Fear floods my body. God, no! Please not Sofia. I reach out to her. She’s white in the pale light and covered in blood.
“Sofia. It’s going to okay. Hold on for me, babe. Can you do that for me? I love you and you’re going to be okay. I promise.” But even as I say the words I know it’s not true. The part about loving her is. I’ve been falling in love with her from the first day we met; I just didn’t realize it until now. That part is true. The part about everything will be all right is a lie.
“Kyle, you’re having a nightmare,” Sofia says from the distance.
She strokes my cheek and the awareness of what happened creeps in. I slowly open my eyes, almost afraid to in case she’s another dream and I’m too late.
My eyes adjust to the dim light of the moon. Sofia’s leaning over me, her eyes bright with concern. Needing to prove to myself that she’s real, I thread my fingers through her hair and guide her mouth to mine.
I just want to hold and kiss her. I never want to let her go again. Except I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to keep her and how to have the new future I’ve been working hard for. I don’t know how to have them both.
I don’t say any of this to her. Instead, I relish the feel and taste of her mouth, of her skin. I relish each of her moans as my hands explore her body and her sounds as she comes.
I relish making love to her while I still can.
Sofia falls asleep in my arms soon after. I watch her sleep for a few minutes as the sky clears, and the moonlight pours into the room and glows around her. She’s an angel. An angel who has buried her way into my heart. But is it enough? She’s more than enough for me.
But am I enough for her?
Chapter Forty
Sofia
My steamy dream starring Kyle fades and I open my eyes. It takes a few seconds to understand why I was dreaming about him, the arm around my waist and his chest against my back being my first hints.
We did go out for pizza, but returned to his apartment to find Nik and his female friend had left. Not wanting to go back to Muumu’s so soon, I’d stayed to watch a movie. The next thing we knew, it was too late to drive home.
I blink the sleep from my eyes and check the alarm clock. Then shoot upright, the sheet tumbling down and pooling around my waist. Crap. It’s already 9:07 a.m.
“Hey,” Kyle murmurs, and I’m not sure if he’s complaining about me moving or if he’s saying ‘hi’ in Finnish.
“I’ve gotta get going,” I tell him, the words rushing out in one long word. “Joni’s meeting me at my grandmother’s place, and I still have to shower and pack.”
“Or you can stay in bed with me and forget about the wedding.”
I can’t tell if he’s serious or kidding, although the temptation is there to do as he suggests.
I kiss Kyle’s shoulder. “As tempting as that sounds, I do need to go.” I grab my clothes and head for the bathroom to have a quick shower before Kyle decides to join me.
Which is exactly what he does, but this time he’s on his best behavior and doesn’t do anything other than gives me a quick kiss.
I leave him in the bathroom where he’s toweling off and return to his room. I straighten his bedding, and notice an envelope from the athletic department at a university in Seattle.
“You almost ready to go?” Kyle asks behind me.
I whip around, still holding his pillow in my hand. He looks from the pillow to the envelope on the table. There’s no missing that I’ve seen it.
“I’ve been offered a job there. An assistant coaching position.”
Everything inside of me crumbles, but I manage to pull off a grin. “Oh, wow, that’s awesome, Kyle. You’re perfect for the job.” I wrap my arms around his neck, give him a quick kiss, and rest my head on his shoulder so he can’t see the tears in my eyes. “I’m so proud of you. You deserve it.”
I don’t even know why I’m reacting this way. It’s not like we’ve made plans to be together after the summer is over.
He holds me close, and I can only hope he doesn’t notice I’m shaking. “When do you start?”
“They want me there in two weeks.”
“That’s good. You’ll be finished with your coaching job here by then.” I pull away. “We should go now.”
An odd tension lies heavy in the air as Kyle drives me home, neither of us saying anything. I try asking him a True or False question, but he doesn’t answer. The rest of the trip is spent in silence, other than the radio.
Joni is walking to the entrance of Muumu’s building when we pull up. Kyle honks his horn and pulls into a spot, then walks with me to where Joni is waiting.
“I just have to pack,” I say. Both guys follow me into the building and walk behind me on the stairs. I can feel them glare at each other as we climb the steps.
I unlock the apartment door and open it. Muumu is standing in the hallway and I hug her, needing her more than ever to keep me together. Even though she has no idea what’s wrong, she squeezes me tight.
I leave everyone in the hallway and begin packing my bag. The front door buzzer intrudes on my thoughts, which is followed by the familiar voice of Joni’s grandmother. I rejoin them, and both guys move to grab the bag from my hands. Kyle is standing next to me so he wins this round of Testosterone Wars. I roll my eyes at the smirk he levels in Joni’s direction. Kyle follows us downstairs to Joni’s car. Before I can offer to sit in the back, Aino dives into the backseat, forcing me to sit up front with Joni. Kyle loads my bag into the trunk and walks me to the passenger side.
I kiss him, the moment too brief. “See you Tuesday.”
Kyle knots his fingers in my hair, keeping me close, and his tongue darts along my lips. Without meaning to, I open my mouth and let him in. My arms wrap around his neck and I get lost in the kiss. Time loses all meaning. Everything I’m supposed to be doing is no longer important. All I can think about is the taste of him, the warmth of his soft lips against mine, and the strength of his arms around me.
It’s not until someone politely coughs that I snap back to the moment and remember we’re standing next to Joni’s car, with everyone watching us. Kyle’s wearing a smug look aimed at Joni. This time when I kiss him, it’s a quick peck on his cheek. I wave goodbye to Muumu and climb in.
The journey isn’t too bad. Aino talks the entire trip, and Joni is forced to translate, but she’s funny and has lots to say. I spend a lot of the journey laughing, despite the battle of emotions inside me. The last thing I want is to ruin the trip for everyone. I push past my pain, remembering the reason why I’m going to Jyväskylä with Joni.
Joni and I don’t have a chance to say much to each other. A few times I get the feeling he wishes he could zip his grandmother’s mouth shut since she loves sharing embarrassing tales about his childhood, which he translates even though it’s obvious he would prefer changing topics.
After we drop her off at a family member’s house, and tell her we’ll see her in two hours, we drive to the hotel where Muumu, instead of Joni, booked our reservations. Or rather, the small inn where she booked our reservations. It’s quaint, with flower boxes bursting with bright blossoms under all the windows. It’s the kind of place you would bring your loved one for a romantic hideaway. I mute the alarm in my head. Just because it looks like that kind of place doesn’t mean Joni expects this to be a romantic weekend between the two of us. As weekends go, this will be the opposite to when Kyle and I were stranded on the island during the storm.
Joni opens the trunk and I grab my backpack before he has a chance. He removes his bag and follows me into the building. The only person in the lobby is the girl behind the desk, tapping keys on her computer. We walk over to her.
“Hei, we have two rooms booked,” I tell her, temporarily forgetting Joni could have told her this in her native language. “One for Sofia Philips and the other for Joni Kurri.”
She punches on a few keys, frowns, and taps on a few more. “We only have a reservation for a Mr. Jo
ni Kurri and guest. With a king-sized bed.”
“There must be some kind of mistake. My grandmother booked us two rooms not one.” At least I’m pretty sure she would have booked two.
The girl shakes her head. “Sorry. This is all I have booked under those names.”
I give her Muumu’s name, but the result is the same. She either booked the one room or they made a mistake with the reservation. “Can I book a room then?”
She shakes her head, again. “We’re all booked up. You could try elsewhere but there’s a convention in town. Everywhere has been booked for months. You were lucky to get this room.” Which explains why Muumu ended up booking only the one room. She trusts Joni isn’t going to try anything or hurt me—otherwise she never would’ve let me go with him.
“Okay, we’ll take the room,” I say.
Once we’re checked in, we climb the stairs to the first floor. It doesn’t take long to track down the room, and I stand by my original belief. This room is a perfect getaway, with the fireplace, two armchairs in front of it, and the roomy bed.
“I can sleep on the floor,” Joni says, frowning and looking around the room.
“Don’t worry about it. There’s plenty of room on the bed.” And plenty of pillows to build a barricade between us, in case he forgets it’s me in the bed and tries to cuddle—like Kyle has a habit of doing. “I’m going to have a shower.”
I have a quick shower and reapply my makeup. As I step out of the bathroom, I catch Joni sneaking glances at me in my pale yellow sundress while he pretends to read a brochure. My face heats and I rush over to my bag to find my sandals.
While Joni gets ready, I call Kyle. Because we’re being honest with each other, I tell him about the mistake with the room. The last thing I need is for him to accidentally find out from someone else, mostly notably Joni. Then he’ll never trust me, even if it really doesn’t matter in the end. He’s leaving Minneapolis and I’m probably staying in Finland.
“I trust you,” Kyle says after I tell him nothing will happen. “It’s him I’m not too sure about.”
“He’s not going to try anything. I’m sure he’d prefer his own room than share one with me.”
Kyle mutters something that sounds like, “That’s what you think.”
“Everything’s gonna be fine, I promise.”
“Just be careful. And kick his ass, hard, if he tries anything, okay?”
I laugh, and any previous trace of nervousness about how Kyle will respond to the news slips away.
We talk until Joni is ready to leave. I almost tell Kyle that I love him, but catch myself at the last second. I can’t do that. He’s leaving soon and this summer will amount to nothing more than a summer fling.
The evening with Joni’s relatives is entertaining, the view of the lake breathtaking, with the forest of pine and birch skirting the water and providing privacy from the neighboring houses. His aunt set up a long table containing various foods and drinks, and as the evening wears on, the laughter grows louder, as does the music and singing. The gathering consists of at least twenty people. The older adults chat around the fire not far from the water’s edge. The aroma of grilled Finnish sausage links fills the air.
Joni and I hang out near the red barn-style house, with a few of his relatives who are close to our age. All speak various levels of English and are happy to practice it…and teach me inappropriate words in Finnish. Luckily for me, Joni warned me that’s what they were doing. It would’ve been a little embarrassing if I had said the words to Muumu. Oh, who am I kidding? Saying “pussy” to her would be mortifying.
I glare at the male cousin who can’t stop laughing after I said the word perfectly, thinking he told me something else. Joni slings his arm over my shoulder and tells his cousin off. Or at least I think that’s what he’s saying. He says it in Finnish while frowning, and his other cousins burst out laughing.
I sip the fruity punch Joni fetched for me while I was increasing my list of vocabulary words. Whatever alcohol is in it gives it a nice little kick. I take another sip. Correction. It gives it a nice big kick.
One girl, who’s about seventeen years old, smiles shyly at me before speaking to Joni. She’s the opposite to the rest of them. She’s quiet and doesn’t speak English. She nods at me. He shakes his head but she doesn’t see it.
“What did she say?” I ask.
“It wasn’t important. Let’s dance.” Without giving me a chance to respond, he grabs my hand and pulls me to the makeshift dance floor between several small trees that look like Tinkerbell sneezed pixie dust on them. The miniature lights twinkle in the dimming sunlight.
The fast-paced song ends as we reach the small space, and a slower song takes its place. His grandmother is practically glowing. If Muumu was into texting, I wouldn’t be surprised if she and Aino would be gossiping to each other about this. I silently groan.
Joni puts his arms around my waist and mine automatically go around his neck. I sway in his arms, my gaze focused on the lake.
“It’s pretty here,” I say, needing a distraction.
“Yes, it is,” Joni says. But he’s not looking where I’m looking. Even in my tipsy state, I feel his gaze burning into me.
I continue to watch the lake, you know, in case a mythological beast crawls out of it. Which might not be a bad thing. It would give everyone something else to talk about, other than talking about me and Joni.
The song ends. “How about we go for a walk?” he says. “I could use a break from everyone.”
“What are they talking about?”
“My ex-girlfriend. They like you better. Let’s just say they’re not much different to my grandmother. They think it’s time I settle down.”
“They know I’m seeing someone, right?”
“I did mention it a few times.”
I glance over his shoulder. Everyone’s still watching us.
We walk along a narrow path skirting the lake, until we can no longer see anyone. The laughter and music fades into the background, accompanied by the chirping of frogs. With the sun low in the sky and shimmering off the water, this is easily one of the most romantic locations around.
Joni clears his throat.
I turn to him and his lips are suddenly on mine.
Chapter Forty-One
Sofia
Joni’s lips are only on mine for a second, but the moment they pull away, I turn and run. Deep down a voice tells me I’m overreacting. I ignore it.
I need to run. It’s the only way I know how to deal with the battle of emotions over Kyle’s news, Joni’s kiss, my need to make a decision whether I’m staying in Finland or not, and my fear of trusting a guy only to be hurt again. Joni calls out my name but doesn’t come after me.
Running in sandals…never a good idea. I stop long enough at the fork in the trail to slip them off while deciding which way to go, then I bolt along the sandy path parallel to the lake. I keep going, no doubt trespassing on private property belonging to the neighbors, but that doesn’t stop me.
No, what stops me is a sharp pain slicing into the bottom of my foot. An equally pained cry stumbles from my lips. Crap. I lift my foot. Blood drips onto the sand and the evil chunk of broken glass sticking up.
I half walk, half tip-toe a few feet and drop onto a large flat rock half in the water. I lower my injured foot into the lake, and wash off the blood and sand while inwardly cursing myself for being such an idiot. The cold temperature bites into my skin and soothes the stinging.
Once I’m satisfied it’s numb enough, I lift my foot out of the water and rest my ankle on my knee. The cut is deep, but I can’t tell if I need stitches, or if it just looks worse than it is. Blood oozes from the wound and mixes with the water. The way my luck is going, I wouldn’t be surprised if a blood-loving, mystical creature jumps from the water and latches onto my foot. It’s been that kind of day.
“Sofia!” Joni calls from farther up the path.
“Watch out for the glass!” A warm breeze r
uffles strands of hair into my face and mouth. I push it behind my ear and consider my options.
Joni says a word that I’ve long since guessed to be a swear word. I glance over my shoulder to find him staring at my bleeding foot. He bends to inspect it then unbuttons his shirt.
And now it’s my turn to stare. At his body. I knew he was in good shape, but I never realized he’s in this good of shape. Not that this changes anything between us.
I look at my foot, again, worried he’ll get the wrong idea if I check out his body for too long. Behind me the ripping of fabric tears through the air. Before I have a chance to see what’s going on, Joni kneels and starts wrapping the fabric around my foot.
“You need stitches,” he says, his attention focused on what he’s doing. He ties the ends so the knot is on top of my foot. “The hospital isn’t far from here.”
“But you’ve got your family thingy going on. You can’t leave.” And honestly? I’ve had enough of hospitals to last me a while.
His lips attempt a smile but only sadness reaches his eyes. “Considering it’s my fault you ran and cut your foot…” His smile fades. “I’m really sorry. I mean, I’m not sorry for kissing you. I’m sorry for upsetting you.”
Now it’s my turn to look away. “I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”
He chuckles. “So you’re saying slapping me would have been a better option?”
I look back at him. “I’m just confused about everything and you kissing me didn’t help.”
His mouth slides up to one side. Amusement gleams in his warm brown eyes. “Does that mean you like me more than you’re letting on?”
My gaze drops to my bandaged foot and the blood beginning to seep through the white fabric. “It means I’m falling in love with Kyle but it doesn’t matter.”
“Why?”
“Why doesn’t it matter or why am I falling in love with Kyle?”
Joni laughs shortly. “Maybe a little of both, although I’d prefer you skip the part about falling in love. Especially since he’s all wrong for you.”
Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One Page 22