Be My Baby Lite

by ANDREA SMITH

  “Does that feel good, baby?”

  “Mmmm - oh yeah, Trey.”

  “Tell me what you want, Tylar?”

  To roll over on my side and just go to sleep; to not be so tired and sick all of the time..

  “I want you, Trey; I want you inside of me right now.”

  He lifted his weight up and off of me; his hand gently guided his manhood into me. He flexed in and out of me a couple of times. I felt myself get even wetter.

  “Ummm, Tylar, you feel so good. I’ve missed this so much, baby.”

  What the hell's wrong with me? This is my husband. This is who I love. Why do I feel like a corpse?

  I felt a tear run down my cheek; and then another. Trey was busy, rocking in and out of me. He didn’t notice. I wrapped my arms around him tightly. I needed to feel something different than what I was feeling now.

  Trey was moaning; his pace and rhythm had picked up. I tried to meet his thrusts but at this point, I wasn’t sure if he'd even notice. He was almost there.

  “Ummm... oh yeah,” he groaned as I felt him stiffen; followed by the familiar throbbing as he emptied his climax into me.

  He rolled over onto his back and threw his arm over his forehead. He was winding down; his breathing normalized.

  “I love you Trey.”

  “I love you too, baby.”

  Several minutes later I heard his deep, even breathing. He was asleep. I turned on my side, hugging my pillow in my arms against me and wept softly until I finally fell back to sleep.

  When I awoke the next morning the sun was streaming in through our bedroom window. Trey was already up and gone for the day. I didn’t believe I'd slept through his morning ritual. My back ached something fierce. It would've been nice if I'd gotten that back rub I was promised. I looked at the clock on the nightstand.

  Holy shit! It is 10:32 a.m.

  My cheeks felt flushed. I sat up quickly. I needed to get going and get to the hospital to see Gina and the baby. Wow – I felt dizzy. Maybe I needed to lay back down just for a bit. I sank back down into the pillows and pulled the blankets up under my chin. I was shivering now.

  When I awoke again I couldn’t read what the clock on the nightstand said. My vision was all blurry. I put my hand up to my face; my forehead and cheeks were damp with perspiration. What the hell was going on?

  I forced myself to throw my legs over the side of the bed. I really needed to use the bathroom. My nightgown was soaked.

  I must’ve wet the bed. I definitely had a fever going. That's when I looked down and saw the blood all over the sheets from where I'd been lying. I heard myself scream for Jean - over and over again. I heard the bedroom door open. Everything after that went black.

  CHAPTER 3

  When I awoke the first thing I saw was Trey sitting in a chair beside my bed. He still had his work clothes on. The sleeves on his white shirt were rolled up to his elbows. He'd loosened his tie. His sexy five o’clock shadow had gone a bit beyond that.

  “Trey?”

  He jumped up from his chair and came to stand beside me.

  “Tylar,” he breathed, his eyes reflected his pain.

  He was poised to continue talking to me. I interrupted before he had a chance.

  “Wait - wait,” I said. “Let me guess. I’m in the hospital, aren’t I?” I followed this with a sarcastic laugh that even I didn’t recognize. I saw Trey’s expression go straight to ‘concerned.’

  He started to say something but again I interrupted with sarcasm.

  “I mean I couldn’t possibly be anywhere else, could I? It’s all just so... fucking Tylar, isn’t it?”

  “Honey,” he said, quietly, taking my hand into his, “I need to tell you what happened.”

  “No Trey! No - you don’t get to tell me what happened! I already know what happened!”

  I was on a roll not quite sure where all of it was coming from. I was angry. I was angry at Trey.

  Trey hit the button illuminating the light for a nurse to come in. I was freaking him out apparently. His eyes now had a hint of fear in them.

  “You just had to have sex last night, didn’t you? It was all about you wasn’t it? Just like always. Then you simply left me this morning burning up with a fever and bleeding in our bed at home.”

  “Tylar honey - please?”

  “Please what, Trey?”

  “It was two nights ago. You’ve been in the hospital one night already. You lost a lot of blood. You needed a transfusion. It was a very freak and rare infection honey. You’re going to be fine, though. You'll get out of here in a day or two.”

  “And the baby?”

  I hadn’t had the nerve to look down at my stomach yet. I already knew though. I knew as soon as I'd awakened. Trey’s eyes were filled with tears now. Were they tears of guilt or tears of loss?

  “We lost her, sweetie. I’m so sorry. We lost our baby girl.”

  He laid his head down on my now flat stomach. His tears flowed freely; he sobbed and cried. I placed my hand on his dark, thick hair and ran my fingers through it absently. I was trying to make sense out of all of this.

  The following days went by in a blessed blur. My doctor explained the details of what had happened to Trey and me; though I didn’t listen to any of it. The nurses told me what I could and couldn’t do once released from the hospital.

  At home, Jean was crying and wringing her hands. She watched me as if I were a fine piece of porcelain china that had been set too close to the edge of the mantle; the slightest jar or movement could send me crashing into hundreds of pieces. Preston was told to ‘let Mommy rest.’ She didn’t understand any of this. She was herded out of my room every time she tried to sneak in.

  Gina was at my bedside, inconsolable as she cried and held me. My father did the encore feature of the same after Gina had left. Trey was hounding me about names, caskets and burial arrangements.

  Everyone - please! Just leave me the fuck alone!

  It was the second day after I'd been released from the hospital. It was the day of the graveside service for the baby. Trey had insisted we name her. I named her Marley Renaud Sinclair after my mother.

  Trey made the arrangements for everything else. He'd purchased a burial plot in the ‘baby’ section of the cemetery in DeKalb County, along with picking out a casket and a grave marker. I'd been ordered strict bed rest so I wasn’t able to assist him with the arrangements.

  Susan and Clive had already flown in to Atlanta right after Gina and Tristan’s baby was born. They'd named him Reese Patrick Sinclair. I was sorry that my miscarriage had served to dampen the joy of properly welcoming Baby Reese into the family. I'd said as much to Gina, Tristan and Susan. They'd all gaped at me with expressions that ranged from ‘puzzled’ to ‘disturbed.’

  Trey was in our room now helping me get dressed for the memorial service. I slipped into a plain black dress with a white collar. He zipped the back up for me, pulling my hair out of the way. I couldn’t even recall when or where I'd bought it. It looked almost Amish I thought to myself. Trey brought my black heels out from the closet, handing them to me so that I could slip them on.

  “Tylar, we're going to be at the cemetery a little early. If you want, you can have a couple of minutes with the baby in the chapel. I know that you didn’t get a chance to see her after they delivered her and all. I mean, I got to hold her and everything but you were under anesthesia so if you want to say ‘good-bye’ to her maybe.”

  “I don’t think so, Trey. It wouldn’t serve any practical purpose. I’ve come to terms with it. These things happen. Where’s Preston?”

  He was staring at me as if he hadn’t heard me and was still waiting for an answer.

  “Where’s Preston?”

  “Oh, ah, I think your Dad has her. Do you want me to get her?”

  “Please.”

  I went to the bathroom and touched up my hair and make-up. I looked very demure. I guess that was a look I could handle for today. I put the pearl drop earrings on tha
t my father had given to my mother.

  A few minutes later my father came to our room with Preston. Susan had dressed her in a new pink summer dress and sandals. She looked adorable.

  “Hey sweet girl,” I said holding my arms out for her. She leaned over and reached for me. I pulled her against me breathing in her baby scent. My heart ached. I couldn’t breathe. Something was stabbing me in the gut at the moment. I kissed her cheek and handed back over to my dad.

  “Tylar, are you up to this darling? Do you want to talk about your loss?”

  “Dad, why's everyone so hell-bent on seeing me go to pieces?”

  “Darling, we all love you. This is a loss. We're here to help you through it. That’s all.”

  “I appreciate that, Dad, but I look at this as being one of those unfortunate things that happens for a reason. I don’t question my blessings so why should I question my losses?”

  “I suppose that's a pragmatic way of looking at it,” he commented. “Still, if you should need to talk about it, please know that I'm here for you.”

  “Thanks, Dad,” I said, giving him a pat on his arm. He was still looking at me warily. I guess everyone in this house would just have to be satisfied knowing that I was dealing with this in my own way.

  The memorial service at the cemetery was supposed to be just family, though Amber managed to crash it. We were gathered at the gravesite; Gina had contacted a priest at the church she attended and he agreed to read some scripture and bless the grave. Once gathered around the grave we heard a car pull up. I turned to see Amber getting out of it to join the family.

  “What’s she doing here?” I hissed in a quiet voice to Trey.

  “She said she wanted to offer her condolence, that’s all,” Trey said. “I told her we were having a memorial service.”

  “Couldn’t she have just sent a card?” I replied, turning back around.

  Amber joined the family circled around the small, open grave. She was wearing a black pencil skirt, with a black bolero jacket and a black fedora hat. It was warm and humid; Amber was cool as a cucumber though. I turned my attention back to the priest who'd started reading from scripture. Trey had his arm around me; I heard the others sniffling behind me. I just wanted this to be over and to go back home again.

  When the service ended; we were all supposed to go back to the house for lunch. I stopped Trey as he left my side to thank Amber for coming.

  “Don’t invite her to lunch Trey. I mean it.”

  He didn’t say a word as he went over and took her hand, thanking her for stopping by. She put her arms around him telling him what a lovely service it had been.

  Oh - puh-leeze!

  I went over to look at some of the flower arrangements that had been sent. I could keep the two of them in my peripheral vision while doing so. Trey moved on talking to Susan and Clive. I saw Amber approaching.

  “Tylar,” she said with faux sincerity, “I just want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss.”

  She placed her hand on my arm. I looked down at her hand, then back up into her dark brown eyes.

  “Thank you Amber. These things happen for a reason I’ve been told.”

  “Yes,” she said, her eyes more alert now, searching mine for understanding, “that's exactly right. I know it sounds so cliché, but you’re the one who said it. You must realize that in the long run, it will make the break easier.”

  “The break?”

  “Yes. The break between you and Trey. He’s on the fast track and that's exactly where I want to be. You see, I intend to have him.”

  She turned and walked with confidence back down the small hill to where her car was parked. She didn’t look back. Gina approached me carrying Reese who was lightly wrapped in a receiving blanket.

  “What did she say to you?”

  “Nothing important; let me see Reese, Gina.”

  Back at the house I managed to get through lunch with the family. Preston was enamored with tiny Baby Reese. She watched intrigued as Gina nursed him, changed him and cuddled him. Gina let Preston see his tiny little face.

  “That’s your cousin,” Gina explained to her. She giggled and ran over to me.

  “Baabby,” she said, smiling.

  She looked at my now flat stomach. I saw her little mind trying to piece together what had happened. She pointed over to where Gina was holding Reese.

  “Mama's baabby?”

  “No honey - Reese isn't Mommy’s baby; Reese is Aunt Gina and Uncle Tristan’s baby. Remember when Aunt Gina’s tummy was big?”

  “Unh huh,” she said, nodding her head up and down.

  “Well, now Baby Reese is out of Aunt Gina’s tummy and she is holding him.”

  Everyone had seemed to stop what they were doing to watch my interaction with Preston on the subject of the baby. She'd not gone to the cemetery with us; she'd stayed behind with Jean.

  I saw Preston frowning trying to figure this all out.

  “Mama's baabby?” she asked, now pointing to my stomach.

  What do I tell her?

  Trey was at my side in a moment.

  “Hey, Preston,” he said, scooping her up into his strong arms, “let’s go get some crackers from Jean.”

  “Cacker?” She'd already moved on to something else. I was sure that the subject would come up again.

  After everyone had finally left, I breathed a sigh of relief. The tightness in my chest was somewhat relieved. I was finally spared their constant perusal. I felt like I'd spent the day under a microscope. My father had kissed me good-bye. He was flying back to Baton Rouge this evening. He said he would call me later in the week. I took off my heels and headed up the stairs to our suite.

  Susan and Clive were heading back to Bristol in a couple of weeks. I'd overheard Susan saying something to Trey about having Preston spend some time with them in the fall for a couple of weeks. She mentioned that perhaps he and I could use some alone time. He'd told her that he would discuss it with me and let her know. He said he thought I probably wouldn't want to be apart from Preston for a while.

  I actually thought it would be nice for Preston to spend some time with her grandparents. It wasn’t that often that she got to see them. Once she started school, it would be even more difficult to plan visits there.

  I went to the bathroom and started the shower. I wasn’t supposed to take baths for several weeks; showers only. I got clean pajamas and underwear ready for afterwards. Freshly showered and dressed, I climbed into our bed. I fell asleep right away. I was glad that this day was behind me forever.

  I woke up when Trey came to bed. I could tell it was much later because I'd gotten just enough sleep to take the edge off.

  He pulled me over close to him, wrapping an arm around me. He fell asleep quickly. I lay there now wide awake unable to fall back to sleep. I smelled a hint of whiskey on his breath. Jack Daniels.

  CHAPTER 4

  The weeks seemed to fly by and it was fall. Before I knew it, it was mid-September. I was on my way back to the house from the horse barn. I'd driven in to town to do some clothes shopping for Preston before she returned home. I hadn’t had much luck there. I figured I would probably have to hit a mall in Atlanta.

  I stopped for a manicure while I was there. I hadn’t done that in so long. As I left the shop, I was trying my best not to scratch my freshly painted nails at least for the rest of the day. I was shaking my purse in order to force my keys to surface without my having to dig down for them. It worked! The problem was when I tilted my purse and shook it; I had the misfortune of doing so as I stood on the slotted grill covering a storm drain. My keys fell right between the slats into the sewer.

  Sweet!

  Marcus spotted me as he was leaving the feed store and had given me a lift back to the house. He offered to take me back to my car once I retrieved my other key at home but I realized it was on Trey’s keychain so I would have to wait for him to get home.

  It'd been a busy week. The two scheduled breedings that we'd cond
ucted had gone well. It was an extremely lucrative fee we had collected. I needed to thank my dad for the gift horse - literally. The house was a bit lonely with Preston spending a couple of weeks with Clive and Susan.

  I'd hoped Trey would've lightened his schedule at the office so that we could spend some alone time together but he said the caseload was killer right now. He had a major Title VII class action suit ready for trial; apparently Amber was second chair on it. That didn’t make me particularly happy. I refused to allow her threat turn me into an insecure, jealous whiney-ass wife. That wasn’t my style.