I was a coward. I’d purposely waited until I knew he'd be safely on stage. Hidden in the shadows, I peeked out, doing my best to stay unseen by anyone.
"He's miserable. He thinks he quote 'fucked things up royally' unquote."
Malcolm's voice at my ear made me jump. Swiveling to face him, I watched him warily. His tall, thin frame stood awkwardly beside me. He nervously clasped his hands behind his back.
He was uneasy when he spoke, his eyes never leaving the stage. "I warned him many times. I..um told him he needed to tell you the truth about what we are. But Nick...well, Nick does everything the hard way. I guess it’s his way of rebelling. Our maker was...difficult, even cruel at times. He's trying, Savannah. But you're here. All can't be lost."
I know how I must have looked. I felt the blood drain from my face as Malcolm's words sank in. "You...you're a va..."
He raised a finger and stopped my words. "Yes. And um, before you worry, Siobhan is safe. I won't do a thing to hurt her. She’s safer with me than a human." He smiled widely and adjusted his smoky lensed glasses. "Give Nick a break. Give him a chance to...explain."
“Did he send you to smooth things over? I need to talk to him, not you,” I shot back bitterly. I rubbed my forehead with my palm. “No offense, Malcolm.”
He laughed wryly. “None taken. Savannah, you’re going to be a handful. No, uh Nick didn’t send me to ‘smooth things over’. I tend to make things worse. Stick around, you’ll find out.”
My eyes left Malcolm and were drawn back to Nick. Tall and sexy, he worked the stage and enraptured the crowd with his presence. His black jeans hugged his long legs, his simple black t-shirt stretched across his chest, revealing his long, leanly muscled arms. His glossy black hair gleamed under the various light effects and his voice...his slightly husky voice was beautiful. As he gripped the microphone stand, I stood and watched him in awe. He was gorgeous.
Much too quickly, the song ended and the lights went out, leaving the stage in darkness.
It should have been the last song of the night. I was positive this was not on the set list since I’d prepared it myself. Only Randy, Pete and Johnny left the stage. They passed me and only Randy shot me a sheepish look.
"This was his idea," Randy muttered and jutted a thumb back towards the stage.
Even more curious than before, I squinted into the darkness. I heard the confused excitement of the crowd as they waited for the lights to come back up.
When a single white spotlight illuminated the stage, it was trained on Nick at a piano. My heart raced when I saw him behind the baby grand. I'd never heard him play anything except a guitar. And as he began to play, the beauty and grace of the sound was hauntingly beautiful and heartbreaking. Each chord resonated through my chest, squeezing my heart until I thought it would burst.
His smooth voice floated over the words effortlessly. He looked up from the keys to meet my eyes, his beautiful lips giving me a bittersweet smile as he sang.
Your love is my second chance
My fate, my happiness is in your hands.
My knees shook from the selfless emotion he put into every word. He was exposing his inner feelings for me and for the entire world to see. His unashamed actions put everything on the line. He wasn't holding back anymore.
I’ll surrender who I am for everything you are
And I can only offer you my unworthy heart.
He was vividly telling me he was waving a white flag. He was surrendering to me. Was I willing to surrender too? It was all too much to take in. My mind was swimming in confusion, making me second-guess every decision I'd made since I met him.
Now every heated look we'd exchanged, every lingering touch meant more now than it had before. My mind flipped through the soft touch of his hand on mine, the heaviness of his body as he leaned into whisper into my ear, the heat within the depths of his brown eyes when they bored into mine. The memories of being joined with him last night, skin to skin was painful to remember. Hot tears spilled from my eyes and ran over my cheeks.
I was terrified of letting go and loving someone, let alone a man that was an immortal creature. But I couldn't ignore the magnetic pull he had on me, the longing that was pulsing in my very being when I looked at him. It wasn’t supposed to be this complicated.
Swiping away the tears with the back of my hand, I finally accepted the inevitable truth. I'd offered up a good fight. I wasn't going to reject him for what he was. He hadn't chosen this life. For some reason, someone had chosen it for him.
I’d made my decision. I was ready to join him in surrender.
Nick finished the song and the crowd went wild. He pushed away from the piano and walked to the middle of the stage. His dark head lowered, his long fingers wrapping around the microphone seductively.
He looked up and his smile lit up the stage, brighter than any spotlight ever could. As I watched him, I noticed the hard lines around his eyes, the tension in his shoulders. But I knew the truth… to anyone else, they wouldn’t know and wouldn’t see it. Yet to me…I could see the strain.
"Goodnight, Hollywood." He waved and strode off the stage. With the roar of the crowd behind him, he was like a man on a mission. His steps didn’t falter as he approached me. The smell of leather and his spicy cologne surrounded me and offered me comfort. He stopped in front of me, his eyes searching mine.
"You came." The relief on his face was evident. His eyes closed for a moment as he released a heavy breath. When they reopened, they were cautious. "That’s a good thing, right?"
Unable to stop myself, I brushed his hair away from his forehead. "I did. But we need to talk."
He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "I know we do. You know everything? And you still came?"
Stepping closer, I reached out and took his hand, squeezing it tightly. "I know enough, but I want to hear it from you. Wrap things up here and come to my house when you're ready to talk."
His fingers twitched in my hand. I knew he wanted to touch me but was afraid to try. "We leave for Europe in the morning. You're still coming with me?"
"Nick. We'll talk soon." I squeezed his hand a final time before letting it go. "Please hurry."
***
Walking from window to window, I waited anxiously for Nick to arrive. An hour passed and I'd heard no word from him. I’m sure he was in no hurry to get here. He knew what I wanted. I was expecting him to explain everything in detail to me. I wondered if he was ready to dredge up everything from his past for me to judge.
I wasn’t sure if I was ready to hear it.
I'd almost given up on him when I heard his car turn into my driveway. With a pounding heart, I watched him unfold his tall frame from his car and walk towards my house, his shoulders set in firm resolve.
I didn't wait for him to knock. I opened the door and stood in the doorway as his heavy boots stomped up each step. He refused to look at me. Instead, his eyes were glued to the porch floor.
"If we're going to do this you're going to have to be honest. Come in since this is a conversation my neighbors don't need to hear."
Surprised brown eyes met mine as I stepped aside for him to enter. He stepped in and jammed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. I stood facing him with my arms crossed for a moment, finally turning and glancing into the mirror in the foyer with a loud sigh as I took in my exhausted appearance. I looked like I’d been to hell and back. My long blond hair was messy and my blue eyes were circled with dark smudges.
Nick stepped behind me and reached his hand out to me in the reflection. "Savannah..."
My eyes met his in the mirror. Seeing the fear and the worry made him seem human, so easy to forget that he was a vampire, an immortal creature. Steeling myself, I turned away and headed into the living room, dropping down in one of the chairs opposite him. He followed behind and stood hesitantly in the arched entry. A rare look of hurt flashed across his handsome face before it was replaced with a quiet passiveness.
I took a moment
to collect my thoughts and my voice was unwavering when I spoke. "I need to hear this from you, Nick."
He leaned against the frame, his tall body filling the doorway. "It's complicated."
Crossing my legs, I folded my hands in my lap. "So uncomplicate it for me."
He let out a groan and his head fell back in frustration. He rubbed his face between his hands. "Fuck me.”
“I’ve already done that. That’s why we’re in this mess.” I simply sat and waited for him to talk. An occasional car passed on the street outside and my cell phone chimed twice with an incoming text alert. Neither made me stop staring and waiting.
His voice was rough when he finally spoke. "I wish I could uncomplicate things for us. I should have never let myself feel anything for you. It would've been easier for us both."
My heart leapt grudgingly at his careless words. It shouldn't matter that he cared. I should be so upset that I told him to shove his job and his feelings for me. I realized with a startled surprise that I wanted him to care. A strange realization washed over me. I cared a little too much for Nick Hart and what he felt for me.
"It's a little too late for second thoughts and do overs, Nick. This is why I don't open myself up to people. It keeps my life simple," I frowned. Smoothing my fingers through my hair, I recrossed my legs. "But here we are. I'd like to hear this from you. I want you to tell me what you are."
Nick stiffly walked to the mantle over my fireplace. His keen eyes roamed over each picture, his lips curving into the faintest of smiles as he took in the images of me with Siobhan, Elliott and my parents over the years. His index finger traced over the image of me in my cap and gown at my college graduation.
"You want me to tell you what you already know? Is that what you want? I'm a vampire, Savannah. Is that what you wanted to hear?" His deep voice sounded raw and his hands clenched at his sides.
"No, it's not what I wanted to hear. I'm teetering between wanting to tell you to get the hell out of my house and start bombarding you with questions. I haven’t had the chance to let it sink in. I’m still trying to understand what you are and what it means for us."
He ran his long fingers through his shiny black hair, shielding his brown eyes from mine. "Is there still an 'us'? Aren't you scared of me?"
Standing slowly, I sauntered towards him. "If you wanted to kill me, you would have done it days ago. I'm feeling many things, but fear isn't one of them. Should I be scared of you, Nick?"
Nick turned to face me and I watched as a handful of emotions flashed over his face. They morphed from anger, to sadness, until finally a tentative calmness took over his face. "A hundred years ago I would have said yes. I would've told you this as I was draining the life from you while you lay helpless in my arms. Times change. Even vampires can change. Now I'm as harmless as a kitten."
He offered me a Cheshire cat grin and I unintentionally drew back when I noticed his fangs had dropped. Squaring my shoulders and gathering my courage, I stepped closer. I raised my index finger to his teeth. His fangs were slightly curved inwards, making me wonder what his bite would look like. For some strange reason I had visions of a heart-shaped bite marking my skin.
Finding my voice, my hand inched closer to his mouth. "So now it's just all just pointy teeth and cuteness?"
He chuckled and his fingers curled around my exploring hand, dragging it towards his mouth. He placed my shaking finger against his fangs. "Something like that. Feel them, Savannah. I won't bite."
I let him guide my finger over the length of his fang, relishing in his guttural moans of pleasure. Before he could react, my fingertip pressed against the sharp point. Nick had gone motionless, his brown eyes wide as he watched me inquisitively. Pressing the tip against his fang, it pierced my skin and my blood welled until it ran down my finger in a sensuous trail. In a blur, he had my finger in his mouth, his cool tongue caressing and laving over the tiny puncture.
His eyes rolled back and a keening moan rumbled in his chest. Watching his visceral reaction to my blood caused a tightness to coil deep in my stomach. I wanted him, fangs and all.
"Is there anything else I should know?" I asked weakly. A bead of sweat ran down my back from the pure sensuality of his mouth on my skin.
Nick kissed my fingertip a final time and let my hand drop to my side. Curiosity overtook me and I examined my finger for the wound. It was gone, leaving unblemished skin behind.
"My saliva. It heals you." He offered in explanation. Nick sat back down in the chair and looked up at me hesitantly. "I'm not sure I should tell you any more."
My hands balled into tight fists. "If there's more, I want to know. I deserve to know what I'm getting into."
He sighed heavily. "Savannah, you have no self-preservation skills, do you? You tempt me with your blood and you still want more."
Releasing a defiant laugh, I stood at the edge of the chair. "Call me an adrenaline junkie. Tell me."
He sighed loudly. "Julia and Ian...they're not human. They're shape shifters...they change into wolves."
"Wolves?" I repeated stiffly. I felt my legs sway and Nick blurred to my side, leading me to the couch and I fell into the cushions. My head dropped back against the pillows and he cautiously sat down at my side.
"Yes."
"You're telling me that your housekeeper and personal body guard are werewolves? Like howl at the moon wolves?" I questioned. I'd spent hours with Julia at Nick's house. I never would have suspected she was a...wolf.
Nick smiled faintly. "Yes. You'd be surprised at how many are in the military and even work for the police. They're quick, strong and expert trackers. They're good to have around when you need heavy security."
Completely speechless, I'd never felt more alone. I was a ship adrift in a hurricane of emotions and thoughts that were beginning to swirl out of control.
"Is that everything?" My eyes slid closed. I wasn't a religious person, but I was willing to pray to any god that I’d heard the worst of it.
"No." His voice was short, clipped. "Savannah, you have to understand what my life was like, both as a human and vampire. I need explain you so you understand."
Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my knees. "Will you tell me? I want to know everything…even if it hurts."
"Yeah. Just give me a few minutes."
He stood only to pace the room. Physically, he was perfect with his long, lean muscles and smooth, flawless skin. His face, his lips, his strong jaw, and his soft hair called to me like no other man. He was beautiful, darkly angelic, but still masculine, radiating strength, and wisdom. Yet mentally and emotionally, underneath it all he carried regret and self-doubt. He was beautifully damaged.
"It was 1882. I was 24 years old when I was changed. I was from a small village in Buckinghamshire, England. I was born Nicholas Hartwell." His voice was monotone as he began to recall his story. "I was a spoiled Nobleman's son. We were wealthy and I lived a fortunate life until my mother died when I was 16. Her death destroyed my father. I watched him give up on life and I in turn gave up too. It's no excuse. I should have been the man my mother raised. Instead I became angry and set off on a path of self-destruction."
I watched him eagerly, waiting for him to continue. He sat down beside me, taking my hand in his. His long, elegant fingers traced the delicate bones in my hand.
"Many years passed, and I grew angrier and more reckless. I was traveling from village to village looking for whatever pleasure my money could buy. Alcohol, women…nothing was sacred to me. I was tempting fate, willing to do anything to drown out my bitterness at the hand life had dealt me. As I said, I was spoiled. I'd been coddled my entire existence. Suddenly I was alone with no one to tell me no." He stopped and rubbed his chin, soundlessly chuckling. "Karma was swift in its retribution."
I could see the pain flicker across his face. I wanted to hear his story, but not at the cost of dredging up this sort of pain. "Nick, you don't have to go on..."
He smiled vacantly. "Love, I do. You need to k
now how I came to be what I am, what I was capable of so many years ago. It was late when I staggered drunkenly out of a pub. I never saw him coming. I wouldn't have stood a chance even if I had. I was a mere human, no match for a vicious predator like Theos." He took a deep breath through his nose and continued. "I woke up two days later to what I am now. My maker was neither kind nor patient. He was cruel and inflicted punishment after punishment on me. I was his first child and took the brunt of his abuse until he turned Malcolm five years after me. He took pleasure in breaking us until we were putty in his hands. Theos trained us to hunt any warm bodied person. He taught us to show no mercy, to forget what little humanity remained in us. I was an apt pupil, becoming as ruthless and heartless as my maker. I carried on this way of life for many years until I had an awakening of sorts."
"What made you change?" I asked. I was lost in his powerful voice, in the emotion of his story.
"He found my elderly father and ordered me to kill him. He said it would prove my loyalty to him." He closed his eyes at the memory, cringing as though he was reliving every moment. "I refused. It didn't matter though. My father's life was already forfeit. I knew he would die, but his death wouldn’t be at my hands. Theos killed him in front of me and then released me from him. Finally free, I traveled as a nomad for the next 40 years until I met up with Malcolm again. Theos had finally released him and he'd been searching for me. It was the 1940's and I was living in London. We've been together since then, traveling from country to country."
Stunned, I could only sit and try to absorb everything he'd told me. He must have realized that I was overwhelmed because he sat unmoving at my side.
"So for the last 70 years you've been roaming the world with Malcolm?" I questioned quietly. "How do you…you know?"
"Feed? After leaving Theos, I chose to feed off the dregs of society. The killers, the rapists…even child abusers. It was easy. I'd watch and hunt them down. My hunger had lessened at that point to where I managed to go days without the urge to feed. And now, with enough money I can survive on bagged blood. You pay off the right people and you can get blood delivered to you. It's what you found in my refrigerator."
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