I decide to ignore the last part. I’ll never convince Joni otherwise. “Kyle was offered a job, but it means he has to move away to another state. And I’ve got to think about Muumu. She needs me.” Joni knows I’ve been thinking of staying here for the year to help out. He doesn’t know about the experience with the Bears that I’ll lose out on. “So like I said, it doesn’t matter that I’m falling in love with him. It will never work out.”
He’s silent for a moment then asks, “If you stay here once the summer is over, will you be allowed to still work at the sports center?”
I shrug. “I have no idea. I have a feeling I won’t be. It was only a temporary position.” And my work visa will no longer be good if I lose that job. Which means I’ll need to find a new job and apply for a new visa. Neither will be easy to do.
“You know if you need help, just let me know and I can see what I can do.” He brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on my skin.
“Thanks.” I stand, not wanting to talk about this anymore, not wanting to think about what he’s really offering. “My foot should be fine now.”
Joni gently grabs hold of my arm. “I’m driving you to the hospital and they can decide if your foot is fine or not. And whether you want to hear my opinion or not, you don’t have a choice. He’s wrong for you. You’re a sweet and amazing woman, Sofia. Kyle’s the kind of guy who could end up bulldozing over you, especially if he starts drinking again.”
The sad thing is I know he’s right about the last part. But Kyle deserves a chance to prove himself. I’m just not sure if I should give it to him—or if doing so will only lead to more heartache.
Chapter Forty-Two
Sofia
I wake up to find Kyle’s arms wrapped securely around me. I blink my eyes clear and take in the bedroom bathed in the early morning sunlight. The bedroom that doesn’t belong to Kyle. The bedroom that doesn’t belong to me. The bedroom that looks familiar but I can’t figure out why.
And then everything about last night comes back to me. The kiss. The broken glass. The several hours spent in the ER. The stitches in my foot.
I groan and don’t bother to turn around. Even without looking, I know it’s Joni’s arm pinning me from behind. I glance down and exhale a relieved breath at the sight of my sleep shorts and t-shirt, which I now remember changing into once we returned from the hospital.
Wiggling myself free, I slide off the bed. Joni doesn’t stir. It’s still early in Finland, but it’s the perfect time to phone home. I grab the crutches, which I’m supposed to use until my foot is healed, and collect my phone from my purse. Then I quietly leave the room, shutting the door behind me, and crutch my way down the hallway and the stairs.
Outside, I sit on a bench overlooking a small pond shaped like a wonky heart. Several orange fish dart around the lily pads. On the other side, a statue of a young girl pours water in the pond from a jug. At least she doesn’t have men problems. The worst she has to worry about is birds pooping on her head. Lucky girl.
I call mom first and go straight to voicemail. I end the call without bothering to leave a message. Next, I call Claire since it’s too early to call Kyle. Besides, it’s my best friend I need to talk to more than anyone. She’ll know what to do about Kyle, about Joni, about Muumu.
“Hey you,” she says after the second ring. “Aren’t you at the wedding?”
“No, it’s not for a few more hours.”
“So? How’s it going?”
“It’s going great.” I toss the words at her with a side order of sarcasm. “Joni kissed me last night and I ran off and cut my foot. So we then spent several hours in the ER while I waited to get stitches.”
“You ran off? A hot guy kisses you and you ran off?” She’s not sure if she should laugh at a predicament that only I could get into, or be worried for me. The laugh wins. “I’m sorry,” she says through her giggles. “I’m having the most boring summer of my life with you gone, and you’ve got some sort of lopsided love triangle going on and I’m not there to witness it. So is it official yet? Are you and Kyle dating when you return here?”
I let out a long breath. It does nothing to extinguish the emotions battling inside me. “I haven’t decided if I’m returning yet.”
“But what about Kyle?”
“He accepted a great coaching job in Seattle. So there is no more Kyle and me. Not after the end of the summer.” We were nothing more than a summer fling in the end.
And even if he wasn’t moving away and we were willing to make our relationship work, I need to know Kyle won’t slip back to being the guy he was before he came here. I need him to be more honest. I have a feeling he’s holding something back from me. Until his walls are completely down, our relationship will never last.
“Have you not heard of long-distance relationships?” Claire asks. “I mean, we’re not talking about you having a long-distance relationship with Joni. A long-distance relationship with Kyle is still doable.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right.” Her words are barely heard over the loud chopping that just started. I glance around. A man is standing in a wide-legged stance at the end of the garden, next to a pile of firewood. He lifts the ax above his head and whacks the log with such force, I jump at the thunderous crack of splitting wood.
Unable to talk to Claire any longer because of the noise, we end the call, with her telling me she can’t wait to hear about the next exciting episode of my love life.
Joni is already awake, freshly showered, his hair damp, when I return to the room. I don’t mention how he was spooned up next to me this morning, and he avoids the topic, too. Or maybe it was just an innocent action and he didn’t know he had done that.
We arrive at the pavilion by the lake where the wedding is taking place and sit in the back row. Joni’s grandmother is ahead of us, but she turns around and waves. I wave back. The wedding ceremony takes place without any problems. Or I assume it does. Since I don’t understand a single word spoken, I spend the entire time trying to look thrilled for the bride and groom instead of bored. The end can’t come soon enough for me, and when it does my smile is genuine, even if the reasons for it aren’t what everyone thinks.
The wedding party leaves for photos. All of Joni’s relatives from last night keep coming over to me and asking about my foot. It’s not until forty minutes later that I can finally slip away to call Mom again.
“Aren’t you at the wedding?” she asks. A man speaks in the background and I cringe. Mom’s on a date? God, did I interrupt them making out? Ewwww.
“Who’s there?” I blurt even though I don’t really want to hear the answer. I should be happy for her, but this is my mom we’re talking about. I can’t picture her with another man who isn’t my dad. I know they’re never getting back together but still.
“It’s your father.”
Huh? I couldn’t have been more surprised if she had said in a breathy, Darth-Vader voice: It is your father, Sofia. “Why is Dad there?”
“We talked and realized we still care a lot for each other. So we went out on a date. And one thing led to another. We’ve been seeing a marriage counselor for the past month.” And that’s why he’d phoned to see how Muumu was doing after the heart attack. It was also because he wanted to talk to Mom.
I’m too stunned to speak. After everything she went through, the shame and humiliation, she’s willing to forgive him. Maybe even fully trust him again, one day. She’s willing to leave the past in the past. Maybe I should do the same. Maybe I can take the risk that things will work out for me and Kyle, and that he’ll never hurt me like Ian did.
Even if we aren’t living in the same state.
But this is all assuming he still wants to see me once he moves to Seattle. I guess it’s time we have that conversation. Right after I decide if I’m staying in Finland or not.
But first, before I can do that, I need to survive this wedding.
Aino gestur
es at me. “Come. Come.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Kyle
Kai stick-handles the puck to an open spot and takes a shot. When I first started working with the boys, it would’ve been an easy shot for him. He has the talent to go far in the game, but he’s lost the heart for it and it’s showing no signs of returning.
The puck flies past the open crease, straight to the skates of a player from the other team. I glance at my watch and blow my whistle. The shrill sound grabs their attention and they groan.
“Sorry, guys. That’s all we have time for. I’ll see you tomorrow.” As they skate toward the locker room, I call out, “Kai, can I talk to you for a second?” I haven’t pulled him aside since the last time I talked to him a few weeks ago.
He stops in front of me but doesn’t say anything. Eyes averted, he chips away at the cracked ice with the side of his blade. I indicate for him to follow me, and we enter the box and sit on the bench. Kai removes his helmet and since he can’t pretend to study the ice anymore, he studies his helmet instead.
“Kai, you’re a very talented player. I saw that when we first started camp. But something’s obviously bothering you, and I can’t help you if you won’t let me.”
He remains silent and I add, “I want to help you. I know what it’s like to feel as if the world is against you, and it’s easier shutting down than dealing with it.”
He eyes me for a moment, the need burning in his gaze to tell someone what’s going on, mixed with confusion as to whether or not to deny it. He eventually nods. “It’s my dad. My mom recently died. She had cancer. And he’s changed.”
“In what way?”
“He does not talk to me now. He lost his job…He does not eat much…And every time he looks at me, he hates me and wishes I were dead and not her.”
My stomach turns to lead and struggles against the force of gravity. “I’m sure he doesn’t feel that way. Grief can change us. It can make us lose perspective and it can consume us.” But even as I say it, I wonder how anyone can make their own child feel that way, even if they are so overwhelmed with grief. “But if you show him you’re there for him, and let him know you need him as much as he needs you, it’ll be the first step in helping him. In helping both of you.”
My words come from the heart. My family did this for me when I first struggled to cope with Gabby’s death and with the loss of my dreams. If they hadn’t shown me they were there for me, would I have gotten over my grief? My family saved me.
“I don’t know…” Kai says. His shoulders are hunched, carrying the weight of several large planets. No kid should ever feel that way.
I proceed to tell him the abbreviated version of what happened to me and how my parents helped me. I skip the parts about the sex and how I was still drinking more than I should until recently.
Once I’m finished, Kai smiles. The movement is small, not noticeable by most. It’s more about hope than happiness. And for the first time in a while, hope stirs deep in me, as if woken from a long hibernation. Hope about my ability to be strong despite everything I’ve lost.
Hope about my future.
Hope about Sofia.
Kai skates back to the locker room. I don’t feel like heading there yet. Nik can keep the boys out of trouble while they get ready to go home.
Other than me, the rink is empty. And just like I used to do when I was trying to figure things out, I start skating laps around the ice. My leg aches, but I don’t care. I just keep going, shifting back and forth between skating forward and backward.
Eventually I stop, the fatigue in my leg burning too much. I skate off the ice and enter the empty locker room. I remove my skates and strip off my sweaty athletic clothing, then grab my towel and head for the showers.
Closing my eyes, I duck my head under the stream of water and rinse the sweat from my hair. Once I’m finished, I shut the water off and turn around.
At the sight of the last person I expect to see in the men’s locker room, I startle. “What are you doing here?” I ask Lovisa—or Daniela. I still can’t tell the twins apart.
But it doesn’t matter if it’s Lovisa or Daniela, I’m naked…and so is she. Fuck.
I snatch my towel off the hook. What the hell am I supposed to do? Cover myself up or throw her the towel so she can cover herself up?
I toss her the towel. She catches it but isn’t in a rush to cover herself. I attempt to block her view of my package with my hand.
“I wanted to say hi, Kyle.”
“Great, you’ve said hi. Now put on your clothes and go.”
Pouting, she wraps the towel around her chest and takes a step toward me. I step back, maintaining the distance between us. “What part of ‘now go’ are you having trouble with?” I ask.
“You don’t have to be shy with me.”
“I’m not being shy. This is the men’s locker room.”
Her gaze drops to my hand covering my package. “So I’ve noticed.”
“And you can’t be in here.”
She takes another step forward, cornering me. “Sure I can. Ever had shower sex? I thought we could try it out. Together.”
“I have a girlfriend.” I don’t know if it’s true or not, but this isn’t the time to get into those semantics. And as far as Lovisa knows, I’m dating Sofia. Which means why in hell is she in here? “Weren’t you supposed to be in Jyväskylä with Joni?”
“Plans changed.”
So, she’s definitely Lovisa.
The sound of the locker-room door opening mocks me. Shit. The good news, if you can call it that, is she’s still wearing the towel.
“You and I will be hot together,” she whispers. Damn shower acoustics. Even though she whispered it, her words are heard by the occupants in the other room.
Nik and his uncle enter the shower area. Nik’s face holds an edge of amusement. His uncle is less than impressed.
“What’s going on here?” Alvar Tikkanen says.
Before either of us can respond, he tells Lovisa, “I don’t care who you are, get out of here or else I will have you charged for trespassing.”
Lovisa doesn’t stick around to find out if he’s bluffing. I release a relieved breath. Hopefully that’s the last I’ll see of her. One thing I’m certain about is that not only does Joni knows about this, but he’ll make sure Sofia knows, too.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Alvar says, his face red, nostrils flaring.
I open my mouth to tell him it’s not what he thinks, but he doesn’t give me a chance to defend myself.
“You’re lucky we walked in when we did, and not when you and the girl were having sex. And you were lucky it was us who walked in on you and not one of the boys from the camp. Do you realize what your careless indiscretions could have done to the reputation of the camp? If I had known you would do something stupid like this, I never would have given you those recommendations.”
He pauses his rant long enough for me to get a word in. “I didn’t invite her in here. Nor did I plan to have sex with her. I didn’t even know she was in here until it was too late.”
Alvar digests this. His stance is still stiff, but I can tell he believes me. “Do you know her?”
I nod. “Not very well. I just met her once, and I have no idea how she knew where to find me.” Although I do have a strong suspicion how she knew enough to track me down.
“Do you think she’ll be a problem again?”
I have no idea. Who knows what else Joni has planned. “Hopefully not.”
“Well, for you own safety and for the safety of the program, you’re to ensure you’re never alone in here.” He looks at his nephew. “If he’s in here, then you’re in here.”
“Yes, sir,” Nik says, his face a mask of seriousness. Deep down he’s laughing that he now gets to babysit me.
Alvar leaves and I change into my regular clothes. Joni and Sofia should be leaving soon to drive back to Vantaa. I send her a text. There’s no easy way to put it so I simply t
ype: Hope you had a great trip. Just want you to know that Lovisa came into the men’s locker room at the arena while I was showering. Nik and his uncle saved me from her. Miss you.
As I’m gathering up my stuff, Sofia replies.
Glad you’re okay. Miss you too. Talk to you soon. :)
Nik slaps me on the back. “Okay, loverboy. Let’s get out of here before anymore of your fangirls show up, naked.” Although from the way he says it, he wouldn’t be opposed to it.
Chapter Forty-Four
Sofia
The arena door opens and a group of boys exit. I recognize them from when I watched Kyle work the day I took photos for the photo album. The boy Kyle was talking to that day, after practice, leaves with two other boys. All three of them are laughing. I almost don’t recognize him. The last time I saw him, it looked like someone had died.
They walk past, talking in rapid Finnish. Eventually Kyle and Nik exit the building. It takes everything in my power not to run to Kyle and jump into his arms. Everything in my power, along with a pair of crutches.
The crutches I never told Kyle about.
His eyebrows draw together in a dark line. “What the hell happened to you?” He doesn’t have to say it; I can see it in his eyes. He thinks what happened is Joni’s fault, and in a small way it was. Except I have no intention of telling Kyle that. Yes, I want us to be honest with each other, but telling him that Joni kissed me is like wrestling with a hungry bear. Not the brightest of ideas.
“I didn’t see some broken glass in the sand and stepped on it. It’s really nothing. I just needed a few stitches.” Well, more like six.
Kyle takes a crutch and hands it to Nik. He wraps his arm around my waist and hands Nik the other crutch. Then his lips are on mine just like I’d fantasized all weekend, and everything else is quickly forgotten.
Who knows how long we’ve been kissing when Nik says, “Dude, I do have someplace to go.”
At first I can’t figure out what he’s talking about. Why does he have to wait for us to finish kissing, which if I had my way would be never? Then I remember why: he’s still holding my crutches.
Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One Page 23