The Art of Dating

by Messe, Ellie

  Sucking in a sharp breath, I wrap my arms tighter around my chest, trying to hold myself together because if I let go, I’m going to splinter into a thousand pieces.

  I love him.

  I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my life.

  I love him; then I broke him.

  I’m more upset about breaking his heart than I am about his silence.

  I deserve this pain; he gave me his heart, and I threw it away. I may not have cheated, but I’m no better than Cole; I took Logan’s love for granted, convinced it would be there when I wanted it and gave my attention to someone else. Cole doesn’t deserve a second chance so why the hell would I?

  Suffocating on the thoughts, I pull my phone to my face, dialing through the tears and hold it to my face.

  Two rings later, a chipper greeting rings out through the speaker. I sniff hard, trying to find words. “Devina, what’s wrong?” Amy’s concerned tone makes it difficult to inhale.

  “I need you.” I manage to choke out.

  “I’m on my way.” I nod, even though she can’t see me before hanging up.

  Dropping the phone to the mattress, I give into the sobs that break my ribs, rock my chest, and rob the air from my lungs.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  Amy let herself into the apartment; it didn’t take long for her to find me curled against the mattress. Without a word, she crawled up beside me, pulling me into her arms. I cried harder as her arms tightened around my shoulders, understanding I wasn’t in a place for words, she simply hugged me until I eventually cried myself out.

  Sniffing hard, I attempt to swallow the hiccups that pop painfully in my chest.

  “What happened?” She says gently, her arms still tight around my shoulders.

  “I ruined everything.”

  “With what?”

  “Logan,” my voice cracks as a fresh wave of tears surface, “I’m in love with him.”

  “I know.” She coos into my hair.

  “You do?”

  “Of course I do,” She chuckles sympathetically, “Sometimes I think I know you better than you know yourself.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “You needed to figure it out for yourself.”

  “I fucked up, Ames.”

  “How? What happened?”

  “I slept with him.”

  “Logan?” I nod against her shoulder, “When?”

  “Night before last.”

  “What’s so bad about that?”

  “He told me he loved me.”

  “But that’s a good thing.” She chuckles.

  I shake my head remembering the hurt and anger on his face, I should have known right there that I was making a mistake, “But Cole showed up.”

  “Oh, no.”

  I nod, “Logan told me to choose, and I was so confused with everything that was happening that I couldn’t. So then he asked me if I loved him and I told him I didn’t know.” Another hiccup forces its way out of my chest, while tears rain down, staining my pillow with their salted sorrow, “But I do. I was talking to Cole, and it just hit me. I told him to leave, and I chased after Logan, but when I got there, he took one look at me and left. He didn’t even let me talk to him, so I caught a cab to his place where the stupid bitch at the front desk called security and had me removed, he told her not to let me up.”

  “He had you removed?” Her tone protective.

  I shake my head, “No, he told her not to let me up so instead of leaving I ran up the stairs hoping I could get in through the emergency doors but they were locked. I tried calling and texting him, but he won’t respond. He won’t even read my messages; both text and Facebook are unread. He hates me.”

  “He doesn’t hate you.” She says quickly, “Maybe he’s just busy.”

  I scoff, wiping my nose on the back of my hand, “No, he’s not. He doesn’t want to talk me. God and why should he? I broke his heart.”

  “Devina.” She sighs, “You both have a right to feel hurt and angry, but it’s not like you did it intentionally. He’s known where you stood with Cole this entire time and it’s not fair that he would blow up on you for being confused.”

  “He told me he loved me and instead of giving him a chance, I threw it away to hear Cole out. Who, by the way, has been sleeping with Monica for three years. That’s what I gave Logan up for.”

  “But I thought you said you couldn’t choose?”

  “I couldn’t, at least not right then anyway.”

  “Well, if you didn’t choose, then how did you give up Logan?”

  “I let him leave when I should have run after him. I knew he was hurt and angry and I still let him walk out the door.”

  “He’ll get over it,” She coos, running her fingers through my hair, “He’s going to see the missed calls and messages, and he’s going to realize you picked him.”

  “I’m too late, Ames. You weren’t here to see the look on his face when he left, or hear how he made me sound like a one night stand.”

  “That’s just the anger talking, you know that’s not how he feels.”

  “I don’t know, Ames. If he didn’t mean it, why hasn’t he responded?”

  “Because he’s probably just as upset as you are, put yourself in his shoes.”

  “He’s never going to talk to me again then.” I interrupt, gagging on my tears.

  “Yes, he will.”

  “I wouldn’t talk to me.”

  “Yes, you would.” Her stern words cut through the humming in my head, “Give yourself some credit, Dee. He’s hurt, and he’s angry, he needs time to cool off. You’ll see.”

  “This happened yesterday morning; he can’t at least read the messages?”

  “He’s probably busy.” I shake my head, knowing he’s not. It’s Sunday, he doesn’t do anything on Sunday’s, and we all know it. “Here, you want me to call him?”

  Yes. “No.”

  “Yes, you do. Here, hop up.”

  Sitting up, my head feels like it’s full of wet cement, my nose is clogged, and my throat feels raw.

  Amy pulls her phone out of her jeans pocket and unlocks it while scrolling through my contacts. Once she finds his number, she transfers it to her phone and selects the speaker icon.

  My heart hammers in my chest as I watch the seconds tick by. I’ve wished he’d answer just one call this entire time, but here I am, staring at her phone, praying he doesn’t.

  “Hello?” My heart slams into my stomach so hard; I fear it might fall right through the mattress.

  “Hey, it’s me,” Amy says casually while staring at me, making sure I manage to keep myself together.

  “What’s up, Amy?”

  “Have you talked to Devina today? She hasn’t texted me back so I thought she might be with you.”

  There’s a long pause while we both stare at the phone, “I haven’t talked to her since yesterday, try Cole.”

  I suck in a breath to tell him I sent Cole packing when Amy pins me with a glare that promises immediate death if I blow her lie.

  “Why the hell would I do that?”

  He laughs cold and bitter, “Look, I know she’s there with you, you wouldn’t have been able to get my number any other way. I refuse to compete with that asshole; I’m not going to be a part of some high school love triangle. I told her where I stood; I said my peace, now I’m done.”

  “Okay, but don’t you think you should talk to her-”

  “No, hence the silence. I’ve always liked you, but this isn’t your fight. She made her choice, and now I’ve made mine. I’ll see you around, Ames.”

  The line dies, and I think I do too.

  What the fuck have I done?

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  “Babe, come on.” Amy shakes me from my current resting place. Over the last five days, she’s been taking care of me. And by taking care I mean she holds a mirror under my nose to make sure I’m still breathing. “I have to go back to work tonight, and I need to know you’r
e up and about.”

  “I’m fine, Amy.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  Sniffing, I try to hold the tears back, “You’re right, I’m not.”

  “Get up, or I’m calling Logan.”

  Just hearing his name hurts like hell, “He won’t answer. Trust me; I’ve tried.”

  “Girl, don’t test me. You know I’ll do it just to prove you wrong. Do you want him to know you haven’t showered in five days?”

  “Like he’d care.”

  “Okay, well, I do. You reek.”

  “I do not.”

  “You’re used to the smell. Come on, before you get bed sores.” She pushes me closer to the edge of the mattress until I almost topple over.

  “Just shower, okay? I don’t need you to pretend like you’re not hurting, I don’t need you to go out and join the world, I just want you to stop smelling like death.”

  “Fine, but I’m coming back to bed.”

  “Fine.” She surrenders her hands.

  Slipping off the mattress, I haul myself into the shower.

  Opening the door to let the steam escape, I pause, toothbrush in hand when I hear Amy crying. Throwing my toothbrush down, I run down the hall to see her on the sofa, phone in hand.

  “What’s going on, are you okay?”

  She silences me with a wave of her hand.

  “It’s an emergency; there’s been an accident, I need to talk to Logan.” She pauses to listen to the line before continuing. “I don’t know if she’ll make it that long.”

  What the hell is she doing?!

  I watch as real tears form in her eyes as she coughs out another sob. “Okay.”

  Wiping her nose on her sleeve she looks up at me, “She put me on hold.” She says in a clear, unfazed tone, “He’s been out of town I guess, isn’t supposed to be home until tomorrow, I think she’s tracking him down.”

  “What the hell are you doing?!”

  “Getting Logan to talk to you.”

  “How?”

  “I told the woman at his apartment there was an accident.”

  “Amy!”

  She ignores me, putting her phone down on the coffee table before selecting the speaker icon, a waiting jingle sings through the speakers while I sit down beside her.

  “Hello?”

  “Yes, I’m here.” Amy cries, it’s like a switch; one minute she’s Amy, the next she’s a grieving mess. Maybe we should have moved to L.A to pursue acting careers instead.

  “His sister is listed as his emergency contact.”

  “That’s Joanna,” I whisper.

  “Joanna, yeah.”

  “I can relay the message if you’d like. She might be able to track Mr. Devitt down.”

  “Please, yes. I don’t want her learning of the accident this way, please inform her it’s an emergency, and she needs to call me back immediately.”

  My brow furrows, what the hell is she doing? Amy gives the receptionist her phone number before hanging up.

  Wiping her eyes, she smiles at me, “Pretty good, right?”

  “What are you doing having Joanna call you? The plan was to get him to answer, not freak out! When he finds out I wasn’t hurt he’s going to be even angrier!”

  “I’m not telling her you were in an accident. I’m calling her for back up.”

  “Back up for what? That’s his sister; she’s team, Logan.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “Yes, I do! They’re close, Ames. If you didn’t want to talk to someone and they called me, I’d tell them to go fuck themselves.”

  “Not if you knew I was making a big fat mistake.”

  “It’s not going to work.”

  “Oh, stop being such a Debbie Downer, let’s just see what she says.”

  “If she calls.”

  “She will. It’s an emergency remember?”

  Rolling my eyes, I sink further into the couch, this is going to end badly; I know it.

  “She’s calling!” Amy shrieks, running out of my bedroom with the phone held out like it’s on fire.

  “So, answer it!”

  “What do I say?”

  “You don’t know what to say!? This was your idea!”

  “Shit, I know! Hold on. Hello?”

  My body goes cold as my heart skips a beat, “What is she saying?”

  Amy shakes her hand at me in a silent gesture to shut up, “Yeah, that was me. Okay, so, please don’t hang up. My name is Amy, I’m friends with Logan,” She nods, “Yeah, well I’m also best friends with Devina…Yeah, okay well have you heard the latest gossip on them?...Okay, well Logan told Dee that he loved her, then they slept together, then her ex-boyfriend showed up…hold on, hear me out. She kind of freaked out and didn’t know what to do, see she has this problem with having to please everyone and you see she didn’t want to be a jerk, well Logan got mad and left. Devina told her ex to go fuck himself and went after him, but he’s ghosting her. I love your brother and all, but he’s being a total ass about this and won’t even hear her out…yeah she’s here.” I shake my head while slashing my throat, “Kay, here she is.”

  Handing the phone out, I glare at her, “Some best friend you are.”

  “Shut up and talk to her.”

  Groaning a sigh, I raise the phone to my ear, “Joanna?”

  “Hey, so what’s going on?”

  Rolling my eyes, I flop back onto the couch, “I don’t know. Amy had this idea to tell his apartment that it was an emergency to get him on the phone. She’s the mastermind behind all of this.”

  “But like, what’s going on with you and Logan?”

  “Nothing. He won’t talk to me.”

  “That doesn’t sound like him. What did you do that pissed him off so bad?”

  “He told me he loved me, and I didn’t say it back, I didn’t know what to say, I was so overwhelmed that I just stood there like an idiot and he stormed out.”

  “So, he’s avoiding you because you broke his heart and your best friend thought it was wise to call me and what? Confess?”

  “I don’t know why she called you.”

  Ripping the phone from my hands, Amy puts it on speaker, “I called you because I need you to get Logan to talk to her.”

  “Whoa, this isn’t my fight. Logan’s a big boy; he can make his own decisions. If she isn’t in love with him, I’m not going to help her hurt him more. Let them work it out themselves.”

  “Clearly you don’t get it. Dee loves him; she just didn’t know it at the time, everything was just sort of dumped on her at once, and she needed a beat, one your brother wasn’t willing to give.”

  “As I said, this isn’t my fight.”

  “Well, I just made it your fight. The apartment said he'd been gone? Where is he?”

  “Why are you the mouthpiece here? If Devina wants to talk to him, then she needs to do it by herself.”

  “She did, and he had security remove her.”

  “He did not.” I groan, “The woman at the desk did.”

  “Am I on speaker?”

  “Yep.”

  “Why am I even involved? Are we not all adults here?” Joanna groans.

  “You’re involved because we need your help.”

  Joanna sighs into the phone, “He’ll be home tomorrow before his flight, talk to him then. That’s all I’m willing to say.”

  Without a further response, she hangs up.

  “That went well,” I tell her, tears stinging my eyes. I knew this was a crapshoot from the beginning, yet, here I am feeling the last ray of hope leave my system.

  LOGAN

  “Hey.” Joanna saddles up beside me, taking the mess from my hands, unwrapping the felt tie, she refolds the tissue paper.

  “Thank God you’re back. I think I ruined most of your supplies,” I laugh looking at the disaster before me; mutilated paper and ties lay in heaps across the table.

  “I should have known better than to put you in charge of this.” She smiles, “You heading ho
me before your flight tomorrow?”

  “No, I’m going to spend the night at a hotel tonight. No point in driving home just to come back up.”

  “What about Devina? Are you sending her home with Caleb?”

  My heart drops at her name, “She’s not coming. Riding solo tonight.”

  “What’s wrong? Was she busy or something?”

  I pause longer than I want to. “Yeah, something like that.”

  More like busy moving her ex back into her place. In what fucking world does he deserve any part of her? How, in all of this, did I get it so wrong? From day one it was always about him, she made that point perfectly clear. So, naturally, I’d offered her my heart knowing damn well she wanted someone else’s. Good, smart move on my behalf.

  “You guys have a fight?”

  Turning in my seat, I eye her suspiciously, “Why would you ask that?”

  Shrugging, she keeps her eyes on her task, “Something about the tone of your voice. You’ve been sulking since you drove up here and now she’s not coming.”

  “I have not been sulking, I’ve been busy helping you prepare for this event, which we’re still behind on. Guests will be arriving in less than half an hour.”

  “You forget I’ve known you your whole life; you can’t pretend with me. I know when you lie and I know when you’re hurting.”

  “Let it go, Jo,” I tell her, standing. I have no interest in talking about Devina. She’s already on my mind twenty-four-fucking-seven; I don’t need to relive it.

  “Did you fall for her?”

  Stopping mid-stride, I face her once again, “Why would you ask that?"

  “You look miserable, she’s not coming, and you’re lying about why she’s not here,”She shrugs, “Two plus two equals four.”