by SJD Peterson
Eric frowned at the cigarette he’d just pulled from the pack. Obviously the notion of an oxygen tank or the bingo or both bothered him because he put it back in the pack and tossed it on the tailgate. He shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted from foot to foot, his tennis shoes kicking up dust. He looked fidgety. Maybe he was jonesing for a smoke that badly.
Jimmy snatched up the pack. “Jeez, if you’re going to get all tense about it, here. I’ll write you a script for the patch and you can quit next week.”
Eric scanned the area, still shifting like he was uncomfortable. “Nah, I’m good. I’m gonna gather up some wood for the burn pit.”
“I’ll come with.” He was about to jump down when his phone rang. “This better not be fucking Oliver.” He wrangled his phone from his pocket and sure enough.
“That guy isn’t going to give up.”
“He will eventually,” Jimmy said assuredly and shoved the phone back into his pocket without answering it. “C’mon, I’ll give you a hand.”
They had enough wood for an all-night bonfire by the time the first truck pulled in. Scott stepped from his old battered truck dressed in jeans, boots, denim shirt, straw cowboy hat, and shades shielding his face.
“Little overdressed for my party, ain’t ya?” Jimmy mused. “It’s hotter than fuck out here and you’re dressed for the winter.”
“You got about an hour of daylight left. Trust me, you’ll be wishing you were hot and sweaty when those bugs come out,” Scott drawled.
Shit, he hadn’t thought of that. Hopefully, Eric had some extra clothes in that dump of a truck.
“Who’s playing bartender?”
“Every man for himself,” Eric informed him and pointed to the cups on the bed of the truck. He rolled a couple of the larger logs over toward the fire pit and turned them upright for seats.
“I ain’t settin’ my ass on one of those all night,” Scott grumbled. “Some of us didn’t slouch off all day.” He filled his cup and then retrieved a folding lawn chair from the back of his truck. “I’ll be drinking and swatting bugs in comfort.”
“You got another one of those?” Jimmy asked, hopeful.
“Nope, it’s every man for himself,” he reiterated and laughed when he plopped down in the chair and propped his boots up on the stump. “Be the first time I’ve been to a party to celebrate a man working. Been to a few retirement parties, but this is a first.”
“It’s not celebrating me working, you dork. It’s an excuse to party one last time before my life is taken away from me. First-years get all the shit shifts, and when you’re doing thirty-six hours on call, you ain’t got the energy to party on your days off.”
“Sounds brutal, man,” Scott said with a nod and then raised his glass. “Here’s to ya.”
“Thanks.” Jimmy returned the gesture before taking a big gulp.
“You best be going slow on that shit,” Eric pointed out. “Your mom’s gone and I ain’t getting your ass in bed by myself. You weigh a fucking ton.”
“Trust me, there will not be a repeat performance. I learned my lesson,” Jimmy assured him.
No fucking way was he doing that to himself again. He still didn’t know all the details from that night. Eric hadn’t said much beyond it being immoral and embarrassing, but usually the rumor mills were pretty good about getting the word around, and the bar had been packed that night. But he hadn’t really heard much in the days that followed. Sure, he was the topic of conversation, but it was all about his and Oliver’s breakup.
“Here come the troops,” Eric announced with a wave of his hand toward the parade of trucks and cars slinging dust down the back road.
THE MUSIC was cranked up to the max on the old boom box, the fire roaring, and the crowd thick. He should have known Josh would put the word out through social media. Besides him, Jimmy, Scott, and a few of the hands, the party had turned into a teenage bash. Neither Charlotte nor Roger had shown up, probably for the best.
Eric sipped his beer, Jimmy wasn’t the only one who wouldn’t be getting sloshed tonight. His responsible big-brother side had kicked in and he was taking the role of grown-up seriously. He wasn’t giving any of them shit for underage drinking—the majority had brought their own—but he had gone around and collected keys.
Jimmy walked up and bumped his shoulder. “Were we ever that stupid acting?”
“You were.”
“Oh, and you weren’t?”
“Nope. I’ve always been wise way beyond my years.”
Unfortunately for Jimmy but to Eric’s great delight, Jimmy had decided to take a drink at that exact moment and the beer shot out his nose with the snort of laughter. “You’re so full of shit,” Jimmy insisted when he got himself back under control.
Eric pursed his lips. He was admitting nothing. “Sorry about your party, man. I shouldn’t have invited Josh.”
“What the hell are you apologizing for? This is a great party. Beautiful night, roaring fire, booze, great friends, I don’t think it gets much better than this.”
“I miss this,” Eric admitted without taking his eyes from the crowd around the fire. “Look at them, not a care in the world, living in the moment. They better enjoy it because becoming an adult sucks.”
“I don’t know… adulthood does have its perks. We aren’t going to get grounded tomorrow like a lot of them will. But I know what you mean. If I could go back, I sure as hell wouldn’t ever wish a single day away. I’d do things differently.”
“Yeah, me too,” Eric admitted.
“Like what?”
“Things.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Sure it is, and it’s the only one you’ll get until you spill first,” Eric countered.
“You’re insufferable,” Jimmy huffed but then relented. “Well let’s see, I would still go to college.”
“I thought we were talking about things we’d change when we were their age,” Eric said and nodded toward the crowd of teens.
“Honestly, I wouldn’t change anything other than not wishing it away. It seems stupid now that I couldn’t wait to be sixteen, then eighteen, and twenty-one. I was so busy rushing to grow up that I didn’t really appreciate the day.”
Eric thought Jimmy’s answer over. He had to admit, there wasn’t really anything he’d have done differently either except that experimenting thing so he wouldn’t have to be dealing with the strange longing now. It really was true that it’s not the things you do you end up regretting but rather the things you don’t do.
“Whoa, where there is smoke there’s fire,” Jimmy commented and flicked Eric on the ear. “Must be something deep?”
“Not really, I was thinking about your comment and I totally agree with ya. There isn’t anything I would change,” he lied. Suddenly very uncomfortable with the line of thought, he elbowed Jimmy. “Let’s go save Scott from the kiddies.”
Jimmy stared at him for a moment, no doubt trying to figure out if Eric was being honest. He wasn’t, but it was a minor issue, at least it should have been. He must have hidden it well because Jimmy finally nodded.
Chapter Sixteen
THE DAY Jimmy left for Chicago had been one of the worst fucking days of his life. Eric hadn’t thought anything would top that shit day, but he was wrong. Saying good-bye to Jimmy the other day was right up there at the top of shitty. Jimmy wouldn’t be gone as long this time. He’d be staying in resident housing for a couple of weeks and he’d be too busy to worry about Eric’s stupid ass, even though he’d promised he would call and text. Eric had heard that promise before, and he hated it but a part of him didn’t trust Jimmy would keep it. He hadn’t kept it when he left for Chicago, so what was to say he’d keep it then.
Eric was wrong. Saying good-bye to Jimmy wasn’t number one on the shitty list, not trusting Jimmy had that distinction.
Jesus H. Christ, he sounded like a fucking weepy girl whose boyfriend had gone off to boot camp. Jimmy wasn’t his boyfriend and he certainly wasn’t a fucking girl a
nd….
Eric threw the pliers into the toolbox, completely disgusted with himself. Pining away for his best friend was the absolute stupidest thing he’d ever done, and he’d done some stupid shit in his life.
“At the rate you’re working, these chickens will be too old to lay a fucking egg.”
Eric looked up and glared at Scott. “Don’t you know it’s bad manners showing up at someone’s house without calling first?”
“Calling ahead defeats the purpose of checking up on you and your progress.” He glanced at the coop and back at Eric with a disappointed expression. “Or lack thereof.”
“I’m exhausted. I’ve been working my balls off with all this extra mess.” He’d built a chicken coop and goat pens and beehives, plus his normal chores with the cows, horses, dogs, and of course moping around because he missed Jimmy. He was done. Just so fucking done and wanted to do nothing but sleep for a week.
“Suck it up, buttercup. Work hard now, reap big rewards later.”
“I’ll be too tired to enjoy and reap,” Eric grumbled and snatched up the pliers.
“I don’t know, man, something’s not right with you. You’ve never let a little hard work bother you and you’re certainly not old. Hmmm.” Scott tapped his finger against his chin, staring at Eric with a thoughtful expression. “Must be girl trouble. You finally get you a woman?”
“You’re kidding me, right? When the fuck would I have time for a woman? I’m not sleeping and so goddamn tired even my morning wood is a limp twig.”
“You need to see Doc Baker? Maybe you’re, you know, like iron deficient or got a bug or something.”
Eric started to respond, but his phone beeped and he clamped his mouth shut and pulled his cell out. He flipped it open and his smile nearly cracked his face wide open when he read the text from Jimmy.
One thing I do know for sure, I’m glad I didn’t specialize in Gastrointestinal. Gross!
Jesus, the man really had a major aversion to shit of any kind. He typed back one word. Dork.
“No time for girls, huh?”
“It’s just Jimmy being an idiot.”
“Ah, I get it.”
Eric frowned at the strange expression on Scott’s face. “Get what?”
“You’re not sick, you’re sad. Your best friend up and left you, and you think he’s going to hurt you again. Does he know how you feel?”
Eric’s heart stopped dead in his chest. It wasn’t possible Scott could know the sleepless nights were because of the dreams Jimmy was starring in or that he’d finally figured out he didn’t just love his best friend but was in love with him. There was no fucking way anyone else knew. They couldn’t.
Eric concentrated on the chicken wire, no longer able to hide his feelings and not daring to show them to Scott. “What is it you think I feel?” he said defensively.
“You are worried he’s going to fuck up your friendship again. But honestly, I think that boy has learned his lesson. He knows he fucked up by not keeping in touch with you. I seriously doubt he’ll do it again.”
Eric’s relief was so profound he nearly landed on his ass as the tension raced out of him and left him trembling. “Pitiful, ain’t it? A grown man whining about not being a teenager again.”
“Ain’t pitiful. Hell, after Jimmy’s party, I’m wishing I was still a teen. I don’t remember chicks being built like that when I was in high school.”
“You fucking perv. That’s jailbait you were eyein’.”
“Thank God I can’t be prosecuted for my thoughts.” Scott chuckled. “So what do you need from me to get this coop finished?”
“Grab some pliers and twist some wires,” Eric told him. Secrets were still secrets and Jimmy was keeping his promise—so far. It was turning out to be not too bad a day.
Chapter Seventeen
IF IT beat any harder, Eric’s heart was going to beat right out of his chest, and if that wasn’t bad enough, his legs were shaking, his skin tingling, and although it was a cool rainy day, he was sweating. He’d looked forward to seeing Jimmy before, but this was ridiculous.
He continued to pace back and forth along the back porch watching and waiting for Jimmy’s familiar car to pull into the drive. Fuck! He wanted a cigarette, but because Jimmy disliked the smell, he didn’t dare. That was another thing that was driving him nuts. Why did he care so much if Jimmy liked the way he smelled or if he was wearing new jeans and T-shirt?
Try as he might to calm himself without the nicotine and a stiff drink and push away the crazy thoughts running amuck in his head, he couldn’t seem to get control of himself. Then it was no use when Jimmy pulled in. Before thinking better of it, Eric bounded down the stairs and was standing next to Jimmy’s car before the guy even had a chance to put it in park. The wild thumping in his chest only intensified when Jimmy stepped out of the car. His hair was a little longer, the dark scruff on his jaw gave him a sexy-as-hell rugged look, but it was that wide smile that hit Eric right in the center of his chest. The blue eyes shimmering with happiness destroyed him.
“Damn, you must be really excited to show off the new additions. You’re actually shaking,” Jimmy pointed out.
Jimmy was just inches away from him, so close all Eric had to do was to lean over and wrap his arms around him and he’d have that hard body against his. He clamped down on the urge. It’s only been a couple of weeks. Have a little restraint.
Wait. What? “New additions?” he asked, trying to pay attention to the conversation, but it was difficult through the haze of crazy lust.
“Sheep and chickens? What’s gotten into you?”
“Oh right, c’mon.” He grabbed Jimmy’s forearm. Jesus, they’d been texting every day, the main topic of conversation being how the new critters were settling in and the new organic implements were working out. Eric had stayed away from anything too personal for the most part, keeping their chats on safe topics.
“Dude, what the hell? Mind slowing down a little? My legs aren’t as long as yours,” Jimmy complained, but he was laughing.
“You got to meet Penny,” Eric told him as a way of explaining his unusual excitement.
“I still can’t believe you named the fucking chickens,” Jimmy commented incredulously when they stopped next to the coop. “That’s as bad as naming your truck.”
“Why must you constantly bring Bulla into our conversations? You secretly want her, don’t you? Go ahead, admit it,” Eric encouraged with a sly grin.
“Yeah, that’s it.” Jimmy shook his head.
“I knew it.”
“Uh-huh. This looks great,” Jimmy complimented as he walked around the perimeter of the coop.
“Thanks. Scott came over and helped. I had thought about doing the whole free-range thing. But with the growing coyote problem and the notion of having thirty chickens shitting everywhere, I ditched the idea.”
“Smart.”
Jimmy continued to inspect the coop, running his fingers along the wire, and damn wouldn’t Eric love to have those long fingers running along other things. Intimate things. He stayed close, not wanting Jimmy more than a foot from him. In fact, what he really wanted to do was grab that handsome face in both his hands, feel the soft stubble against his palms and that warm smiling mouth against his. Eric’s dick began to swell and twitched in approval.
Thankfully, Jimmy had entered the coop and was checking out its residents rather than Eric. Wow, he wasn’t going to make it without a trip to the bathroom if he didn’t get his shit together.
“Did you name all of them?”
“No, just Penny,” Eric explained, glad to have something other than his cock to focus on. “She’s the big one over there with the crazy feathers standing up on her head.”
“Why that one?” Jimmy went toward her, and before Eric could warn him about Penny’s disposition, she charged at him, screeching and wings flapping. Jimmy jumped out of the way and grabbed Eric, using him as a shield.
“She’s badass. I figured any chick with tha
t much badassery needed a name.”
“You should have named her Mrs. Bates. That chick’s psycho.”
They left Penny puffed up and strutting proudly. “Maybe you can handle Mary better.” Eric held the coop door open for Jimmy, a zing shooting up his arm when Jimmy brushed against him. Eric gritted his teeth and latched the gate.
“Let me guess, Mary is your psychotic lamb?”
“Bingo.”
Jimmy fell in love with the small lambs, cooing at them as he ran his fingers over their soft wool. Such a gentle soul, Eric thought, and his chest tightened. He’d always loved that about Jimmy—it was part of the reason Jimmy went into medicine—but Eric never really thought about it much until recently. He was painfully aware that he was spiraling toward obsession. He thought about Jimmy while he was working, while he was relaxing, and even dreamed about him. Eric had to do something soon, either figure out a way to get these thoughts out of his head once and for all or confess to Jimmy. He knew Jimmy was in love with him, no doubt wouldn’t pull away if Eric made an advance, but what then? What if it didn’t work out like he or Jimmy hoped? What if the reality of being with another man wasn’t as good as what he’d built up in his head? It would ruin their relationship, and it would be an obstacle their friendship could never recover from.
“You’ve been acting weird since I pulled up and now you’re not even in the room. What gives?”
Fuck! Eric hadn’t even noticed Jimmy had stood up and was now right in front of him, he’d been so lost. Hell, he’d been lost for a long time.
The thought of losing Jimmy’s friendship had him once again lying. “I haven’t been sleeping much with taking on all this extra work and worrying about the new critters. I’m still not sure how I’m going to pull it off. I’m a little delirious with exhaustion, but I’m sure you know how that feels.”
Jimmy whistled. “I’m right there with ya, bud. I ended up pulling thirty-nine hours during a full moon. I think I slept maybe an hour and I was standing at the time.”