Who’s the Daddy: Dirty DILFs #3

by Quinn, Taryn

“Gonna need more than that, darlin’. You’ve got some peeing to do.”

  “What?” Her huge brown eyes got even wider.

  “Those tests aren’t going to take themselves.” I gently urged her forward and up the stairs.

  “We are not doing this here.”

  “We are.” I smacked her perfect ass. “Move it.”

  “You are incredible.”

  “Pretty sure you’ve told me a variation of that before at…intimate moments, but thank you.”

  She whipped around and all that glorious hair of hers twirled with her. Goddamn, she was fucking beautiful. Even if she was mad at me. The dress swished around her killer legs and I resisted the urge to lift the hem and see just what she had under there.

  We got to the top of the stairs and I headed for the bedroom down the hall with her in tow.

  “Dare, this isn’t our house.”

  My chest tightened. Our. Helluva thing. I kept up a determined pace. “I helped Oliver retro fit a tub in Seth’s master en suite. It’s quiet back there.”

  “Still not my house or your house. We can’t just—”

  “Kel?”

  With an exasperated huff, she looked at me. “What?”

  “Shut up and go pee on these tests. Then we’ll know one way or the other if we have a situation on our hands.”

  Her color went up again, but this time, it wasn’t an embarrassed flush. I was pretty sure she was about to show me that irate side of her that made my balls tighten and my dick get so hard that I couldn’t think around it. “No time for mad. You have girls downstairs, remember?”

  She growled.

  It was cute. Mostly.

  I touched the bag. “Off you go.”

  “I can’t just pee on command.”

  “Drink up, buttercup.”

  “I can’t even believe you.” She headed into the bathroom, then shoved the bag into my gut and pulled out her phone, texting madly before tossing it on the counter. “I’m only doing this so you’ll leave.”

  “Sounds good.”

  She pushed her hair out of her face. “I can’t believe I’m doing this in Ally’s bathroom.” She let out a breath. “I don’t even have time to look at the instructions. We’re about to do the gifts. Can’t this—”

  “No.” I dug into the bag and started breaking open the boxes. “You open it and pee on it. Five minutes later, voila. It’s simple.”

  “So you say.”

  I handed her a pile of plastic sticks. “Go.”

  She paused before nudging me out and closing the door to the small room housing the toilet. “I hate you.”

  “You’re breaking my heart.”

  When she was gone, I sagged against the bathroom counter. Why did this woman have to make everything so freaking difficult?

  Her phone started buzzing behind me. I glanced down to see it was Ally. There were many exclamation points and caps. No way I was reading that one.

  “I can’t pee with you out there,” she shouted.

  “Grow a pair, darlin’. I ain’t going anywhere.”

  “I don’t want to grow a pair.” She mumbled something under her breath.

  “You wouldn’t be swearing at me in there.”

  “Maybe.”

  I couldn’t stop the grin. She was exasperating as hell, but fuck if she wasn’t adorable. And now I was just being an idiot.

  Her phone vibrated and bounced. Ally was not happy evidently. I pushed the phone back to the side of the counter and paused when I saw a text from someone else.

  Who the fuck was Tommy?

  My gaze swung to the door and back down to the phone. I curled my fingers into my palm and tried to glance away, but I saw enough to make my blood sizzle. I could hate myself tomorrow. Hell, an hour from now. She was inside that damn bathroom taking a test to see if she was having my goddamn baby.

  I picked up the phone and opened the text.

  Hey babe. I’m in town. Wanna catch up? Had fun the last time I saw u. Wouldn’t mind a repeat performance.

  There was a goddamn winky face at the end of the text. Was this dude five? What the fucking fuck? I hit delete before I could stop myself. “Fuck,” I muttered.

  That was smart. Not. I curled my fingers around the phone.

  Dickhead.

  And this time, the sentiment wasn’t entirely aimed at the guy texting Kelsey. Why had I just deleted that damn text?

  Easy answer. Because she was mine, and that asshole clearly hadn’t appreciated her judging from his tone.

  Except she wasn’t mine. At least not yet.

  Just in my head.

  Ally came around the corner huffing. “Where is she? I’ve been texting her!”

  I shoved her phone behind me then gripped the counter. “Can.”

  “Charming.” Ally glanced at me and the bag beside me with a frown. “Everything okay?”

  There was a crash from the powder room and suddenly a flush and Kelsey came rushing out. “I’m sorry. Is it time?”

  I frowned. “Can we have a second, Ally? She’ll be right down.”

  “We’re about to open presents, and Sage is asking for you. She knows my secretarial skills are shit. You’ll write down the names correctly. She’s about a second away from turning into a pumpkin if she doesn’t get some cake, and it’s going to take at least an hour to open all the presents. The shower isn’t exactly proceeding like we intended, but whatever. As soon as she gets some cake, she’ll need to lay down. Or maybe give birth.”

  My jaw dropped. “Like today?”

  Ally laughed. “No, I’m exaggerating. She’s not having contractions or anything. She’s just wiped out. Me too.” Ally shook back her hair and tugged at her dress. “Sage loves the garden party vibe, but I’m dying. And if I have to do small talk with one more person from town, I’m going to literally drown them in the punch bowl. So if you could save me, that would be great.”

  I opened my mouth, but Kelsey rushed forward. “Of course.”

  “We only need five minutes.”

  But of course, I was overruled. As always.

  “It’s fine.” Kelsey gave me a hard look. “It can wait.”

  I raked my fingers through my hair. She pushed me aside to use the sink and washed her hands, then reached behind me for her phone and pocketed it. I grabbed her hand. “Seriously?”

  “I did what you asked, now I have to go finish what I started. I can’t help it if you couldn’t wait a few hours for your answer,” she said through gritted teeth.

  And then she was gone.

  “Fuck.” I spun around and groaned at my appearance. No wonder Ally had given me some side-eye, for fuck’s sake. I looked every bit the scruffy mechanic I was. All these women in their Sunday best and I was way out of place and out of their league.

  I tipped back my head and counted to ten.

  Hell, if I added on another ninety seconds, I could go check the tests myself if she didn’t fucking care.

  At least she wouldn’t be running to some asshat named Tommy tonight.

  Yeah, it wasn’t cool I’d deleted that text. And I’d come clean about it.

  Much as I didn’t necessarily want to.

  I stalked into the tiny closet and found the row of tests lined up on the top of the toilet tank on a double layer of toilet paper.

  Only Kelsey.

  I shook out my hands and exhaled a slow breath before I looked at each test.

  Positive.

  Pregnant.

  Plus sign.

  Two lines.

  Pregnant.

  No denying that one.

  I scooped them up and stuffed them in the drugstore bag. Halfway out the door, I backtracked and washed my hands and tried to get some of the motor oil off my skin.

  It was the least I could do before I went down and got my girl.

  Eleven

  “There you are!” Sage beamed at the sight of me and Ally hurrying across the lawn. She made it halfway out of her bow-adorned princess chair, sighed,
and sagged back down. “I was going to hug you both, but too much work. So I’ll just wave.”

  I smiled wanly and tried not to look at Sage’s belly. It was far more fascinating to me than it had been just a day or two ago. Probably because I’d just peed enough for Austin Powers on a bunch of surprisingly tiny sticks.

  There was no way I could be pregnant.

  We’d used condoms. And we’d only had sex twice.

  Two measly times.

  And then there was Tommy.

  Oh, God.

  I clutched my stomach and stared unseeingly at the paper cranes and bright balloons and women wandering about in pastel dresses. All of a sudden, this whole scenario seemed more ominous.

  Especially if the baby I could not, absolutely could not be carrying belonged to Tommy.

  No. No. Oh hell no.

  I’d only had sex with him after Granny Flo’s funeral out of guilt. He’d left me alone in bed the next morning with a text goodbye, and it had been a relief. Contrary to some wives’ tales, ex sex was not the best sex. Or even halfway semi-good sex.

  I wasn’t even sure he could’ve planted one in me, that was how lackluster it had been.

  Dare, however, could impregnate me with a damn look. And he also had prior history.

  Sweet Jesus, he was a known inseminator!

  “Kels, you ok?” Ally stepped in front of me and wagged her fingers in my face. “You look pale. It’s not that stupid flu again, is it?” It was her turn to lose the color in her cheeks. “Oh no, you helped make the fruit babies.”

  Those stupid melon balls I’d fashioned into baby heads would haunt me forever. As it was, I no longer even liked cantaloupe. The smell had actually made me kind of sick.

  Gee, wonder why, Pregnado.

  It was like Sharknado, but worse.

  “I’m fine, honestly. I’m not contagious. I don’t think. Though maybe she is.” I glanced at Sage, but luckily, Ally had already been pulled away by one of Sage’s friends who was having a Scotch tape emergency.

  I was beginning to wonder if pregnancy wasn’t catching in this town. What were the odds that it could jump so often from one unsuspecting chick to another? Sage’s baby had been unplanned. I was pretty sure Ally’s had been too, though they’d intended to try because Seth wanted another kid or something. All I knew was I’d just peed enough for a buffalo and I had to freaking go again already.

  Unless it was stress spraying, something was not right in my uterus.

  Dear God, I needed a chair.

  A drink.

  A do-over.

  Only one of those things could I have, and it was only because I gestured for another lady to move. Since I think she thought I had heat stroke, she quickly scuttled away and allowed me to crash into the uncomfortable wicker seat.

  “Presents time,” Ally called gaily and I moaned.

  Not even quietly either.

  Several women glanced my way and I smiled weakly in apology. Someone passed me a non-alcoholic lime chiller and I may have offered to give her my firstborn.

  Totally kidding, of course.

  Mostly kidding.

  God, I couldn’t be pregnant. I had no idea what to do with a baby. I was used to dealing with kids, but my preferred age group was already mobile. Except for the occasional stomach bug, I’d never had to help clean up a sick child. Definitely never toilet-trained or any of that.

  But Dare had.

  Dare wasn’t a newbie.

  Except what if Dare wasn’t the father? Then what?

  I shut my eyes as cool lime-flavored liquid slid down my parched throat. No use getting ahead of myself. Maybe those tests would come back negative and I wouldn’t have to think about any of this. Not about child-rearing, or telling Principal Gentry I was unwed and knocked up, or confessing to Dare that he wasn’t the only dude who’d possibly fertilized my lady bouquet.

  A girl could dream.

  One of the women wandered past with a tray of drinks for those who weren’t imbibing from the punch bowl. I lurched from my chair to grab a pink one, nearly knocking the woman off her heels. The woman stared at me, aghast, and I waved my face with my hand. Heatstroke could be used as an excuse for all sorts of things.

  “Alcoholic?” I gasped.

  No, I didn’t gasp. Of course not. Asked breathily.

  Better.

  She shook her head and continued on as I gulped down the sickeningly sweet liquid. She cast a narrow-eyed glance at me when I pitched my empty plastic cup into the garbage can about two feet to her right. Make that two empty cups.

  “Whoops. Sorry.”

  “Kelsey, are you ready?” Ally was smiling at me, but there was no missing the pinch marks around her mouth and eyes. I was already derelicting my duties.

  One best friend demotion coming up.

  I hurried over to the long table weighed down with Sage’s gifts. “Let’s pop these suckers open,” I said with all the cheer I could muster, tugging on the festive green ribbon around a huge round present.

  Which then broke through its wrapper and somehow spewed rainbow foam blocks all over the grass.

  Including a projectile one that landed on the lap of one of Sage’s college friends seated up front—and knocked her merlot-colored drink all over her lacy white sundress.

  “Oh, shit, this is wine.” She jumped to her feet and a circle of her sorority sisters hustled forward to help her clean up.

  “I’m so sorry. Oh, I’m so sorry!” I bent to grab the colorful foam blocks that were all over the grass, nearly tripping over several in my haste to get to Sage’s wine-drenched friend.

  But she was already rushing away, surrounded in a classic girl huddle, so I fell back and shoved foam blocks into their entirely inadequate mesh sack. I glanced at Ally, who was smiling in that strained way that always seemed to follow me when I was operating at full socially awkward strength.

  “I’ll just keep track of names and gifts in my planner,” I said weakly, pulling the sides of the wrapping paper together and looping the straggly bow lamely over the top.

  I looked around for my hobo bag—I’d brought it out here earlier for this purpose, I knew I had—but didn’t see it anywhere. Until a pair of work boots appeared at the edge of my peripheral vision right before a tanned hand held out my familiar navy leather planner.

  “Looking for this?”

  “Thanks.” I snatched it from Dare and nodded, not meeting his gaze. “You’re a male,” I reminded him out of the corner of my mouth as laughter broke out from the crowd. But it was hushed, as if they were giggling behind their hands at us.

  No, at me. Might as well be honest in my own head. I was the one who’d ripped apart the present and now I couldn’t even find my own belongings without Dare’s help.

  He’d helped me find a lot of things, including my uterus just long enough to plant a baby there.

  Maybe.

  If there’d been planting.

  If it had been him.

  God, it had to be him.

  “Are you okay, darlin’? You looked flushed. And you’re mumbling to yourself.”

  “I’m fine. Great actually.” He pushed a chair at me and I slumped into it gratefully. This had to be a heat-related illness. I’d forgotten sunscreen today, so I’d probably be burnt to a crisp to boot.

  Lovely.

  “I’m ready to begin,” I smiled at Ally and pretended I couldn’t hear the continuing laughter.

  Dare was not getting the hint.

  “You sure about that?” Ally asked, raising her brow at Dare. “The other guys are in the man-cave downstairs if you want to—”

  “How come he gets to be out here?” Seth’s voice rang out clearly from the back stoop. “We were banished, and the newbie to the crew gets an all-access pass?”

  Sage let out a giant sigh. “No. No men. Not you, Seth, not you, Dare—sorry—and definitely not my husband. Go play with yourselves or something.”

  This time, there was no mistaking the laughter, including fro
m Dare and Seth. And even me, a little. Just a little though because sweet marmalade, I had an alien invading me.

  Possibly.

  Sigh sighed heavily again. “Not like that. Filthy minds, all of you. Though you do you, boo. But I meant Xbox. Video games. Air hockey. Whatever men do when they’re alone and blissfully wedded, so blissfully they have no cause to bitch.” She pointed at Seth. “Right?”

  Seth held up his hands palms out. “Nirvana is my natural state, as is Oliver’s, I’m sure.”

  Dare shook his head. “Sure seems like a lot of fuss over a baby. Hope they plan on doing this for you too.”

  I didn’t look at him. Didn’t even acknowledge his existence. I was sure he was talking in the abstract. Besides, probably no one had even heard—

  “Oh my God, Kelsey, are you knocked up?” Sage’s voice rang out above the piercing throb in my right temple.

  “Presents time!” I called out cheerfully, as if Sage had never spoken.

  But no one was listening to me. Dare crossed his muscular arms and stood guard beside me as if I needed protection. He didn’t say yes, didn’t say anything at all. Didn’t matter.

  The die was cast, for the guests and for me.

  Because I made the mistake of meeting his gaze for a fraction of a second and I knew.

  He’d looked at the tests and reality was not on my side.

  The non-preggo side.

  Not like the universe could toss me a bone. A small celestial favor, just this one time.

  Hey, the girl works in a Catholic school. New job, new life, and she’s always played by the rules. This would be a spectacular screw-up at a not so good time.

  I didn’t even know who the father was. And that was patently ridiculous. I’d never ever slept with two men within the span of one month before—hell, within one year was a stretch—yet the first time, bam.

  Twinkle, twinkle, little star with a side of baby booties, please.

  Dare ran his hand down my hair and for a second, it was easier to just lean against him than to keep trying to be strong. To pretend I could handle all of this when it was clear I couldn’t. He’d overstepped about five hundred boundaries by insisting I take those tests, then obviously looking at the results even before I had a chance to.

  Even so, I was out of my depth and drowning. And I’d gratefully take the lifeline he was offering just by being there.