I can’t help but pout. “I guess I always assumed when it was time for the two of us to be together again, he’d drop everything to be with me. It’s silly. The hopeful wishes of a young girl, not a thirty-year-old woman. But what we had was the forever kind of connection.”
“Kathleen, you pushed him away…for years. There are repercussions from every decision we make. This one has spanned a very long time. It is likely there are things he’s going to tell you that you may not like. How you deal with those admissions and move forward is what matters most.”
“So, what you’re saying is, don’t have a knee-jerk reaction like I did when he had to run out the other morning.”
Dr. Madison smiles and touches his nose. “She can be taught.”
I chuckle. “After three years, I’d hope so.” Without looking at him, I sigh and tap at my lips.
Is Carson the same man he was three years ago when we were together? I know I’m not the same person, as much as I want to be. What skeletons does he have hiding in his closet now? Did we even go through them when we were together? The year we were together was the best year of my life. I’d never been happier. I had a beautiful, kind, and caring boyfriend who fucked like a stallion and treated me like a queen. He worked hard, I worked hard, and then we came together each night cuddling in our own little cocoon of pleasure. When we hung out with our friends we had the best time, until Daniel McBride screwed over everyone and eventually hurt me and my friends beyond repair.
Looking back, it’s hard to come to terms with why I pushed Carson away. Sure, I felt ugly and undesirable, but mostly I was broken. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I didn’t want to tie him down with a woman who could potentially be damaged the rest of her life. In my mind, he deserved better. He still does. But I forgot one little thing. One very important facet to our relationship that could never be replaced by another person.
No woman would ever love Carson Davis with her entire being the way I did. The way I do. Still. The love I have for him fills up every crevice and pore. It’s the reason I couldn’t be with another man after him. There could never be another man for me, because he’s my other half. When I made him leave, half of me walked out with him. Died along with our relationship.
It seems so stupid now. How could I ever be me again when my other half is missing?
And does he feel the same? Did he then? Is that why he fought so hard?
Once again, the tears pour down my cheeks and drip onto my hands clasped in my lap.
“What is it, Kathleen? I can see you’re hurting. Let it out.”
“How can you recover when you’ve lost your soul mate?” I choke out the words, pushing away tears as fast as they fall.
“He’s not lost. I believe he’s waiting to be found.”
“What if someone found him first and he’s coming to tell me we can never be?”
“I don’t think he would have been with you intimately, nor would he have told you he loved you. I do agree there is something standing in the way. A man in love doesn’t wait days after admitting his feelings. In my experience, a man would be consumed by it. Incapable of keeping away, which means there’s a reason. And I fear, my dear, the reason may be hard for you to accept.”
I shake my head furiously. “No. I pushed him away. It’s my fault we’re not together. Mine. I need to take responsibility for what I’ve done, the mistakes I’ve made.” The determination and conviction I have in this decision weaves its way up my spine, splinters out across my chest, and wraps around my heart. If it means being with Carson again, having my other half back, I’m willing to work for it. “Whatever it is that’s keeping him from being by my side, I’m going to help him through it.”
“Sounds like an excellent plan. And, of course, I’m here for you whenever you need to talk or work through a difficult situation. Just remember, no matter what happens, you’re stronger than you ever were before. Just take things one step at a time.”
“One step at a time.” I can do that. And maybe, just maybe, each step will get me closer to the man I love. The man I’m willing to fight to get back.
CHAPTER TEN
CARSON
“Da-dah, da-dah, dah!” An ear-splitting squeal accompanied by a wet smack to the face wakes me instantly. I sit up, hands flying to the squirrely bundle sitting on my chest.
“Sweet baby Jesus!” I gasp and grip on to Cora’s little body.
“Da-dah!” Cora head-butts me as I grab her and pull her farther up my bare chest so I can see her better.
“Hey, baby girl. What are you doing in here?” I coo at my little girl. My little girl. It’s all so foreign but becoming more familiar with every passing day. I’ve been a dad for a solid week, and as hard as it’s been, it’s also been the most rewarding and fulfilling experience of my life. The only thing missing is the woman I want by my side while I experience it.
“She wouldn’t stop saying your name, and she’s been up for two hours already. You slept a lot later than normal, so I figured it would be okay. I hope we didn’t intrude.” Misty’s voice comes from the chair opposite my bed.
I glance over at her, and she’s leaning against the chair in a purple cotton robe with white lace around the edges that falls mid-thigh. The robe is open, giving me a perfect view of her braless breasts and tight matching nightgown. Misty toys with the string that should be tied across her waist. She walks toward the bed slow and panther-like. I hold on to Cora and snuggle her neck, my eyes still on her mother. Once she gets to my bed, she leans her bare thigh against the edge.
“Uh, I was up till three last night, working.” My voice is still morning-thick and gravelly.
Misty fluffs her hair. “Oh, it’s no problem. I made breakfast and kept it warm for you. A big man like you needs to eat.” She runs her fingertips across the mounds of her breasts and smiles softly.
The hairs on the back of my neck start to tingle, but I shake it off. She’s just being nice.
“Um, okay. That’s nice of you. Thank you.” I lift Cora, hold her against me, and scoot to the edge of the bed. Thank God I didn’t crash naked last night. Since I’ve had guests, I’ve been wearing pajama bottoms. Not the most comfortable, but it seems appropriate, given that I’ve got two women in my house.
“Anything to help. You’ve been so good to Cora and me. I just want to return the favor any way I can.”
I stand up and cuddle my daughter close. Misty places a hand to my bare chest and gets closer than I expect. I can smell her flowery perfume and clean scent overpowering my baby girl’s sweet smell.
“You know you can count on me for anything you need, right?” Her fingers flutter against my breast bone before she lets them slide down the expanse of my chest to my waist, where she curls a hand around the skin there. “A man has needs. And like before, I’m more than willing to satisfy those needs. In fact, I’d love to.”
When she licks her lips and her pupils dilate, I shift our daughter in front of her and step back. “That won’t be necessary. I’m never going to take advantage of you, Misty. We’re strangers, I get that. Just because you’re down on your luck doesn’t mean you need to offer anything in return. I take care of what’s mine, and Cora is my daughter. She will have all that the Davis name holds, but you never owe anything in return. You get me?”
I know my facial features turn hard, because I can feel the pressure in my brow intensifying from how hard I’m frowning.
“Um…I, uh, yeah. I get you. Just, I’m here and happy to be here. With you. As a family.”
A family.
Fuck. The one thing I’d always wanted in life, my own family. Now I’ve got it, but it’s with the wrong woman.
“I’ll just go make sure your breakfast is ready to eat,” she says in a rush and turns around, her robe flaring behind her as she goes.
Cora twists her fingers in my hair and tugs.
“Ouch! Baby girl.” I laugh and she giggles. “What are we going to do about your mommy?”
“
Da-dah!” She smacks my face, leans forward, and lays a sloppy openmouthed kiss right on my mouth, and then moves to my chin and sucks on it.
I squint through the tickling and wetness, even though it warms my heart how quickly Cora has taken to me. It’s as though she’s never been without her dad, and vice versa. I can’t wait until Kat gets to spend time with her. She’ll fall instantly in love just like I did. Kat loves her nieces and nephew from Bree and Gillian. “I just know she’s going to love you too, baby girl. And teach you how to sew and make you tons of pretty dresses.”
One problem being I have to tell her first. How the hell am I going to tell her that when we broke it off for good, I fucked a woman and got her pregnant, only to find out two years later I’d fathered a child? Maybe I can just thrust Cora into her arms and let Cora win her over.
“That’s a good idea. You want to meet Daddy’s special friend? She’s the only other woman I love besides you, baby girl. One day you’ll meet my Kathleen, and the two of you will be the best of friends.”
I take Cora over to my closet and set her on the floor to mess up my shoes, currently all lined up. If there is anything I’ve learned about my daughter in a week, it’s if something is in order, she’s going to disrupt that order at the speed of light.
As I pull out a T-shirt, she’s already got two pairs of shoes off the rack and tossed them on the floor. I shake my head and smile at my girl. She may be a handful, but she’s mine.
Once I’m dressed, I scoop her up and take her to the patio. When we go into the kitchen, Misty’s already got my breakfast on a serving tray and is heading toward the slider.
“Wow.”
She bustles over to the patio table and sets out my meal. A cup of steaming coffee is sitting next to a plate loaded with an omelet stuffed full of veggies and what looks to be bacon, fruit, and a side of toast.
“Thank you.”
“I know how you like to eat right away when you wake up.” She beams and pulls out my chair.
I sit down and put Cora on my left knee so I can eat with my right hand. She immediately grabs for the coffee cup, which I move out of her grasp and exchange with a piece of toast. The toast goes right to her mouth, where she licks and gnaws, making cute little “mmm” sounds.
“Thank you. This is unbelievable.” I’m talking around a bite of omelet. The egg, spinach, and cheese topped with perfectly cooked crispy bacon is a taste sensation. “You really are a good cook!” I say, happily sipping my coffee.
“I want to make you happy,” Misty says and smiles, watching me eat. It’s strange and sweet at the same time. I don’t always know what to make of Misty and the things she says and does. We’re still getting used to sharing space, but so far it’s been amazing. She loves to cook and does a great job of it. Our daughter is happy and healthy. But most important, they are safe and sound where I can keep an eye on them.
“While we’re both here, I have something I want to talk to you about.” I shift Cora and wipe at the crumbs that have fallen on my pajama pants. Good thing we’re eating outside. No additional mess.
Another thing I never planned for. Kids are messy. Seriously fucking messy. Though Misty has made sure to keep the house spic and span, even going so far as to do my laundry. The only reason I know that is because my housekeeper complained there wasn’t much for her to do.
Misty frowns. “What’s on your mind?”
“Well, two things. But more importantly, the issue of Cora and her name.”
“You don’t like the name Cora?” Her hand flies to her chest, as if she’s been struck with an arrow.
I laugh and put my hand over hers. She grips on to it as though I might turn weightless at any moment and fly away.
“I love the name Cora. You can’t understand how much I appreciate that her name starts with a C. It’s a tradition in the Davis family.”
Her corresponding smile to my statement makes me realize just how sensitive she is. I need to use kid gloves with her, more so than I thought.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I want her to have the Davis name. Are you okay with me starting the paperwork with my attorney to have her name legally changed from Duncan to Davis?”
Misty beams. A full-on, no-holds-barred, all-gums smile. “That would be amazing!” Awe fills each word.
I’m not sure why she’s so excited, but I’m thrilled this request isn’t a battle. Then she grabs Cora’s hand. “See sweetheart, your daddy loves you so much already. He wants to give you his name. Maybe one day I’ll be so lucky.”
Um, wait, what did she just say? Before I can ask, she stands up and grabs my coffee cup.
“Daddy needs a refill.” Misty pops up, cup in hand. She practically skips when she goes into the house.
I spend a few moments staring out at the ocean and making sure Cora doesn’t choke on her toast. “I’m not quite sure what just happened here. Regardless, I’m going to focus on the fact that I get to make you a Davis, baby girl. You want that?” I turn her around, lift her up, and hold her above me. She smiles and squeals with delight.
“Dah-da!” She smashes her buttery, saliva-soaked hand against my nose. “Dah-da!”
I laugh and kiss her chubby grubby cheeks. “That’s right. I’m your daddy, and soon the whole entire world will know you’re my daughter. Cora Davis. It has a beautiful ring to it, don’t you think?”
“I, for one, do!” Misty says, setting down my cup. “What was the other thing you wanted to tell me, Carson?”
Misty is all smiles, soft touches, and eyelash flutters. Again, against my better judgment, I shake it off to get down to business. “I have a job for you.”
Her face lights up once again. “Really? Already?”
“Well, it won’t start for a couple weeks, and only if you think it will be a good fit. But my father, Charles Davis, has a personal assistant who is retiring.”
“I’ll take it,” she says instantly.
“You don’t even know what it involves.” I frown.
“If you say it’s a good job for me, I trust you. You’re the man of the house. You take care of what’s yours, isn’t that right?”
“Well…uh, yeah, but Misty, you’re not mi—”
“And it will give me a better opportunity to get to know Cora’s grandfather.” She claps her hands in front of her chest. “Goodie goodie gumdrop. This is going to be so great! Me working for your dad, helping out the Davis family.” Misty stands up holding her hands like a trophy in front of her chest. “You are too good to be true, Carson Davis. More than we ever could have dreamed!” She places her hands on both sides of my cheeks and smashes her lips on mine.
Before I can pull away, she’s licking and kissing my lips. Her mouth comes at mine like a face-sucking hoover. While trying to hold Cora and not fall out of my chair, I attempt to push her back. She takes the gesture as a move to pull closer. I try to push my head back and tell her to stop, but the second I get an inch of space and open my mouth to tell her to stop, her tongue is inside my mouth and she’s kissing the daylights out of me.
Just as I get my bearings, she pulls off, jumps up and down. “This is so exciting! I can’t wait. I’ll have to get new work clothes. But I’ll pay you back out of my first check!” She’s running her mouth a mile a minute. I can’t get a word in edgewise.
“That’s not necessary. Of course, I’m happy to provide for you—”
“Because you’re the best man a girl could ever have. You hear that, Cora? Daddy got Mommy a big new job. Now we’ll both be contributing to the family!” She spins on her toe in a circle, her robe coming open again, flashing me a lot more cleavage than I needed to see.
I close my eyes. “Maybe you should get dressed now.”
She stops in her tracks and smirks. “Oh, I see how it is. You don’t want anyone else seeing what’s yours. I get it.” She closes her robe tight and beats feet to the slider door.
“No, that’s not it at all…” But it’s too late. She’s
in the house and down the hall to her room.
“What just happened with your mommy, baby girl?”
“Ma-ma!” she says. She shoves a handful of bacon and eggs into her mouth.
“Shit! Are you allowed to have bacon?”
I watch carefully as she chews her big bite. Fear slithers from the base of my spine and up my back as I watch my child swallow. Sweat prickles against my forehead, and I hold my breath. Finally, Cora smiles and grabs for another handful of eggs.
“Oh, no, you don’t, you little sneaky sneak! How’s about we hit the ocean? I feel the need to connect to the elements and wash off this strange morning. You with me?”
“Wa wa!” She points at the ocean.
“Water is right.” I smile. She’s so smart already. I wonder if her vocabulary is further along than the average kid. I’ll have to do some research or ask Chase about it. The man seems to be a damn know-it-all when it comes to all things kid related. Punk.
I stand up and take the stairs down past the pool and to our private beach. The second I get to the sand, Cora wants down. I let her down but stay really close, keeping an eye on the water and how quickly the waves come in and out.
She plants her butt in the wet sand far enough back she shouldn’t get hit by any waves and shoves her hands right into the earth.
“Good idea, baby girl. Let’s build a sandcastle.” If anything is going to get my mind off what I have to do tonight with Kat and the weird things Misty said today, it’s building a sandcastle for the first time with my daughter.
* * *
Kathleen is a vision when she opens the door. Her golden hair shines in the track lighting over her foyer, and she bites into her lip seductively. Jesus Christ, those plump pink lips. I lose it right then and there. Before she can even speak, I push my way into her apartment, kick the door shut with my heel, and pull her into my arms. My mouth is on hers, and all I can think about right then is home. She is home. Her sunshine-and-coconut scent soothes the raging nerves I’ve been carrying around with me all week. She dips her head to the side and opens her mouth enough so I can playfully lick at her tongue and teeth. The little groan of frustration she gives me when I don’t deepen the kiss makes me smile against her mouth. I pull away just enough to sink my nose against her shoulder and neck to inhale her goodness and light for several seconds. This. It’s everything. She is my peace, my serenity. The calm after the storm. I hadn’t realized how stressed and ravaged my soul felt until just now. Being in her arms, having her essence surround me, soothes all that ails the beast within.
Fate: A Trinity Novel: Book Five Page 11