Ange du Mal

by Stephanie Kane

  He clutched me to him. “That’s just what Heaven calls you. Shannon, I didn’t want to scare you.” He bit his lips. “I’m so sorry.”

  I cursed. “It doesn’t matter what you wanted. Raziel chose for me. The Watchers were going to hurt my family. I couldn’t let that happen.” I trembled. “But – but now, I don’t know what I’ve done.”

  Samael rocked me in his arms. “It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you’re alive. I need to heal you, okay? Lay down.”

  “No, I want to get out of here!”

  “Okay. I’ll take you home.”

  Damien shifted back to his human form and limped to my side. “Sweetheart, please tell me you’re alright.”

  I laughed hoarsely, in shock. “Yeah right.”

  Damien wept.

  Chapter 21

  When Samael said ‘home,’ he meant his place. He took me back to the stupid blue room by the courtyard and set to healing me. I was too drained to protest. I just wanted to sleep.

  The night dragged into day, and Samael kept a vigil by my bed. My dreams were fevered and mad. I stirred the following afternoon.

  “Sam?”

  There were dark shadows under his eyes. “You’re awake.” He held my hand.

  I nodded, body sore. “Great. I started the Apocalypse,” I said, voice hollow. “I can’t even drink at bars yet, and I caused the end of the world. What the flipping frappuccino happens now?”

  Samael bowed his head. “The Watchers are searching for the last seals. Heaven’s pursuing Raziel. Michael’s pulling out all the stops in order to prevent the Apocalypse. The otherworlds are panicking, but all I can do is worry about you. I don’t have time to deal with this.”

  I pulled the covers over my bandaged chest. “I was a ticking time bomb, and you never told me.”

  Samael squeezed my hand. “The Bible’s gossip and prophecies are crapshoots. All that matters is your kindness, your decency. Forget what the Watchers called you. There is no Whore of Babylon. No Beast. We don’t have to be puppets, acting out scripted roles.”

  Tears welled in my eyes. “But they were right. All I do is mess things up. I put my family and friends in danger. I’m as much of a monster as you are.”

  Samael sat at the head of my bed. “We’re not monsters.”

  I shook. “What else do you call the Devil and the girl who started the end of the world? What happens now? Plagues? Famine? World War III?”

  Samael put his hands on my shoulders to steady me. “Calm down. The horsemen won’t manifest until the last seal is broken. We still have time.”

  I pushed his hands away. “No we don’t! Everything’s gone to crap and there’s nothing I can do. They dissected me. They picked me apart and had their way with my insides. It was worse than Jeqon. At least all he wanted was to rape and kill me. No, Raziel had to manipulate my parents, my entire family line. I’m his experiment. Who let you and him toy with my life? You’re all the same. Playing god. You’re just like your Father!”

  Samael’s lips drew thin. “I’ve never toyed with you. And you’re not an experiment, mine or Raziel’s. You don’t belong to anyone.” He smoothed the covers over me. “I’m nothing like my Father.”

  “Keep telling yourself that.”

  Samael furrowed his brows. “You’re angry, I understand. Maybe you should do something to relax. I can get you a book, or a movie.”

  “I don’t want anything from you.” I ripped the bandages from my chest. Pink flesh shone where the incisions had been. “You weren’t there. You said you’d keep me safe. You said you’d protect me! I’m just eighteen. I don’t even have college figured out. How the hell am I supposed to defend myself against fallen angels?”

  He wrapped his arms around me.

  “Let me go!” I pounded his chest.

  “Please forgive me.”

  My fists hurt, so I stopped. “I can’t. Ever since you entered my life, everything’s gone to hell. You can’t fix this.” I wilted against him. “I’m so tired.”

  He wiped tears from my eyes. “I am too.”

  I looked up at the crown molding on the ceiling. “I feel so alone.”

  He rested his chin on top of my head. “I’m right here. You don’t have to be afraid.”

  I bit my lip. “How can you say that with all that’s happened?”

  He traced my spine. “Because things will be alright. Your story isn’t over. It may be hard, getting to the final page, but in the end, it will be worth it.”

  “How can you believe in happy endings!” I said.

  He bowed his head so our noses touched. “Because faith is all I have.”

  “Faith doesn’t matter. It won’t fix anything.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  I laughed hoarsely. “I don’t, do I? What do I know? I’m just your whore. It’s written in the freaking Bible.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Don’t lie to me. What, are you afraid you’ll corrupt me like Eve? Grow a pair, you bastard. You effed up my life the moment you walked into it. What else could you possibly do?”

  He winced. “I never meant to hurt you.”

  “Then why do these horrible things keep happening!”

  Tears fell, hot, from his eyes to my cheeks. “I don’t know.”

  I rolled over onto my side and stared at the wall. “I hate you. What you’ve done to me. What you’ve let happen.”

  He dabbed at his eyes. “Please don’t say that.”

  The bluebirds on the wallpaper mocked me. “It’s true. You came into my life and left a hurricane in your wake. I’ve been shot, dissected, and nearly raped. What else do I have to go through?”

  “Nothing. I won’t let anything else happen to you.” Samael’s face was hollow. “Maybe my Father was right. Maybe I am poison.”

  “Poison? God you’re emo.”

  He slumped. “It’s what my name means. Poison of God. Everything I touch turns to crap.” His human form slipped away, revealing a sad pile of bones. He looked at his hands. “Why should I even bother trying to fool you? All I create is ruin.”

  My anger cooled. I sat up. “Sam, that’s not true.”

  He made a fist with his phalanges. His shoulders shook. “It is.”

  I picked his robe up off the floor and draped it over him. “I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated. Everything’s spinning out of control, and I have no one to turn to but you. You’re easy to blame.”

  “You should blame me.” He sighed. “I thought things would be easier when I met you. I didn’t think I’d be putting you in so much danger. But I underestimated the circumstances. I thought I was protecting you, but all I did was put you in harm’s way. I don’t know how to fix this. I keep miscalculating – focusing on Michael when I should have been focusing on the Watchers. I never suspected Raziel. His plan was ingenious – using his daughter to distract me. He knew I would possess her. The Nephilim was strong, too strong. I had to fight my way out of her, and when I emerged, you were gone.” Samael shook his head. “I can’t believe I let this happen.”

  I looked at the obnoxiously cheery bluebirds on the wall. “The wallpaper in this room sucks. This situation sucks. Everything sucks.” I beat my fist into the bed. “God, I have to study for my stupid midterms. It’s halfway through the semester, and my life is falling apart. How am I supposed to focus?”

  He looked at me with empty eye sockets. “I don’t know.”

  But focus I did. Just as I had after Jeqon’s attempted rape, I shoved my feelings to the side and went into autopilot, shutting myself in my room to study. I made misshapen blobs in ceramics and narrowly scored a B on my genetics midterm. Only in Ecology 101 did I shine. My nature journal sketches turned dark, filled with crows picking at carrion and rotting logs. Dr. Crane called me up to her office after class, concerned.

  “I’m worried,” Dr. Crane said, adjusting her glasses. “I know you’re doing well on paper – your midterm was excellent – but your nature journal is b
ordering on the macabre.”

  The teacup in my hands shook. “Things are kind of hard for me right now, professor.”

  Dr. Crane nodded. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes. “I was, well, harassed? Assaulted. It’s happened before, and each time, afterwards, I clam up, afraid. I haven’t felt like myself for weeks now.”

  Dr. Crane’s eyes widened. “Have you reported this to the campus police or gone to the counseling center?”

  I shook my head. “It’s more complicated than that, and they couldn’t help. I’ve already been to the police over winter break. They couldn’t do anything. I can’t explain it, Dr. Crane. But I’m constantly scared. I can’t sleep.”

  Dr. Crane reached across the table and placed her hand over mine. “This is serious. I’m glad you told me. If there’s anything I can do, please let me know.”

  I nodded.

  Dr. Crane squeezed my hand. “Do you still feel up to doing your research?”

  I wiped the tears from my eyes. “Oh, please, yes.”

  Dr. Crane smiled gently. “Good. Maybe it will take your mind off what you’re going through.”

  Later that afternoon – the first of April – I was in the lab with Arietta, observing a cross between a docile male spider and an aggressive female from the generations we had bred.

  The male displayed and approached the female. The female proceeded to eat him.

  I cried.

  Arietta was at my side in a flash. “Shannon? Shannon? What’s wrong?”

  “The stupid spider ate its mate! Why is nature so messed up? Why are demons so effed up? I feel just like the spiders – a freaking experiment.” I slumped against the table, head in my hands.

  Arietta hugged me. “You’re not. Angels and demons are bastards. Don’t let them win by thinking they control you. You’re so much better than Samael and the Watchers.”

  I looked at the female spider wrapping its mate in silk. “What if I’m not? What if I really am some apocalyptic whore?”

  Arietta shook her head. “The Book of Revelations is a pipe dream some apostle had when he was high. Don’t sweat it. Look, spring break is almost here. You should do something fun to take your mind off everything. Forget Samael. Forget the archdemons. Forget Hell. Just enjoy yourself.”

  “I can’t.” I wiped snot from my nose. “I’m supposed to go camping on the Appalachian Trail with my friends, but I’m worried. What if the Watchers attack? What if Michael comes? I know Samael’s warded campus, but he can’t ward the entire AT. I feel helpless.”

  Arietta’s golden eyes lit. “Know what? How about I come with you?”

  I sniffled. “Really?”

  She nodded. “Of course. We could look for migrating birds. Maybe we’ll even see a cerulean warbler.”

  I rose from the table. “I’d like that.”

  That weekend, we rented camping gear and tents from the campus recreation center. Divya, Rosanna, Arietta, and I crammed into Arietta’s car and we made the long drive to Three Ridges Wilderness outside of Charlottesville, Virginia. We were in cider country, with glorious, rolling hills flushed with spring.

  My phone buzzed with a text in the parking lot:

  “MISS YOU, SHANNON. PLEASE TALK TO ME.”

  I didn’t reply.

  It was a long hike, all uphill, to the campgrounds. Mountain laurel bent like old women besides the trail, and promontories overlooking the valley gave excellent views. I breathed in the fresh mountain breeze, redolent in blooming orchids, and for the first time in weeks, felt at peace.

  Rosanna sucked in air. “This hike is torture. I don’t have muscles, guys. I’m a delicate flower.”

  Divya laughed. “There’s nothing flower-like about you, unless you’re thinking of thorns.”

  “We’re almost there,” Arietta said, sniffing the air. “I can smell the fire pits.”

  “So do you eat raw meat?” Rosanna asked, curious. “Being a werewolf and all.”

  Arietta smiled. “I like a bloody steak, or fresh deer. Plus, I eat hamburgers rare.”

  “Do you change during the full moon?” Divya asked.

  “Yep, but only at night.” Arietta plucked a dogwood flower and tucked it behind her ear. “It’s fun, really. Going on runs through the woods. I can change any time I want, though.”

  “So you can fight off any black bears we meet, eh?” Rosanna said.

  “Black bears are shy,” I said. “The only thing we need to worry about are overcurious squirrels.”

  We arrived at the campground, a series of clearings with several fire pits, and pitched our tents. Arietta and I bird-watched while Rosanna and Divya got a fire going. Soon, it was time for dinner. We pumped water from the creek using a filter and boiled it over the fire for chili. The meal was delicious, and we lazed around the campfire until late at night, telling ghost stories.

  “Enough ghost stories. Time for s’mores,” Divya said, drawing chocolate bars, graham crackers, and marshmallows from her backpack.

  We toasted the marshmallows on sticks and smushed them on top of chocolate between the graham crackers. The goopy bliss melted in my mouth.

  “Mmm,” I said. I wiped chocolate from my lips. “God, this is so messy.”

  Something rustled in the bushes behind me. I turned to see a tall silhouette step into the firelight.

  “Hello?” Arietta called.

  “Hey, mates. What’s up?” said the figure – an extremely handsome brunette.

  “Henry?” I said, on guard. “Why are you here?”

  He made a cutting motion with his hands. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist. I come with an olive branch.”

  “Well you’re the last person I was expecting,” I said.

  Henry shrugged. “We’ve been keeping tabs on you, trying to keep the Watchers off your back.”

  “Why would you care?” Arietta said, bristling.

  Henry narrowed his eyes. “Because if the Watchers get ahold of Shannon, they could force her to open more seals. Seeing as the Devil’s done a piss-poor job of protecting you, Heaven’s been on guard. We don’t want more crap to hit the proverbial fan.” Henry eyed the marshmallows. “Hey, can I have a s’more?”

  “Why would I give you a s’more?” I said. “After all you’ve done – trying to destroy the otherworlds? We’re not friends.”

  Henry pursed his lips. “Please? I hiked a long way to find you.”

  I sighed. “Fine.”

  Henry sat on the log opposite me, toasting a s’more. We looked at him warily.

  “You’re the idiot who keeps getting Shannon nearly killed,” Rosanna said, glaring.

  “I didn’t hurt her,” Henry said. “If anyone hurt her, it’s that bugger Samael.”

  “You still haven’t told us why you’re here,” Divya said.

  Henry paused mid-bite, marshmallow on his lip. “Look, I have a busy life. I’m an engineer in London. I’m about to get married. I don’t like this celestial crap anymore than you do. But I’m a good Christian, and if God needs me, I’m there.”

  “This has nothing to do with God,” I said.

  “Of course it does,” Henry said. “We’re dealing with angels and demons. What I don’t understand is why you side with those nasty demonic arseholes. They don’t give a toss about you – you’re their toy.”

  I flushed with annoyance. “That’s not true.”

  Henry swallowed his s’more. “Whatever. Anyways, I’m here because we need your help. Michael’s found the seal. Only the person who opens the seals can destroy them – you.”

  Gooseflesh raised on my arms. “The next seal? What is it?”

  Henry’s face darkened. “The Holy Grail.”

  I dropped the stick I was roasting my marshmallow on. “What? That thing is real?”

  Henry nodded.

  My mind reeled. “Breaking the Holy Grail will probably damn me to Hell or something. Are you sure that’s what Michael wants?”

  Hen
ry’s lips drew thin. “I don’t like it any more than you. Anyways, it’s Michael’s last resort: this is all the demons’ faults.”

  I groaned. “Things aren’t that black and white. You’ve been brainwashed by the angels.”

  “I haven’t,” Henry said. “Demons twist words for their own gains. Haven’t you read Faust?”