Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One

by Stina Lindenblatt

  I shift closer to Tuuli and scoop her up in my arms. She whimpers and a cold sweat covers my body. While Joni looks like he works out, I suspect I can bench press a lot more than him. And Sofia’s grandmother isn’t a frail old woman.

  I stagger up, and pray with everything I have in me and more that my leg holds out at least long enough for me to get her into Joni’s car.

  Ignoring the sharp ache, I move as fast as I can along the trail. No one speaks, other than the occasional swear word from Joni ahead of me, as he keeps checking the cell phone reception, and the occasional word or two from the woman in my arms. I don’t know what she’s saying and I don’t care. Just as long as she can still talk. Just as long as she’s still conscious.

  We arrive at the cars, my entire body shaking from the strain of carrying Sofia’s grandmother and from the fear of being too late because I couldn’t move fast enough. Sofia, looking pale and shaken, climbs into the backseat of Joni’s vehicle, and Joni helps me transfer Tuuli into the back with her. Sofia’s attention is fully on her grandmother, the woman’s head on Sofia’s lap.

  I close the car door and turn to Joni. “I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

  He nods and climbs into the driver’s seat, and I watch them drive away. Once I can no longer see them, I drop to the grassy embankment, finally giving into the pain.

  In the past, when I was in a lot of pain, I would self-medicate with booze. I haven’t done that lately. I haven’t needed to, until now.

  I close my eyes and will the pain away. I have no idea how long I’ve been lying here—maybe a few minutes, maybe a lot longer—before I finally push myself up and limp to my car.

  I drive to the hospital and park in the parking lot. Then stare at the building for five minutes. I should go in and be with Sofia. Be with her like Joni is. If something happened to her grandmother while I was dealing with my pain in the bar, I’d never be able to forgive myself. Sofia would never be able to forgive me.

  Shaking away the thought that something bad has happened, I limp to a restaurant near the hospital. There, I call Sofia to tell her I’m on my way but only get her voicemail. A couple of shots of something strong is all I need to take the edge off the pain.

  “Hey, babe, I’m gonna be there soon. I had to stop off somewhere first.” I end the call and enter the lounge, where I order four shots of whatever they have that is strong.

  I shoot back the first glass. The dark liquid goes down smooth. I give it a few minutes before shooting back the contents of the next two glasses. My phone rings and I scramble to see who’s calling. It’s not Sofia. It’s Cody. I place the phone on the table, unable to talk to him. Unwilling to hear the disappointment in his voice at what I’m doing. I shoot back the final drink and give it a few minutes for the buzz to numb the pain.

  Once the pain is tolerable, I walk to the hospital and enter through the ER doors. I scan the waiting room and spot Joni and his grandmother sitting in the chairs against the far wall. Sofia isn’t with them.

  Joni stands as I approach, grooves stretching across his forehead. “Where the hell have you been?”

  “How’s she doing?”

  The grooves deepen. “Have you been drinking?”

  “None of your business.”

  Joni shoves my shoulder. “I’m making it my damn business. Sofia’s grandmother had a heart attack, and you’re getting drunk instead of being with your girlfriend.” He spits the last word, the taste repugnant in his mouth.

  “I’m not drunk.”

  He steps closer. I stand my ground. “I can smell the booze on you.”

  “That doesn’t make me drunk,” I bite back.

  Aino stands and places her hand on her grandson’s chest. Whatever she says to him is enough for him to take a step back.

  I exhale slowly and look between them. “I want to see Sofia. Please.”

  Joni nods and indicates for me to follow him. He leads me to the front desk and speaks with the nurse on duty. She tells me in English where I need to go to find Sofia. Joni returns to his grandmother as I walk in the direction the nurse indicated. Hope pounds through me with each step that Sofia will forgive me for being late. Hope pounds through me that she doesn’t notice I was drinking before coming here.

  Sofia is standing next to her grandmother’s bed, her face damp with tears. At the sight of her, something inside me fractures and threatens to destroy the last part of me that I’ve held onto for so long. The last part of me that had survived the accident and survived Gabby’s death. I should have been here for Sofia no matter what, no matter how much pain I was in.

  I wrap her in my arms and rest my cheek against the top of her head. She wraps her arms around my waist and holds on to me, tight.

  Her grandmother’s eyes are closed. I can’t tell if she’s asleep or unconscious. Behind her, a heart rate monitor beeps a steady beat. She’s hooked up to an oxygen mask and IV, and I’ve never seen her look so frail.

  “I’m sorry I’m late,” I whisper. “How is she?”

  “She’s sleeping. The doctors said she was lucky. It wasn’t a massive heart attack. They’re waiting for an ICU bed to open up, then they’ll move her there.” She pulls away. “I need to call my mom.”

  “I can get Aino. She’ll stay with your grandmother if you want.”

  “Thanks.”

  Sofia goes outside and I briefly talk to Joni before joining her. She’s slipping her phone in her purse when I step out of the ER entrance.

  “Did you get a hold of your mom?”

  “Yes. She’s making arrangements to fly out as soon as she can.” Worrying her lip, Sofia glances at the sliding doors. “I’ll probably be here a few days until she arrives. You can go with Joni to his great aunt’s place for tonight, and head back to Helsinki tomorrow. I’ll call you when I get back.”

  “I’m not leaving you.” And especially not to go anywhere with Joni. “I’ll talk to Nik’s uncle. I’m sure it will be okay if I stay with you a few days.”

  She averts her gaze and toes a crack in the sidewalk by her foot. “If I ask you a question, will you be honest with me?”

  “Of course.”

  “Were you drinking before you came here? Is that why it took you so long?”

  I ache at the sadness in her voice. All I can do is nod. My words, the ones she’s waiting for, clog my throat with their dirty truth.

  She looks back up at me, and the sadness in her eyes is almost my undoing.

  “I’m so sorry, babe. My leg was hurting and drinking was the only way I could cope with the pain. I swear this is the only time I’ve done that since we’ve been together.” The last time I drank too much—the night Joni took the photo of the girl kissing me—had nothing to do with my leg.

  Her gaze searches my face, looking for the truth, separating it from the lies. “Did you drive here…were you…how did you get here after you’d been drinking?”

  “I walked. The bar is across the street from the hospital. I would never ever drink and drive.”

  Her phone rings. She removes it from her purse and answers it. I’m about to leave when Sofia slips her fingers between mine. That’s the only sign I need to know I’m forgiven for now, but if I screw up again, she’ll walk away.

  I don’t want her to walk away.

  She lets go of my hand and crouches while still talking to her mom. She digs around in her purse, removes a pen and crumpled receipt, then scribbles down her mom’s flight information.

  They talk for a few more minutes before she hangs up. “My mom’s catching an early morning flight and will be here tomorrow night.” She should feel at least a little bit relieved at the news, but it’s like every problem in the world weighs her down, and she’s about to collapse under the pressure. “I’m not sure what I’m going to do. My mom can’t stay in Finland long, and someone needs to be here with my grandmother while she recovers.”

  And Sofia’s the kind of person who would do that. She would throw away everything she’s worked har
d for to be there for the one person who loves her and who has never let her down.

  I hold onto her, wishing I could hold onto her forever.

  But wishes only exist in fairy tales.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Sofia

  A week later in the staff locker room, I toss my dirty uniform into the laundry basket and swing my camera bag over my shoulder.

  “How’s your grandmother doing?” Maija asks.

  “She’s better. Thanks. She came back home yesterday.” Mom’s with her and is staying for the next few days to make arrangements for Muumu’s care.

  “That’s great. Do you want to go shopping with me? To celebrate?”

  “Sorry, I can’t. I’m meeting up with Kyle.” Well, more like surprising him. He’s still working, but I’m hoping to get to watch him in action, which has to be a helluva lot more exciting than watching me at work.

  She laughs shortly. “I think my boyfriend is in love with yours. All he can talk about is Kyle. He’s a big fan of his.”

  “What’s it with guys and hockey?” And why be a fan of Kyle just because he also loves it?

  “I swear my dating life revolves around hockey games. If I didn’t love Toivo so much, I’d be dating a guy who was into…um…lawn bowling.”

  “Lawn bowling?” I laugh. “Now there’s a sport with lots of hot guy potential. If you’re into eighty-year-olds.”

  Maija giggles. “Yeah, maybe dating a hockey fanatic is not so bad after all.”

  I lock my locker and, after saying bye to her, head to where Kyle works. The arena is cold inside and I instantly regret not bringing a hoodie. Seriously, what was I expecting? It’s called ice hockey for a reason.

  Rubbing my cold hands against my equally chilled arms, and cursing myself for wearing a tank top, I climb the empty bleachers to watch. My nipples prickle to stiff peaks, visible under my thin clothing and bra. Brilliant going, Soph. That’s now zero for two.

  Fortunately, everyone’s too far away and too busy to notice my predicament. Trying to distract myself from the uncomfortable sensation, I remove my camera from my bag and switch lenses. I don’t often use my telephoto lens since it’s more suitable for distant shots. My father didn’t know that when he bought it for me. It was a guilt present, another reason I don’t use it much. But right now, it’s the ideal lens for what I have planned.

  Kyle is on the ice with a group of kids. They’re all wearing their helmets and holding hockey sticks with the exception of Kyle. He has a whistle around his neck and a clipboard in his hand. It looks natural on him.

  Two lines of pylons, evenly spaced apart on the ice, form a racecourse. Behind the goal line, the boys are divided into two groups. I watch as the first boy in each group races down the ice with their pucks, then skates around each pylon as if it’s another player in the way. Once free of the pylons, they square up with the goal. The smaller boy is the first to take the shot. It easily flies into the hockey net despite the goalie’s valiant attempt to block it. Boy #2 is a fraction of a second behind him. The goalie doesn’t stand a chance against the rapid shooting, yet he somehow manages to knock the puck away.

  I adjust the aperture and shutter speed for the optimal shot, and wait for the next two boys to race. I zoom in closer so I can capture their individual facial expressions as they speed around the pylons. I shoot several dozen more photos.

  At the sound of loud cheering, I have an idea. I keep my lens on the teammates at the other end while the next boys skate down the ice. I shoot several photos of them cheering their teammates on. The best ones are when the pucks go into the net or when the goalie manages to catch it. I laugh at their pained expressions of defeat.

  For my final round of pictures, I focus on the one person I’ve tried not to look at too much. Kyle. My heart is ready to strap on skates and race around the rink at the sight of him. Even if it would probably slip and land hard on its left ventricle if it tried.

  I’m not sure if he’s seen me yet; his attention is on the boys navigating through the pylons at top speeds, somehow managing not to lose control and careen across the ice on their butts. He’s grinning like I’ve never seen him smile before, pride clear on his face. And it’s not just for these two boys. I watch him for the next two and the two after that. He cheers them on loudly. Nik does too, but the enthusiasm isn’t as great as it is with Kyle. With Nik, I get the impression this is only a job for him, like cleaning the bathrooms at the sports center is for me. It doesn’t mean the same as it does for Kyle.

  My cell phone rings in my pocket. Thinking it’s Joni, I answer without checking. “Hello?”

  “I can’t believe I actually got a hold of you,” Claire says. “How’s your grandmother doing?”

  “She’s fine.” I update her on Muumu’s condition and that my mom will be returning to Minneapolis in two days.

  “But…?” she says after I finish, knowing me too well.

  “But I’m not sure my grandmother should be left alone.” I swallow back the ache and wish for the billionth time that my best friend could be here with me. I miss her so much. “I’m thinking of staying here. At least for the next year or so.”

  “But what about college? What about Kyle?”

  “I’ve talked to the university. They can grant me a leave of absence for the year.” But it means turning down the practicum with the Bears, and if I do that, I might never have a chance at it again. “As for Kyle…” The ache in my chest tightens. “He might not be returning to Minneapolis. He’s got some job leads out of state.” We haven’t talked about it since Joni brought it up, but I can’t expect him to throw away a chance at the career he wants just to be with me. It’s not like we’ve discussed where things are going between us once we leave Finland. And now that he might end up out of state, there’s no point having that discussion.

  The boys finish racing and Nik calls them over. They take their positions on either the ice or the bench.

  “Enough about me,” I say. “Don’t you have anything exciting to tell me?” Something to distract me from my own problems.

  She hesitates, then tells me about her crazy weekend and her equally crazy date. Kyle picks that moment to look in my direction. His eyes are enough to cause every female’s heart in a twenty-mile radius to stop beating.

  Claire has to go, so we end the call, and I return to what I came to do. Even though I don’t have many frames left on my digital card, I continue taking photos. The game lasts fifteen minutes, much to the boys’ disappointment. The coaches have them cool down and stretch, then send them to the locker room. Nik skates off but Kyle doesn’t join him. He calls out a name and a boy who’s been struggling to keep up with everyone turns around.

  Kyle gestures for him to return to the bench. The boy does, but like in the race and the game, his heart is not into it. Even I can skate faster than him, and that’s not saying much. It doesn’t make sense. Kyle told me these are some of the best players for the age group in Helsinki. The way that boy played, you’d think the opposite.

  While Kyle talks to the boy, who must speak enough English to understand him, my phone rings again. This time it really is Joni.

  “Hi,” I say after answering.

  “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” Joni says.

  “No, you’re good.”

  “Remember that wedding I told you about?”

  “Yes, your cousin’s wedding.” He told me about it when we saw the movie. It’s near Jyväskylä, a place I’ve always wanted to visit.

  “Lovisa was supposed to go with me but she can’t make it. Would you be interested in going with me?”

  “I’d love to, but I can’t be gone that long. I need to look after Muumu.”

  “It was her idea that I take you. Actually, she insisted I take you. She said you’re driving her nuts and she needs a break from you.” He chuckles. “I just think it’s her way of making sure you have a good time, Sofia, and that you get to see more of Finland while you’re here. And you woul
dn’t want to disappoint her, right?”

  I guess this doesn’t surprise me. She also knows I wanted to check out Jyväskylä. They have an amazing sports research center at the university. I might have mentioned it a few times to her.

  The boy Kyle was talking to skates off to the locker room. Kyle skates toward me. If I go to Jyväskylä, it means less time with him before the summer is over. Given the situation surrounding our relationship, it shouldn’t matter—but tell that to my heart.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Kyle

  The sound of skate blades scraping against the ice fills me with the usual thrill as I cheer the two boys racing down the ice. The usual thrill combined with an overwhelming sadness that this is no longer part of my life. I don’t mean as a coach. I mean as a player. It’s the same feeling I get every time I set foot on the ice with the boys. Eventually that feeling will go away. I just wish that day would hurry up.

  A weird sensation that someone is watching us pokes at me, and I look up to find Sofia sitting on a bench on the other side of the rink. She watches the boys for a minute then lifts her camera. I tear my attention from her and go back to coaching my group. Pride charges through me at how hard they’re working.

  The pride shifts to concern as I watch Kai go through the drill, but unlike with the other boys, his heart isn’t in it. The opposite to when he first began the camp. He was the most driven player back then.

  After the last player has gone through the drill, Nik and I organize them into a quick game. I do my best not to look at Sofia even though seeing her makes me feel lighter. Lighter than I’ve felt in a while. When we were stranded at the cottage three weeks ago, it was as if the anger I struggle with over what happened last year had temporarily burned away. And it wasn’t due to the marathon sex session that came from not having much else to do. It came from the hours of talking to Sofia, playing our True and False game, sharing abstract physics facts that popped into my head. It came from the hours of laughing with Sofia. It came from holding her. She’s a small burst of sunlight between thick gray clouds.