There Was a Crooked Man

by K. J. Larsen

  “That’s none of your business.”

  “According to the housekeeper…”

  “Ami Snow is delusional.”

  “You’re not sleeping here alone. You and Max are sharing this room. And he’s not the only man she’s seen here.”

  Savino’s fingers tightened but his face was flat.

  “I’m working a case, dumb ass. Max is assisting me.”

  “Does this case involve the stiff next door?”

  “I’m not at liberty to discuss my clients.”

  “I could arrest you for obstruction.”

  “Mama would whip your ass.”

  “What do you know about the victim?”

  “Nothing, really.”

  “He was in the bathtub. Naked.”

  “He was taking a bath.”

  “Would you say there was something girlie about him? Was Mr. Smith a homo?”

  “What?”

  “What I’m getting is a lover’s quarrel gone south. Two fags argue. The one in the tub was being a douche. His partner throws a hairdryer at him. Mr. Smith is toast.”

  Savino swallowed a laugh.

  “You’re a bonehead, Frankie.” I said.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means I can’t believe my assistant is dating you.”

  A grin split his face from ear to ear. “Cleo says I’m the smartest guy she knows.”

  “Well, she’s a bonehead too.”

  The door burst open and Rocco covered the room in three strides. His partner, Jackson, was close behind.

  My brother sat beside me on the bed. “We heard the callout on the radio. Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “I’m fine. But Ponytail didn’t deserve to die like that.”

  Frankie scribbled “Ponytail” in his notebook.

  “The prints came back on your soda can. Vic’s name was Marcus Russell. Forty-three years old. Did a nickel in Joliet for possession of stolen property. A truckload of flat screen TVs wandered into his storage locker. He was released last month.”

  “He was kind to Sam,” I said. “That counts for something.”

  “We’ll get the son of a bitch, I promise.”

  Frankie cleared his throat and tried to look important. “The vic was hosed by a homo lover. Or maybe Max. Max is on the short list of suspects.”

  “Max?”

  “He and Cat got something going on here. They’re—”

  Rocco was on his feet; his hand was on Frankie’s throat. My cousin gulped for air.

  “Disrespect my sister again, Francesco, and you’ll be eating carpet.”

  Jackson smiled. “And then his mama will finish you.”

  Rocco released him and Frankie gasped an awkward laugh. “Can’t nobody take a joke?”

  Rocco tousled Thor’s head. “You’re safe now, Sam.”

  “I wanna deliver him to the captain,” Jackson said. “Collect me some va-ca with pay.”

  “Too late,” I said. “This is Thor. Sam’s at home.”

  Rocco whistled. “You pulled it off, Sis. I didn’t think you could manage the switch.”

  “I got mad skills, Bro.”

  He kissed my cheek and his partner followed him to the door. “We’ll head next door and see how C.S.I. is doing. Jackson and I want this case.”

  Savino closed the door, turned, and faced Frankie. There was something behind his eyes I hadn’t seen before. My cousin’s bluster drained like the air out of a balloon.

  “Your Cousin Rocco was too generous. I don’t give second chances.”

  Savino landed a brutal blow to Frankie’s solar plexus. Knocking him to the ground. He lay gasping for air.

  Then he pulled me to my feet and kissed me. “Go home and get some rest. I’ll bring dinner tonight.”

  We stepped over Frankie and I closed the door behind us.

  ***

  Ginny was home when I drove Thor to Roger’s house. When she saw him she squealed and made baby goo goo sounds. She captured him in her arms and hugged him tight. Then she put him down to play with Sam I Am.

  Ginny is a computer whiz. She was serious and dowdy and all left brain before she met Roger. She wasn’t a squealer or a hugger and I hadn’t heard her “goo” since we were two. Love looked good on her.

  She was more confident and her smile was radiant. My cousin was getting all soft and marshmallowy like Roger.

  Ginny brewed a pot of French roast and put out a plate of crème cakes and sfogliatella. I recognized Mama’s signature pastries that she bakes for the school fundraiser.

  “How did you wrangle these from Mama’s kitchen?”

  She laughed. “Roger has a conflict and will miss the auction. But he made an insane contribution to the school fund and your Mama gets the credit. She deserves it. She’s agreed to provide pastries for Roger’s employees once a month for a year.”

  “She’ll love it as much as Roger. Father Timothy must think he’s died and gone to heaven.”

  She laughed. “He plans to repave the courtyard and purchase new playground equipment with the donation.”

  I hugged her. “You two are amazing. How are the wedding plans coming? Should I begin organizing a bachelorette party?”

  “Make it naughty. I was a late bloomer. I’ll probably never see another naked man. I deserve one night of indiscretion before I get married.”

  “I’ll hire a stripper.”

  “Hire a bunch. Maybe the entire Chippendale’s entourage.”

  I laughed. “Gotcha. I’ll up my game.

  Ginny was going big. She was marrying a big guy with an even bigger heart and a whole lotta money. It’s all good.

  Ginny gave a wicked grin. “Speaking of tying the knot, I hear you could be the next to fall.”

  “Huh?”

  “Your mama and Chance’s mama have big plans for your first anniversary. A boat cruise, a party, Father Timothy on hand. A copy of the Marriage Sacrament in his pocket.”

  “Et tu, Gin?”

  She laughed. “You two are great together. He’s perfect for you.”

  “Savino snores,” I said. “But, thanks for the heads-up.”

  I gathered Sam in my arms and her brow furrowed. “You’re not taking Thor, are you?”

  “No way.”

  She clapped her hands. That’s when I knew I’d forget to ever pick him up.

  At the car I checked my iPhone and pulled up the tracker app to locate Saleen’s MINI Cooper. She was parked near the Dreamscape Motel and Ponytail’s cold, wet body.

  I zoomed to the motel where a sea of Chicago’s finest was still in force. Their blue lights flashed and an officer hurried the looky-lou traffic along.

  The MINI Cooper was parked across the street from the motel. I drove around the block and pulled to the curb a few cars behind her. Sammy nuzzled against me and I held him in my arms.

  It felt as if a long time passed before the Medical Examiner’s men carried Ponytail out on a stretcher. They wheeled his body into the back of the coroner’s van. Saleen covered her face with her hands and wept.

  I dropped the binoculars on the seat and started the car and jammed it in gear. I drove to Captain Bob’s house and opened the door. Sammy bounded up the porch steps. I picked the lock one more time and he raced inside. I found Sammy’s dishes and filled them with fresh water and food. Then I watched him eat and promised his papa would be home soon.

  There was a metallic click of a key turning the lock. I held my breath.

  “Sam I Am!” Peggy called. “Where are you? Mommy’s home!”

  Sammy made an odd sound that was something between a yelp and a sob. He would tell Peggy everything. I could only hope she wouldn’t understand.

  I bolted out the back door and to the street as a cab pulled away from the
curb. I was hungry but too physically and emotionally exhausted to eat. I drove home and fell on my soft, warm bed and slept.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  I wasn’t ready to get up when the sun screamed through my window. I resisted the urge to bury my head under the pillow and I kicked my feet and forced them to touch the floor. I hit the shower and dressed in jeans and a scoop-necked tee. I needed coffee.

  I tromped outside as Mrs. Pickens was picking up her mail. I thought I heard her humming. I pointed the loaner my mechanic named Marion to Felix’s residence. I found him in the sunroom thumbing through a big picture book on American Presidents.

  Felix wasn’t thrilled to see me. “Go away.”

  “I like reading about the Presidents too. I went to Washington D.C. once with my cousin.”

  “Did you see the Lincoln Memorial?”

  “It’s even more beautiful in person.”

  “Mr. B promised to take me someday. He’s dead.”

  “That’s hard, I know. I’m on my way to the bakery for some coffee and a pastry. I thought you might like to join me.”

  He smiled big. “Mr. B let me have two pastries. One to eat at the bakery. One to take home.”

  “Then that’s exactly what we’ll do.”

  “I’ll get my umbrella.”

  “You won’t need it. There’s a beautiful blue sky outside.”

  “Rain is like life. It surprises you.”

  He raised himself up and tottered slowly to his apartment for an umbrella.

  I pulled up to the bakery and parked in the spot where Bob had been skulking in his car.

  I put a hand on Felix’s arm. “I know it makes you sad to talk about the day Mr. Baumgarten died.”

  “It doesn’t make me sad.”

  “Oh. Well, that’s good then.”

  “It doesn’t make me sad because I don’t talk about it.”

  “Okay, I’ll make a deal with you. When we leave the car and go inside, I won’t talk about the day Mr. B died. I promise.”

  Felix was staring out the window at the bakery. “Mr. B let me sit at the table by the window. We watched people walking on the street.”

  “Then that’s where you and I will sit.”

  “I like you.” He smiled shyly.

  “I like you too. We’ll have coffee and pastries, and before we leave you can pick out a big bag of treats for your friends.”

  “For everybody?”

  “Yes.”

  “I have a gazillion friends.”

  “It’s a good thing they have a gazillion treats.”

  Felix laughed.

  “Here’s the deal. Before we go inside, tell me one thing about the white van. We’ll make it a game.”

  “I like games.”

  “Me, too.”

  “I don’t like this game.”

  I put an arm around his shoulders. “Please try just once. Close your eyes and remember the van. When you’re ready, tell me one thing you saw.”

  He closed his eyes for what felt like a long time. When he opened them again, they were big with wonder.

  “The bird! I forgot about the bird.”

  “Where was the bird?”

  “In the van, silly. A blue bird. With sparkles.” He laughed. “I like sparkles.”

  “Me, too.”

  “And a red tail. I did good, huh?”

  “When you closed your eyes, did you see the driver?”

  Felix smiled, proud of himself. “I saw the bird.”

  I forced a smile. My great idea a bust.

  He twisted around in his seat and grabbed his umbrella from the floor behind him.

  “Game over! Let’s go inside.”

  I glanced in my rearview mirror as a sage-colored BMW pulled in behind me. The driver’s face was familiar. He stepped out of his car and sprinted across the street. When he entered Baumgarten Jewelry I blinked twice.

  I knew that guy.

  I pointed at the glove compartment. “Gimme my spy-eyes.”

  Felix dragged the binoculars from the glove box and slapped them in my hand. I focused my gaze on the ex-cop with the man cave and ashes on his mantle. He investigated the Baumgarten jewelry heist. And now he was talking to Rob.

  “Cam Stewart,” I muttered.

  “Are you a secret spy?” Felix said.

  “I am.”

  “Cool. Can I see?”

  I passed the binoculars and he held them to his eyes.

  I realized I needed to take it down a notch. My initial surprise when Cam entered the jewelry store had been an overreaction. Yesterday’s visit with the retired detective triggered a whirlwind of memories. It made perfect sense for him to stop at Baumgarten’s. And he’d requested updates as the investigation progressed.

  “It’s nothing,” I said. “I thought I knew that guy.”

  Felix stared through the binoculars.

  “Cam the Ham,” he sang.

  I looked at him. “Why did you say that?”

  “That’s what Mr. B called him. Cam the Ham.”

  “Are you saying Danny knew Cam Stewart?”

  “Mr. B knew everybody.”

  I tried the spy-eyes again. Rob Baumgarten and Cam Stewart faced each other. Their body language was intense. They appeared to be arguing.

  I passed the binoculars. “Are you sure you saw him with Danny?”

  He put them to his eyes and giggled. “That’s the Ham, all right. Mr. B said he trusted to throw him far.”

  I thought about that. “Did he say he could trust Cam as far as he could throw him?”

  “That’s what I said.”

  I took the binoculars again. The two men seemed to have resolved their conflict. Cam extended a hand and Rob took it. Cam put an arm around his shoulder and hugged him. If he and Rob were friends, why lie? Cam made a point of making us believe they weren’t.

  Daniel Baumgarten had a son, Cam had said. What’s his name? Ron or Rick?

  Rob, Rocco told him.

  That’s it. Rob, Cameron said.

  The guy was full of shit.

  “Ready for some pastries?” I said.

  Felix grabbed his umbrella and jumped out on the curb. I snatched my own from the trunk.

  “You’re right about rain being like life,” I said. “I’m surprised all the time.”

  ***

  Felix was good company and his eyes got all glassy when he ate his Danish. I washed mine down with two cups of black coffee. When I caught Cam leaving Baumgarten’s I excused myself for a minute and met him at his car.

  “Hi, Cam,” I said.

  “Cat!” His eyes darted across the street. “What are you doing here?”

  “Having lunch with our good friend, Felix.” I waved to Felix in the window. “Don’t you want to say hi? He knew your name.”

  “I never met the retard, but I can tell he’s a freak. If he’s flapping his jaws, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

  I wanted to slug him.

  I jerked my head at Baumgarten Jewelry. “Visiting an old friend?”

  “A victim of an unsolved crime,” he corrected me. “I stopped by to talk about the robbery.”

  “What was his name again?” I blinked my eyes innocently. “Ron? Rick?”

  “Robert.”

  “Ah.”

  Cam leaned in and his steel eyes bore through me. “I checked up on you, Ms. DeLuca. You’re not a cop. In fact, you’re nobody. You chase cheaters. Pathetic.”

  “I’m proud of the Pants On Fire Detective Agency,” I blurted and my cheeks burned. I realized how lame that sounded.

  Cam the Ham shot a demeaning smile and opened his car door. “You’d be well advised to stay out of things that don’t concern you.”

  ***

 
; I was crazy about Felix by the time I dropped him at home with treats for his gazillion friends. He blew me a big kiss from the door. It made me laugh. And it made me want to sock Cam in the kisser.

  “I remember one thing about the white van,” he called to me.

  “Cool.”

  Felix laughed. “It was blue.”

  He disappeared inside. I stared at the door a while before snatching up my phone. I called my brother.

  “Yo,” Rocco answered.

  “Do me a favor?”

  “You got it, Sis.”

  “Get me Cam Stewart’s service records with the Chicago P.D. Application, citizen complaints, any disciplinary action. And whatever bio you can get.”

  “Whoa. Take a step back. Cam is one of the good guys. He’s not the enemy.”

  “What happened to ‘you got it’?”

  “I lied. Cops don’t go after cops. Cam Stewart is off limits. I’m not gonna sully a cop’s reputation.”

  “That’s crazy talk.”

  “What the hell are you stirring up here, Cat?”

  “A messy can of worms. I’m looking for a connection between Cam Stewart and Rob Baumgarten. Maybe they were teammates. I know Rob played soccer in college. And Cam has a few trophies on his mantle.”

  “I played soccer. Every guy I know played soccer. This is about the ex-wife, isn’t it? You don’t like Cam because he threw her furniture on the curb.”

  “I don’t like him because he’s a douche. And there’s the thing about the wife’s ashes in the tin cup.”

  “Cam said that cup is most valuable thing he owns. His wife is the douche.”

  “Wow, Bro. Your courage is staggering when Maria’s not around.”

  Rocco laughed. “You got that right. What’s really happening here?”

  “Cameron Stewart knew the Baumgartens before he investigated the robbery. I think Danny didn’t like him. He called him Cam the Ham.”

  “Okay, so they knew each other. I don’t see a problem.”

  “And I wouldn’t either if Cam hadn’t gone out of his way to lie about it.”

  “That could be a problem.”

  “Your good buddy is hiding something. Don’t you want to know what it is?”

  “No.” He blew air. “Dammit, Cat.”

  “Something’s not right. I feel it in my gut.”

  “I hate your gut.”