Beyond Intent

by Karice Bolton

  My chest ached, but I didn’t want to give Jason any sign of it, or everything would get shoved to the side again. I could feel he was getting close to revealing things. Or at least I prayed he was.

  I took a step closer and reached for his hand.

  “Please, let me in,” I begged, bringing him a step closer to me.

  “I never meant to make you feel like you’re not a part of my life. I kept thinking that I could take care of everything before you noticed, but obviously that hasn’t been the case.”

  “No. It hasn’t.”

  Jason guided me over to the couch where we both took a seat and I waited.

  “Seeing you reconnect with your brother made me think about things in my life,” Jason began. “I knew so little about my family, or what was left of it, that I’d written off that part of my history. I’d gotten on with my life. I’ve built an amazing business. I have the most incredible girlfriend in the world, and I couldn’t imagine life any better.” He stopped talking and took a deep breath in.

  “So what happened?” I asked.

  “I began dreaming of our family, of what that would look like,” Jason’s voice trailed off.

  I looked into his eyes and saw the pain begin to resurface. His words, “our family”, made my heart stumble.

  I shook my head. “You’re afraid of having a family?”

  “Not at all,” he replied, a grin appearing. “It’s something I never even gave thought to until I met you.”

  I nodded.

  “But the thought of building our family when I knew so little about my own began to take over. I think I honestly thought I’d place a few calls and that would be it. Instead, I’m losing sleep and digging myself into holes I feel like I can’t get out of. But it’s too late. I already cracked open something I should’ve left well enough alone.”

  “You’ve found family?” I asked, feeling an odd mixture of relief and dread.

  Jason let out a cynical laugh and leaned into the back cushion of the couch. “If you can call it that. At this point, I’d like to only say that I’ve found some people who appear to be blood relations.”

  I moved closer to Jason and rested my head on his chest, hearing the steady beat of his heart.

  “At times I feel like my memories are chasing me down, taunting me with a past I can’t change or fix. I look at how well my life has turned out, and I can’t escape the guilt,” his voice broke.

  “You have nothing to feel guilty about,” I whispered. “You’ve worked hard. You’ve sacrificed a lot. You didn’t give up on your family. They gave up on you.”

  Jason kissed my hair, and I felt his warm breath cascade down the back of my head as we both sat quietly on the couch.

  “I’m going to Tennessee to track down some possible connections to family. I’d tell you more but there isn’t much more to say. That’s why I haven’t wanted to involve you. I only find out lots of little pieces that lead nowhere. Lots of dead ends and wasted time.”

  I wrapped my arm around his waist as my body slinked into his. “Guess what?”

  “What?” he murmured.

  “I want to find out those little bits of information with you. I want to roam down those dead ends hand-in-hand with you because I want to be the one there to pick you up when you fall down. Don’t you understand that?”

  “I was in foster care for a reason,” Jason said. “And everything I’ve found out so far confirms that was the best place for me.”

  “I don’t doubt that.”

  I could feel Jason’s pain and wanted to take it away so badly, but I knew I couldn’t. I could be there for him, but I couldn’t fix the situation, no matter how much I wanted to.

  “I’m deeply in love with you, Gabby, and I don’t want to do anything that could ever hurt you or change the course of your life negatively.”

  “I know you don’t. But think how well that turned out for me last time my father and brother had the same idea,” I reminded him. “Life happens, Jason; whether we try to control it or not. I find it funny that I’m the one reminding you of this.”

  “True.” I felt him smile and his body relaxed slightly.

  “Do you realize that after all these months of dating, you still take my breath away? Your touch about sends me out of this world. And just a glance from you gets me all knotted up inside like the day I first met you. ”

  “Is that so?” he asked.

  “It is so,” I said, tracing my fingers along his chest. “I don’t think you know the power you have over me.”

  “I don’t think you realize the power you hold over me,” Jason said, his tone softening. “That’s what has made things so difficult. Wanting to protect you, coupled with not wanting to hurt you. But every time I’m with you, I can’t think of anything else but being with you. Look at what happened earlier.”

  I craned my neck to look at him, and I laughed. “Good point.”

  “Speaking of which…” He flashed me a dangerous grin as I scooted away.

  “We have important business to finish,” I protested, standing up quickly, but his gaze darkened as he took me in.

  “We do,” his voice lowered, and my pulse pounded as I watched his eyes move down my body. “Do you remember that first night we were together, and I asked you if you trusted me?”

  I nodded. How could I ever forget that night? He made me feel like the most wanted woman in the world, and he was doing it again.

  “I’m asking for your trust once more.” He stood up and smiled, slipping his hands around my waist. “I won’t hurt you, Gabby. You’re my world. I’m only asking for a little time to sort some things out before…”

  The light caught the bronze flecks in his eyes as I looked up at him. His hand ran along my skin, and my body reacted with a quiver as I reflected on his words—his wishes—thoughtfully. I knew I’d follow this man anywhere. That was what love did. It made us realize what’s important in life. The fierce desire to make things right between us guided me. I knew what was on the line and so did he. He wouldn’t request this unless it was important to him, and I wanted to respect that.

  “I feel like you’re giving me answers in a language that I can’t read. I can’t interpret your signs, yet I trust you.” I let out the breath I’d been holding in and glanced toward the sliding glass door. “I’m asking for you to trust me too. Trust that I can handle anything you put on my plate. Go to Tennessee. Figure things out…But know that this will be the last time you’re doing it alone. I’m not fragile.”

  “I know, babe. You’re the strongest woman I know.”

  Jason’s soft lips met mine, consuming me with every kiss. I still didn’t have all the answers, but I had Jason and for now that was enough.

  I was thankful to be at the bakery. The wonderful aroma of lemon pound cake and coconut bars surrounded me as I put a batch of oatmeal cookies in the oven. Emily would be here in a few minutes, and she would definitely want details from my Vegas weekend. Now that I was away from Jason, I could think straight.

  While I fully respected his answers, I was annoyed at myself for letting him off the hook so easily, but that often happened around him. I’d get so wrapped up in us that I’d lose my focus. Lily and Brandy weren’t impressed with my limited attempt at getting details. They felt the need to inform me of all of my mistakes on the flight home. Lily traded seats with Aaron so that the guys could sit behind us on the plane while I was stuck in between Lily and Brandy. By the time we landed, I couldn’t wait to get to the house to see Tomato and Sunny and hide under the covers, which was exactly what I did.

  I loved Lily and Brandy dearly, but they certainly didn’t take it easy on me. Ever. I still refused to look at the papers that they’d given me. They liked to point out that while I may refuse to look at them, I also refused to toss them out. Their point was a valid one.

  Jason had landed in Tennessee late last night, and we spoke on the phone for over an hour. That was what made things so confusing. I didn’t want to make pro
blems out of issues that didn’t exist.

  The jangle of the bell from the door indicated that Emily had arrived. I wiped off the counter and tossed the towel over the drying rack.

  “Your favorite employee has arrived,” Emily chimed.

  I had to admit she was right, and our friendship was quickly climbing the ranks as well, especially if I had many more of those types of flights.

  “I’m in the back,” I hollered, rolling the flour bin into the storage room.

  “So how was Vegas?” Emily asked, shooting her brows up.

  “Vegas was more fun for some than others,” I laughed. “Lily won twenty grand.”

  “You’re kidding,” Emily said.

  “Nope.” I walked toward the front of the bakery with Emily right behind. “She really did.”

  “There’s something you’re not telling me,” Emily said, wiping down the tables. “So was it truly only an escape vacation?”

  I shook my head and began placing the newspapers on the racks. We had the local island paper, the Seattle Times, USA Today and the Wall Street Journal. A few of our customers made our bakery part of their morning tradition and included in that was reading the papers and sipping espresso.

  “No. I wouldn’t say that,” I replied, relieved she wasn’t in on it too. “Jason’s looking at opening up another bike shop in Vegas. Most of the main production would be up here, but they’d have a larger showroom and the ability to do builds, if needed.”

  Emily stopped wiping the table and took a seat. “Are you serious? Where’d that come from? You’ve never mentioned it before.”

  “He’s never mentioned it before. It kind of blew me away. Not in a good way.”

  Emily shook her head in disbelief. “He loves it here. He hates heat.”

  “I know.” I walked over to the window and flipped on the open sign.

  “How are you feeling about it?” she asked.

  “If he thinks it’s time for expansion then I fully support it. Support him.”

  “But?” she prompted.

  “I think there’s more to it.”

  “Do you think it has to do with the other stuff that’s been bothering him?”

  I smiled and laughed. I really did have a big mouth. “I hope not, but it’s hard to gauge. The thought definitely occurred to me.”

  “Well, when he stops by today, I’m gonna have to give him a hard time. This seems too out of the blue for my liking.”

  “He’s actually in Tennessee,” I replied, making myself a peppermint tea.

  “Why in the world is he there? When he talked to me last week, I’m sure he was planning to fly home with you. I’m sure of it.”

  She caught it too, another spur of the moment trip with very little explanation.

  “I haven’t wanted to pry,” Emily began.

  “But you’re going to anyway.” I smiled.

  “It’s how I’m wired,” Emily chuckled. “So have you spoken to him about your concerns?”

  I nodded. “I did actually. I put my foot down and told him I needed to know what was going on or he might as well fly back to Vegas instead of Seattle.”

  “Good for you. What did he say?”

  The bell jangled and one of our regulars walked in.

  “Hey, Tony.” I smiled and grabbed a large paper cup. “White mocha?”

  “You know it.” He scanned the bakery case as the oven buzzed.

  “I got it,” Emily assured me, walking into the backroom. I poured the steamed milk into the cup and topped it off with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle.

  “How about a slice of that lemon cake?” Tony asked, as I handed him his drink.

  “Good choice.” Using the tong, I slid the thick slice into a paper sack and set it on the counter before ringing it up.

  “I’m off to pick up my granddaughter today,” Tony informed me.

  “Is that so?”

  “Sure is. Her parents are both travelling for work and the nanny got sick. Love being retired.”

  Emily shoved the tray of oatmeal cookies onto the bottom shelf of the case and closed it back up.

  “I’ll take two of those too. Gotta treat my granddaughter right.” Tony smiled.

  I bagged up his cookies and smiled. “On the house, Tony.”

  “No. I can’t do that,” he replied, shaking his head.

  “My treat. Honestly, Tony. You’ve done more for my bakery than I could ever repay you for in cookies.”

  “Gabby’s Goodies are the best in town. I’ve got to tell everyone I know.” He winked at me and held both bags tightly as he wandered out of the bakery.

  “He’s such a cutie,” Emily said. “Maybe I’m looking in the wrong age bracket.”

  I laughed and took a sip of my tea.

  “Now back to where we were. What did he say when you gave him the ultimatum?”

  “It wasn’t quite an ultimatum, just a strong suggestion.” I grinned. “But I think it got his attention.”

  “So you don’t think…”

  “I never thought it. Jason is loyal to a fault, and no matter what Brandy or Lily worried about, I never felt that was ever the problem.”

  “You’re human,” Emily said. “I’m sure you worried about another woman.”

  “Maybe for a split second,” I confessed.

  “Well, you know me, girl. I’m still on high alert after my husband’s affair,” Emily said. “I actually feel bad for the poor, unsuspecting soul who might fall for me someday.”

  I nodded and grinned. “I can’t wait to see it.”

  “Does this mean I can stop worrying about you so much?” she asked.

  “What do you mean?”

  “You haven’t been taking care of yourself. I’m concerned that your health is getting overlooked. You’ve been focusing on the bakery so much to keep distracted that I know other things are falling by the wayside.”

  “It’s not that bad,” I said. “But yes. You can officially stop worrying about me. Jason’s in Tennessee dealing with some family issues, and I think things are going to go back to the way they were when he returns.”

  “You hope.”

  “Yes. I hope.”

  Emily sat next to me on the stool, sucking on her lips and then pressing them together.

  “Just ask.”

  “All of this secrecy has been related to family problems?” Her brow arched. “His family?”

  I nodded. “Seems that way.”

  “I know it’s not my place, but it hasn’t been my place for the last couple months, and I still can’t stop myself from giving you advice.”

  I sat on the stool and watched an unfamiliar car park out front.

  “Jason is a keeper. He’s a good man, Gabby. But don’t let him slip into a pattern of keeping things from you. It’s an impossible habit to break once it’s formed.”

  “Okay,” I said, feeling the tightness in my chest again.

  “Is there a reason why you’re not in Tennessee with him?” she asked.

  “I tried to go but…”

  Emily slid off the stool as a customer walked in, interrupting our conversation.

  The man was dressed in a business suit. He looked formidable and hard to please. I doubted that he lived on the island, probably a sales rep running his route.

  “I’ll take a large coffee and a morning bun,” he said, his voice gruff.

  “Coming up,” Emily sang, trying to bring a smile to the man’s lips.

  I studied the person standing in front of us, wondering what brought joy to his life. Was it purely an off morning or did he always look this miserable?

  “Do you come to the island often?” Emily asked, securing the lid to the coffee cup.

  “No. Very seldom. In fact, I’ve already taken a few wrong turns. He flipped his phone around and showed me the screen. Are you familiar with this address? The GPS says I need to make a right, but it takes me to a dead end.”

  I glanced at the screen and my blood froze. It was our address. Why wou
ld this man be driving to our home? Wouldn’t Jason have let me know if he was expecting someone or something to arrive?

  “I know where that residence is. I live there.”

  The man’s eyes met mine and a grim expression ran through his gaze.

  “You’re Mrs. Baines?” he asked, as Emily charged him for the order.

  “Not yet,” Emily said, from behind me.

  “I’m Gabby Sullivan. We live together. What’s this about? Are you delivering something?”

  He removed a card from his wallet and handed it to me. “I’m with child protective services. I need to speak with Mr. Baines.”

  Emily placed her hand on my shoulder as a shudder ran through me.

  “You’re going to have a really hard time doing that,” I said.

  “Why’s that?” the man asked.

  “Because he’s not in the state. He’s in Tennessee.”

  “What’s he doing there?” the man asked.

  “Business,” I replied, glancing at the man’s card. “Stanley Young. Is there a message you’d like me to relay?”

  “That won’t be necessary. When do you expect him back?”

  “He’ll be back later this week. Friday. I think.”

  My stomach was churning. What was going on?

  “I’ll be in touch,” the man said. “Thanks.”

  He took his coffee and pastry and walked out of the bakery while I stood in shock.

  “What was that all about?” Emily asked.

  I shook my head, my mouth parched as I took another sip of tea. “I don’t have a clue.”

  “Let me guess. Jason didn’t mention anything about this either?”

  “Emily, he hasn’t mentioned much of anything. He gives me barely enough information to keep me going until I can’t handle it any longer, and then he dribbles a few more clues. I’m living in denial.”

  “Because that’s all your mind will let you handle,” Emily whispered. “That’s how it worked for me.”

  My mind was spinning with different theories, and the only person who held the answers was thousands of miles away.

  I looked around the bakery and back at Emily who nodded. “Go. I’ll take care of everything here. Kayla was hoping to pick up some extra shifts this week anyway.”

  “You’re a doll, Emily,” I said, giving her a quick hug. “Thank you. I owe you one.”