Heat it Up: Off the Ice - Book One

by Stina Lindenblatt

  “She went to Rovaniemi,” Maija says. “She needed time to figure stuff out and couldn’t do that here.”

  “Rovaniemi? Where the hell is that?”

  “Lapland. In northern Finland. It’s a city on the Arctic Circle.”

  I remember Sofia and I talked about Lapland at one point. Her parents took her there as a kid. It’s where she got the swan pendant she loves so much. “What stuff did she need to figure out? Is this about her trying to decide if she should stay here another year?”

  “You really don’t know, do you?” she asks.

  “Know what?”

  She glances at Toivo, who nods at her and says, “He deserves to know the truth.”

  Every cell in my body turns to ice, making it hard to breathe or think. What the hell’s going on? “Is Sofia okay?”

  Maija nods toward the waitress walking toward us. “You will need something strong once you find out the truth,” she says.

  The waitress shows up and growing more nervous by the second about what Maija has to tell me, I order a beer.

  After the waitress returns with it, Maija says, “What do you know about Sofia’s ex-boyfriend?”

  I shrug. What the hell’s this got to do with anything? “Not much. He was an asshole who cheated on her. But I’m not him. I would never hurt her.” Then the words I’ve longed to tell Sofia for the past few days tumble out free and unabashed. “I love her.”

  Maija smiles, but it’s not the happy smile I would expect after I’ve declared I’m in love her friend. It’s a smile filled with pain. “Do you know what happened to him?”

  “No, she never told me. Why?”

  “So she never told you his name?”

  What is this? Twenty Questions? “No, she never told me his name. What the hell does it have to do with anything?”

  “His name was Ian Fischer. Does that ring a bell?”

  A bitter chill spreads through me, rapidly numbing my body. Shit. “He was the drunk who killed my wife.”

  I wait for her to go on, but she doesn’t. She drinks her beverage, waiting for me to solve the puzzle as to why Sofia refuses to talk to me. “So he’s her ex-boyfriend. What does that have to do with her ignoring my calls and texts? And what does it have to do with her going to Rovaniemi?”

  “The night her ex hit your car was the night Sofia found out he was cheating on her. She was afraid you wouldn’t be able to look at her again the same way after you found out the truth. She was afraid she would always be a painful reminder of the life stolen from you. Of the wife stolen from you.”

  Double shit. How could she even think that? “But why go to Rovaniemi?”

  She glances at Toivo again and he takes her hand. “Do you know what Sofia does best?”

  I have a few thoughts but they don’t explain why she went to Rovaniemi. I shake my head.

  “When things are too much for her,” she explains, “Sofia runs. She came to Finland because she was escaping her memories of the accident, and now she’s running again.” She takes a slip of her drink, giving me time to allow this all to soak in. “Now you know the truth. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”

  What am I going to do?

  Another voice reminds me how similar Sofia and I are. I didn’t come here just to coach those boys and gain experience toward a new career. I was trying to escape my memories and demons back home, like she’s been doing. Shit. If I hadn’t been so messed up. If I hadn’t held onto my hatred for what the asshole drunk driver did to me and Gabby and our families. If I hadn’t told her about the accident, I wouldn’t be losing the one person who can help me move on. The one person who made me want to move on.

  And what was the point of staying angry this past year? Did it bring back the dead? Did it mean I could play for the NHL again?

  There’s only one thing I can do. “I’m going to Rovaniemi to see if I can find her. I need to talk to her and figure out how to keep her in my life.”

  Maija narrows her eyes at me. “Even though you’re moving to Seattle? Even though she might stay here for a while?”

  “I’m not going to Seattle. I turned down the job. And if our relationship must be long distance until she goes back to the States, then we’ll make it work.”

  • • •

  Early the next morning, with my backpack stuffed with clothes to last me two days, and no idea where to look once I get to Rovaniemi, I drive to the airport. Fortunately, Rovaniemi isn’t Minneapolis, with hundreds of hotels. But what difference will it make? It’s doubtful they will tell me if she’s staying there. All I can do is leave a note at each one and hope wherever she’s staying will pass it on to her.

  In the boarding area, I pace back and forth, waiting to get on the plane. The overhead speaker crackles and an announcement is made in Finnish. Judging from everyone’s expression, it’s not good news. People gather their belongings and walk to the counter.

  “Ladies and gentlemen. Due to mechanical issues with our plane, we will be canceling flight Air Finland 245 to Rovaniemi. If you approach the checkin counter, we’ll do our best to reschedule you for a later flight today.”

  Shit. The line’s already long. No way will I be on the next flight. Knowing I don’t have much choice, I join the end of the line. It takes a while before it’s my turn. Most of the passengers before me don’t look too happy as they leave the counter.

  “The next available flight we can get you on is this afternoon at three o’clock,” the woman at the counter says after checking the computer. “Do you want it?” A sinking feeling consumes me. That’s not for another seven hours. But since it’s over twelve hours via train, I don’t have a choice. “Yes.”

  Chapter Forty-Seven

  Sofia

  I sit next to an elderly woman on the wooden bench and wait for the bus. A cool morning wind brushes past, making me glad I’m wearing my jeans and hoodie. The oversized mosquitoes buzzing around my head also make me glad I’m dressed like this. If I hadn’t left my crutches in the youth hostel, I could have swung at the mosquitoes and hit a home run. They’re that big.

  Trying to ignore the irritating buzz near my ear, I check my phone. Maija sent me a text to ensure I’m okay.

  Sitting at bus stop to see Santa’s Village, I text back.

  Make sure you remind him that I’ve been good this year.

  I laugh and the woman, who could be in her late sixties, smiles at me in that way where you know she has no idea what I’m saying if I were to talk to her.

  Or maybe it’s Toivo I should be reminding that you’ve been good. :)

  You have a good point!

  The phone rings and I answer it. “Hey mom. Is everything all right?” She knows I’m in Rovaniemi, she just doesn’t know why. I haven’t told her yet that I’m considering staying in Finland. I have two days to decide before my return ticket to Minneapolis expires. Two days to decide what’s the right thing to do. Two days before I’ll have to tell the Bears that I won’t be able to do the practicum. The practicum that Kyle helped me get. Not because he used to work in their marketing department—but because he used to be one of their players.

  I thought being in Rovaniemi would help me figure things out. But it hasn’t.

  “What’s this about you staying in Finland once the summer is over?” she asks.

  “Where did you hear that?” I haven’t mentioned it to Muumu. Despite Joni helping me learn the language, that discussion is well beyond my abilities.

  “My mother. And she had to find it out from Joni.” An odd strain marks her voice. She’s not happy I’m considering this option.

  “Muumu needs me. She needs someone who can help her while she recovers.”

  “Sofia, you don’t have to worry about that. Your father and I made arrangements so that she would be taken care of. It’s up to you, but I don’t want you to feel obligated that you have to stay there.”

  Hearing this is like a weight I didn’t realize existed on my shoulders is suddenly knocked of
f. Now I really do have a choice. “Thanks, Mom. I’ll let you know tomorrow what my decision is. Okay?”

  “All right. But if my vote counts for anything, I miss you and I want you to come home.”

  I laugh. “Okay, I’ll take that under advisement.” I end the call and stare at my phone. I’ve read and listened several times to the texts and voice messages Kyle left me since I last saw him. And I still don’t know what to do. I love him and everything about him. I love his random physics facts and how he gets excited when I tell him he’s sexy whenever he talks about them. I love how he makes me feel, whether he’s kissing me or touching me. I love how he makes me laugh and how my confidence has grown from being with him.

  And I miss him more than I thought possible.

  “What would you do?” I ask the woman after pouring my heart out, knowing she doesn’t understand anything I’m saying. The entire time I was talking she nodded, pretending to be enthralled with everything I said.

  “I think you already have the answer,” she replies and I shriek as if a dead body just spoke to me.

  “Y-you understood everything I said?” I ask, eyes wide.

  “What? You didn’t think I spoke English?”

  My face heats a thousand degrees. “Well, yeah, no, I didn’t. My grandmother doesn’t speak English so I assumed you didn’t either.”

  She pats my hand. “You’re changing the subject. We were discussing your boyfriend problems. Have you tried calling him?”

  I shake my head. I’ve thought about it a million times, but I chicken out each time my finger hovers over the keypad. “What I have to tell him isn’t something that can be explained over the phone. It’s complex.”

  “There’s nothing complex about love.” I open my mouth to argue the part about me being in love but she stops me short. “It’s on your face. That’s how I know. Have you even told him how you feel?”

  I shake my head, clearly unable to say anything intelligent. Heck, clearly unable to say anything, period.

  “Maybe it’s time you do.”

  I snort. “You want me to tell him on the phone that I love him? Isn’t that kind of impersonal?”

  “Maybe so, but something tells me that pouring your heart out will do you and him some good. And from what you’ve told me, you’ve got nothing to lose. You don’t have to tell him everything now, but you do need to eventually be honest with him.”

  The bus that drives past Santa’s Village pulls up to the curb and the woman stands. She climbs on and I follow. The bus is crowded so even though I wouldn’t mind getting more advice on my love life, I can’t. A man stands up, allowing the woman to take his seat. I continue to the back of the bus.

  I find the only other empty spot available and sit next to a guy with a pierced lip and a sleeve of tattoos. The last person on the bus I expect to be a love expert, although I could be wrong.

  I remove my phone from my backpack and study it for several minutes, as if the answer to what I should do will flash on the screen. Or Kyle will sense that I want to talk to him and phone me this very second. Or this second.

  Or this one.

  When that doesn’t happen, I scroll through the texts Kyle has sent me since the day I ran. He hasn’t texted me in the past twenty-four hours. And why should he? It’s my turn to reach out, not his.

  Not wanting to pour my heart out to Kyle while on the bus with Tattoo Guy sitting next to me, whether he understands English or not, I return the phone to my purse. I spend the rest of the trip watching the houses become fewer and fewer, to be replaced by pine trees as we drive along the highway.

  Santa’s Village comes into view. The squat wooden buildings, joined in a line, with their arched windows, haven’t changed since the last time I was here with my parents, when I was a kid. Nor has my belief changed that the pointed roof on the taller building, which makes up the main entrance, reminds me of an angular wizard hat with Santa’s picture on it.

  The bus comes to a stop and a swarm of tourists climb into the aisle and exit. A few people, including Tattoo Guy and the elderly woman remain behind.

  “Don’t forget to call him before it’s too late,” she says as I walk past. I promise her I will and join the rest of the tourists milling around the front entrance. While everyone goes inside, I remove my phone from my purse. Before I can change my mind, I find Kyle’s number and call him. Answer. Please answer.

  I get his voicemail.

  “Hi. It’s me. Sofia. I just want to say that I’m sorry for not calling you back sooner.” I stumble over the words, not too sure what to say. “Something happened. Well, more like I found out something that has to do with you and me. And I got scared that you would hate me after you discovered the truth. So I left. And I’m in Rovaniemi and I’m not sure if I’ll see you again, because after this I’m going back home. But—but I wanted to tell you that I love you. And I’m sorry about everything. I really am.” The words come out so fast I barely realize what I’m saying. He won’t understand what I’m talking about, but it’ll have to be enough.

  I hang up and enter the building somewhat lighter. I can’t keep running. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen between me and Kyle, I’ll have to face the truth and deal with it.

  With no real destination in mind, other than to explore the entire village, I wander through the stores. I’m not searching for anything specific, other than maybe a few gifts for my parents and friends.

  It’s not until I’m looking through the various gifts made out of reindeer antlers that I find the perfect gift for Kyle, if he ever forgives me for not facing up to the truth and telling him who I am.

  I pick up the small knife and slip it from the leather case made out of reindeer skin. The handle is made from reindeer antler. The knife is a symbol of how much I trust him, with my heart and with my body. I take it to the cashier and she asks if I want them to engrave anything on the blade.

  “To Kyle, love Sofia.” The words come so easily, like they’ve been waiting patiently for me to say them. I’ve spent the past several years exploring the world through my camera lens. Looking for the world no one else sees because they are too busy looking at the wrong things. When it came to me and Kyle, and the truth about the night of the accident, I was no different to everyone else. I ignored what was in front of me. I ignored the other truths.

  After I write down the message I want engraved on the knife, I pass time waiting for it by studying the various glass birds on display. The birds, including the swans, are the same as the ones I saw with Kyle a few weeks ago. They even have the fat little bird he bought for his mom.

  It doesn’t take long before the knife is ready, and I walk to the next store. My phone buzzes, and my heart rate accelerates, clearly thinking that maybe it’s Kyle texting me. But it’s Maija.

  I read her text. Are you still at Santa’s Village? Then reply, Yes. But I haven’t told Santa yet what I want for Christmas. Or that you’ve been good.

  I pick up a hand carved reindeer made from wood. I’m definitely aiming for a reindeer theme here.

  My phone buzzes again.

  Turn around.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  Kyle

  Sofia turns around and her expression transforms through a range of emotions. It settles on her staring at me, her mouth open, eyes wide. She doesn’t move and she doesn’t speak. She’s been turned into a gold statue.

  I walk up to her, mouth dry, mind racing. In hockey, before I hit the ice for a game, I could focus on what I needed to do. Win. But winning a hockey game, even if it is during the Stanley Cup playoffs, is nothing like winning the love of the girl who means everything to you.

  “Hi,” I say.

  Her mouth closes and she blinks. “You’re not really here.” Her voice is soft, as if she’s afraid I’m a figment of her imagination, and people will think she’s crazy for talking to the empty air in front of her.

  I chuckle. “No, you’re not imagining me.” I cup her cheek in my hand and run my thumb
along her lips. The lips I’ve fantasized about kissing during the seven hours I was stuck in the Helsinki Airport and during the flight here. And then the hours I had to wait until today, this morning, while Maija located her for me. The image of my lips against hers was the only thing that got me through the ridiculously long wait.

  “But how?” she whispers. “How did you know where to find me?”

  “Maija. She told me everything. Including who your ex-boyfriend was.”

  She nods slowly, bit by bit processing what I’ve told her.

  “I wish you had told me when you first realized the truth,” I say.

  “I wasn’t positive until I talked to my best friend back home.” Her eyes gloss up and she sniffs. “When you mentioned the car accident, I never realized it was the one Ian caused. I never realized he was the one who had caused you so much pain and suffering.”

  A tear breaks free. I catch it with my thumb and wipe it away. “The only one who caused me so much pain and suffering was me. I let my anger over what happened consume me. It was my hatred toward him that made me screw up again and again and again. He didn’t make me drink and he didn’t make me use sex as a distraction. That was all me.”

  My thumb wipes away another tear. “But it was you, Sofia, who helped me find the strength to get past it. Since coming to Finland and spending time with you, I’ve become the guy I used to be.” A lopsided smile slips onto my lips. “And I don’t know about you, but I think I’m kind of adorable this way.”

  She laughs. The sound of it warms me up for the first time since she left Nik’s apartment. “Yes, you’re definitely adorable this way.” She cocks her to the side. “So you were the one texting me, not Maija?”

  I chuckle. “No, that was her.”

  My mouth lowers to hers and I brush a feather-light kiss against it. “I love you too. And I’m willing to wait for you if you decide to stay in Finland for a while. You’re worth the wait.”

  While I might’ve been going for a feather-light kiss, Sofia has other plans. Her mouth crashes into mine. I’d be a damn idiot not to kiss back with everything I have inside of me and so much more.