Weight of Silence: (Cost of Repairs #3)

by A. M. Arthur

  He pushed his hips up, felt Gavin’s growing erection against his own. Gavin broke the kiss and gazed down at him, warm brown eyes full of heat and uncertainty. Jace nodded, answering the unasked question.

  Gavin rose and locked the bedroom door. They took their time undressing each other, peeling back clothing to reveal lickable, kissable skin, until nothing remained between them except air. Gavin pulled a blanket up over them, creating a dark cocoon of warmth that hid them from the world. Nothing existed outside of this moment.

  They kissed, lips and tongues and hands moving together. Jace rolled them so he was on top. Gavin lifted his knees to cradle Jace between his thighs, wrapped his arms around Jace’s waist to keep him close. Jace reached between them and aligned their cocks. He wrapped his fingers around them as best he could, and Gavin groaned against his throat. Jace stuttered, seeking a rhythm with his hips and hand, until he forgot about technique and let nature take over. He fell into the pure pleasure of his erection rubbing against Gavin’s, skin to skin, their bodies wrapped around each other.

  The humid air beneath the blanket filled with the scents of sweat and sex, and Jace thrust harder, held them tighter. Gavin kissed his throat, nipped his earlobes, marking every inch of skin his mouth could reach. Jace wanted so much to push Gavin’s legs higher and thrust inside him, to be moving in his body, but all of their supplies were in Gavin’s room. This was enough for now—a promise made in pleasure and trust.

  Gavin made a desperate noise. His hand joined Jace’s, doubling the heat and pressure on their cocks. Jace groaned as electricity surged through him, tingling his scalp, drawing his balls up. He wanted more, needed more. He thrust harder, faster, and Gavin held him, urged him on. Whispered words he didn’t quite understand, and it was okay, because it was Gavin. Jace wanted this to last longer, wanted the intensity of emotion roiling inside of him to go on forever like an ocean wave.

  When his orgasm hit, Jace cried out and pressed his face into Gavin’s neck, holding tight as shocks of pleasure crashed over him. He went boneless on top of Gavin, utterly spent, perfectly sated, his blood humming with his release. Gavin let go of his softening cock and jerked himself hard, fast. Jace kissed him, wanting to get him there, and he swallowed the noise Gavin made when he came.

  In the darkness of their blanket cavern, sweat slicked and sticky with come, Jace relaxed into Gavin’s embrace. He couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

  They cleaned up and spent the afternoon in Jace’s room, watching movies on his laptop and listening to his iPod. When Gavin brought up a bowl of vegetable broth and five saltine crackers, Jace worked his way through the food without any prompting. His stomach felt tight and sloshy afterward, but everything stayed down. He even drank half a bottle of Pedialyte. Getting his body back on track would be a process, but it was a process that Jace looked forward to. It meant things were getting better.

  Several times he caught Gavin watching him like he wanted to ask a question. He never did. Part of Jace appreciated the space Gavin was giving him. Another part wanted Gavin to push, to demand Jace tell that final secret so he could get it off his chest and out in the open. Jace wanted to tell Gavin; he was too scared to make that decision on his own. Scared that Gavin would see him as the coward he was for giving into Jordan’s blackmail. His good intentions of protecting himself and Rachel no longer seemed big enough to forgive what he’d done. And what he’d lied about.

  He had to come clean soon, even if it was to Rachel first. She was tangentially involved and she gave good advice. She’d know what to do.

  If he ever got the balls to tell her.

  “Jace?”

  He blinked at the fingers snapping in front of his face. Gavin watched him with a curious half-smile.

  “Sorry, I zoned again, didn’t I?” Jace said.

  “A little bit, yeah. Where’d you go this time?”

  “School.” He shook his head like he could knock those thoughts back out. “Anyway, I’m back, and I want to ask you something.”

  “Ask away.”

  “Will you go with me to Molly’s party tomorrow night?”

  Gavin’s eyebrows rose a fraction, and then his entire face softened into a warm smile. “Yes, I will. Planning on showing me off?”

  Nerves stabbed at his guts. He hadn’t come out to anyone except his family, and most of his old high school friends would be at Molly’s tomorrow. He didn’t want to make a production out of it, or to shove his sexuality under the noses of his old buddies. “I don’t want to hide you,” he said honestly.

  “You think your parents will let you out of the house?”

  “I’ll be with you and Rachel all night. I think they’ll deal.” Something else occurred to Jace. “Are you cool if we skip Casper’s party in Harrisburg?”

  “Sure. It’s a long drive anyway.”

  He studied Gavin until he was certain Gavin really didn’t mind. “Cool. Thanks.”

  “No problem. What time’s the party?”

  “Starts at eight.”

  “I have to work until four, so then I’ll pick you up at seven.”

  “Molly only lives six blocks from here.”

  Gavin grinned. “Yeah, but I want to spend a little time making out with my boyfriend before I have to share him with other people.”

  “Oh really?” Jace laughed. “Then how about you pick me up at six, instead?”

  When Gavin got home that night, two police cars were parked on the road in front of the trailer. Mama hadn’t called him to say anything was wrong, but that didn’t stop a surge of worry from propelling him out of the Jeep and up the front steps.

  Mama was sitting on the sofa with Detective Kramer, and they both looked up when he came in. “What’s wrong?” Gavin asked.

  “I’m fine, mijo,” Mama said. “I let them in to search. It’s all right.”

  “Search for what?”

  “The item your father was looking for last night,” Kramer replied.

  “Did he say what it was?”

  “Yes. He’s trying to use its contents to negotiate a deal for himself, but we need to find it first and verify its authenticity.”

  “So what is it?”

  Kramer didn’t reply.

  Gavin grunted. Mama stood and followed him into the kitchen, which looked like a small tornado had been through it. He grabbed a box of cereal and shoved it back into the pantry where it belonged.

  “How’s Jace?” she asked in a whisper.

  “Better. He’ll be okay, I think, it’ll just take some time.”

  “His parents are fine people. They’ll find out he’s the same son they’ve always loved.”

  Gavin hugged his mother tight, grateful for her in every way possible. She had never once made him feel unloved or wrong because he was gay. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve such unfaltering love and support.

  They hung out with Detective Kramer for another hour while his officers searched the trailer. Gavin didn’t like the idea of them rifling through his private things—God only knew what they’d think of the lube and condoms in his night table drawer—and he’d have a hell of a mess to clean in the morning. But more than that dislike, he wanted to know what the sperm donor had hidden in their home.

  A female officer he didn’t recognize came out of the hallway with a plastic baggie in one hand. Gavin squinted at its contents. Something slim and black. “Do either of you recognize this?” she asked.

  Mama shook her head. Gavin took a closer look. It was a 4gb flash drive, but not one of his. He always bought 16gb drives.

  “Not mine,” Gavin said.

  “Where was it?” Kramer asked.

  “In Ms. Perez’s closet, stuffed inside of a potpourri sachet,” the officer replied.

  “Hell of a hiding place.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Oh my, I’d forgotten all about that sachet,” Mama said. She stared at the baggie, stricken.

  Gavin’s stomach flipped. “What is it, Mama?”<
br />
  “Kai gave it to me. I’d forgotten.”

  “When was this?” Kramer asked.

  “Late May. He came to the trailer a few days after the big fire in town. Gavin was working.” She gave Gavin an apologetic smile. “I never told you he was here, because I knew you’d be angry.”

  “Why the hell was he here?” Gavin asked. He wasn’t angry at his mother, but he couldn’t seem to keep his voice below yelling levels. “Did he hurt you?”

  “No, he didn’t. He seemed scared, which isn’t like him. It’s the only reason I allowed him inside.”

  Gavin shuddered at the idea of Mama allowing that bastard in. He could have done any number of things to her without Gavin there to protect her.

  “He said he was in some trouble,” Mama continued. “He never said what kind. I thought he wanted money, but he didn’t ask. He gave me a small gift. A scented candle and that sachet. I nearly threw them out after he left, but I love the smell of lilacs.”

  “So he left the flash drive here for safe keeping without you knowing you had it,” Kramer said. “Clever.”

  “He’s lucky she didn’t throw it away,” the officer said.

  “Us too.”

  “Why?” Gavin asked. “What’s on it?”

  “We’ll take it to our tech people and find out.”

  Gavin glared at the detective, positive the man knew a lot more than he was sharing. The police wouldn’t be taking it seriously if Kai hadn’t thrown them some kind of bone, some clue as to the flash drive’s contents. And if the bastard used it to get off—no. He wouldn’t entertain that what if right now, or he’d go around and around with it all night.

  After the police left, he sat down on the couch next to Mama, who wouldn’t look directly at him. “You should have told me he was here,” Gavin said.

  “I couldn’t tell you,” she said. She wasn’t crying, but her eyes were shiny and tears thickened her voice. “You hate him so much.”

  “For good reason.” Then he knew—in the way she plucked at the sleeve of her shirt and wouldn’t meet his eyes. He knew. “Oh, Mama, tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”

  She ducked her head.

  “Mama! Have you forgotten everything he did to us?”

  She raised her chin and gave him an icy stare that surprised him with its ferocity. “Do not ever think I’ve forgotten a thing, Gavin Hale Perez. You know very well I haven’t forgotten every bruise and cruel word your father has inflicted on us.”

  “Then why? Did he—?” Horror turned him inside out. “Mama, did he force you?”

  “No, mijo.” She reached for his hand then drew back. “No, it was my choice. You’re still so young, my love. You don’t know what it feels like to be truly lonely, and I hope you never do. I hope you never crave the touch of a man so badly that you will take attention from anyone, even someone who has done you so much wrong. He is still my husband.”

  Gavin’s anger fizzled out under the weight of his mother’s sadness. He never considered her situation—a good Catholic woman, married to a man who’d run out on them, unable to find comfort with another due to her beliefs in the sanctity of her vows, no matter what Kai was doing out in the wide world. He wouldn’t divorce her. She’d be stuck with the bastard until he died.

  “I’m sorry,” Gavin said.

  “Me too.” She pulled him into a hug. “Me too, my love.”

  Kai Hale’s arrest was the topic of conversation at the Dollar Mart when Gavin went in for his nine-to-four shift. The cashiers didn’t bother whispering or even ending their chatter when he came by, and they gossiped endlessly with customers who desperately needed to do some cheap shopping for their last-minute New Year’s bash. He didn’t particularly like his family being the latest hot topic, but it wouldn’t last. Not in a town like Stratton.

  Not unless that flash drive really did have something important on it, but he couldn’t imagine what. His sperm donor wasn’t a master criminal. He was a petty thug and a professional drunk. Kai started in construction work after he failed to meet the requirements to be a firefighter, and when Gavin was five a back injury sent him straight to the bottle and unemployment. After that, Kai got mean. He struggled to keep the most basic minimum wage job, until he finally left his wife and son to fend for themselves.

  Gavin kept his head down and stocked shelves until he turned a corner into the office supplies aisle and nearly ran right into Jace.

  “Hey,” Gavin said, genuinely happy to see him. He couldn’t seem to get the big, goofy grin off his face.

  Jace had shadows under his eyes, but he looked more relaxed than he had all month. “Hey yourself.”

  “Last minute shopping?”

  He glanced at the display of cheap pens and correction fluid. “Not today. I was hoping you hadn’t taken your break yet.”

  “As a matter of fact, I haven’t.”

  “Think you can take it now?”

  “Shouldn’t be a problem. Let me ask.”

  A few minutes later, they were settling into a booth at Mineo’s with lunch. Gavin got his usual Italian sub, while Jace ordered a bowl of Matzo ball soup. Gavin filled him in on the police search while he tried not to be so obvious about watching Jace eat. Thinking back on their time together, he couldn’t understand how he hadn’t noticed that Jace never ate anything in front of him.

  Because Gavin wasn’t paying attention. He saw Jace without ever really seeing him.

  “Can I ask you something?” Jace said when he’d finished most of the soup.

  “Sure,” Gavin replied around a mouthful of cold cuts and sweet peppers.

  “Do you like your job?”

  He pondered the unexpected question while he chewed and swallowed. “As much as any other job I’ve had, I guess.”

  “Is that yes or no?”

  Irritation made him drop his sandwich. “It’s a yes, I guess. The store’s clean. I like the people I work with and it comes with benefits.”

  “Do you still want to be stocking the Dollar Mart in five years?”

  “Dunno. I can barely imagine five months from now, much less five years.” Looking that far into the future was beyond Gavin. He took his life one day, maybe one week, at a time. Maybe his lack of foresight was why he’d been at the Dollar Mart for four years, but he wasn’t unhappy so he saw no reason to change jobs. “What's wrong with working there? Someone has to.”

  “Well, yeah, but I’m asking about you, Gavin, not just anybody.”

  “Dollar Mart’s as good a place as any around here.” He didn’t understand why Jace cared so much about his job now, when it never mattered before. “It’s honest work.”

  “I know that.”

  “So what’s wrong with my job?”

  “Nothing. That’s not what I meant when I asked if you liked working there.”

  Gavin wanted to turn Jace upside down and shake him until the real words came out and he could make sense of this. “Then why'd you ask?”

  “Because I was curious. Not everyone likes their job. Sometimes you pick a career, like my dad, and it’s a job you really like. Sometimes you do something because you need the money and then you get stuck there.”

  “I’m not stuck. I could leave if I wanted.” He could leave Dollar Mart. Hell, he could leave Stratton if he wanted. But he didn’t want to—not without a good reason.

  “I really fucked this up.” Jace rubbed his forehead, then dropped his hands onto the table. “There’s nothing wrong with you, your job, or that you like working there, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “I was just thinking about stuff. I mean, my sisters have both had life plans in place forever. Lauren wants the whole career, husband, kids and picket fence thing. Rachel is totally focused on med school. Dad always wanted to be a police officer. Mom didn’t work until after us kids were in elementary school, and she’d always been interested in being a realtor.”

  The previous questions about Dollar Mart made a lot more sense to Gavin. “You feel unfo
cused compared to them.”

  “Yeah.” Jace’s smile expressed a profound relief at Gavin having understood his problem without being told.

  “I can sympathize with being unfocused.”

  “They make pills for your lack of focus.”

  Gavin snickered. “I tried taking pills once, in high school, but I always felt like I was underwater. I’d rather deal on my own.”

  “I get that.”

  “So this is you unsure what you want to do with your life?”

  “Basically.”

  “And we’re not fighting about my crappy job?”

  “Hell no. If your crappy job makes you happy, then I’m happy. Honest.”

  “Excellent.”

  “My parents aren’t happy with my decision to quit Temple, but they want me to be happy and they know I’m not happy there.”

  “You can always go back to school once you figure out what you want.”

  “I know. They do too.”

  Gavin popped a slice of tomato into his mouth. “When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?”

  “Well, when I was six I wanted to be Tony Hawk.”

  “How’d that work out?”

  “I broke my arm falling off my skateboard, so my mom took it away. My new dream was to invent non-itchy casts for kids, but that never went anywhere.”

  “Now that’s a shame.” Gavin glanced at the deli clock—five minutes before he had to leave. “You said the other day you wanted to travel. Have you researched jobs that let you do that?”

  “Not really. I wouldn’t know where to start.”

  “How about we hit the library when it opens back up after the holidays?”

  “Wouldn't it be easier to use one of our computers at home?”

  Gavin waggled his eyebrows. “Not if you want to get actual work done.”

  Jace laughed. “Okay, library then.”