Anything to Have You

by Paige Harbison

  I tossed it to him, quickly gathered my stuff and went upstairs to Brooke.

  “Is he coming?”

  “Yeah, he’s getting dressed.”

  “Dressed? What, was he...naked?”

  “No, no.” I laughed nervously. “Putting his shoes on and whatever.”

  Reed came out of the hallway, wearing only dark, low-hanging jeans. It looked like he wasn’t even wearing boxers or anything. He rubbed his face and went over to the fridge. He pulled out a beer and popped it open.

  I observed his body, which was covered in tattoos. They wrapped around his ribs, disappeared down his pants and laced his collarbone. He was so gross. I would never understand why I’d thought sleeping with him—or even touching him—was a good idea.

  “Seriously? A beer right now?” Brooke asked with a sneer.

  “Would you prefer to take a shot with me instead?”

  She clicked her tongue and then grinned, trying, and succeeding, at being Dangerous, Sexy Brooke. “Maybe.”

  He gestured at the counter. “Pour it up.”

  Brooke gave a tilt of the head that said, Act like I won’t do it. She then walked over to the counter, poured two shots of whiskey and handed him one.

  “No chaser?” he asked.

  “Do I look like a pussy to you? Oh, wait, everything does.”

  “Oh-ho!”

  “Bottoms up, dickwad.”

  In unison, they clanged the glasses together, tapped them on the counter and took them. Admittedly, they took them like champs. They set down the glasses, each glaring at the other, waiting for one to waver. Then he laughed and crossed his arms at her.

  “Oh, my God, Reed. You are so beyond disgusting,” she said.

  It was obvious to me, and probably to anyone else, that she didn’t actually find him disgusting, and that she was in fact pleased at his evident approval of her. What was happening to my best friend? Parties do weird things to people.

  He leaned against the counter and looked at her with a smirk. “My disgustingness seems to work for me.”

  She glared at him. “I have no idea how you ever get girls.”

  “No? Maybe you should ask your bestie over there.”

  I was startled at suddenly being involved in the conversation. I wanted to say something nasty back but I lacked the guts to actually do that. Luckily, I had Brooke as my mouthpiece.

  “Hey, Reed, why don’t you go fuck yourself?”

  He shrugged. “Got too many girls offering to do it for me.”

  Megan and Bethany emerged at that moment, both wearing very few clothes and very funny expressions. They said hi and then started giggling by the pantry.

  Brooke looked at Reed and cocked her head to the side and mouthed, No fucking way...

  He held up three fingers and nodded.

  She made a face that communicated all the ew now circulating through the room.

  So, last weekend, I was watching Netflix and doing yoga by myself and falling asleep at ten at night. This weekend, I was blacking out, waking up in bed with my best friend’s boyfriend with hazy memories of making out with the school’s most eligible potential prom king, and a threesome had happened in the same house.

  Lovely.

  Thank God we hadn’t ended up snowed in. I didn’t know that I could have dealt with an entire weekend stuck with all these people plus the mystery of what had happened the night before.

  The ride home was awkward as could be. Aiden and Brooke were clearly still in a fight. Brooke sat with crossed legs, staring out the window, saying nothing. Aiden drove without speaking except to say, “Later,” when he dropped me off.

  So much for my first night back in the game.

  * * *

  ONCE HOME, I spent the entire day in and out of panic attacks about what had happened with Eric. I thought about messaging him a couple of times, to clarify what had happened, perhaps find out what had prompted me to even want to do such a thing, and maybe—hopefully—confirm that we had used protection. But even though we apparently had gotten to know each other pretty well, I felt weird trying to talk to him. We had hardly ever spoken in our lives, and we had never said anything of importance. And maybe it was stupid, but I kind of felt like he should try to talk to me first. He hadn’t seemed that drunk. Why had he let me go through with it? He was surely aware that I was hammered, right? Shouldn’t he have done the noble thing and not hooked up with me?

  Instead of doing the smart thing and trying to figure out what exactly my body had been up to while my brain was in Blackout Land, I curled up in a ball and cried over soap operas all day. I would have stayed like that probably forever if my dad hadn’t called me downstairs for our weekly tradition of Sunday Diner Dinners.

  I managed to haul myself from bed all the way to a red vinyl booth. I felt this weird guilt sitting across from my dad, knowing that I had had sex the night before. I didn’t know why, exactly. Part of me wanted to talk about it, especially since I hadn’t said it out loud at all yet, not even to Brooke. But as close as I was to my dad, this was just too weird.

  I set down my patty melt, feeling a little queasy, even though it was as delicious as ever, and surveyed my father. I knew he would be disappointed in me if I told him what had happened at the party. It was the saddest thing in the world to disappoint him.

  Maybe it was his blue eyes, which had a shape to them that made him always look soft and kind, and even a little sad. He had aged in the past couple of years, gray starting to fleck his sideburns and stubble, and the lines around his eyes and mouth starting to deepen. He had creases in his cheeks, signs of a lifetime of smiling and laughing. My dad was one of those men who really looked like an older version of the young, attractive guy he had once been. He didn’t look like any regular older guy. He still looked like himself.

  As if he knew something was up, and he probably did, he asked, “How did last night go?”

  “What?” My face flushed red. “Oh, it was fun. It was fine.”

  “Did you have anything to drink?”

  “Umm...”

  He laughed and shook his head.

  “Are you mad?”

  “No, I’m not mad. You didn’t drive, and you know better than to get in the car with someone who’s been drinking. I’m not worried about you. You’re a smart girl.” He gestured at me with his fork. “Don’t make a habit of it, or I will get concerned.”

  Smart girl. Was I? I didn’t feel like it right now. My dad’s lack of concern about the situation was based on the fact that I had always made smart choices. He knew I had removed myself from my social group when they started getting into that stuff, and that I wasn’t the type of daughter that needed to be worried about. It made my heart hurt a little to imagine his reaction if he knew the truth. If he knew that I had drunk too much liquor, had sex with someone I hardly knew and woken up in bed with a different guy. Not just any guy, either, but my best friend’s boyfriend.

  Actually, he was a big fan of Aiden’s, so that probably wouldn’t be the worst part of it.

  Marcy, our favorite waitress, came over with our refills. “Here you go, guys. How’s that patty melt?”

  “It is possibly the greatest thing I have ever consumed in the history of my life.”

  “Marcy, you’ll never guess what little Natalie did last night.”

  “Ooh, what?” She tightened her shoulders excitedly, and sat down on the bench next to my dad.

  “She went to a party.”

  Marcy gave a small squeal, knowing exactly how much of a shock this was. “Well, little miss Natalie. Are we going to have to check you into rehab? Don’t tell me you’re going down the path of Lindsay Lohan.”

  I rolled my eyes good-naturedly. “Yeah, yeah, yeah...”

  “Did you want any coffee or anything ton
ight?” Marcy asked my dad. The way she looked at him was so cute that it got me to smile and stop obsessing about last night for a second. It was so obvious she was crushing on him.

  “Yeah, sure. And—”

  “And one big slice of coconut cream pie. I know, John.”

  She gave him a wink and turned to go back to the kitchen.

  “Would you ask her out already?”

  “Cool your arrows there, Cupid, Valentine’s Day is over.”

  I was letting out an exasperated sigh when my phone rang.

  Aiden.

  My stomach did about nine somersaults. It wasn’t hugely out of the ordinary for him to give me a call. Usually he was looking for Brooke, or asking a question about school. But I had a feeling this was about yesterday.

  “I’ll...be right back.” I scurried outside and answered. “Hello?”

  “Hey, Nattie.”

  “Hey. Uh, what’s up?”

  “Are you at the diner with your dad?”

  I gave a small laugh at the predictability of my routine and Aiden’s awareness of it. “Yeah, why?”

  He hesitated. “Do you mind if I stop by for a sec?”

  “Um, no, that’s fine.”

  That was out of the ordinary.

  “Okay, I’ll be there in, like, five minutes.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  I WENT BACK in, appreciating the warm gusts of heated air that beat down on our table. I cleared my throat and tried not to make eye contact with either my dad or Marcy. Which was difficult, since they were both staring at me.

  “Was that a boy, Miss Natalie?”

  “No...I mean, yeah, but it’s Brooke’s boyfriend.” I avoided my dad’s gaze.

  “Ooh, that tall one? She showed me a picture of him a long time ago when she first met him. He is cute. They’re still together? That’s so sweet.”

  “Yeah, they’re pretty cute. Um. Daddy, he’s going to stop by here for a minute if that’s okay.”

  He studied me, probably trying to figure out what was really going on—he didn’t stand a chance, since even I didn’t know—and Marcy elbowed him.

  “That’s fine, sweetie, I’ll keep your dad company.”

  I spent the remaining few minutes trying to calm my unnecessarily wrought nerves and to not watch every set of headlights. I failed, though, and finally one of the sets of headlights was his. He pulled into the lot and parked right outside. I looked down at my Sprite, but found myself watching him step out of his Jeep, lock it and make his way inside.

  He looked particularly good, wearing a pair of dark jeans he’d had forever, a gray T-shirt and a black zip-up that was not zipped up. I really wished it was, since I realized my gaze had dropped to his abdomen. I had a flash of what it would be like to race my hand up under the cotton and feel his warm skin.

  Whoa. That thought was super not okay. Get ahold of yourself, Shepherds.

  He walked over to our table, and I could smell his body wash. I had always liked it, but it seemed like an odd thing to notice, much less to compliment.

  “Hey, all,” he said. “Mr. Shepherds, how you been? He held out his hand and gave my dad a firm handshake.

  “Hey, guy, good, good, how are you?”

  I blushed a little at my dad’s enthusiastic greeting.

  “And you’re...Marcy, is it?” Aiden shook her hand, too, and I noticed that his grip was considerably softer.

  “Yes, it is,” she said, blushing a little.

  “Natalie says you’re their favorite waitress, and she’ll accept diner fare from no one else, so I figured it must be you.”

  “Oh.” Marcy waved a hand at me, blushing even more than I was.

  “Do you all mind if I steal Natalie away for a few?”

  “Of course!” responded Marcy, not my dad. “Here, why don’t you two settle up here at the counter, and I’ll grab you a nice piece of coconut cream pie. Natalie and John get it every time they come in, and I know you’ll love it.”

  “Sounds awesome,” he said.

  I couldn’t help but like a guy who didn’t hate dessert. It seemed like so many guys did.

  We sat down on the red vinyl stools, silent as we waited for Marcy to return from the kitchen. My stomach churned and I bit my tongue as I tried to both think of something to say and stop myself from talking. She came back after only about a minute, coming over with one small plate with a perfect slice of pie on it, and two forks.

  “Enjoy.” She smiled, and went back over to my dad. She sat in my spot and started in on my half of his pie, and—I suspected—on distracting him from my conversation with Aiden.

  “You have the first bite,” I said, pointing to the sharp top of the triangle. “It’s the best part until you get to the back crust.”

  “You sure? I don’t want to steal your favorite bite.”

  “Oh, please, I have it at least once a week.”

  He laughed and took the bite. His eyebrows went up and he nodded. “That’s extremely delicious pie.”

  A smile tensed my cheeks as that hint of an accent showed through on the word pie. I wanted to tease him for it, like I might ordinarily do, but something stopped me.

  “Isn’t it? It’s my favorite.”

  “Yeah. Wow.” He took another bite.

  I liked that he liked it. I didn’t know why.

  “So...what’s up?” I asked.

  “I wanted to make sure everything was cool about last night.”

  “Oh, you mean—” I dropped my voice “—sleeping in the same bed? I didn’t tell Brooke. She didn’t ask, either, I don’t think it matters. I say, let’s not bring it up.”

  He looked at me for a long moment, looking a little frozen, and then took another bite. “Yeah.”

  I became conscious suddenly of my increasingly strong heartbeat. “Or do you mean...”

  He waited for me to go on.

  “I know we were flirting...when we were playing cards and all,” I said. After sitting around feeling guilty and dehydrated all day, I had begun to fear that maybe I had been the initiator more than I realized, and that perhaps it had all been in my drunken brain that he had been flirting with me, too. “I’m really sorry about that. I totally didn’t mean to be like that. I mean, Brooke is my best friend.”

  “Right. I guess we’ll forget about the whole thing. I’m sorry, too.”

  “You have no reason to be sorry, I was being a flirt. I don’t know. I must have picked up the habit from Brooke and not even noticed.” I laughed, feeling nervous and knowing I was talking a lot.

  “She’s certainly flirtatious.”

  “Hey...I know she acts how she acts, but that’s just because she’s like that. It’s nothing to do with you or how she feels about you.”

  That felt better. That made up for how I had acted a little bit: doing some damage control for her.

  “Right,” he said again. He seemed to go into deep thought, and I felt suddenly like I had made him angry again.

  I took a deep breath, glanced at my dad’s table to be sure they weren’t looking at us and then asked, “Aiden...we didn’t hook up...did we?”

  Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I couldn’t believe I had asked that. But no, it was good that I’d asked, I needed to know. Needed to be sure. Because while the evidence pointed to Eric...I had woken up with Aiden, and if I was forced to choose sober who I would rather kiss, I knew who that would be. Even admitting that to myself was difficult, but there it was.

  He hesitated, probably thinking I was an idiot, and then said, “No. We didn’t.”

  “Right. Of course not. It’s really embarrassing how little I remember. It’s pretty messed up.”

  “Not a good feeling, I’m sure.”

  His tone was still clipped and
impatient-sounding.

  “So, um, I guess let’s go back to normal. Is that okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Sure.” He gave me a tight smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. “Well, I better head out. You should, too, the roads are getting kinda tricky out there.”

  “We will. I guess I’ll see you in the morning—you’re picking us up?”

  “School’s canceled tomorrow, I just heard it on the radio.”

  “Nu-uh, really?”

  “Really really.” He still looked annoyed. I longed to bring him out of whatever it was.

  “Well...Tuesday, then, I guess.”

  “Tuesday it is.” He pulled out a ten-dollar bill and put it under the plate I had just taken the last bite off of.

  “Oh, you don’t have to—”

  “Natalie, it’s fine.”

  He stood, and we both walked over to my table. Dammit. I had probably just made him feel super weird.

  “Nice to see you guys, have a good night. Drive safely. I was just telling Nattie—Natalie—that the roads are getting kind of slick.”

  “Yes, we’re going to head out pretty soon here. Nice seeing you again, Aiden, keep your eye out for other drivers.”

  He gave another tight-lipped smile and a nod before waving and walking out. I watched as he made his way to the car and got in. He took a second before starting the car, running a hand through his hair and staring at the wheel. After a second, he started it up and pulled out of the spot quickly and effortlessly.

  I watched him go, not sure at all how to feel. Something was different. Something was up with him. If we had hooked up, and I didn’t remember, I couldn’t really see him not telling me. If he was mad at me for hooking up with Eric, that would be weird, too. Maybe he thought it was my fault I had stayed in the bed with him. Maybe he was right. Maybe he felt weird about having to lie to Brooke about it.

  I thought for a second about simply telling her, but quickly decided that, no, that was a stupid idea. She really would kill us both.

  * * *

  BROOKE TEXTED ME not long after and told me she wanted to come pick me up to sleep over. My dad agreed to let me, but only if he drove me, because of the weather.