matthew. You promised me time. Please don’t pressure me. And especially not with sex.”

  He was breathing heavily as he reluctantly stepped away from her, his forehead and upper lip damp with sweat. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “You’re right, I’m not being fair. I - it’s just that I want you so damned much, Sasha. I’ve dreamed of you, ached for you. But hard as it is – as hard as I am right now - I’ll leave you alone. At least until you have an answer for me. But don’t ask me to give up hope, Sasha. Or to stop loving you. Because neither of those things is ever going to happen.”

  Matthew gave her one last, hungry kiss before he practically ran out of the room, as though he didn’t trust himself to remain locked inside with her one minute longer.

  Sasha slumped against the wall, too shaken by what had just happened to think straight for a minute or two. It was only a quick glance at the wall clock that set her in motion, realizing that her massage client would be arriving in less than ten minutes. Fortunately, the room was more or less ready, and she would have a few more precious minutes to compose herself.

  But she found it nearly impossible to concentrate over the course of the day, and chastised herself for booking so many appointments today. She’d been doing that a lot lately, loading up her schedule with massage appointments and substitute teaching other yoga classes. She had even agreed to te
mporarily teach a class on Friday mornings – the one day of the week she had always insisted on having off – while the regular teacher was recovering from a badly sprained ankle. Keeping as busy as possible had been one of the ways she had tried - mostly without success - to cope with her loneliness and sorrow these past few months.

  It was late afternoon before she had a break, taking a few minutes to drink some water and eat a snack of almond butter and apple slices. Sasha took out her phone, the one Matthew had given her last Christmas, and scrolled through the somewhat scant list of contacts stored there. She felt the overwhelming need to talk to someone about what had happened earlier with Matthew, to ask their advice about what to do next.

  She immediately eliminated her mother, since Katya would insist that she spit in Matthew’s face and tell him to go to hell. And knowing how busy Julia was with her twins, Sasha didn’t feel right bothering her. Tessa would provide a good sounding board, though Sasha hesitated to call her, knowing that she and Ian were close to Matthew. The last thing Sasha wanted to do was make Tessa take sides.

  Instead, she called Linda, the one person she knew could be counted on to give practical, sound advice. Linda had always been there for Sasha, especially during the most turbulent times of her life, and today definitely fell into that category.

  Her aunt was delighted to hear from Sasha, if a bit surprised. After her trip to Sedona, the one Sasha had regretfully declined to join her on, Linda had headed to New Mexico to visit family, and was staying with her sister in Taos for a few more days.

  “So what gives, niná?” inquired Linda. “I know you wouldn’t be calling me here unless there was something wrong.”

  Sasha sighed. “I never could fool you when something was bothering me. Guess that hasn’t changed, huh? Matthew came to see me today, Tia. With signed and notarized divorce papers in hand.”

  “Ah.” Linda’s tone of voice indicated she now knew exactly why Sasha had called. “And he wants you back, of course. But you’re hesitating. Why?”

  Sasha told her all of it - how Hayley and Lindsey had devised their elaborate hoax, then how Casey had found out about the ruse and told his father; how Matthew hadn’t hesitated to turn the tables and use Lindsey’s deception against her as leverage to finally get his divorce; and how Matthew had offered to get on his knees and beg Sasha to return to him.

  Linda chuckled. “You should have taken him up on his offer, Sasha. At least to see if he would have really done it.”

  “You know I don’t have it in me to be vindictive that way, Tia,” admonished Sasha. “As it was, I was awfully hard on him. But not for the sake of being mean. I honestly, truly don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship like that.”

  “You were ready a few months ago,” chided Linda. “You were all set to move in with him, take the next step in your relationship. And then all hell broke loose with his daughter. Matthew must be so hurt by what she did.”

  “Yes. Hurt and disappointed. It’s going to take some time for the two of them to rebuild their relationship. But he’s a good father, and loves both of his children very much. Eventually he and Hayley will make their peace and figure out where they go from here.”

  “In the meanwhile, where are you and Matthew going from here?” asked Linda pointedly. “And what’s your real reason for holding back, niná? Is it because you’re that pissed off at him, or are you just afraid of getting hurt again?”

  Sasha shut her eyes, gently massaging her temple. “Maybe a little of both,” she admitted. “Though more the latter than the former. It’s hard to stay angry at Matthew for very long, you know. Especially since seeing him today made me realize how much I still love him.”

  “Then I fail to see the problem, Sasha. If you love the man, then go be with him. Have some trust in your love, and in human nature. I know that what happened to you back in high school made it almost impossible for you to trust people. But not everyone is a rotten louse like that family. By the way, I understand additional charges have been filed against Riley. Seems like you weren’t his only victim, and now that his parents can’t protect him and get charges dismissed, some of those other women are coming out of the shadows and speaking up. He’ll be in jail for decades.”

  Sasha knew she should have felt a sense of satisfaction, or relief, but instead she just felt numb at hearing this news. “It’s what he deserves,” was all she said in response.

  “Yes, it most assuredly is,” stated Linda. “Just like you and Matthew deserve to be happy. Together. Both of you have had your share of bad times, but it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. He’s a good man, Sasha, and he’s crazy about you. So open your heart to him, hmm? And don’t allow what happened more than a dozen years ago to keep controlling your life. It’s time to move on, niná, and you’ll never find anyone better than Matthew to do that with.”

  Linda’s parting words kept repeating themselves in Sasha’s head for the rest of the evening, and she knew deep down that it was perhaps the purest truth she’d ever heard. But despite that realization, she was still no closer to making a decision then she’d been earlier today.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Sasha could feel the slight trembling in her biceps as she continued to hold the challenging eka pada galavasana or flying pigeon pose. The advanced arm balance posture called for her to bend one leg at an angle, then rest the shin on her triceps, before lifting the other leg off the floor. It required both arm and core strength, as well as tremendous concentration. She held the pose for long seconds before gracefully dismounting and stepping back into downward dog.

  She had been so focused on holding the pose that she hadn’t heard the door to the small studio opening, and it wasn’t until someone began applauding that she realized she wasn’t alone. A bit annoyed at this interruption, she glanced sideways to see Willow hovering in the doorway.

  “Sorry for staring,” the front desk clerk offered cheerily. “but that was truly amazing to watch. I’m not sure any of the other teachers here can even attempt something like that.”

  Sasha sighed, and slowly rolled up to a standing position. “Flying pigeon isn’t as difficult as it looks, it just requires a lot of focus. What’s up?”

  Willow offered up an apologetic smile. “Sorry to interrupt you, I know how involved you get when you’re practicing alone. But there’s someone asking for you up front, and I thought you’d like to know.”

  Sasha frowned. “A massage client? I don’t have any appointments for at least a couple of hours.”

  “Nope, definitely not a client. He’s, um, younger than most of your clients or students. And definitely a cutie. Want me to send him on back?”

  Sasha grabbed a towel and began to blot the sweat off her face and upper chest. “No, that’s okay. Just give me a minute to grab my things and I’ll be right up.”

  Willow gave her a thumbs up, then headed back towards the front desk. Sasha quickly turned off the music before dropping her phone into her bag, then grabbed her towel and water bottle. She had stashed her sweater and shoes back in the massage room prior to her class this morning, and padded on bare feet up towards the lobby area, puzzled as to who her mystery visitor might be.

  Casey was grinning broadly as he watched her approach, waving a hand in greeting. “Hi, Sasha! Thought I’d surprise you.”

  She deposited her things on one of the chairs in the lobby before enfolding Matthew’s son in a hug. “Well, mission accomplished - I’m surprised. Also a little on the sweaty side. Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” Casey hugged her back enthusiastically. “And you don’t sweat nearly as much as I do after a baseball game.”

  Sasha smiled at him fondly. “Well, you haven’t seen me after a two hour class held in a ninety-five degree room. Now, to what do I owe this very nice surprise? Shouldn’t you be in school?”

  He shook his head. “School doesn’t start until next Wednesday, so I have a few more days of summer break. I’m sorry I hav
en’t been by to see you until now, or even emailed you. But things have been sort of crazy, you know?”

  “I do, yes. Your father came by to see me earlier this week to let me know what’s been going on. I don’t suppose your visit today has anything to do with that?” she inquired knowingly.

  Casey looked adorably guilty, and so much like his father that Sasha’s heart ached just a bit at the sight. “Um, maybe,” he demurred, looking down awkwardly at his feet. “I mean, I wanted to see you, too, of course. But, well, do you think maybe we could talk for a few minutes? I could buy you some tea. Or lunch, whatever you like. My treat, of course.”

  “I think that sounds like the best offer I’ve had all week,” she replied teasingly. “Let me grab my things and we can head out.”

  As Sasha retrieved her sweater and flip-flops from the massage room, she couldn’t help but be a little suspicious as to the timing of Casey’s impromptu visit. She didn’t want to believe that Matthew had been the brains behind this, and that he had encouraged his son to try and persuade Sasha into coming back to him. Matthew had acted desperate enough a few days ago to use any means necessary to change her mind, but given what had just happened with Hayley and Lindsey, she didn’t think he would copy a page from their book and coerce his son to help him out.

  As she re-joined Casey in the lobby, Sasha realized with some surprise that she was actually hungry. She and Tessa often had a light breakfast together after these morning classes, but Tessa was busy with her last minute packing for Italy and hadn’t been able to stay after class today. Sasha had worked up something of an appetite during her own intense practice, and ordered a grilled vegetable panini and a bowl of tomato soup at the little café she’d suggested to Casey. Being the typical teenaged boy he was, Casey’s meal was nowhere near as healthy as hers – a towering mushroom and Swiss burger accompanied by a huge plate of fries.