The Day We Met

by Dusti Bowling

  “That’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard.”

  “I know,” I said. “But it’s not an excuse. It’s just an explanation. I was afraid you wouldn’t like me if I didn’t do it. But you didn’t like me anyway. I guess the joke’s on me.”

  “I guess so.”

  I continued staring at him as he stared out into the front yard. I didn’t want a lifelong tie to this person. That was the one thing I knew for certain in the midst of this confusion and fear. The thought of having some permanent connection to him made me more upset than the thought of being pregnant at sixteen. Even if all he ever did was send a monthly check, I would have to see his name on it every month for eighteen years. And what kind of life would that be for my child? To be raised without a father?

  I knew in my heart I wasn’t ready to have a baby. I didn’t need everyone around me telling me I was too young and stupid and immature. I already knew that. Sure, I wanted to have children eventually. Just not now. Aidan’s parents and Brittany and even Aidan himself were quick to throw out the abortion solution, as though it were the cure-all for this shameful, embarrassing situation. But it didn’t feel like a solution to me—more like a lifetime sentence of regret and guilt.

  “Aidan,” I said after an extended period of sitting in the dark, shivering, and letting my mind run. He looked at me, the anger still in his eyes. “You don’t have to worry about this damaging your future. Like I said, I don’t want anything from you. I know I’m not ready to be a mother either. I don’t think that’s what’s best for the baby.”

  He sighed with relief. “Finally, you come to your senses. I’m sure my parents will split the bill with your—”

  “I told you I’m not getting an abortion.”

  “I don’t understand. What are you going to do?”

  I stood up and walked toward the front door, shaking my head. “Yeah, you don’t understand much of anything, do you?”

  I went back in the house, leaving Aidan outside in the cold and dark.

  ~ ~ ~

  No decisions were made that night, or at least that’s what everyone thought—everyone except me. I already knew what I wanted to do. It was the only thing I could think of that made any sense.

  I didn’t want to get an abortion—I knew that for certain. But I didn’t want to raise a baby either. Although I despised Aidan for the way he had treated me and the way he was still treating me and the baby, I also empathized with his worries. After all, they were the same as mine: college, career, marriage. Would any of it still be able to happen? I wanted the best for this baby, and I didn’t think it was me and Aidan. I also didn’t think this baby was the best thing for me.

  After Aidan and his parents left, my parents told me they were going to spend that night in prayer, and I should too. I told them I didn’t need to pray about it; I already knew what I was going to do.

  “What?” they asked simultaneously.

  “I’m going to put the baby up for adoption.”

  They looked at each other with apprehension. “Sweetheart, that’s a huge decision. You need to take some time to pray about it,” my mom said.

  “I told you I don’t need to pray about it.” I folded my arms in front of me. “It’s the only thing I can do. I can’t be a mom already, and I’m not going to get an abortion. This is the only other option.”

  “But Lenna—” my mom started to say.

  “Look,” I interrupted, “maybe something good can come out of this. Maybe I can give a baby to a nice couple who can’t have one.”

  “I still think you should take some time to pray about it,” she said. “You know, it’s our grandchild, and we need some time to pray about it ourselves.”

  “You can pray all you want,” I said, “but I’ve already made up my mind. I hope you can support it.” I headed up to my room before they could argue with me anymore. I lay down on my bed and didn’t pray all night.

  Adoption was the right thing to do, I convinced myself. What was there to pray about? God hadn’t helped me out with the pregnancy test. Why would he help me now? I knew I was building a wall of shame and anger and stubbornness, but that was okay. I had complete control of the entire situation all by myself. I didn’t need help. For the first time since I had sex with Aidan, I was making things right. I had total control…

  ~ ~ ~

  I awoke to the sounds of my parents getting ready for church. I shuffled down the hallway in my pajamas. My mom stood in front of her bathroom mirror, primping her hair to the music blaring on the small radio she kept on the bathroom counter.

  “Turn it up, why don’t you?” I called out over the piercing music. She turned it down. “Thanks,” I said, able to hear myself. “You seem to be in a good mood this morning.”

  “I am.” She smiled at me. “It’s a new day, and I can’t wait to get to church!”

  “Mom, you are the most enthusiastic church-goer I have ever seen.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.” She fluffed her brown curls with a pick. “So did you spend any time in prayer last night?”

  “I fell asleep.” She frowned at me. “I was exhausted,” I defended myself. “And besides… my decision is already made.”

  “In that case, I’m going to talk to Sharon Orr at church today. She adopted two babies herself and might know of a good agency we can use.”

  “Oh.” I felt nervous at the prospect of already moving forward with this. “That’s good.”

  “So,” she spritzed her usual perfume on her wrists, “who all knows about this? Just so I know what to expect at church today.”

  “No one, except you and dad and, of course, Aidan and his family. Oh, and Brittany knows.”

  “How does she know?”

  “She drove me home from school on Friday because I was sick. She went and got me the pregnancy test.”

  “Let’s hope she’s discreet.” She furrowed her brow. “But I get the feeling she’s not.”

  “I think your feeling is probably right.”

  “So you haven’t told Heather yet?” she asked, raising one eyebrow as she put on the cross necklace I gave her for Mother’s Day a few years ago.

  “No. I’m afraid of what she’ll think of me. And I don’t want Will to know.”

  “Well, sweetie,” she held my shoulders in her hands, “they’re going to find out eventually. Better that you tell them in person.”

  “Will will never forgive me.”

  “Of course he will. He’s one of your oldest and best friends. He cares about you too much to end your friendship because you made a mistake.”

  “No, I think it’s more complicated than that, mom.”

  “I don’t think so.” She grabbed her Bible off the nightstand. “Remember when you accidentally killed his hamster? He forgave you for that.”

  “Mom, this is so different!” I giggled at the ridiculousness of her comparison.

  “What about when you crashed his truck into the garage door?”

  I smiled, remembering how he had been so sweet to let me drive his truck—an old, beaten-up Toyota he loved—the day I got my license. I got flustered pulling it into his driveway and drove straight into the garage door. The little money I had saved for my own car had gone toward fixing the garage door, but Will wouldn’t take any money to fix his truck. Now it was just a little more beaten up.

  “Lenna, you made a mistake,” my mom said. “Everyone makes mistakes. It’s not like you did anything to hurt him personally.”

  “But I think I did,” I murmered to myself.

  “Are you going to church with us today? Or do you not feel up to it?” She ran her hand over my matted hair.

  “I think I just want to take a bath.”

  “Are you sure?” She was obviously disappointed, and I hated disappointing her further. “You haven’t been in weeks.”

  “I’m sure,” I said. “I’ll go next week.”

  She kissed my cheek and left, returning a second later. “Make sure you don’t make t
he bath too hot. It’s bad for the baby.”

  “Oh,” I said, not having a clue as to why it would be bad for the baby. “Okay, I won’t.”

  “And don’t take any medicine or anything while we’re out. We need to get a list of what you can take from the doctor. And don’t eat any fish. Some of it contains mercury, so we’ll need to get a list of safe fish as well.”

  I stood there, already overloaded with information. “Anything else?”

  “Yeah, don’t do any dangerous activities, like riding a motorcycle or a roller coaster.”

  “Okay, just so we’re clear.” I held up my fingers to count off the forbidden activities. “No taking hot baths, no taking medicine, no eating fish, and no riding motorcycles or roller coasters while you’re at church for two whole hours. Are you sure there’s nothing else? ‘Cause I might go sky-diving or something while you’re gone.”

  “No,” she replied in a serious manner. “No, I think that’s it.” She turned to leave but stopped once more to tell me, “No sticking foreign objects into your vagina.”

  I scrunched up my face. “What’s that? Like tampons made in France?”

  She laughed. “I’m just telling you what my doctors told me when I was pregnant. Just don’t stick anything up there.” She paused, then added, “And please listen to me this time.”

  Chapter 6

  Apparently, Sharon Orr at church had a plethora of wonderful things to say about All the Little Children, the adoption agency she used when she adopted her two sons. So while I was at school on Monday, my mom made an appointment to meet with them as soon as possible. She also made me an appointment with the obstetrician, and both appointments were scheduled a couple of weeks out—they were just barely able to get us in before Christmas.

  Monday at school was just as much fun as hovering over the toilet had been. Brittany had apparently forgotten about our fight on Friday and was back to pretending like we were great friends again. It didn’t take long for me to realize she was just digging for gossip, and I pondered the number of people she had probably already told about my pregnancy; it had to be high. I knew I had better tell Heather and Will about it before they heard it through the gossip chain, not that they were usually privy to the gossip chain. Actually, they went out of their way to avoid it—one of the things I loved about my friends.

  “How are you?” Brittany asked as I sat down at our lab table in Chemistry.

  “Fine.” I didn’t want to divulge any more information to her, though I knew she would continue to dig for it.

  “So, did you go to the doctor or anything? You know, to confirm.” She whispered the word confirm like it was an obscenity she didn’t want anyone else to hear.

  I debated in my head about what I should tell her. I decided to lie. “Actually, I took another test and it was negative.”

  Brittany sat up straight in surprise. “But those tests are so accurate.”

  “Yeah, like ninety-nine percent of the time. I guess I got a dud.” Brittany’s face fell. Now I knew for sure she had already been spreading the news around—or was excited at the prospect of doing so. “You know,” I continued, reveling in her disappointment, “I should sue the test company for everything they put me through. I mean, they just can’t get away with selling faulty tests.”

  “Yeah,” Brittany said, opening her notebook. She’d obviously lost interest in the conversation. “You should do that. So did you do any work on the lab sheet over the weekend?”

  “No,” I said. “But I’m sure we can get it figured out in class today.”

  I could feel her irritation with me growing as she huffed and puffed and flipped the pages of her notebook as loudly as possible—not only was I not providing her with juicy gossip fodder, but now I wasn’t even doing all of her work. What kind of friend was I turning out to be? I already knew the answer—a temporary one.

  I was relieved when the bell rang for lunch. Brittany was already heading out the door as I grabbed my backpack to leave—no goodbye. And I didn’t care at all.

  My mom’s enthusiasm about church the day before had given me a glimmer of motivation to move forward with my life, leaving all the garbage that had gone on over the last few months behind. Her being so forgiving within a day encouraged me to do my best to be optimistic and hopeful about the future. And what I was hoping for the most was forgiveness from my friends—my real friends.

  I entered the large glass doors to the cafeteria, clutching my queasy stomach. I scanned the room until I located Heather and Will. I walked over to their table on shaky legs, not completely unaware of the staring and whispering going on at Brittany’s table. I guessed she had gone to Aidan and forced him to tell her the truth. Now she would know I lied to her. And again, I didn’t care.

  “Hi.” I hovered over Heather and Will, a nervous smile twitching at the corners of my mouth.

  Heather looked up at me, her usual tuna sandwich on whole wheat in her hands. “Hi.” Her voice was muffled by the bite still in her mouth. She smiled and swallowed. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I said again, looking at Will. He gave me a glance and nodded.

  “Do you want to sit with us?” Heather asked.

  “Yeah,” I said, already setting my backpack down and pulling out a chair.

  “So, how’s everything going, Lenna?” Heather asked, taking another bite of her sandwich.

  “Okay.” I looked at Will again, but he was ignoring me. I knew I had a lot to make up for, and it would probably take a lot longer with him than with Heather. Heather was the most forgiving person I knew. She wouldn’t even need an apology; I was already forgiven.

  “Aren’t you friends with Brittany anymore?” Heather asked, looking at her sandwich. Will wasn’t looking at me either, but I could see him roll his eyes.

  “No,” I said. “I don’t think so.”

  “Oh yeah?” she said. “What happened?”

  “She was never really my friend.” I wanted to be honest with her. “And I missed you guys. Do you think…” I tried to hold back my tears. “Do you think we could get together after school? I need to talk to you.”

  “Oh.” Heather frowned. “We have the auction tonight for the mission trip.”

  “That’s okay.” I smiled and wiped my eyes.

  “You could come and help out,” she said.

  Will finally looked up at me, his eyebrows drawn together, as though begging me not to come. But I wanted to come. I wanted to be back where I belonged. I decided to ignore his pleading face. “Okay,” I said. “What time should I be at the church?”

  “We’re going right after school,” she said. “Do you want to just tag along?”

  “Yeah.”

  Heather’s face broke out in a huge smile. “Great! Everyone will be so excited to see you! They’re always asking, ‘Where’s Lenna? What’s up with Lenna?’ and I’m always like, ‘She’ll be back.’” She took a big bite out of her sandwich, still smiling to herself.

  I smiled in return, asking myself how I could have turned my back on her. And for what? A taste of popularity? Not even a taste—more like a punch in the face of popularity. And I had the bruises leftover to show for it.

  “I’m just going to get some lunch,” I told them as I stood up from the table. I walked over to the counter and picked up a tray. No way was I going to eat the cardboard pizza or mystery meat hamburgers usually offered. I checked my third option—spaghetti, which had been sitting in a hot pot for so long, the noodles looked like they were dissolving into the sauce.

  Oh no, I thought as I gagged at the sight. I dropped my tray and ran to the cafeteria bathroom. I pushed my way into the stall and threw myself over the toilet just in time for my entire oatmeal breakfast to make it in there. I hoped nobody had noticed my frantic run to the bathroom, but I had gone right by Brittany’s table, where Aidan was. I splashed my face with water and wiped my mouth. I didn’t think I would be able to hold down more food, so I decided to skip eating altogether.

  I came
out of the bathroom, and there was Aidan, waiting for me. “Do you have to make such a spectacle of yourself?” he asked.

  “Please just go away,” I said.

  “And thanks for telling Brittany,” he hissed at me under his breath as I tried to push past him.

  I stopped. “I didn’t tell her. She was there when I took the test, and I told her it was wrong anyway. I can’t help it if she’s the nosiest person in school.”

  “Well, she’s already told like twenty people about it, and I’d like to keep it a secret.”

  “Why?” I asked. “You embarrassed?”

  His face contorted into a look of disgust. “Just keep your mouth shut.”

  “You can’t tell me what to do,” I said. “About anything.” I turned and left him standing by the bathrooms fuming.

  “Where’s your food?” Heather asked as I got back to the table.

  “I lost my appetite.” I looked around. “Where’s Will?”

  “He had to go.”

  “Go where?”

  “I don’t know,” she said. “He just said he had to go.”

  I rested my chin in my hands. “He’s really upset with me. And he should be. I deserve it.”

  “No. He just needs some time. He’ll come around. He could never stay mad at you for long. All he ever talks about is you, even if it is ‘cause he’s mad. At least it shows he’s always thinking about you.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Heather and I didn’t talk much on the way to church—partly because her fifteen-year-old station wagon was louder than a riding lawnmower, but mostly because I wanted to tell her about my pregnancy at the right time, and this wasn’t it.

  Several people ran up to me as I walked into the sanctuary, smiling and hugging me, asking me where I’d been over the last few months. “Just so busy,” was my stock response. “Just soooo busy.”

  Pastor Ted seemed especially happy to see me, but when we hugged, I felt his concern, as though he could tell something was not right. And my inability to look him straight in the eye probably gave it away even more.