by Cindy Stark
Cates joined them, a jubilant smile on his face. "Tell me there's really a recording, Miss Jordan."
Allie wanted to be as happy as Cates, but it was hard considering she'd just shot a man. "Tommy Trasatti paid with his life for it, but yes, there's a recording."
Jase handed the recorder to Cates, and Allie caught the older Trasatti watching them. Cates turned to Franco with the evidence in his hand, and Franco blanched.
"You're going down," the cop said.
* * *
Hours later, after giving a lengthy statement at the police station, Sergeant Cates let Jase take Allie home. Jase opened the door to his penthouse suite, but before she could enter, he scooped her up and carried her across the threshold.
Allie laughed. "We're not newlyweds."
Once inside, he set her down. "Not yet." A serious glint sparkled in his eye and tightened her throat.
"Are you asking me to marry you?"
He grinned then. "Not now. Not like this." He placed a fat kiss on her lips. "But you never know what tomorrow will bring."
His declaration left her speechless, and her surprise only seemed to bring him more pleasure. "What, Allie? I love you. I intend to spend the rest of my life with you if you'll have me."
Random thoughts flitted through her mind, and none of them helped her form a coherent message. "Wow." She inhaled and focused on his eyes. "It's so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it's actually over. I couldn't picture a time when you wouldn't be after the Trasattis. You were always so bent on revenge. I never thought the day would come."
"That's in the past, Allie. And from what I hear, there should be enough on that recording to bring down the whole organization. Not only did Joey record Winslow's murder, but he had snatches of other conversations from months prior. Conversations between Franco Trasatti and other important members that would tie them to numerous crimes."
"But not to your family's murder."
A heartbreaking look crossed his face. "No. They'll never be tried for those crimes. Not unless they confess."
"What about the man serving the sentence for them? Shouldn't he be set free?"
"He was a criminal, anyway. It would have only been a matter of time before he killed someone, if he hadn't already. Hard to feel sorry for the guy. He took the payoff in exchange for his freedom."
Allie gave him a sad smile, feeling a little melancholy. "So much violence. So much pain." She wrapped her arms around Jase's neck, pressing her head against his chest. "I killed another man today." The thought weighed heavily on her.
"Another?"
She captured his gaze. "Yes, I know you lied to me about killing that guy six years ago. You said he didn't die."
"How did you find out?"
"I researched some newspaper archives about a year ago. I found an article reporting fatalities from the shootout that day at your warehouse. I'll never forget his face."
"Yeah," he said, holding her close. "I wanted to spare you the pain."
"I know." She paused. "Thank you." She glanced out Jase's huge windows to the fading Chicago skyline. Lights twinkled in the high rise buildings as the night took over the city. Soon it would be time to sleep, and tomorrow would be another day. A better day.
"I love you, Jase."
"I love you, too, Allie."
Jase scooped her up once again and carried her into his darkened bedroom. There was no need for words. No need to hurry. They had the rest of their lives ahead of them to enjoy each other.
Hours later, Allie lay in Jase's protective arms, happier than she ever thought she could be. Ambient light from the still-busy city bathed his bedroom with a soft glow.
"Are you asleep?" Jase's voice echoed through the quiet room.
She snuggled closer to him. "No. I can't sleep. It must be from all the craziness of the day."
"Yeah, maybe." His tone seemed off, maybe a little troubled.
She caressed his chest with her fingertips, trying to erase the feeling that something wasn't quite right. "You okay? You sound kind of sad. Are you thinking about your family?"
He gave a small laugh. "I guess you could say that."
She rolled, slipping her thigh between his, enjoying the feel of his skin against hers. She studied his face in the semi-darkness. "Are you having a hard time with the memories?"
Jase didn't answer right away, so Allie gave him some space and didn't press the issue.
He finally released a big sigh and tightened his hold on her. "Allie, there's something I need to tell you."
Something in his tone warned her, and she couldn't help but stiffen. Would their happiness be that short-lived? She steeled herself. "What is it?"
He lifted his head, pressing his lips softly against her cheek. He held her that way for a moment, before letting her go.
"You're scaring me, Jase."
He stroked her arm. "Allie, you know I love you."
She swallowed. "Yes." Her heart rate quickened.
"Do you know how much?"
Allie rolled over and turned on the bedside lamp. She sat up and faced Jase. "What are you trying to say? It's not good, is it?" She pulled the covers over her, trying to ward off the chill that had wrapped icy fingers around her.
He moved into a sitting position, too. "It could be a good thing." He took her hand, stroking his thumb across her skin. He shifted his focus to her eyes. She could see the apprehension etched in his features. He sighed and tried to smile. "Allie, I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to promise me you'll listen to everything I have to say before you react."
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Wild thoughts dashed through Allie's mind. "I'm scared to hear this, Jase. Are the cops going to prosecute you as well?"
"No. Nothing bad like that."
She released a breath. "Well, then whatever it is, I'm sure it will be fine." It had to be.
He didn't look so sure. "I don't have to tell you our history, Allie, but I'd like to remind you of a few things."
"Okay." She searched his face for some kind of sign that would tell her what he wanted to say.
"You remember the night we met."
She nodded. It was the biggest turning point in her life.
"Joey had been murdered. We were both shot, and I took you to my hideout." He continued when she nodded again. "The Trasatti family was hot after you, and you...were pregnant."
How could she forget that? She squeezed his hand. "You saved me, Jase, and I love you for it."
He held up a hand. "Save that thought until I finish." His half-smile didn't reassure her. "I took you to Oregon where you decided you wanted to give up your baby to a good family and get some education so you could take care of yourself."
He wasn't making any sense. "I don't understand where you're going with all this. It's the past, not our future." Her heart seemed to pause, as though holding its breath for what he would say next.
"When the baby was born, you called the number I gave you, and my people helped you handle the adoption."
"Yes. I can't tell you how much I appreciate what you've done for me." She stopped, realization dawning. "Jase? Are you trying to tell me you know the people who adopted my baby?" Her pulse quickened. She'd wondered so many times what had become of her child. "Do you know where my daughter is?"
Jase nodded, his eyes dark and serious.
She scooted closer, tilting her head. "Tell me."
A long moment of silence dragged out between them. His expression froze as he studied her face.
"You didn't have a girl. Your baby was a boy."
She hadn't asked after she had given birth. She knew if she took one look at her baby, she wouldn't be able to follow through with her plans. "A boy?"
He nodded.
She curled a fist and held it to her mouth to contain her emotion. A son. Tears welled in her eyes for the child she'd given away. "Does he have a good life? Do you know where he is?" Just to know he was doing well would give her a tremendous amount of peace
.
"I have him," Jase whispered.
She blinked. "What?" Her brain struggled to process the information. "You have him? Where?"
"In Oregon. He lives with Carole and Robert at the ranch."
Her mouth dropped open. She stared at Jase, trying to piece together what he'd told her. She began to shake. "A.J.?" She thought of Carole's sweet-tempered grandson. "A.J. is my son?"
"Yes." Jase looked sick. "He's your son, Allie. I didn't give him away. I couldn't." His voice cracked. "I had every intention of finding him a good family. I reviewed the names, the couples' profiles..." He dropped his head.
"So, you kept him?" This didn't make sense. "I wanted him to have a loving family. Good parents." She wiped her wet eyes. "What kind of life have you given him? Carole says you're never there." She paused. "Oh, my God. That's what Carole was talking about. She said you only come home for your horse, but she meant A.J., didn't she? Not Muffin."
"Muffin?" He looked confused.
"God, you don't even have a horse, do you?" Her shock turned to frustration. "What kind of father have you been? He needs a family to be there with him."
"Robert and Carole are his family, too. He loves them. He's happy there." Jase's eyes pleaded with her. "I love him, Allie. He's a part of you, and I couldn't stand to give him away. I needed to know he was safe."
She exhaled. "So, that's what this is about. You controlling lives, making sure everyone is safe. Exactly what you've been doing to me all these years." She shook her head. His revelation staggered her.
"No. You're wrong." Jase tried to take her hand, but she pulled away. "I've given him a good home."
"You don't get it, Jase. You've locked us away in ivory towers. Sure, we've been safe, but I needed your love, and if you decided to be his father, that little boy deserves your love, too. It's not enough to provide for the physical. We need you."
Pain reflected in Jase's eyes. "I know I've screwed up."
"Jase, this is more than a screw-up. You're messing with our lives. We're not your puppets to be kept in a glass case."
"God, Allie, I know that. That's not what I was trying to do. I just didn't want you to get hurt."
"You are unbelievable. Do you know that?" She shook her head. "You say you didn't want to hurt us, but that's exactly what you've done. Granted, I'm a grown woman, but your rejection was nearly unbearable. I can't imagine how A.J. must feel." She swiped her tears as she climbed out of bed, grabbing her shirt that had fallen in a heap on the floor.
He climbed out of the bed after her. "Allie—"
"No." She slipped the shirt over her head and then turned on him. "I can't do this anymore, Jase." Her voice shook. "I can't live like this. A.J. shouldn't have to, either." She speared him with a look. "He's a little boy, an infant when you first got him. He needs a parent's love. That's why I gave him away."
"Don't doubt that I love him, Allie, and he has Carole and Robert, too."
"No. He needs a parent there, with him. I thought I'd given him two parents." She shook her head, grief and anger distorting her features. "Grandparents are wonderful, but don't you think he ever wonders why his father is never around? How do you think that makes him feel?"
Jase's skin had turned pasty white, but she couldn't feel sorry for him. "That's not fair. A.J. has a good home. He knows I love him."
She picked up her jeans and slipped them on.
"Allie, I want to be that father for him." He grabbed her hand, holding it firmly between his. "I want us to be a family. I want that more than anything. I want to take you back to Oregon, and we can all be together. We can raise your son, our son, and even have more kids if you'd like."
Her bottom lip trembled at the thought. Then she steeled her features. "No. You make it sound so lovely and wonderful, but it's going to be more of the same." Her tears came faster now. "It'll be the same stuff you've been giving us for years, the same cruel promise of love, but no follow through. It's not enough. You've gone too far this time."
"I'll make it enough. I'll do and be whatever you need." His gaze pleaded with her. "Things are different now. Trasatti has been neutralized. We have a chance at a wonderful future. Let's take it, Allie. Let's make it ours."
She pushed away. "I can't." She struggled for words. "I could never love someone so cruel." She headed for the door. She needed to get out of there before she suffocated. When she reached the door, she looked back. "I'm going to Oregon, Jase." She gave him a pointed look, ignoring the despair shining in his eyes. "I don't want you to follow me. I want some time to get to know my son without you interfering. I mean that Jase, don't interfere in my life again."
* * *
Allie followed the curving road again, this time knowing exactly where she was headed. Colder temperatures had arrived since she'd last been in Oregon, and she turned on the heater to ward off the chill. The once bright yellow leaves were turning brown and falling to the ground. Just like her hopes for a future with Jase.
She hadn't left Chicago the day Jase had given her the shocking news. She'd had to wait for clearance from Cates. So instead, she'd spent a few days visiting her old haunts. She'd gone back to see Mr. Wood at the bowling alley and thanked him for guarding Joey's bowling ball. She'd given him the ball as a gift, a reminder of the boy who'd been like a son to him.
Then, she'd driven past Aunt Rita's house. The old Ford was no longer in the driveway. Maybe her aunt had moved, or maybe she'd gotten a new car. Allie sat for a moment in front of the dilapidated structure. She'd wanted to go in, still holding on to the hope she'd been part of their family, too. But she could no longer allow wishes to disguise the reality of her existence. That life was no longer hers, and Aunt Rita had never treated her like family.
Her final stop had been at her mother's grave where she'd placed a basket of golden chrysanthemums. Allie had tried to tell her mother everything that had happened, but couldn't. It was too much, too emotional. But she did tell her mom about her son. Allie loved her mother, and for the first time since A.J.'s birth, she realized what an awesome responsibility it was to be a mom. Now, there was someone waiting for her who needed a mother.
After that, she'd immediately left for Oregon.
Allie found the hidden turnoff with ease this time and was surprised to find the gates to the ranch were open. Had Jase warned Carole and Robert she was coming? What would they say to her? Would they try to keep her away from A.J. or encourage their relationship?
She blew out a breath filled with trepidation as she parked in front of the house. Before she could open the door, A.J. and Boo came dashing outside with Carole following behind.
Allie climbed out to a barking dog and an apprehensive young man. Her dog jumped up to greet her. From his reaction, it seemed like she'd been gone for years. "Oh, I've missed you, boy." She smiled and ruffled his ears.
She switched her gaze from Boo to A.J., an overwhelming feeling of love settling over her. She studied him now. Looking for all the things she might have missed from the first visit. He had Joey's eyes and that lopsided lock of hair that settled on his forehead. How could she not have noticed the resemblance before? But he had her mouth, pout and all.
"Hi, A.J. Have you been taking good care of my dog?"
He nodded as tears welled in his eyes. The action tugged at her heart. What had her little boy so upset?
Allie glanced at Carole who stayed in the background. It looked like it was up to Allie to help him with his problem. Her son. Wow.
A.J. rubbed a palm across his eyes. Allie squatted down beside him. "What's the matter, honey? Why are you crying?"
"You're back, and I don't want Boo to go home now." His bottom lip quivered with sadness.
Allie smiled, relieved it was such a trivial matter. She put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, A.J. Boo's not leaving yet."
A.J. sniffled. "He's not?"
Allie shook her head. "No. In fact, if it's okay with you and your Grandma Carole, I was hoping I could stay here a while."
<
br /> Carole smiled then and stepped forward. "Absolutely, Allie. We'd love to have you."
* * *
During the month Allie had been back in Oregon, she'd come to learn mornings with A.J. were quite the adventure. Allie studied her son as he dumped cereal in his bowl. Lucky Charms filled the bowl before cascading down the side. A.J. sat the box upright and then started picking the marshmallow treats out from the rest of the cereal.
She should admonish him for the mess. She should make him eat a more nutritious cereal. Instead, she smiled, loving the way his dark hair laid, smashed against one side of his head and sticking out wildly on the other. She didn't, for one minute, regret quitting her job in Sacramento and permanently breaking things off with Ryan. Her future was here.
"I think you need some milk with that cereal."
"Okay," he said, and thankfully allowed her to pour it.
He was such an easy person to get along with. Nothing much fazed him. Robert and Carole had done a fantastic job raising her son. She owed them tremendously for that.
It pained her to think she'd missed out on A.J.'s baby years. If only she'd known what her future held, she might have kept him. But then, how could she? She'd been a hunted girl in a mixed-up, scared place six years ago.
She pushed away the weighty feeling. She couldn't fix all her yesterdays, but she could definitely make her tomorrows count. And some day, when the time was right, she'd tell A.J. she was his mother. Right now, everything was too fresh for both of them. They were friends. She loved him, loved spending time with him, and it was too soon to mix him up in her emotional baggage.
But one thing was for sure, she intended to stay in his life. Legally, Jase could block her, but she didn't think he would. If she and A.J. meant as much to him as he professed, he wouldn't take that away from them. Of course, that meant when Jase was in town, Allie wouldn't be able to stay at the ranch, but she'd do whatever was best for her son.
Allie grabbed an orange from the fruit basket in the center of the table and started to peel it. She'd found if she did the hard part, A.J. would share the fruit with her. She might not be the most experienced mother in the world, but she was learning.